Friday, November 28, 2008

Why I Am Thankful for the NSA and More.....

Hello everyone,

To all those who are reading this blog, Happy Thanksgiving. Some of you may have spent it with loved ones enjoying a nice feast. Others may have sat in their familiar couch watching football, and some may have spent it in an airport delayed, but hopefully not.

For me, Thanksgiving has taken on a very poignant meaning in my life ever since three years ago. I have an estranged relationship with my family, but this is not the right forum to discuss that. On this holiday, we take time to reflect on what we are thankful for-our friends, our freedom and security, and many other reasons. But there's one driving force in my life that I am thankful for above all else...and that's being not just a member, but a chapter leader for the National Stuttering Association.

I often speak of how I don't have "friends" at the NSA, but rather "teammates." One of the themes I often stress at my chapter meetings is camraderie. I don't know of any other organization which has so much of this quality but here. I truly love my teammates at the NSA and what they bring. We have different perspectives and sometimes we live our lives by different philosophies, yet our bonds cannot be penetrated.

Last year at the conference at North Jersey, it was a very emotional time for me. You could say I grew up in Parsippany and became a man. I will no longer make jokes about the Siberia that lies when you cross the George Washington Bridge...last one. During the last few moments of the closing banquet, which is always an emotional time because you won't see each other until next year, and that's not always guaranteed-no one knows what the future will bring, I began to break down and cry, not because I was sad, but because I was so very happy. I was so very thankful, and one of the chapter leaders from the West Coast said, "Do you realize how lucky you are to be part of an amazing organization? Many people don't have that." I am thankful.....in so many ways for what the NSA gave me. It gave me freedom. It showed me fear doesn't have to paralyze you. And more than anything, it gave me my life. For the first time, my life is just starting. Yes, physically, I may be 30, and will be 31 in August, but I feel like my big old adventure is just starting. I will screw up. I will fail on several things. But with the NSA standing by my side, I am not afraid.

I am so thankful for the National Stuttering Association. I pledged to join their Change for the Better program, because it's the right thing to do. I have given my time, and my energy, and I am so thankful that I can make a positive impact. What scares me the most is someday the NSA may close its doors. I am thankful that with all those who are committed, it will never ever to have happen. Imagine a world where the NSA didn't exist-I don't want to, and for people who stutter, they shouldn't have to.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Lessons from Alexander Ovechkin and Wayne Gretzky....

Hello everyone,

For those who don’t know me, I am a very passionate hockey fan. Growing up as a person who stutters, high school was an absolute nightmare for me in so many ways. I wouldn’t want to relive those days in any manner, yet one part of me does feel for the high school students of today: The social jungle is now more intense than it ever was. When I was in high school, the most guys had to worry about (at least the so-called ‘cool ones’) was wondering if they’d lose their virginity at the senior prom. Now there’s online bullying, and violence. It’s hard enough to deal with the freshman-to-senior years. As a person who stutters, it was the equivalent of solitary confinement.

Saturday nights for many students were spent either working or hanging out in the teen clubs. For me, you’d find me watching a hockey game. I am a big New Jersey Devils fan, but in the days before the Prudential Center got built, it was too far of a drive, so I’d go to the Nassau Coliseum to watch Islanders games. But I wasn’t so caught up in who scored and in what style, I saw myself a student of the game. I loved watching the intricacies of chemistry develop, and watching lesser-skilled players getting the most out of what abilities they had. And those who had no abilities could contribute in another way.

When I got The Hockey News 2008-09 yearbook, there was a cover story on Alexander Ovechkin. This naturally piqued my interest, because I am a huge fan of his. OK, I used to live in Maryland, so I’m partial to the Capitals somewhat. The Capitals were rewarded for finishing dead last a few years ago, and took him with the first overall pick. Not only he has turned the District of Columbia into Hockeytown USA, but he’s rubbed off on casual fans as well as die-hards with his exuberance, joy for life. There was one quote that caught my attention, and please let me share it with you:

“Have fun and no speed limits.”

For a long time, I was my own prisoner living in confinement, surrounded by vocal chains that trapped my larynx. I had gone through maybe seven speech therapists in five years, learning so many different techniques. If I began to block on a sentence, I’d reverse my way of thinking and use a different form of fluency, and that only led to more blocking, which would be severe. I felt like I was setting myself up for failure. My self-esteem was basically nonexistent.

We all have our days when we feel like the animated character who walks around with the raincloud over his head. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I don’t apologize for it one bit. But I can say this emphatically-if you set speed limits, and you are negative all the time, you’ll be speeding-in the absolute wrong direction.

