tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53028708231024681422024-02-08T08:41:08.386-08:00Steven on Stuttering....Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.comBlogger141125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-10057887044970033482011-08-08T16:26:00.001-07:002011-08-08T16:26:50.232-07:00On July 21, 2011, I was more than I thought I could be!Good evening everyone,
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<br />"I want one moment in time, when I am more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me. Give me one moment in time, when I am bracing with destiny, and in that one moment of time, I will feel....I will feel...eternity."
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<br />That line was brought to you by Whitney Houston, one of the best-known voices from my generation. I could quote some of the songs that have defined an era: "Saving All My Love For You," "Didn't We Almost Have It All," "So Emotional," and "I Will Always Love You." That was theme for the 1988 Summer Olympics held in Seoul, South Korea. And the video captured the raw angst, the pain, and the glory that for any competitor lasts forever. No matter how old you get, or what Olympics you competed in, people will always remember what you did. "There's that gold medal winner," is a sentence that follows you the rest of your life.
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<br />The more I think about the Olympics, in many ways, these past four years have been a tournament that I have trying so hard to win. But my ultimate prize was not made of chemicals. And it certainly wasn't presented to me by any official at the games. My "prize" if you will wasn't something tangible. Not money, not love, but a job. I wanted to work more than anything else in the world at a full-time job.
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<br />We don't have to open up the local newspaper or turn on the news to see what is happening in the economy. Every time I check Yahoo! or the New York Times, it's on the front page. The images are so ingrained into our psyche that's just so hard to forget. Stockbrokers with their hands on their faces, so exasperated. The grim feelings of hope loss, desperation taking its place. Living on the suburbs of Long Island, a mere 45 minutes away from New York City, you have access to all the financial data you want. But these days you may not want to see it and know what's going on. After all, why ask the question if you know what the answer is going to be?
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<br />I graduated with my journalism degree, and although I still love writing (and do freelance and this blog of course), I grew disillusioned with the opportunities that were out there. And after having a rough experience with attorneys, I decided that I had to make some goals and stick to them. I wanted to work for the federal government. I had tried applying in the private sector, and never raised the white flag, despite the rejections and efforts which I felt at times were futile. And I admit, I am a very unique person in the sense that sometimes it does take me a little longer to play "catch up." I have minor characteristics of Asperger's and at times I may learn a little slower than the rest of the world. But no one, under any circumstances, should question my heart. That's the one thing that has grown tremendously over these past few years.
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<br />There is a theory that hard work is its own reward. Looking for a job in many ways is like that. The local classifieds have shriveled up, whereas at one time you may have had five or six pages of ads from companies that were more than willing to take a chance on you. Now you're lucky if it's one or two. I would stay up until the wee hours of the morning, being a night owl. I'd send out fifty resumes a day via Monster, and Craigslist. I'd research the names of companies that ran advertisements, even when they did not want to be found. And sometimes I'd get lucky...only to discover that my message was returned with a scammer e-mail, saying there was a personal assistant job for me working from home for some reclusive billionaire. Good luck with that.
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<br />I had interviews these past two months with the National Institutes of Health (NIH), one of the biggest federal agencies located in Bethesda, Md. Although I was very excited about the chance to meet with representatives of that organization, I always told myself to stay grounded. Interviews in this age come few and far between. Now of course, you want to put your best foot forward: best suit, confident personality. But I'd be lying if I thought in the back of my mind that things would materialize. After all, even the most confident of people would tell you that the worst thing that show itself is arrogance. Confidence is one thing. Feelings of entitlement are another.
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<br />And on July 21, I did it. Walt Whitman might have said it best: "O Captain, O Captain, our fearless trip is done. The prize we sought has been won." I got the job! After four years, one journey is over, and another one soon begins. I don't mean the journey down the New Jersey Turnpike to I-95 via the Fort McHenry Tunnel, looping around the Capital Beltway and merging with I-270 north. The greatest journey of my life is about to start. Being on my own, having a chance to live on my terms because I am a person who stutters and no one holds me back. No one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do.
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<br />What bothers me is that many times people are quick to say things to the effect of "I want to thank all of you who hated me and told me I would never get to this point." In my opinion, all you did is just completely devalue yourself as a person. Who cares what others may say? YOU have to, make that NEED to, hold yourself to higher standards. I am not interested in "haterade," or giving the "haters" their due. Life is much more important than that. I can go at my own pace, and not worry about what others may think of me.
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<br />I do give all the praise and glory to the National Stuttering Association for this achievement. I am very honored to advocate on their behalf and will continue to do so until the day I am no longer on this earth.
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<br />I hope those reading this understand that my blog entries will be a little more wide now in terms of when I can write. I am not going away, but even so while I am in another state, I will continue to share my thoughts, just with not as much frequency. But if anyone out there sees this, understand one thing: Nothing is ever impossible. Sometimes it may take four years, or longer. But I am now ready for the next challenge. More so than I have ever been in a while. You too, will be ready. Your time will come.
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<br />It ain't about how fast you get there. It ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.
<br />Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-74745947166918443992011-07-18T09:11:00.000-07:002011-07-18T09:13:03.689-07:00God Blessed Texas and the NSA Nation!!!Good evening everyone,
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<br />I'd like to start off by saying how elated I am to be returning to my blog and sharing all things stuttering with this special community all over the world. Since my absence has been a few weeks, I want to make it up to you by sharing some experiences from a very special National Stuttering Association conference. For those who have read my blog frequently, you know how I speak of this special event with great admiration and a true love for my fellow people who stutter and the accomplishments we celebrate. But was 2011 ever a year for celebrating!!!
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<br />The buzz for our conference always hits a fever pitch about three weeks before, when we know it is so close at hand. Well, not this year. Try imagining it a few months before. We confirmed that attendance records would be shattered, and they were. We broke 800 for the first time, ever. Every year, the number of first-time attendees grows. This year, we had 300!!!! We had many new presenters step forward to give workshops and seminars. I have had the pleasure of presenting a few of them (2008 in Parsippany, N.J., 2009 in Scottsdale, Ariz., and 2010 in Cleveland, Ohio) but this time around, I took a step back and watched many new members embrace the challenges. Although I am not married (and aren't sure if I ever will), I can say emphatically that in a way, I will always be married to the NSA. It is because of my work with them that has shown me how to fully develop and mature into the type of person I want to be. It is because of them that I can lecture at universities, write this blog to reach all who stutter, and give a voice to those who want to speak, but are hurting and very afraid.
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<br />We held our conference at the Renaissance Worthington, located right in the heart of downtown Fort Worth, Texas, known as the "Gateway to the American South," and "Where the West begins." Although I had been to Texas once (in Houston), I had no idea what I was really in for. Although Fort Worth is 30 miles from Dallas via I-30, Fort Worth had always been portrayed as "the way Texas was meant to be seen." So if you were thinking of cowboys, the Wild West, and history, then you've come to the right city. Dallas is very cosmopolitan and modern, yet there are few places that retain its charm. As I flew into Love Field on Southwest and started my journey to the hotel, the only thing that was going through my mind was my experiences crossing the Bay Bridge in Maryland on Route 50. The Annapolis (Bay) Bridge connects the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which is very rural and known for its slower way of life surrounded by pristine beaches and a big fishing community, with the western part of the state (i.e. Baltimore and the Washington DC suburbs), and upon crossing the bridge, it felt like you stepped through the galaxy portal into a whole other universe and you're blown away completely.
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<br />As soon as I entered the doors of the hotel, my eyes would lay to rest on some of the most charismatic members in the NSA that I know, and the shouts are so loud, yet filled with unrestrained glee. In essence, the NSA conference could be described as an overgrown camp for people who stutter. We laugh, we cry, we share, we dream, we do, and we catch up with each other about what has been going on in our lives. I make sure to arrive on Tuesday, because once the conference kicks off Wednesday night, it goes faster than a DeLorean that hits 55. But don't worry, you're not transported back in time....yet.
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<br />Wednesday night we kicked off NSA 2011 with a choice of a night out at Six Flags over Texas, or seeing the Texas Rangers host Baltimore. I'm not much of a theme park person, never was. (Probably having dreams of being suspended over the park upside down was enough to turn me off to it). So myself and 200 others took in the Rangers game with 30,000 other fans. What an incredible experience! There's something classic about enjoying a game under the stars with a hot dog, cold beer (or ice cold water, which was in plentiful supply-it did not get below 100 degrees all the days we were there) and just talking with soon-to-be best friends. You laugh at the fact that you may be in your thirties and doing the Wave. Or how in the bottom of the fifth inning, your whole section breaks into singing "Deep In The Heart of Texas." For four days, we were all Texans by the grace of God!
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<br />I get so much faith and tremendous strength by watching the young children and teens turn themselves into young men and women as they will be the next generation of NSA leaders. I know I repeat myself often on this blog, but if I do, it's only because it's true. This is one place where age is just a number. At 13 years of age, these children have confidence I never had but desperately wanted to call my own. I learn from conference veterans in their fifties and sixties (and beyond!) and teens and twentysomethings can learn from me being 33. I've been where they are going. If I can save one person from having a painful experience, then it will all have been worth it to me. Friday night a group of us went to the Stockyards in historic Fort Worth and walked around to see what life was like back in the day....more like 200 years ago though. I left early to help one of my friends, who is comedienne who stutters, make her debut at Rick O' Shea's. About 150 members came out to cheer her on, and she was just unstoppable with her jokes. A few years ago, mention the words "stuttering comedienne" and you would have heard "Yeah..r-i-i-i-i-ght. Good luck with that." It's amazing what stuttering can do....in fact, it could help you develop talents you never even knew you had! Maybe somewhere out there is a person who stutters that was given a gift...to play music, to create, to build....but they don't know they have it!
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<br />And then there was Saturday. The NSA was able to bring David Seidler, the Academy-Award winning writer of "The King's Speech," to be our keynote speaker. Mr. Seidler is the only person who could be introduced, get a two-minute ovation, and not have to say anything. But he did. He regaled us with his stories of growing up in London and coming over to America. He shared with us how his stuttering shaped us. And when he said "My name is David, I'm a person who stutters, and I am proud of it," the crowd just exploded into sheer ecstasy. Not only that, but he was truly a gentleman and signed posters and photos for us, and he took the liberty to personalize them. He did not have to do that at all. If that does not tell you the type of person he is, then I'm sorry, but I can't help you. We had a closing ceremony where one parent spoke about her son's stutter, and started to break down and apologize. She apologized to her own son for not listening, not understanding, and she begged forgiveness. I began to weep on my own. A police officer spoke about how he nearly turned around after being ten minutes from the hotel, but was so glad he didn't. And there was this unforgettable moment: Every year, we have a series of "Open Mike" sessions where anyone who stutters can get up and share any stories they want. A young man who was in his twenties came up and said that there was a young woman who stuttered so severely that she barely spoke during the conference. He then said something to the effect of "I will not say who this person is in the room, but I know if we encourage this person to get up and speak, she'll do so!" The room quickly turned into cheers and loud roars, and when the young woman got up, it reached a crescendo. "My name is D-m-m-m-m-D-D-D-a-nnn-yela," she stated, to even more loud applause. That says it is all about what a powerful, amazing community we really have.
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<br />The closing banquet for me is always emotional, especially during the last ten minutes. It even hit closer to home because we danced to "DJ Stutter," who is a real-life person who stutters but also performs in his hometown at the local club scene. When you realize the end really is near and you won't see these people for another year, the dam begins to burst and the tears flow. And you know that no matter how frustrated you get, how you long to give them one more goodbye before they go to the airport, the days will move by fast and soon enough there will be another conference in 2012.
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<br />The past few days, I've been playing "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins frequently, and if you listen to the lyrics in the chorus, it makes perfect sense. Especially if you are a first-timer, but we can all relate to it:
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<br />"You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, these are some good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now....but you're gonna miss this."
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<br />We already do. Just remember, it ain't about how fast you get there, and it ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.
<br />Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-43943090941260910192011-06-30T21:20:00.000-07:002011-06-30T21:22:25.698-07:00And now introducing myself as....Knight Rider?!Hello everyone,<br /><br />If you're a movie buff, this is the best time of the year. This is the season when Hollywood unveils the big guns, the blockbusters, which they will hope will fill their coffers with money spent by the fans to ask up the best experience that their twenty dollars will buy-a plush seat on a Saturday night, a slam-bang two hours worth of loud explosions with pulse-pounding scenes that can make your jaw drop, all presented in IMAX glory. Yet for some reason, I'm not into that at all. But the one thing about the summer movies for me is the stories they present. I've always been attracted to the "lone hero"-the avenger who finds himself pursuing a calling out of some personal reason-loss, pain, angst, so much to the point that he/she actually finds himself becoming an anti-hero: questioning all they ever believed in, wondering what their future holds. I guess that's why I have always been attracted to reruns of "Knight Rider."<br /><br />Although I was not born in the 1980s (officially 1978), I like to think of myself as forever trapped in the decade in terms of culture. I still listen to eighties music, and can recite the most popular lines from "Top Gun" and "The Breakfast Club." ("There are no points for second best."). And when I used to come home from my part-time job at the Milleridge Village at 5 p.m., as soon as my car pulled up at the house, I'd dart through the door, and turn on Channel 9, WWOR-TV. And as soon as I'd hear the words, "A shadowly flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist," I knew I was in my element. The voiceover, which was done by Richard Basehart, would go "Michael Knight. A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless. In a world of criminals who operate above the law." The show was deemed, by creator Glen Larson, as "The Lone Ranger with a car, the soul of a western." It was also the show that launched David Hasselhoff's career. The main story was that Michael Long was an undercover detective in Las Vegas who was nearly fatally injured. A reclusive billionaire named Wilton Knight rescues him and gave him a new identity, Michael Knight, and he was working for the Foundation for Law & Government with a souped-up special car, that possessed technology way ahead of its time. And every week, Knight would came to the aid of a person trying to do good but facing enemies who did not want that person to succeed.<br /><br />But despite the fact at the end of the episode that everything worked out, you always knew there was a sense of something missing from Knight's past. A feeling that no matter what happened, or how many times the show aired, he would never have what he really wanted. In the episode "White Bird," the theme rang true. Michael came to the rescue of an ex-fiancee whom he was scheduled to wed, but he became Michael Knight and never saw her again, until he realized she was about testify in a court case. All those romantic feelings came back, and he had to make a painful choice: one that most of us in that situation could never fathom.<br />For many years of my life, I was what you might see as a "Knight Rider." Traveling from table to table in the high school and college cafeterias, searching the Internet for message boards and web sites that I could post my thoughts about stuttering on, to no avail. But now, that has all changed. Ever since I got involved with the National Stuttering Association, I found my drive and my commitment. Maybe I'll never drive a car like KITT was. Or fly a helicopter like Airwolf.<br /><br />But if they ever made my life story into a "Knight Rider" episode, maybe the voiceover will sound a little something like this:<br /><br />"Steven Kaufman. An outspoken advocate and leader on a crusade to enlighten the world about stuttering awareness. Operating in a world where most people misunderstand, bringing the shining beacon of light through the darkness."<br /><br />Just maybe, you can be your own version of "Knight Rider" too.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-73193876755715010952011-06-19T22:05:00.000-07:002011-06-19T22:06:49.000-07:00Letters to my dad for Father's Day....Dear Dad,<br /><br />I realize that Father's Day has passed as of the midnight hour, and you may have been wondering why I did not get a card from you. The honest truth is that what I want to say really can't all be written down in a card. And then again, nor do I want it to be either. After a while giving the same old greeting card becomes blasé and all played out. And I figured it was time for a new approach, one that hit me when we were at the Mets game yesterday. It's funny how inspiration can come at you from the most oddest of places.<br /><br />These past few years my feelings toward you have been festering for so long. Although I am 33 now, in many ways I barely know you anymore. Most of our conversations now take place at hockey games, and those are limited too. It's the same thing when I walk through the door, or when you come home from your job fairs. It just consists of "Hi, how are you?" and barely anything more than that. They say tomorrow is promised to no one, and while we often dismiss that with a roll of the eyes, the sad thing is that it actually is true. I do not know how much time you have left, hopefully a great deal. But the first thing I wanted to say in this letter is that I forgive you for many things that have taken place over these past few years.<br /><br />I forgive you first of all for causing my intense fear of rain and thunderstorms. I know that you do get immense pleasure of watching me run into the television viewing room when the meteorologist talk about severe thunderstorms taking aim at our viewing area. I discussed this with Larry and stated that ever since you hit me with a shoe when I was thirteen because I cursed you out to your face, you have been responsible for the association of my feelings toward severe weather and that is why I feel I have to stay up all night with the radio to "ride the storm out" until it is safe for me to sleep. I know you think it is hysterically funny to poke fun at my views and desire to live in an area where it doesn't rain all that often where I can finally be happy. I've spent too many years of my life running, and while I have gotten good at it, I do not want to do it anymore. I know your emotions probably got the better of you, and while you wish you could take it back, you cannot to do so. But I want you to know it is OK now. You were a different person back then. Parents are infallible too, much as they like to think they may know it all.<br /><br />The second thing that I want to let you know is that while I am your son, in many ways while you may think I am hotheaded and stubborn, we are more alike as well. I know sometimes I am very outspoken and that has gotten me in trouble. But I am at a place now where I am learning to balance myself and ask whether what I will say is going to be correct and appropriate. In many ways, having a leadership role at the National Stuttering Association was probably the best thing that ever could happen to me, because it forced me to be aware of what it means to be an adult and know that people are looking at you to be a role model.<br /><br />I know that you have often felt like I should have turned out more like Philip in terms of being productive and more responsible with my life. I am not proud of a lot of things I have done, and in many things, I could be a lot further along with achieving my goals than where I am now. I know it's kind of hard to not compare yourself to others, but I know now that life is not a race, and he who dies with the most toys necessarily doesn't win.<br /><br />I would really like the chance to formulate some relationship with you because I don't want to end up as another person wishing they had the chance to turn the clock back when things are too late. I always used to feel so much hatred toward you in terms of my speech that my attitude was "God forgives, I don't." But now I see there are shades of gray in everything and it doesn't always have to be "either it's right, or it's wrong." I even blamed you and Mom for my stuttering because in some way, maybe you feel guilty about it. But it's no one's fault. This is the hand I have to play. And I like to think so far, I've played it very well, and continue to do so.<br /><br />It took a lot for me to want to write this letter and get all my thoughts out to you. I hope maybe someday you and Mom will want to visit a future NSA conference and see what the greatest thing in my life is all about. If you don't, I will respect your decision. But it's safe to say because of the NSA, your son has made huge quantum leaps in his life.<br /><br />To my dad, Happy Father's Day.<br /><br />Love,<br /><br />StevenSteven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-66435139870015253142011-05-23T15:28:00.000-07:002011-05-23T15:31:51.994-07:00Spindarella cut it up one time! Let's talk about stuttering and why it is not fear....Good evening everyone,<br /><br />Before I begin my latest edition of the blog, I want to personally welcome and acknowledge each of you, my followers, who take time out of their day to read and think about my reflections on stuttering. I know that free time is at a premium in today's world, and many of us say "thank you," without even realizing that it needs to be genuine-we often say it just because it is polite. So please allow me to give a genuine, heartfelt "Thank you" to each of you. Regardless of where you live in this world, you are not only my friends, but my greatest allies in the world of stuttering. Together we devote all of our energies to make not only our world, but yours and mine, just a little bit more tolerant, a little more grateful.<br /><br />The greatest thing about being a blogger, in my eyes, is not only the chance to impact my life and others, but to also learn about things from experiences of other people in my life who shape my values, not only as a person, but what I expect from myself as a human being. One of these individuals I happened to have the pleasure of meeting a few years ago at a charity gala for Our Time Theatre in New York City. You may have heard me mention how phenomenal I think Our Time is. Our Time was founded by an actor who stutters and it is a place where children who stutter can express themselves in a free, non-judgmental environment, based on love of performing arts and the theatre. Every year the children write plays and perform them, and there is a grand gala fundraiser which further helps to spread stuttering awareness. The person I met, "Mikaela," is also a writer and blogger (as well as a person who stutters), and is dating a young man whom I have had the chance to hang out with ,"Bobby," at several National Stuttering Association conferences. For a few years, they have lived together in Cook County, Ill., home to the City of Big Shoulders and the Second City, better known as Chicago, or Chi-town, or any other nickname you can identify the city by. That is, until a few months ago, when Mikaela and Bobby decided to leave the Midwest for New York City.<br /><br />I am a firm believer in honoring the official writer's code, so I want to give her the full credit with regard to her feelings. She writes "As the snow formed four foot walls down the semi-ploughed roads, we were paying three times our old rent in Chicago. It was a baptism by fire and there were times when we questioned our sanity." She was scared. She was worried. Yet she was also doing whatever she wanted because she happens to have completed a book about stuttering that will be picked up by a publisher.<br /><br />We often have moments in our life when we ask ourselves "What if I chose that? What if I had made a different decision?" without wondering what will happen. Sadly we do not have the preview of having a "coming attraction" in life and seeing what will develop. But I see people around me are not letting fear stand in their way of doing what they want. I just found out that a member of the NSA, who is a fellow chapter leader like I am, is actually going off to law school at Gonzaga University in Spokane, Wash., and he's in his late forties. But if you want any further proof that fear does not have to stand in your way, consider the upcoming National Stuttering Association conference in Fort Worth, Texas.<br /><br />The workshop rosters were presented in the newsletter, "Letting GO," and I always love seeing who will be among the select few who will be sharing their experiences with us as presenters. I do want to emphasize, though, that you need not be a presenter in order to share with everyone. We are all educators when it comes to stuttering. Last year in Cleveland, I continued to see the evolving signs that the NSA is truly a global organization. I had the pleasure of meeting with "Robert," a man from Israel who stutters. This was his first conference and I spent a good deal of time talking to him over dinner, introducing him to many other members. I also explained to him there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to stuttering-but rather, think of it as being excited-you are excited because you are part of a very special community, where you can have the chance to be part of a conference where we all celebrate everything stuttering is. This is one of my favorite lines to use: "What stuttering is, what it can be, and what it will be."