It took me thirty years to learn that lesson. Hey, some might say better late than never. I know some people who still are the same person and they’re never going to change. I’m not writing this to pass judgment on people. What I believe, and know, is that I’m going to have fun. I don’t care how long it takes me to get a sentence out. I’m not going to put speed limits on myself. Life isn’t a race. Life isn’t about winning because you have the most toys.

Life is about DOING. It’s about BEING. It’s about giving of yourself and not expecting anything in return. It’s about reaching out to help others and giving back. That’s why I joined the National Stuttering Association. I didn’t join for personal glory or recognition. And you know what? I can say that joining the NSA was the best decision of my life. For once, I took a chance on myself.

Wayne Gretzky once had a brilliant quote: “100 percent of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.”

Take a lesson from Alexander Ovechkin and Wayne Gretzky…I think they know what they are talking about.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Thursday night is NSA night!

Hello everyone,

When you mention Thursday night to most people, it means different things for different people. At one time, Thursday night meant Must-See TV for NBC. Others, it's a signal the work week is so very close to ending. For Pittsburghians, this past Thursday night was another chance for the Steel City to remind the NFL their defense means zero tolerance. But for me, once a month, the third Thursday is a special evening. It's my time....for the National Stuttering Association Long Island chapter.

I have been a chapter leader of the Long Island region for the NSA for a little over a year now. And while I admit I was so nervous about, it is the biggest source of joy and pride I have in my life. It's such an amazing feeling to give back and help others who stutter in their journey to self-acceptance. I like to say I don't have friends at the NSA....I have TEAMMATES.

The Long Island chapter was started by a local speech pathologist who lives in my hometown. Eventually, she asked me to come on board as co-leader, and later on, take over the chapter. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, probably even more so than I was flying to the conference at Long Beach, Calif. But I also began to feel a deep passion and commitment already brewing, and one that to me, is never going to be extinguished.

The chapters of the NSA range not only in location, but number of members. From big city to suburbs, large numbers and small, we are as each unique as we are similar. My chapter is composed of people from different backgrounds, some young professionals, others are older with a wealth of experience that continue to teach us. This past meeting, for example, we talked about how Thanksgiving was coming up and what we have to be thankful for as people who stutter. I realize that it is not often easy for a person who stutters to express their thoughts, but these groups are so much more than support. It's camaraderie. I know I say that word so often one might think it's a cliche, but it's true. No one has to feel ashamed or embarassed in our environment, we are all in good company. And when we leave, we do so knowing that we've taken one more step on that journey. Our chapter has about seven members, and they are very insprational people.

A couple of conferences ago, we had a keynote speaker who spoke about a woman who stuttered who attended a support group meeting one time, but never ever returned, despite being encouraged to do so. The speaker surmised that the thought of possibly being fluent was enough to frighten her away. I am sure many chapter leaders have had that experience, with a person who comes once and never returns again. I genuinely look forward to the third Thursday of every month, where I can greet my chapter members and talk with them, listen to their thoughts, and offer suggestions and a place for them to call home. These chapter meetings are my home, and so is the NSA conference. In 2009, you will find me in Maricopa County, Ariz., (Scottsdale, to be precise) learning, laughing, crying, and relating to all people who stutter.

Last week, I was reading The Sporting News, and an article caught my attention because it was written about Matt Ryan, the rookie quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons. I'm not a fan of the Falcons, but I do follow them a little more closely because our keynote speaker at the conference was Arthur Blank, the team's owner. The article mentioned an anecdote about the players commenting on how Matt Ryan has "It." You really don't know how to describe "It," but you know when someone has "it." I mean, I used to think "It" referred to a killer clown in a Stephen King book. Thank you for laughing.....LOL. The truth be told, at our conference in Parsippany, N.J., we had over 650 people who stutter who had "It." "It" can be anything you want....but I can only hope any person who stutters attends the 2009 conference...because they will leave having "It."

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Monday, November 17, 2008

It took me forever to get here......

"I'm sorry I'm late...it took me forever to get here."
"Yeah, I know what you mean!"

These are the last two lines from the Drew Barrymore movie "Never Been Kissed." As much as we always wish, life doesn't often imitate the movies. And no one is guaranteed a happy ending...unless the director likes what he/she sees.

"Never Been Kissed" revolves around the theme of getting a second chance to re-live your life all over again and trying to capture lightning in a bottle doing so. For Josie Geller, she's a twentysomething copy editor who wants to write for a newspaper in Chicago. She's assigned to go undercover at a high school, but she also has to confront the nightmare and social jungle that it was for her-the teasing of being nicknamed "Josie Grossie," and not feeling beautiful. She was never kissed, and wanted that one moment more than anything.

My one moment, though, isn't about being kissed by that woman. Nor is it about winning the battle of popularity contests. As a person who stutters, my moment already happened in a place called Long Beach, Calif. That was the first National Stuttering Association conference I attended. And that is when my journey to self-acceptance as a person who stutters really began. As far as I am concerned, it did take me forever to get there.

There are some people who stutter who feel so ashamed of it that they will often take menial jobs to avoid speaking, or they are "given" these jobs by a supervisor. The supervisor may feel that their stuttering would prevent them from holding an administrative position or they might feel they are "helping" them by avoiding speaking situations. A few years ago, I had interviewed with a law firm for a paralegal position, and was offered a billing clerk-type job. When I asked what happened, the administrator said "Well, we decided there wasn't a need for one right now." Against my better judgment, I took it, and realized after six months it was a dead-end position, and became angry when I found out another candidate who completed the same program I did was offered the job, only this person did not stutter. Just like the band Warrant, I saw red. (Yes I am that old LOL). It was probably at that time my world was shattered. Yet at the lowest point of my life (and there have been several), I found out that the NSA was hosting their conference in California. I read the description and knew this was something I had to go to.

Of course, I didn't tell about my parents about this until three days before. I will never forget their response: "Why?" Not what are you hoping to get out of this, where will you be staying, just "Why?" It wasn't so much the question that bothered me, but the tone. You know the tone I am talking about: a tone of resignation. I did not want to get into a screaming match with them, so I said "I'm doing this with your blessing or without it." They were like, "OK have a good time." The adage that actions speak louder than words is not true. Not when it comes to people who stutter. Words can hurt people. It can belittle them, and it can drive them to do things they'd normally wouldn't do.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I could have turned in my ticket, and no one would have thought any less of me for doing so. As the plane took off from Kenendy International and I saw the skyline above me, I realized just what I had done. I took the biggest risk of my life. If this were Las Vegas, I just pushed all my chips into the middle of the table. Either I was going to come home a winner, or I just flushed $1,000+ down the toilet.

When I was waiting to check in, I felt I was running on adrenaline. And when the friendly woman behind the counter beckoned me to come up, I felt like my vocal wheels were locked in the snow bank. I wanted to say I was here for the conference but I couldn't. And I heard other people experiencing the same thing I was. I knew at long last, I made the best decision of my life.

It really did take me forever to get here. But with the support of amazing workshops and a community unlike anything else I've seen, I discovered how to begin that journey of self-acceptance. There are many parallels drawn to "coming out," and letting people know you are a person who stutters. For many, that journey has yet to begin. Mine started in Long Beach....and it grew stronger and especially in North Jersey, I can say I reached that goal of self-acceptance.

And I know for my fellow people who stutter, they can (and will) reach it too. if anyone wants help on that journey, you've got about 650 teammates who will reach out to you anytime you need it.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Standing up for stuttering means standing up for others

Hello everyone,

I wanted to begin this blog entry by speaking about a very interesting experience I had today after work. I work part-time in a restaurant while I look for full-time employment, and since it was slow, I left early to do some shopping. I was in Best Buy near my workplace on line to buy a shaver, and I noticed right in front of me there was a well-dressed woman who was trying very hard to control her child, as he was struggling to behave. A man behind me who was on his PDA tried to get her attention by saying "Do you think you could take care of this? I'm trying to close a deal and I need to concentrate." Of course, this person could have easily stepped out of line, but didn't want to. After about a minute, with the child wailing, he repeated it again and I said to him "The woman is doing the best she can." The guy gave me a very rude look and finally stormed off. After paying for my merchandise, I went out to my car, and I heard someone say "Excuse me" so I turned around, and it was the woman who was on line. She said, "Thank you for standing up for me-my child is autistic and can be very challenging to deal with." I smiled and said, "It's my pleasure. I struggle with a disability too, and I know we take things one day at a time."

In this situation, most people would prefer not to get involved. After all, this is the holiday season-deadlines, concerns over job security, people are frazzled and ready to lose it. I never liked saying I have a disability, because I do not like people to focus on my stutter. But in this case, something in me just clicked.