<br /><br />What it will NEVER be is fear. I promise you that.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-75538844020096889072011-05-10T18:47:00.000-07:002011-05-10T18:50:08.511-07:00Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to describe your stuttering experiences in one word....Go!Hello everyone,<br /><br />We all have different routines that take place after work. For some of us, we're the first out the door when our workday is over. Others may spend a few minutes checking their BlackBerry or other PDA while juggling a conversation about what will be on the dinner table. The last few weeks, whenever I leave work, I've found myself listening to "Intelligence For Your Life," otherwise known as The John Tesh Radio Show. Syndicated from Los Angeles, and airing here on WKJY/98.3, the show (as well as his web site, http://www.tesh.com) offer valuable tips and great suggestions on all kinds of topics with every type of situation you can think of.<br /><br />As I was perusing the site yesterday, I came across a phrase that stuck in my mind for a few hours: "The Great Humbling." According to career coach Judith Gerberg, who was cited in the article, there's been a drastic increase in unemployment among college-educated men 35-64, almost double what it was before the recession took place. Now, there seems to be a great shift in attitude, which is going a long way toward helping others find a good position.<br /><br />I often ask myself how I can describe the experiences of being a person who stutters with one word. Many times when I have spoken to graduate students I am asked various questions, but never in that form. I think it is one of the most difficult things to try and answer something with one word. But if you pin me down and ask that of me, I would say "Stuttering has made me humble."<br /><br />I've met many people who stutter and while the National Stuttering Association's conference has been viewed as the first day of the rest of your lives (which is emphatically 100 percent true), I think the world humble has shown me a lot because of the work I have done. First, being humble means knowing (and accepting) that it is not about you. Period. This is a lesson that I think unfortunately some people still have not mastered. I am 33 years of age, and it took me into my late twenties to finally understand it. When I was in high school, there may have been times when I wanted an extension on a paper-and granted, some teachers gave it because they felt a student deserved a second chance, etc. I feel that I often excelled in classes where the instructor was a disciplinarian-tough, but fair. While some other students may have been cursing under their breath, I actually relished the chance to sit up front and learn their styles, and the way they taught their classes. I'm the first person who will come forward to congratulate someone on their award if they are presented, and offer my compliments when someone has something wonderful happen to them-receiving a scholarship, being engaged, and so on. If you can't give of yourself to at least say "Congratulations," that's not an attractive quality. It's not fun being a killjoy and making others feel bad. I was that person for a long time. I don't want to ever become him again.<br /><br />Being humble also means accepting that sometimes you will make mistakes and learn from them. One of the lessons I have stated in my seminars was something my late grandfather taught me: "The only perfect people are dead people. Because they do not have any problems." There's nothing wrong with setting high standards and wanting to achieve them. But if we make an error on the way to that platform, that too is OK. It can be saying something hurtful, breaking a promise to someone. If the executive director of the NSA asks me to do something, my word is my bond. If for some reason I am unable to do it, I will acknowledge my mistake and how to make it right.<br /><br />Even more than the things I have described, being humble to me also means learning to accept others as they are and knowing you can try to help-even if the other person doesn't want it or can't see the reasons why. I have a good friend named "Johnny" who I grew up with in high school. "Johnny" is my age, 33, but he also has severe learning disabilities that make itvery hard, if not impossible, for him to hold down a job-in fact, his parents made him file for Social Security feeling that his disability will prevent him from any meaningful work. I've often asked myself why he is who he is, and why I am the way I am. We both have our challenges and work the best we can to overcome them. Maybe the rest of the world won't accept him the way he is. But just by listening, offering a supporting hand, that's being humble. Offering to take him out for an occasional dinner at the local diner can be a special gesture that can mean the world to him.<br /><br />Yes, maybe that's a great word to describe my experiences: Humble. I was humble when I accepted my awards for Volunteer of the Year and Member of the Year and making sure that everyone is owed a part of it. My fellow NSAers make me humble. And I've never been more proud to say that, and always remember the current future lessons they will share with me.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-34792186180244605142011-04-24T16:53:00.000-07:002011-04-24T16:54:02.026-07:00Just Whose Reality Is It Anyway?Hello everyone,<br /><br />Everywhere you look these days, it's evident that reality television has invaded our worlds and shows no signs of stopping. It started with "The Real World" on MTV, spread to a certain real estate mogul who may run for the highest office in the United States ending each show with "You're fired," and there have even been movies that discuss different aspects of the reality craze: from Ron Howard's "EDtv" to the independent "Series 7: The Contenders." But just a few days ago, the organization that I am heavily involved with, the National Stuttering Association, was directly asked to participate.<br /><br />I received a phone call from a representative at Ryan Seacrest Productions, based on the West Coast, to discuss my interest in participating in a reality show based around stuttering. My name had been passed on by a colleague who I work with at the NSA, and as I was listening to what was described, I felt my heart racing. Wow, I thought, this is really a chance to do something good and help people who stutter. Now you might be saying, "But I already do that anyway." Yes, I do. Not only am I a chapter leader, but I am also an advocate and an ambassador for the NSA. I could be on television and spread the word about the NSA and just how phenomenal it really is. Right now, with the major victories achieved by "The King's Speech" (winning Oscars for Best Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Director, and Best Picture), stuttering awareness has never been as important before, as it is right now. The representative asked me if I would be happy to receive a flyer, and I said sure. As I opened up the attachment, I began to furrow my brow in curiosity when I read that the show wanted to pair me up with a "life coach," someone who could transform my life around and wanted to use an approach which resembled hypnosis. Or as the person told me, "You'll be getting $40,000 worth of therapy for free." This so-called "life coach," would be known as "The Fixer," as he stated he could help you overcome any kind of major life challenge that was preventing you from accomplishing what you wanted.<br /><br />As it was expected, this naturally drew comments from all different sides of the spectrum of NSA members. Chapter leaders are both new and seasoned professionals, and we also have leaders who are in high school and college. There was a great concern that this company was really not all that interested in truly finding out about stuttering, but rather they were looking for ratings and help promote the agenda of this coach. Some even believed that this show was merely looking to cash in on the fact that now "stuttering is hot." Some members were contacted in different states, including Florida and even north of the border, in Canada. The National Stuttering Association believes that people who stutter not only deserve respect and tolerance, but that above all else, people are human beings first and foremost. Safe to say, their biggest concern was not having their members be exploited or looked at as the butt of a joke.<br /><br />However, at one time the NSA was featured in a reality show. When the NSA hosted their annual conference in Atlanta back in 2007, we had three of our members play prominent roles in a series broadcast on MTV called "True Life." The episode, called "I Stutter," followed their daily lives as they faced a unique set of challenges. One member, "Melissa," was trying to find a level of comfort with her speech-she would at times identify herself by another name which was easier to say. Another person, "Todd," was an SLP graduate student at West Virginia University and was in danger of being evicted because he could not get a job. Another woman, "Lacey," was trying to become a beauty queen in a state pageant and was scared of having to do well on the oral interview. They were followed around the conference and treated fairly and with respect. They were not coached or prompted to say anything that they did not want to. In fact, "Melissa" is still good friends with the producers to this day. The NSA will be the first organization to offer assistance if there is just and proper representation. When the movie "Talladega Nights" came out, and Columbia Pictures wanted support from NASCAR, the executives at NASCAR insisted their drivers be shown in the best way possible, and not in some stereotypical manner.<br /><br />After much deliberation, the NSA felt that the right thing to do was to ask its chapter leaders (and members) to refrain from participating in the show. While the NSA may not have any official codes of conduct, I take my responsibilities seriously in the community, and I cannot in good faith have accepted the way I might have been portrayed. They did acknowledge for some people, going on the show might be a good way to help self-confidence. Then again, you can join the NSA too! The NSA also went as far to ask for support from other organizations to join them in their support to boycott the show. What is truly wonderful is that although there may be other organizations that work toward different goals with regard to stuttering, we can see common ground and there is mutual respect.<br /><br />What caused a great deal of strife is the view that people who stutter need to be "fixed." You can fix a car. You can even fix your cat or dog (which I recommend as an animal lover). But people who stutter don't have to be fixed, nor should they want to. I feel horrible in retrospect that I even considered this program. If I am guilty of something, maybe I was guilty of believing that someone really wanted to help me by giving me a platform where I could share how the NSA has transformed my life and more. I think it's safe to say though that I don't need to be fixed.<br /><br />For the longest time, I felt like my stuttering made me a mistake. I now firmly say my stuttering made more resilient, and knowing that someone out there will see just who I am.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-36529616523175400642011-04-19T19:12:00.000-07:002011-04-19T19:14:14.895-07:00And what will you do in July?Hello everyone,<br /><br />Well, spring is finally here. And the telltale signs of it are abound: the mercury is rising, the sun is making more appearances, and unfortunately, so is the severe weather, depending on what region of the country you live in. The smell of grilled bratwurst and hot dogs indicate that the boys of summer have once again returned to the baseball diamond, and there were Opening Days all across the stadiums earlier this month. But you may not be aware of this, but there is also another kind of Opening Day. This is not an official holiday, but it's a time to start the official countdown to four days of a powerful bonding experience unlike anything you will ever know in your life. That's right, I am talking about the 2011 National Stuttering Association Annual Conference. Held this year in Fort Worth, Texas, the Gateway to the American South. Asking someone to describe this event is akin to asking a dentist if he can do a triple root canal in one day...asking the impossible. But if you asked me, I think I could do a great job summarizing it in one sentence: "Four days of kick-ass stuttering education, empowerment, and damn good alcohol." (Of course, you have to remember 21 Means 21).<br /><br />But as much as I love what my Opening Day means to me, I am also struggling with a concept that tends to make me feel a great twinge of sadness. There are many people out there who stutter who may not want to come to an NSA conference. We know that times are very rough right now, and the economy is wrecking havoc on a lot of people. But regardless, I've traveled up and down the Northeast Megalopolis and met many of my fellow people who stutter, and despite my best intentions, the conference doesn't appeal to some people or they may feel ashamed or frightened to come to an event of this magnitude. I want to use this edition of the blog to discuss why some people feel the way they do, and maybe find some alternatives that could help someone find out about this conference. Long Beach, Calif., was my first one. And so far, it will always be my favorite just because it's the first time. The first time I could say "Hello" without shame, the first time I learned how to look someone in the eye and not stare at the floor because I felt guilty. (Something which I still struggle with to this day). I'm going to discuss some common statements I have heard and share the best way I know how to rebut these arguments. This will hopefully inspire some healthy debate and if it gets one person who is reading it to want to come to the NSA conference this year and see what it's all about, it will have been worth it. One person who will see David Seidler, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of "The King's Speech" share his life story with an electrifying crowd. One person who finally meet another person who stutters and sees that maybe we are all alike, and we're fighting the same challenges every day.<br /><br />Excuse #1: "A stuttering conference? Good luck with that, it'll never work." My response: If you don't think that this can work, you should know there is an audience...and a very involved one at that." If it can play in Peoria, then it will play everywhere. For those who do not know what this quote means, please allow me to explain. "Will it play in Peoria?" refers to the city of Peoria, Ill., a city that to many is the epitome of Midwestern values. In the days of vaudeville, apparently there was a quote to the effect of "We're playing in Peoria" and over the years, the quote began to manifest itself in different ways. So to be asked "Will it play in Peoria?" means will there be a base, will there be a niche for it. 700+ people who stutter selling out a hotel can't be wrong. Maybe you'd like to meet some of our members who can prove that stuttering can work and be an integegral part of the lives they lead and the ones they change: One young woman from Kansas who wasn't sure she could be an SLP, and now graduated with her degree. How about a teenager from South Dakota who helped inspire a statewide conference about stuttering? It will play. Maybe Homey D. Clown doesn't think certain things will play, but I can certainly affirm that a stuttering conference certainly does, and much more!<br /><br />Excuse #2: "I don't want to spend my summer vacation like this...boring." My response: Unless you're one of the few who live off the I-4 corridor in Florida or I-405 in Southern California, summer is not exactly year round. We only have three months to take advantage of 80-degree days, crashing ocean waves, good hiking conditions. For some people, their idea of a good vacation is this: going to South Beach and getting smashed at the bars, or going to Las Vegas and bumping and grinding with a woman you won't even remember the next day. Is that really how you want to remember your summer? Imagine returning on the first day of your school year or semester and receiving the obligatory "How was your summer?" You can say "I spent it with my best friends Jim Beam and Jack Daniels" or you can say "I had a frustrating year, but I learned how to channel my anger over stuttering and take control of my life." You can say how you met the most unique people and shared late nights just laughing and crying, and coming together for an emotional banquet on the last night of the conference. Who knows, you may be even able to say you met a really special person there....it's been known to happen!<br /><br />Excuse #3: "I got better things to spend my money on....like my car payment. Or going to the casinos." My response: Hey we all need to get around. If you want to donate money to the likes of Donald Trump, that's all well and good with me. But for those who are buying a new car, look at it this way. The moment you drive the car off the dealership lot, the car loses 30 percent of its value, and just continues to depreciate. I can guarantee you the lessons you learn here will appreciate in value every time you use them in your daily life. And with every conference you go to, they will grow stronger and become your rock and salvation through good times and bad ones.<br /><br />Excuse #4: "I really can't be around others who stutter. It just isn't for me, and I'm not ready." My response: This is something that isn't an uncommon feeling. For many people who stutter, it can be frightening enough just to go into a restaurant, or even to go to the local multiplex and buy a movie ticket at the box office. Multiply that by a thousand and you can feel empathy that for a person who struggles with this every day, being in a hotel and surrounded by others 24/7 for four days. But we are in this together. We were all there once. We remember our first time..no, not that one LOL. We remember the feeling of meeting each other, saying our names and knowing that no matter how long it took, what mattered is we were there with one goal in mind.<br /><br />I hope there may be someone who is reading this who may just want to go to an NSA conference but is still wondering what to do. There's no better time like the present. If ever you felt that you might want to see what it's all about it, then get to Texas. It doesn't matter whether you hike, fly, rent a donkey (well you can if you are at the Grand Canyon) and go on the side of I-30. Just be there. I promise you-you'll going to see yourself in a brand new way. And you'll love it. Go to <a href="http://www.westutter.org/">http://www.westutter.org</a> for the details.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-40123868619412076252011-03-30T14:30:00.000-07:002011-03-30T14:31:56.204-07:00Keep "The King's Speech" R-rated, please.....Good evening everyone, I begin this blog entry with something I find very interesting, and for some readers, controversial As a person who stutters, there are many different ways to explore this topic, but yet I want to present a debate for both sides that is fair and just. The Weinstein Company, which is the studio behind the Academy Award-winning "The King's Speech," has made a decision to re-release the movie on April 1. This is not an uncommon move for many movies that have been the lucky recipient of a date with Oscar, especially for ones that may have struggled at the box office to attract an audience or want to showcase the film for as long as possible. But what was more shocking was the fact that the new version is "sanitized," and is being rated PG-13. The studio in its press release, lauds the fact that "This action enables those to whom it speaks most directly-young people who are troubled by stuttering, bullying, and other trials-to see it." Now although the studio has not said what specific cuts were made, it is a safe assumption to say that there is one scene which is probably being referenced to. Out of sheer frustration, Colin Firth, who was nothing short of brilliant, swears continuously with the F-bomb to try and express himself. Now we have all heard this word and pretty much like it or not, it is a part of the modern-day vernacular. After all, try and find one person in this lifetime who has not swore using an obscene expression. This one scene is very critical to his performance, and a central theme for the emotional experiences he is going through. In fact, Firth has gone on record in saying "The film should stand as it is." It is always an option for a movie to be re-submitted to the MPAA for an appeal of its rating. I remember when "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" was given the R rating (Under 17 requires an accompanying adult or guardian), and Universal Pictures felt that would prevent teens from seeing it because Adam Sandler is a big draw. So after a few edits, the PG-13 rating was applied. And the MPAA has been a firm proponent that these ratings are guidelines only, they are not meant to be taken as gospel. I want to say emphatically that as a person who stutters, I applaud the fact that more people will be able to see the movie. But what makes me sad is that the studio needs to edit the movie to do so. Watching him struggle forming his words hit home for me because when I am in a funk, I do the same thing. I've struggled with my speech the past month and many times wanted to yell out "Fuck! I can't say the word," but I haven't done so. Probably because I'd be looked at in public. But if you think about it, imagine what the reaction would be if other movies were edited the same way. Look at "Schindler's List." How would a history teacher feel if all the executions were taken away-that is a very upsetting part of our history, but yet it needs to be told. What about "Saving Private Ryan?" How would it look if all the graphic violence was edited out because a student found it upsetting that a soldier stepped on a land mine and his whole body was blown up as a result. Citing another example, take 1988's "The Accused," with Jodie Foster. The movie was hailed for her performance which also won her the Oscar as a rape victim, and the film was mentioned for its accurate portrayal of a victim (and there is a graphic gang rape scene as well). If that was removed, what might the reaction be? When I watched the movie, I felt that was I viewing it from two different perspectives: One as a regular person, but another one as an advocate for the National Stuttering Association and a person who stutters. In many cases, the two can overlap. I think ultimately, the decision on where we stand regarding the editing version is up to each one of us. But there can be no denying the impact this movie has had, and will continue to have for future generations of people who stutter. I think we also need to realize that we are responsible for our own judgments about the movie and it the rating. There may be some who think the R rating automatically means the kiss of death for a movie but there are much worse things to see. I vividly remember watching "Basic Instinct" in theaters and feeling disgusted at first because the film shows human sexuality in a perverse manner. A healthy relationship isn't about S&M or fetishes. It's about caring for someone and loving them deeply in spite of their flaws. But looking back on it, I realize it was one director's interpretation of what love is. My interpretation of the movie: Keep "The King's Speech" proud. Keep it the way it is. My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-62169206226867375802011-03-23T14:18:00.000-07:002011-03-23T14:20:10.828-07:00To comment or not to comment...that is the ultimate questionGood evening everyone,<br /><br />We've all had moments when we have desperately wanted to turn back the hands of time. For instance, when we've hurt someone or done something that has caused irreparable harm to others. In that category we can also include opening of the mouth and saying something that is inappropriate. Those who read my blog on a regular basis know how passionate I am about all things stuttering. But for me, this particular entry is a very personal one.<br /><br />This past Saturday I happened to be taking a nap while listening to the sounds of one of our all-news stations, 1010WINS (http://www.1010wins.com), and while I usually keep it on for the purpose of knowing what time it is as well as swearing by their live Accuweather forecasts, I was jarred from my sleep by a comment that incensed me.<br /><br />The former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani, was apparently quoted as saying that when it come to President Barack Obama's policies on Libya, he was a "stuttering weakling." Now I want to make one thing emphatically clear. My blog has never been about politics or whatever ideologies people believe in. But any time a comment is made about stuttering, I will be the first to respond. And boy, did I have a lot to say on this.<br /><br />To be clear, I was faced with some conflicting emotions on this, whether I should comment on this or not. After all, this isn't the first time someone has said something derogatory about a rival or a competitor. And probably after three weeks, we'll all forget he even mentioned this. But I know as a person who stutters, there could be no way in good conscience I could let this go. I am very proud to be an advocate who stutters, and whenever support is needed for anything stuttering, I am often the first one who will happily volunteer-not because I have to, but because I want to. We all make our mark on this world in different ways-some lecture. Some paint and contribute timeless pieces to museums. Others write about the world and how it can be changed. Well, my way of making this world better is to educate and empower people who stutter. That is my mission, and my work is never done.<br /><br />These days, it seems like there is a strong trend to hold people accountable for what they say. Sure, being a politician can get ugly. We have watched the commercials ("Candidate A raised taxes! Candidate B fathered a child out of wedlock!") as mud is thrown at each other. It seems like any sense of civility is fake, even at debates ("I want to say how honored I am to be here with my worthy adversary...). But corporations and other businesses are very quick to distance themselves from incendiary comments. I can remember a few years ago when Jeremy Shockey, the former tight end for the New York Giants, made a comment about the fans at a home game against Miami Dolphins, because they left early. Apparently he didn't realize that the fans left early because Yom Kippur was beginning at sundown, and very quickly the Giants had to issue a press release apologizing for his comments. According to Paul Schwartz of the New York Post, John Mara, who was the vice-president of the team, acknowledged that "Shockey is not going to be close to being aware of that." And I'm sure he was chastised about it privately. While it is easy to admire the ex-mayor for his leadership during America's darkest hour when the World Trade Center and Pentagon were attacked, I can't help but feel he should have known better than to make a comment like that. Consider the fact that New York City is the most diverse place on the planet, you'd think he would be more accommodating. After all, this is a city where an Orthodox Jew and Muslim can ride side by side by the subway, or even be friends, and no one would think twice about it.<br /><br />I did write a letter to him and I addressed my feelings in a diplomatic manner. As to whether I will get any response from him, that remains to be seen. But let me ask you. If we don't stand up for ourselves as people who stutter, then who will? People who stutter are not weak. On the contrary, they are some of the most strongest people I know. My fellow members of the National Stuttering Association are driven and they will never let their speech stand in the way. They are my strength everlasting.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-28766514164628302462011-03-09T21:08:00.000-08:002011-03-09T21:09:34.646-08:00All Hail The Conquering Hero...King George VI!!!!Hello everyone!<br /><br />First, I would like to apologize for not writing on blog frequently. I have to admit that a few things have come up, but now that I am back, I hope to contribute on a weekly basis and continue to share my thoughts about stuttering with all of you.<br /><br />I still get chills when I think about Feb. 27th, at 8 p.m. The significance of this date will forever be remembered for the Oscars. As a movie buff, most fans watch the Oscars for the key awards: Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and so on. It is well worth it to "suffer" through the technical awards for cinematography and special effects. And despite the fact that we all sit glued to our televisions and marvel at all the celebrities in their gowns that cost a small fortune and their extolling the virtues of their designers, we can't help but wonder what it would be like to be there and witness Hollywood's biggest night, while simultaneously eating a pizza and watching Anne Hathaway and James Franco struggle to live up to the standards set by Bob Hope, and Billy Crystal. You can even add Hugh Jackman's name onto that list.