When I was in summer camp in the sixth grade (I long for the good old days at times) my stutter was often the least of my concerns. As far as I can remember, I have always been a social person and had no fear approaching complete strangers and starting conversations). Basically, I hung out with some very open-minded kids who didn't care if I spoke slowly, and if the words came out choppy, it was OK. One of the kids had an unspoken policy: If anyone dared to mock me, that person would pay a pretty high price. I then found out just high a price it would be. One time, I was participating in a softball game and the catcher on the opposing team yelled out "Are you going to s-s-s-s-w-w-w-w-ing away?" Well, the next inning, one of my teammates decided he was going to purposely swing and miss at the next pitch: Only he aimed his swing at the catcher's-well, for a lack of better term, gonads. He added a little extra mustard on the swing and let's just say that catcher never said anything again.

In my last entry on the blog, I was very open about some of the most trying times in my life. Kids can be cruel, that's a fact of life-and today, it's taken to an extreme. I didn't have to worry about online bullying. But I also saw myself as a freak, the worst kind of outcast. I think back to a scene from the movie "Hellboy" where one of the main characters says "All us freaks have is each other." People don't want to stand up for others, especially those with disabilities.

I often find it interesting how with some people I meet, sometimes I am asked whether stuttering is a disability. I suppose it all depends how you look it. One person might say in the eyes of the Americans with Disabilities Act, it is. Someone else may say otherwise. If you think it's a disability, it will be.

I used to think of my stuttering as a "tragic flaw." For those who haven't read Shakespeare, I highly suggest you do. I know to some, he may be some old dead guy, but the themes in his tragedies still resonate today. The "tragic flaw" is one key element that always brings down the main character, usually fatally. In "Hamlet," it was revenge. In "MacBeth," it was greed and ambition. Don't let your stuttering become your tragic flaw for others to exploit. Stand up for yourself, because when you do that, you also stand up for others who have disabilities as well.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I was broken due to my speech....you don't have to be!

"I'm broken....when I'm open."

This line is from one of my favorite songs. For those who don't know, the song is "Broken" by Seether, featuring the amazing talents of Ms. Amy Lee from the group Evanescense. I was driving home from speech therapy last night, which is about an hour's drive from where I live, and when I heard the song, I pulled over to the side of the road and began to cry.

One of my former high school classmates used this quote for graduation-"How do you know where you're going if you don't look back?" Most people, when you think about it, don't want to look back at their past. After all, the moment you start to think about the past, you begin living in it. But for me, as a person who stutters, I always have to think about the past. And what it meant for me, and the scars I have. It is a constant reminder of how far I have come, and where I still need to go.

At the NSA conferences, we can all learn something from each other, regardless of how old we are or where we are going. That, above all else, is what makes these conferences so powerful and emotional for me-so much so that I begin to cry during the emotional closing ceremonies. Until I came to my first conference...you could say I was broken.

I've always been a person who is raw when it comes to speaking my mind, even if it gets me in trouble. I believe the greatest gift we have is to express how we feel, regardless of what other people believe. In high school and college, I never had that opportunity. When I raised my hand to volunteer, I would be ignored or the teacher would ask if there was anyone else who wanted to speak. I would try to speak to a girl and I'd experience all the anxiety coming in, like a tidal wave off the Chesapeake. And then when a guy came along to "rescue her" from having to listen to me, I would shatter all over on the inside.

My second year of college my speech was even worse. I felt myself slipping away from the world. My speech had gotten so severe that I felt I was becoming a burden to myself and to others. I couldn't make it through the day at all, and would often ask why I was alive. One day I finally snapped and did something that was the worst decision of my life.

What I am about to say is very personal and not too many people know. If you are scared, I'd understand if you wanted to stop reading.

I drove home and cried for about three hours, or until I couldn't go anymore. I went to the kitchen and tried to slit my wrists open. I thought it would be easier than to swallow pills. I didn't succeed, but escaped with a few scrapes, but the scars will never, ever heal in my heart. I never told anyone about this until a few days later I was sitting with my family over dinner and finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The dam burst and everything came out.

Of course, my parents were shocked. They kept saying "Steve isn't the type of person to do this." I would be willing to bet all of us at the NSA have felt like this at some time or another. I was crying out for someone to hear me.

It was those thoughts that were permeating my mind when I entered California airspace en route to the conference in Long Beach, when I spoke of how do you know where you're going if you don't look back? I was 100 percent scared getting on the plane and not knowing what was going to happen at this conference. Five days later, Steven Kaufman was dead to the world. A new Steven Kaufman was born.

As a person who stutters, I often feel that I am fighting two wars: a war against stuttering, and a war against myself. The world isn't tolerant when it comes to people who are different. Whenever I am put down or teased, it can be very easy to unleash an attack on that person. But you can't allow that. You have to be the bigger person always. Not everyone is going to like you, and you need to accept that. But I always remember where I came from, because I don't ever want to go down a destructive path again.