<br /><br />But as a person who stutters, tonight was going to a defining moment for those who struggle with this communication disorder, as well as SLPs and graduate students looking to enter the field. "The King's Speech" was nominated for 12 Oscars, and was pitted against "The Social Network" in most of the major categories. You often notice that when the celebrities are interviewed on the red carpet, a common cliché is "Well, it's such a thrill to be nominated." Yes, to an extent that is true. Just by the fact that this movie brought tremendous recognition to the cause of stuttering awareness was truly inspiring. Myself, and many other chapter leaders (as well as NSA members) were interviewed by many newspapers, and even radio stations. There were major publications such as The Buffalo News and The Washington Post, and one of our members who works heavily in Family Programs was interviewed on a radio broadcast in Detroit. Another chapter leader appeared on a morning news show in Syracuse. This media campaign, which was orchestrated by the NSA, was something to celebrate and admire. But little did we know that the special night was just beginning.<br /><br />You see, David Seidler who wrote the original screenplay for the movie, is a person who stutters. He also happens to be our keynote speaker for the 2011 National Stuttering Association annual conference, being held in the great state of Texas. A native of London, but also a Long Islander (who grew up in Great Neck), Seidler's first screenplay was for the 1988 movie "Tucker: A Man And His Dream," starring Jeff Bridges. According to Wikipedia, Seidler located the son of Lionel Logue, the speech therapist who helped King George VI with his stammering. The son, Valentine Logue, was a retired brain surgeon who was eager to share the work of his father, but there was one caveat: He had to receive written authorization from the Queen Mother. After reaching out to her, the Queen's secretary wrote back and politely requested he cease work on the project during her lifetime. In 2005, Seidler decided to pick up where he left off.<br /><br />Fast forward six years, and that brings us to the moment when Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin, two winners themselves, uttered the phrase that people who stutter have been waiting a lifetime for. "And the Oscar goes to...David Seidler, for "The King's Speech." Within 30 seconds, every member of the NSA Nation who was on Facebook immediately started to post congratulatory messages. "You are my hero," one young woman said. Another one said simply, "He did it!" But there was one more moment, and to quote Whitney Houston, it was one moment in time: "I accept this award on behalf of all the stutterers throughout the world. We have a voice, we have been heard, thanks to you, the Academy." I ran outside in a flash, while my parents had an incredibly bewildered look on their face. " I started my car, and drove up and down the street, honking in pure delirium and sheer joy. But the night was just getting started. Best Director? Check. Best Actor, Colin Firth? Yes. Best Picture? Damn Skippy!<br /><br />There can be no doubt that Seidler's words have resonated with everyone who stutters. Yes, we have a voice. There is not any reason why we should not be heard. If you scroll onto my Facebook page, you'll notice that where the personal picture spot is, there's a poster of "The King's Speech." I think it's safe to say that photo is going to remain there forever.<br /><br />I have a good friend and fellow person who stutters who also runs her own blog, "Make Room For The Stuttering" (you can find it at http://stutterrockstar.wordpress.com) who recently posed an interesting question about the movie, and the title says it all: "What Happens When They Forget?" After I started reading it, I realized everything she said is on point. To quote her verbatim, "We can't complacently ride the coattails of this movie." Truer words have never been said. When I saw that line, I couldn't help but think of the movie "Schindler's List." Steven Spielberg has stated time and again in interviews that this movie is the most personal to him, because many of those Holocaust survivors are dying off and their stories go with them. Despite the fact that the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC is a living testament to that atrocity, there are ignorant people who continue to deny it happened, saying it was a conspiracy or some other nonsensical statement. Well, "The King's Speech" is in a similar vein in the sense that we MUST continue to advocate and empower each other, and those future SLPs as well. We cannot allow anyone else to do that for us. Our stories need to be told. And there is proof of that-more people who stutter are doing public speaking. I absolutely LOVE that!<br /><br />What "The King's Speech" did on Oscar night was fire a shot for stuttering awareness heard around the world. I like using that phrase because it rings. There are good shots, like this one. There can also be shots that tear a nation apart, like the shot that started the Civil War at Fort Sumter, near Charleston, S.C.<br /><br />But this shot can be crystal clear. All Hail The King!<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-67813004674134939422011-02-19T12:24:00.000-08:002011-02-19T12:30:33.548-08:00Steven from the Long Island Stuttering Block!Hello everyone,<br /><br />I hope the middle of February finds each one of you doing very well. The winds are howling with glee on Long Island, and for those of you who feel like this year has been very trying, I wanted to share something special with you. This is something I have never ever done, but sometimes there are divine moments of inspiration that strike you and it can come at the most random of times.<br /><br />The New York City metropolitan area has been home to many a dynamic performer. Most recently, a young woman named Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, who is better known as Lady Gaga (from Yonkers, right over the Bronx County-Westchester County line) and Jennifer Lopez, who also brought the boogie-down Bronx flavor to the West Coast where she was a Fly Girl on FOX-TV's "In Living Color" and later a singer with hits like "If You Had My Love" and her anthem, "Jenny From the Block."<br /><br />Well, with credit to Ms. Lopez, I decided to do my own little tweaking and create a song/poem of my own. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did creating it. And now, for your reading pleasure, I give you....Steven from the Long Island Stuttering Block!<br /><br />Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,<br />Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,<br />Some days I have a little, other times a lot,<br />But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)<br /><br />Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,<br />Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,<br />Some days I have a little, other times a lot,<br />But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)<br /><br />From stretching to easy onset to airflow as a fix<br />Struggling to understand why my voice locks and dips<br />I stayed focused as the putdowns and insults entered in<br />I am genuine and you know I told you<br />I am real with my friends, from Cali to Kansas to Ohio to Tennessee<br />It's just me being me: never unoriginal, don't judge or bully me<br />Because my passion and enthusiasm is what you see<br /><br />Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,<br />Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,<br />Some days I have a little, other times a lot,<br />But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)<br /><br />Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,<br />Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,<br />Some days I have a little, other times a lot,<br />But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)<br /><br />I never imagined in my wildest dreams I could be this<br />Resurrecting myself from the self-imposed darkness of a verbally confusing mess<br />With NSA Nation I've grown up and lived so much<br />For the first time I do what I want and say everything and I love it<br />I always put NSA Nation first and foremost<br />And being a member gives you every right to boast.<br /><br />Dedicated to all the members of the NSA Nation, who are the driving force in my life.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-67893408920499324072011-02-12T20:59:00.000-08:002011-02-12T21:10:36.834-08:00You Gotta Have Heart!Hello everyone,<br /><br />As the midway point of what has been a truly rough winter (and one that I particularly enjoy), there's an undeniable excitement that has invaded the New York metropolitan area, as well as all over the country. Spring training is coming, the time when we all eagerly await another season of the boys of summer, hot dogs, and the program hawkers who make this game what it is. Yet we also take time to reflect on what has changed.<br /><br />I remember reading a few days ago that one of my favorite pitchers for the New York Yankees, Andy Pettitte, decided to call it a career. At the farewell press conference, he succinctly said all he needed to. "My heart just isn't in the game anymore," he stated, as he was looking forward to returning to Texas and spending time with his wife and family. In the days that followed, I intently listened to WFAN, which is one of the biggest all-sports radio stations, as the lines lit up with callers expressing admiration for what he accomplished. Even those he played against grudgingly had to admit what he meant to the game, and the words that were often tossed out frequently included "heart" and "competitor."<br /><br />I never used to know what having a heart was all about. People mention the word "heart" and the first thing that comes to mind is what keeps you alive. Sure, that's true. But what does having heart mean? Is it character? Is it empathy? Is it a desire to see what you're really made of?<br /><br />For me, when I think of having a heart, the first thing that comes to mind is a realization. I wake up every day and thank the world that someone up there recognizes I can contribute so many things to make the world better for people who stutter. I think that having a heart makes you care a great deal for others, but you see that caring reflected in different ways.<br /><br />As someone who stutters, but also one who does recognize that stuttering is a disability and presents me with a unique set of challenges, my heart has shown me that caring is more than saying words of encouragement. It's about knowing how to conduct yourself around other people and knowing that others deserve basic respect. Having heart is about learning to share with yourself, and even more than that, knowing that we all owe it to everyone who stutters to set the best example we can.<br /><br />You gotta have heart......and I hope you do.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-54190210467332542582011-01-31T12:06:00.000-08:002011-01-31T12:07:08.421-08:00Mr. Warhol, I'm ready for my fifteen minutes...and I am using them to help others!Hello everyone,<br /><br />I would like to say that is a wonderful thrill for me to return to blogging, which is one of the best things I have in my life-it's more than a journal, offers more pleasure than a respite, and above all else, shows that there is a world out there full of hope and dreamers who stutter, and they know every day is another chance to make things happen, regardless of who they are or where they are going in their life.<br /><br />I was out for a long walk one day and suddenly the phrase "slightly ahead of his/her time" popped into my head. Throughout history, you can probably count on one hand the number of times this could be applied. It could be an average person with a brilliant idea, an artist who is a visionary and see things no one else could, or a CEO with a broad plan to make the company better. When I was an undergraduate journalism major at Long Island University, I would have never suspected it, but one of my communications professors, Dr. Jackson (again, names have been changed) was one of them. I remember he was lecturing about the Internet and how many changes would come abound as a result, and he said "Mark my words: In five years, the cable companies will be knocking down your door to offer you high-speed access." How right he was. But on the opposite end of the range we have someone who epitomizes being ahead of time: Andy Warhol, the renowed pop artist, and his personal philosophy, being paraphrased, which is "Everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame."<br /><br />In December, the Long Island chapter of the National Stuttering Association was interviewed by a freelance reporter from Newsday, which is the main daily newspaper in the Long Island suburbs. We had four members present, among them myself, and three others of varying ages. This was the brainchild of one of our members, and we were going to share our experiences about stuttering and the movie "The King's Speech," which was continuing its steamrolling with winning many awards and accolades. I cannot stress this enough, that if you are a person who stutters, or an SLP, this is a movie you MUST see. You will do yourself a great disservice if you don't. After we spent two hours with the reporter, we were informed the following month that our article was going to be a full-page story in the Long Island Life section of the Sunday newspaper. A photographer came to my house and took several photos of me, as she did for others who were featured in the story. I was told the article would run Jan. 16, and as is my dad's custom, we all go out to the local diner on Saturday night, and many times they will carry a special early edition. When my dad opened up the paper, I ran immediately toward the Long Island Life section, and my jaw froze. I was featured on the cover under the headline "The Face Of Stuttering."<br /><br />I really didn't know what to say, but my mom knew exactly what to do. She started calling everyone she knew, and sure enough, word began to spread. In fact, I walked into the local deli to pick up dinner one weeknight, and the waitress who knows I am a regular said, "Here's the local celebrity!" I tried to downplay it, stating that this article will be benefit everyone who stutters. As I always do when I speak, I try to include examples of other people who do amazing work. That is the crux of the NSA. We are special people, who can do spectacular things when we tap into the potential we have.<br /><br />These days, it seems like everyone is getting their fifteen minutes, and it's not always for the best reasons. An elected official is caught taking money he (or she) couldn't have. A trade organization is angry because a contract was not passed, and they vow to ruin everyone else's lives until they get want. Maybe Andy Warhol was right. We all get fifteen minutes. How we use them, whether it is to help or hurt, is up to us-and no one else.<br /><br />Every time I read the article, I am reminded of a classic line from the movie "Sunset Boulevard," which was revived on Broadway a few years ago with Glenn Close. Norma Desmond, the fallen starlet states "I am BIG, it's the pictures that got small." Well, there's no better way I can end this posting of my blog with this statement: "I am but one small person doing what I can to change the world for people who stutter. It's the National Stuttering Association that is big."<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person that stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-91954110524811410052011-01-14T09:18:00.000-08:002011-01-14T09:19:00.693-08:00Meet Toledo, a city on the Maumee.....Good afternoon everyone,<br /><br />As we begin to creep ever so close to the next National Stuttering Association conference, one of the things that I relish the most is doing research and reading up on the culture of the state and metropolitan area I will be in. I enjoyed learning about Ohio and the unique aspects of the state. For example, you might enjoy devouring JoJo potatoes, which are apparently very popular at pizza places here-they are quartered potatoes rolled in the same flour as the broasted or pressure fried chicken and then fried in a pressure cooker. (Good luck getting that elsewhere). However, you never know what kind of things you will find that could inspire you to write about stuttering. And for this edition of my blog, I want to talk about.....Toledo.<br /><br />A city located on the Maumee River very close to the border of Michigan in Western Ohio, Toledo is home to a sports team called the Walleye. It's a minor league hockey team affiliated with the Detroit Red Wings, and it is in the East Coast Hockey League. Most people hear that, and just think, "Well, it's just another team. Why should I be interested?" Well, this little nugget of information happened to catch my eye. According to a piece in The Hockey News from Jan. 17, 2011, the team is operated by a nonprofit organization and the fans will have to pay the cost of running the team, with all the revenue going toward the mortgage on the rink. As the director of public relations, Jason Griffin, said in the story, "They all feel like they have a stake in it. Fans come to the rink just because it's the place to be."<br /><br />For the longest time, I felt like I was owned by stuttering. When you are growing up, it's kind of hard not to feel that way. You want to do something specific. You want to go up to someone and say hello, but you're frightened of what's going to happen. So you see them in the mall, and nod at them instead of going up and talking to them. You want to tell someone that they aren't helping you by finishing your sentences, but yet you feel that it is just not possible. It took me several SLPs and a lot of frustrations to get to the point where I can say, "Stuttering doesn't own me, but rather I own my stuttering. And I will dictate what happens from here on out."<br /><br />The National Stuttering Association is very unique in the sense that we, too, own a piece of it, and it's very important that we develop that to its fullest fruition. I am always acknowledged and I often hear "But you do so much." I am a person who stutters, but also, I am an individual owner-of my feelings, of my goals, and how I conduct myself in relationships with my peers and others.<br /><br />When I look back on the first time I did an open microphone session at an NSA conference, it feels like a moment frozen in time. Here I was, just some scared twentysomething from a suburb of New York, who had traveled 3,000 miles from home to be with others who stutter and were running the gamut of emotions. On that day, even if I didn't realize it, I started to become an owner. An owner of a new life that I could create. There will be setbacks. There will be times when I wonder if things will get better. But I know they will. Because being an owner means that you have ultimate control of your stuttering. And that is more powerful than anything else.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-46842611473846092152011-01-04T17:06:00.000-08:002011-01-04T17:07:22.919-08:00The ball dropped.....and life goes on!Good evening everyone,<br /><br />The phrase "bucket list" became a hot staple of the modern day dictionary a few years ago when the movie "The Bucket List" hit theaters. The "list" refers to special achievements and personal goals we want to recognize in our life before our time on earth is finished. And for many people, they had the chance to cross one item off that list just a few days ago. Some travel from half an hour away in the Long Island suburbs, others come from halfway across the world for sixty seconds of radiance, dazzle, and glitter-yes, the Ball dropping in Times Square in front of a million or two people. No one cares if the person standing next to you is sick, or if you haven't used the bathroom in seven hours. It's all about that one moment.<br /><br />My New Year's Eve was spent at a party hosted by a fellow member of the National Stuttering Association. She stutters very mildly, and there were three of us total who attended-myself, "Heather," and "Stacey." (All names changed to protect the identities). I decided to bring back the tradition of getting all dressed up on this holiday-I wore a tuxedo with matching blue tie and cummerbund. But I also made the choice to completely let myself go and stutter freely. It was the first time in my life I had ever done that.<br /><br />I need to explain what I mean by the term "stuttering freely." I am always adamant and open about the fact that I stutter. I enjoy talking about it with close friends as well as people I meet for the first time. However, I make a strong effort to try and use the techniques I have learned in speech therapy-controlled breathing, etc. to try and be somewhat fluent. When I get excited, for me what I notice is that I will just blurt out whatever comes to mind, regardless of how it comes out-and then once I realize I'm doing that, I force myself to collect my thoughts and try to practice my speech in a real-life situation. I was talking to the date of one of the guests, and if you heard me, you would have seen that it took me thirty seconds to get out one sound. If my speech therapist heard that, he probably would have cringed.<br /><br />We see the New Year as a time of hope. A time to put the past away and relish what the future could be. I left this party early because I had to make the 12:31 train back to Port Washington. (The joys of mass transit, being bound to a schedule). As I was walking back on Broadway, I could experience the joy that 2011 was here. Air horns were blaring. Voices screaming with glee, strangers yelling from their apartment windows "Happy New Year!" I even saw a church choir outside with prayer candles greeting me as I walked past the mountains of snow that had yet to be removed. I could hear the sonic boom of fireworks going off with every block I passed. And still, there were very few public celebrations in Astoria that night. People were going about their business, seeing the clock has passed midnight and it was a day like any other-a Saturday, a chance to continue progress.<br /><br />I do not know what the New Year will bring. I do have some goals I'd like to meet: getting a job in the federal government, attending the NSA conference in Fort Worth, Texas. But for the first time, maybe it's good I do not have any resolutions. The only thing I know is that I'll wake up and the sun will rise tomorrow. It shall be a day when I can once again refocus my energies on promoting the NSA and making this world better for people who stutter. "The King's Speech" has done a great deal for stuttering awareness, but we can do more. We will make our lives better, and we'll change some lives in the process.<br /><br />Happy New Year...may it bring you everything you desire. And if you are wondering if there's anything you can do to help your stuttering, go to http://www.westutter.org and check it out. And tell them I sent you.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-9243998395853389262010-12-22T20:57:00.000-08:002010-12-22T20:58:35.115-08:00Hi, I'm a person that cares!Hello everyone,<br /><br />These days it seems like getting a compliment is a foreign concept. For so many people saying "I appreciate you" or "You are a great asset to this organization" is an experience they will never receive. I have been on the opposite ends of this spectrum at various times in my life. I have won awards from the National Stuttering Association, I've had articles published in academia and other forms of media. I have also been seen as a nobody...but hey, who hasn't been? But recently, I was discussing some interviewing tips with a friend, and he gave me a very interesting response to the question "What is your greatest weakness?" Well, the logical response in this situation is to turn it into a strength. I responded by saying "I care too much. And I am glad I do, because that allows me to make a difference in this world."<br /><br />If I were to ask this question of ten different people on the street, it's only logical I'd get ten different responses. There are those who believe that "caring too much" will get you taken advantage of. I don't see it that way. Especially in the times we live in, the ability to care about something (or someone) and show empathy is something never to take for granted. Sure, I often say I am a very passionate supporter of the NSA and stuttering awareness. And yes, perhaps I can be a little obsessive from time to time. Still, being obsessive and focusing on details is a key element to trying to sustain any level of success.<br /><br />If you have followed the business sections of the local papers (or nationally), you may have heard of a very successful man named Ted Leonsis. He happens to own the Washington Capitals hockey team as well as being the majority owner of the Washington Wizards. In a recent article in "The Hockey News," he was asked why he wanted to own a hockey team. I've noticed that as I am turning 33 in April, I seem to discover a lot of things about life that I am finding out there really is no road map for-like how to embrace a challenge. Some people always run away, and yet others go toward them-even when the risks are too high. Leonsis stated that owning the Capitals was an opportunity you could not get anywhere else: In the National Hockey League, there are 30 teams. But only one will win the Stanley Cup. Not everyone has the ability to want to participate in that kind of challenge.<br /><br />At the end of the article, though, he made a compelling point which was the inspiration to write this latest rendition of my blog. "As an owner, your job is to set the strategy, articulate the vision, provide the resources, and be very, very, passionate and an advocate for your product. If you're obsessive about all the things that are in your control, you are creating a culture that will allow excellence and success to flourish. I can't play, but I can make the players' locker room is really clean and the water in their showers is hot."<br /><br />I often ask myself what I am in control of. Am I in control of my stuttering? Yes. I can control the ability to go to speech therapy and commit myself to practicing the techniques I have learned. Am I control of the economy? No, but that doesn't mean I can't take advantage of every chance I have to refine my interviewing abilities. I am in control of what I want out of life. We all make resolutions, and by the first hour, 99.9 percent of them are already broken. Well, maybe it's time to control that from happening again. I have lots of things I want to control. Some of them will pop up at a random moment. Regardless, I've never been so happy to say I care too much. I will always be like that. There is a knight, who is often inexperienced, but pure of heart. The thirties really is the start of my life. And no matter what happens, I'll never stop caring about any person-whether they stutter or not.<br /><br />I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to those readers of my blog, and a Happy Hanukkah & Kwanzaa. May you celebrate safely and with the ones you love.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters (and cares). Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-7798576587639252532010-12-16T12:01:00.000-08:002010-12-16T12:02:02.700-08:00If you really don't have anything nice to say......Hello everyone,<br /><br />As I was picking up my car today from the mechanic, I had to stop for a few moment and reflect on an interesting topic for this blog. The holidays are upon us, and although we associate them with the usual symbols: the lights, giving of gifts, the mad rush of shoppers at the local mall, sometimes we also neglect to include the need to not say things that eat away at people's very existence of being. I am a strong advocate of being outspoken, especially about things that I am passionate about, such as the National Stuttering Association. But no matter how old you are, sometimes the simple lesson of not saying anything nice if you don't have anything good to say seems to elude the most intelligent of people.<br /><br />Over breakfast, I was reading the sports section of Newsday, which is our daily publication here and the main source of news for all things Long Island. There was an article about the New York Islanders, which on most days I would have moved past, yet this was different. The Islanders are Long Island's NHL team, and are in serious danger of moving. Despite being a dynasty at one time and being the only U.S.-based team to win four straight championships, the team has continually struggled-failed rebuilds, poor management, an owner who wanted a new arena and complex and was denied it by the local governing board, and on a good night, may be lucky to draw 10,000 fans. Still, they have a loyal following, but these times are mightily testing the fans' patience.