To anyone who stutters, whether it's mild or severe, please talk to someone if you feel that your stutter is so crippling that you're on the verge of hurting yourself. If you can't talk to your parents, talk to a friend, a clergy...talk to someone. It can get better, it will get better.

I think about what would have happened if I succeeded. I wouldn't have found an amazing organization. I would not have known one person can stand up and make a difference. I would not have known about the wisdom of Russ Hicks. Or Tracey Wallace. Or Tammy Flores, Kenny Butler, Bernie Weiner, and hundreds of others.

One person can really make a difference. That's the reason why I am planning on submitting my workshop again for the NSA 2009 conference in Arizona. It's my obligation to help others stand up for themselves.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Technical difficulties...my sincere apologies

Good evening everyone,

I wanted to apologize for some extraneous space that appears on my blog. Unfortunately for some reason I tried several times to post a new entry and it would not work. Thankfully, it has been placed. So once again please accept my apologies, and more entries will follow in time.

As always, stand up and be counted-make your voice heard!

Karaoke and speech..a good combo!

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.

We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.

If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."

In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.

In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!

And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.

So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is great for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.
We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.
If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."
In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.
In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!
And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.
So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!
My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.
Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is great for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.
We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.
If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."
In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.
In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!
And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.
So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!
My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.
Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is a great confidence booster for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (New York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.
We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.
If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."
In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.
In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!
And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.
So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!
My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.
Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Elect....to give speech therapy a try

Good evening everyone,

It's a few days past Election Day and the country has decided to move in a new direction by electing a new Commander-in-Chief. As the old saying goes, there are two things that are taboo to speak about: religion and politics, and my blog is not about listing who I voted for, and why I made that decision. As a chapter leader and member of the National Stuttering Association, I do feel tremendous pride in saluting Joe Biden, the former Senator from Delaware, soon to be Vice-President of the United States of America. He has truly fired a shot heard around the world by and for people who stutter. He was the keynote speaker at a previous NSA conference and watching his lecture on DVD makes me even more proud of all his accomplishments.

While we as Americans do make a decision to elect our representatives, we as people who stutter need to make a decision about our speech-and "elect" to give speech therapy a try. Most of us have had speech therapy in some form or another, beginning with elementary school and continuing into adulthood. The ultimate goal is to reach "self-acceptance" as a person who stutters, and when you hit that plateau, it feels like a calmness envelops you. You don't have to deny the fact you are a person who stutters. More importantly, it is OK to stutter, and you are proud to be one.

In my teenage years, I had bounced around through different forms of speech therapy. I learned so many different methods: airflow, easy onset, stretching, but I was also my own worst enemy. I went through five speech therapists in seven years. And at the end of high school, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. I quit speech therapy for good. I got sick and tired of the teasing and the bullying, the times I ate alone in the nurse's office, the giggling from girls when I tried to speak. I just felt that this was the hand I'd been dealt, and if that was the case, so be it. I'd accept my fate. Not everyone has happy endings-if you want one, I believed, you can go the local multiplex where there's one five times a day.

It wasn't until I had been turned down for a job (and the interviewer blatantly called it to my attention) that I felt I had reached a defining point. We all have them in our lives, where we find out just what exactly we're made of. I decided to return to speech therapy. Finding a good speech therapist is very difficult. It isn't like a hat where one size fits all. Yes, it does help to be qualified and have the foundations, but I firmly believe personality and the ability to mesh plays a big role. I was hesitant to return to speech therapy. After all, the pessimistic person might says "Well, there's no cure. Why waste your time?" True, there is no cure. But being 70 percent fluent is better than not being fluent at all. I found a great speech therapist who I have made amazing progress with. And best of all, he paid me the ultimate compliment. When I first saw him, I could barely get my own name out, let alone form complete sentences without them being choppy. A year has passed, I went from 40 percent fluency up to 80 percent!

You have to want to be willing to go. I know in this economy, it seems like every expense is just going by the wayside. And it is very frustrating that most insurance companies will only cover a limited amount of speech therapy sessions. My therapist's wife had to cajole them into covering 25, and that was the limit. Sure, it is frustrating to pay out of pocket. But if you make the efforts, you will reap the rewards. I know first-hand.

I know some people feel that it's possible to "outgrow" stuttering and "outgrow" going to speech therapy. But don't feel that way at all. There's no age limit and no shelf life on stuttering. Cartons of milk have a shelf life. Your stutter will always be with you. The power is up to you-with speech therapy, you can take back the power from your speech and give it to yourself. I only hope you can experience that feeling.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted, and make your voice heard.