<br /><br />As the story goes, three of the Islanders players (James Wisniewski, Doug Weight, and Andrew MacDonald) were at a local hospital giving out gifts to children who were struggling with chronic illnesses, and trying to offer a temporary if not delightful respite from what they were having to face on a daily basis. One of the nurses, who was not identified in the story, happened to be a season ticket holder and decided to let the players know she felt, as the team had at one time lost 17 out of 18 games. According to Wisniewski, "She was saying nobody wants to go to your games, you've been giving tickets away for free. It was kind of like with that first comment, 'Whoa.' And then the second and third, it's to the point where we had to walk away. I'm a newlywed and I don't want to take my work home with me."<br /><br />We have all good days and bad days with our speech. Part of the challenge of being a person who stutters is not knowing when or where it may happen. I understand I get frustrated. I accept that 100 percent fluency is asking the impossible. But to have someone criticize me for something I can't control does sting, and I have to do what's right and walk away. There are many people out there who love to put down others because it makes them feel better about who they are. When I attended the job fair for people with disabilities in Washington DC last month, sure, I was the only one who stuttered. It is evident to anyone I meet once I open my mouth, they'll know I stutter. But I also met people who were blind, and deaf, and in wheelchairs. That certainly does not give me the right to ask about their issues. I am approachable and am happy to answer questions about stuttering. However, I respect the fact that some people do not want to talk about what they face. And that's fine too.<br /><br />Just reading that, I could not help but feel disgusted. And I would bet that now this story has run, her co-workers are going to be also embarrassed too. I always think about the famous line from "The Godfather" which goes, "Never embarrass the family." The National Stuttering Association means everything to me, it is my life. I do not want to do something that would embarrass them or myself.<br /><br />So if you ever feel angry and frustrated about your stuttering and want to lash out, before you do, take a look around and ask yourself: Can I deal with this in a better way? Of course. NSA chapters are thriving all across the USA, I would strongly encourage you to join one. It could be the greatest move you ever make. And you won't have to lecture any hockey players to do it either.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-7779998441336630472010-12-07T12:36:00.000-08:002010-12-07T12:37:39.619-08:00The biggest gifts need not be wrapped......Hello everyone,<br /><br />The mercury has finally dropped, and now I look forward to this time, although fleeting as it may be. I know the holiday season is in full effect, and everyone is ready to lose their mind, running around like a chicken with their head cut off. The crowds at Black Friday, the nerves getting ready to be frazzled. But I am not a holiday person, for the most part. I actually relish the cold weather because when I was growing up, I felt the cold winds acted as a protector from the negative feelings that would envelop me from my parents and classmates. The snow flurries would be grabbed by me, if only for a few seconds, then to turn to tears, as if to say "I understand what you are going through, and I will cry with you."<br /><br />Saturday night, Dec. 4, the National Stuttering Association chapters of Manhattan (New York County) and Long Island got together to host a holiday party. I know as the adage says there is always places to go, people to see, and we all run on different schedules. Some of us are struggling with a job search, others facing challenges raising children or having difficulty in relationships. But I always relish the times I can spend with my NSA colleagues. I emphatically believe we will always know each other better than anyone else can even begin to understand. After deciding against having a party at a restaurant, we chose to have a catered meal at a private party room on West 43rd between Eighth and Ninth Avenues, within striking distance of Times Square. Although I live 45 minutes from Pennsylvania Station, to me New York City might as well be a different world. Every time I go there I am awed, and yet I still feel like I don't belong.<br /><br />I caught the 6:16 train from Hicksville, and it was standing room only into the city. There was a cacaphony of conversations that going on, bombarding me from all sides: "Hey, did the Rangers play tonight?" "No, Megan, I don't have the kids, doesn't Uncle Joey have them?" And of course, there were just those trying to catch a nap or text their friends. But you couldn't help but notice that there were smiles, even if the times we are living in test us all times.<br /><br />I entered the private apartment building, and took the elevator up to the club level. After walking through the door, I was greeted by the chapter leader of the Manhattan chapter, and I was elated to see one of my chapter members join us. I also had the chance to exchange greetings with some other NSA members, one of which is a social worker and his lovely wife, who runs a fashion blog. And of course, more people filtered in, one of them being a first-time attendee to the National Stuttering Association conference this past July. We all sat down to a delicious dinner from Ben's Deli, a platter full of roast beef, turkey, corned beef, and pastrami, rye bread, pickles, cole slaw, potato salad, pizza, beer, wine. And although it probably went to my butt a few days later, that didn't matter to me at all. Neither did the fact that the beautiful buildings of NYC provided the backdrop.<br /><br />There's been so many sentiments echoed that the holidays are now all commercialized, and all that matters is how much you sell or buy. But I am also starting to unlearn many things that I learned growing up, and as I am 32, I'm beginning to see the world in many different ways. Those four hours I spent with my new friends and current ones meant more to me than any gift I could possibly get.<br /><br />Sometimes the best gifts aren't the ones that are wrapped. I know I can be my own worst enemy, and no one sees my flaws like I do. 2010 has been a year shaped by a lot of setbacks, and a lot of exciting things: the mission of the NSA is taking on a bigger meaning, stuttering awareness is becoming a major issue for a lot of people that needs to be shared. But the last few weeks are reminding me that New Year's Day is another chance to raise the bar even higher. I will do something great with my life. I am going to let the world know that no matter what happens, Steven Kaufman is not going anywhere.<br /><br />Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy Kwanzaa to all those who celebrate. May you be blessed and remember that you are somebody. I know I am.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-47378895393943810022010-12-02T19:12:00.000-08:002010-12-02T19:15:10.581-08:00Excuse me, Mr. Officer.......Good evening everyone,<br /><br />I have to admit that I am becoming really addicted to Facebook. For the longest time, me and technology might as well have been the equivalent of oil and water. Yet these days, social media has not only become a godsend to many of us, but an essential. When I was in high school, to have access to American Online made you stand out in a good way. To have a beeper was considered more of a fashion statement than anything else, but imagine going out today and not having a cell phone or a Bluetooth. Or even an Ipod, for that matter. Yes, I know I still need to get one. For the longest time I drove a 2000 Ford Focus that still had a tape deck, for crying out loud. But there were some good perks-I got some pretty good mileage out of my "Footloose" soundtrack. And hey, I did make a killing at used record stores buying a great deal of cassettes for $4 each.<br /><br />But more than anything, Facebook has given us a chance to connect with each other. I won't say it is a substitute for a phone call or a handwritten letter, but for members of the National Stuttering Association like myself, it's invaluable for us to share information and keep in touch throughout the year instead of sending 400+ emails in a month. I also look forward to seeing what people are up to. But sometimes you log on to Facebook and there is something that just catches your eye, and forces you to do a double-take. That happened a few days ago involving one of my good friends. This story is about a young woman named "Jasmime." Please note Jasmine is not her real name, it is used to protect her identity. Jasmine hails from West Virginia.<br /><br />I met Jasmine at an NSA conference in Scottsdale, Ariz., in 2009, and she is a person who stutters. Jasmine is very outgoing and enjoys a good time. She posted a conversation that took place with a police officer, and it really made me think about how the police officer conducted himself. Jasmine was apparently stopped by this officer very late on a Saturday morning. As most people would be, she began get a little apprehensive as the policeman approached. Jasmine started to stutter moderately and the officer assertively asked "Have you been drinking?" As she was getting flustered, and trying to explain that she had not been drinking, but she was stuttering, she turned to show the officer her "Stutter Like A Rock Star" bracelet, which was sold at the Cleveland conference. These pieces of apparel are the brainchild of a fellow NSA member who also has a well-followed blog, and who does a great deal of public speaking and advocates for people with disabilities. As Jasmine kept explaining, the officer had a look of suspicion, questioning whether she was being truthful or just trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation. After a long while, the police officer let her go.<br /><br />There are a couple of interesting angles to look at this situation from a person who stutters. Jasmine had every right to be angry, and most would be in that situation. The officer probably felt he was justified in doing this, because here is a young woman driving alone late at night. To have a sworn representative of the community, someone who is asked to uphold the laws act like this really could raise a few eyebrows. After all, isn't a police officer supposed to be respectful and tolerant of other people's disabilities?Many police departments when new recruits are getting ready to start their jobs, require "sensitivity training" to be aware of potential problems that might come across. Dealing with people of different faiths, or those who have life-threatening medical conditions, can be demanding at the very least. Which brings the question, why isn't stuttering in there? After all, stuttering is a very unique thing for many people. It isn't something that is dealt with on an everyday basis, unless you are one of the many who do.<br /><br />Now for the record, I need to say that I am not anti-law enforcement in any way. Ever since Sept. 11, 2001, we need to always remember when others ran away, police ran toward. I wear my New York Yankees hat not because I am a fan, but also because the "interlocking NY" represents the police and other agencies who answered the call when the Twin Towers fell that day. It only takes one negative experience to be remembered.In retrospect, the officer may have very well come across rude and insensitive. I believe he did. If anything, those who protect our community should be held to a higher standard in terms of their behavior. As a chapter leader for the National Stuttering Association, I always am visible and I have to hold myself accountable for what I say and do. If I don't, then maybe no one else will. There is nothing I enjoy most in the world, and I don't want to be some elected official who is caught doing something he or she shouldn't have, and then have to be red-faced and apologize.<br /><br />Regardless of what happens, I am sure Jasmine learned a valuable lesson that I remember every day: There are no off days when it comes to advocating for yourself, and educating others. There is more work to be done. My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-38669438487436850992010-11-26T11:27:00.000-08:002010-11-26T11:28:58.455-08:00Thank you for the memories........Hello everyone,<br /><br />"There's a lot of things I understand. And there's a lot of things I don't want to know."-from "I Think God Can Explain" by Splender.<br /><br />As I write this latest edition of my blog entry, I have to say that my mind has been experiencing the rollercoaster of emotions that come with the month of November. I find myself alternating between the excitement of the fall, the anticipation of the raw, piercing winds, the energies that surround me and allow me to feel so alive with the snow coming down, and yet the sadness that the holidays can bring. But sometimes we have to feel tragedy impact our lives and the actions of how we deal with these. They can bring us closer together, or envelop us in its self-destruction.<br /><br />Those who have read my blog know how aggressively I am involved with the National Stuttering Association. It is the greatest love of my life, and I give all praise and glory to them for allowing me to do what I do to help enrich the world of people who stutter. We are a family, and we look out for one another. I take my responsibilities seriously and hold myself accountable to everyone who stutters around the world. However, that family has been decreased by the loss of one of our members.<br /><br />I first met Chris Norman at the National Stuttering Association in Long Beach, Calif., in 2006, which was my inaugural conference. Chris was pursuing his speech language pathology degree and was a person who stutters. We have many members of our organization who stutter, yet are fiercely determined to be SLPs and help to give back to those who have to face this complex communicative disorder every day. At the time, he lived in Seattle and was a chapter leader for the Pacific Northwest region. We got along very well, and one of the many things that I treasure is that no matter where you live, there's a firm bond between people who stutter, and age doesn't matter at all. The NSA is one organization where age and gender mean absolutely nothing. We stayed in touch periodically through Facebook, and he eventually went on to the University of Nebraska at Lincoln for his doctorate. It seemed that he had decided his own path, and was doing very well in all his endeavors.<br /><br />Chris passed away early this month. I went on Facebook one day early this month and saw messages with "Rest In Peace" written on his page, which had been memorialized in his honor. Confused, I went on and began to read further. And it was like time had stood still. I just felt hypnotized by all these messages and didn't know what to do, or what to say. I went to work like I usually do, but yet that was all I could keep thinking about.<br /><br />When someone dies at an early age, it's normal to experience a multitude of emotions-shock, for one. Sadness. Anger. I spent many nights crying, feeling helpless and when you hear "Well, things happen for a reason," or "It was God's will," it doesn't make you feel any better and sounds truly condescending.<br /><br />When I was on America Online a while ago and each member had the option to set up a profile (man, I am that old to remember those days LOL), each user could include a personal quote. Now of course, some people decided to take liberties and make theirs perverted with double meanings. I chose to make mine simple, and I used a quote from the movie "Tomb Raider 2: Cradle of Life," which states "Everything that is lost is meant to be found."<br /><br />Yet the more I thought about that quote and how it related to Chris's death, I began to wonder if that is true. There will be many people looking for answers, myself included. His parents, his friends, his colleagues. In this case, we may never know what happened. I am a very easy person to read, and I am very outspoken-I wear my heart on my sleeve, and always will. Some are more reserved, maybe he was one of them. Perhaps the answers will be revealed in time, or not. Regardless, I was very lucky to know him. He was one of the very first people who stuttered I met at the NSA conference.<br /><br />There are times when I wonder what prevented me from taking my own life. The only thing I can think of is that someone up there believes in me very much. I am not religious at all, never have been. The only thing I believe in is the NSA. I have met so many remarkable people who stutter who have achieved tremendous success. As I am 32 now, maybe I am starting to see that I do have a very special gift-I can help others change their life. It won't happen overnight. But I can start to show others there is hope out there. I will be someone they can rely on and if someone hates stuttering, I will be the first one to talk with them and offer help in any way I can.<br /><br />Thank you for the memories, Chris. The pleasure of meeting you was all mine.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-10876854576938797632010-11-19T20:19:00.001-08:002010-11-19T20:19:56.935-08:00And now, live from the city of red, white, and blue, it's stuttering advocacy!!!Hello everyone,<br /><br />There's an old saying that states "You'll have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead." We have all had times in our life when we feel tired, so beaten down that we are ready to raise the white flag and throw away everything that we have worked so hard for. Friday for many people marks the start of the weekend, when your brain slowly begins to shut down in anticipation of happy hour and a chance to relax. Maybe this is me, but Friday doesn't mark the start of a weekend-it's a chance to start laying the foundation for another quest, one to find employment and represent myself proudly as a person who stutters.<br /><br />Yesterday, I left Long Island for Baltimore-Washington International Airport, via Southwest Airlines. My final destination? The city of Washington, DC. For those who have read my blog, I have spoken greatly of this jewel of a city that I have come to embrace as my own. For the longest time, Washington has been known as home to The White House, and for having a very high homicide rate. But if you look beyond that, you will find something so much more. I firmly believe that people come down to our capital to work for a goal bigger than themselves. Some come to create new laws, others come to join forces with nonprofits and make their mark on this world. Whenever I walk out of Union Station onto the streets, there's just a pulsating energy that I can't explain in words. It's an indescribable feeling when I was riding the Metro from Pentagon City (just outside Washington in the Commonwealth of Virginia) and as I was en route to L'Enfant Plaza, passing the skyline and seeing the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, the Washington Monument, and the Capitol.<br /><br />Washington is a city where something is always going on. And Friday, there was a very unique events. There's a Long Island-based company called Equal Opportunity Publications that hosts a special job fair for people with disabilities. 80 percent of the employers are federal, but there are a few private sector ones represented. I'd be incredibly naive if I said that my stuttering didn't create and challenges in my search for employment. It does, but at the same time, I have also seen different sides of humanity in the process. When I was waiting for the hotel shuttle, I recognized a man from the same fair I was at, who walked with a very visible limp. A person waiting for the bus couldn't stop staring at him. Yet on the other side of the coin, I met seekers who refuse to have their employment dictated by their disability, as I spoke with a very nice young woman seeking a librarian job, while her guide dog patiently sat at her side. I have attended this fair for a few years. And when they announced that candidates could go in, I could hardly wait for the challenge that lie ahead of me.<br /><br />In this day and age, we often have a "Well, what have you done for me mentality." But whenever I meet with an employer, I always stress the biggest positive I have: and that is my work with the National Stuttering Association. When people ask me what I do, I say I advocate, educate, and inspire. But I say it with such firm conviction and passion so that people believe it. The world is full of people who love to say whatever you want to hear, even if it's not true-just because you will approve of it. Sure, I had some strikeouts. Yet when you think about so much you gained, either way, it was an overwhelming success. And maybe the opportunities will materialize. They always do, one way or another.<br /><br />Another positive that came out of this fair was the chance to once again meet up with some local members of the NSA. You cannot estimate how much your life can change when you identify with others who experience the same things you do. A group of us had dinner and drinks at Fado's Irish Pub, right in the Chinatown section of DC. Sure, geographically, I was the outsider. But who knows......the Washington area may have a new resident soon.<br /><br />Natasha Bedingfield once said that the future is still unwritten. I think she's right, but the decisions we make will not just impact ourselves, but others. But one decision that will always guide me is the decision to use my stuttering for good-to help others, to bring them to the world of the NSA, and to continue remembering just why I do what I do. And if you should come visit Washington DC, you might just see me. But that's up to me to write. If it leads to a new chapter in my life, great. If not, I am going forward. It's the only way I know how to be.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-2799277633921023742010-11-14T19:07:00.001-08:002010-11-14T19:07:56.403-08:00Yes Mr. Valli, it was quite a night!!!!Good evening everyone,<br /><br />I have to start this off by saying that this will go down in history as one of the best nights ever experienced as a person who stutters. There are moments I can count one hand that clearly qualify as unforgettable: The first time I ever did public speaking, the first conference I ever attended, the first motivational seminar I presented, the awards I have been recognized with for my achievements. But there comes a time when something so powerful, so prominent, so full of hope and inspiration, just makes you know that the world is ready to see what great things can come from those who stutter everywhere.<br /><br />The National Stuttering Association was very lucky to get opening night passes to the premiere of "The King's Speech" on Monday, Nov. 8, at the famed Ziegfeld Theatre, located at West 54th Street between Sixth and Seventh Avenues in New York City. Although I live 45 minutes away from Penn Station via the Long Island Railroad, very rarely will I go into the city-unless I am checking out a karaoke bar or visiting a museum. Most of my life takes place on Long Island, although I do have a goal that I want to explore New York City and all it has to offer. Within an hour, there were about 70 of those passes all gone. I was one of the recipients of those passes, and was very excited to go into the city. Movie premieres are not the glam-fest that you are led to believe they are on the E! Channel. A great deal of work goes into them, every move needing to be carefully synchronized in its rhythm. Thankfully, there was one thing left to do, and that was to show up. I decided to leave my tuxedo at home, though. I wore my "power suit" if you want to call it that (gray pinstripe) and felt like a million dollars.<br /><br />It's always a thrill for me to catch up with my fellow members of the NSA. The New York City area has a thriving presence, with chapters on Long Island and in Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan. But of course, we are all running on different schedules and some have families to provide for, so we relish the opportunities to see everyone where we can. I ran into the chairman of the Board of Directors at the premiere, as well as a prominent SLP who runs the "Stuttertalk" podcast dedicated to all things stuttering, from therapy to new pharmaceutical breakthroughs.<br /><br />"The King's Speech," which was released by The Weinstein Company, focuses on King George VI and the stammering issue he must face. When the film is viewed, it's important to keep in mind the time that the film takes place in. Some of the techniques used really made me raise my eyebrow, but back then speech therapy was not as sophisticated and current like today. One practitioner actually encourages the use of smoking as a relaxing agent (If only I had a dollar for every time I heard "Relax" by a friend or passerby, another one suggested the use of stuffing marbles into one's mouth and trying to speak. The film was introduced by Harvey Weinstein himself, followed by Tom Hooper (the director) and two of the stars, Colin Firth, and Helena Bonham Carter. (Geoffrey Rush could not attend).<br /><br />What particularly stood out to me as how the film is not just realistic, but goes to such great pains to pay special attention to the emphasis on the relationship between King George VI (Firth) and his speech therapist, Lionel Logue (Rush). There are many SLPs who really do not care to explore the relationship more than they are the therapist, and they are getting paid by the patient. It may have taken me several years to find a good speech therapist, but the one I have is not just my therapist. He is a friend, a mentor, and someone who challenges me. He knows I can be anything I want to be, and more. Isn't that what the true measure of a man is-someone who knows that you are a person with a special gift that when fully developed, can lead to big things? You could be an athlete. You could be an attorney. Or, you could even be KING and lead your country through times of turmoil.<br /><br />I cannot stress how important this movie is. They say there are no guarantees in life other than death and taxes. Well, maybe there's the HBO guarantee of a new movie every Saturday night...yes, I know I am way off base here. I can guarantee that you will hear about the film come Oscar time. At the end, there was a prolonged round of applause, and loud cheers when Firth's and Rush's names were seen at the credits.<br /><br />As I was riding home on the Long Island Railroad that night, I couldn't help but think about this analogy for my speech. The Hicksville line takes you through Queens County, and you can actually see the Queensboro Bridge as you ride past. Of course, it was all lit up. And I felt like I had crossed the bridge into another world-where stuttering doesn't have to define you. In this age, it seems like there is a "vortex of negativity" where everyone is trying to put each other down. I know there will be many days like that, but just once in a while, you have days (and nights) like this when you realize just maybe, you have a place in this world. It's up to us to determine how big it is.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-61896002620982893062010-11-04T12:53:00.000-07:002010-11-04T13:00:05.853-07:00Dear Mr. President.....Hello everyone,<br /><br />I decided to do something a little bit different for this posting of my blog, and attempt something I have never done before. As a person who stutters and one who considers it a disability, I wanted to send a very special letter to the current President of the United States, who launched a directive to have federal agencies increase hiring of people with disabilities. This is perhaps the greatest piece of writing I will ever do in my life.<br /><br />Thanks for letting me share.<br /><br />-SK.<br /><br />Re: Disability rights initiative<br /><br />Dear President Obama:<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a 32-year old man writing to you from the suburbs of Long Island, New York. It is with great respect and honor that I have the opportunity to contact you as one of the many fellow Americans who turn to you for leadership and guidance. I have no doubt that the overwhelming majority of letters you receive are related to health care and the economy. But my letter is something unique because it is not about those concerns at all. In fact, my letter is something I am very passionate about: disability rights.<br /><br />While I do struggle with characteristics of Asperger's, that is not the biggest challenge I have faced in my life. Ever since age three, I have stuttered. My stuttering has been classified as mild-to moderate. On some days I can maintain a rate of being 80 percent fluent, yet on others, I will struggle mightily. It often ebbs and flows, and I accept the fact that I will always have good days and bad days. Growing up as a young man through high school and college was perhaps some of the most trying times in life, facing consistent teasing and bullying, almost driving me to the point of suicide. When you try to walk up to someone and start a conversation, it can be the most daunting task of all. You don't feel bad because you stutter, you feel bad for the person who has to hear it. All of a sudden, you feel like the petri dish under the microscope, and all the scrutiny focuses directly at you.<br /><br />There are many misconceptions about stuttering out there, and unfortunately, those are what the world chooses to see. The worst kinds of examples you can see are Michael Palin's character in "A Fish Called Wanda," or Porky Pig doing his infamous "Th-th-th-that's all ffffolks" routine. In the past thirty years, we have risen above that and have seen many people use their stuttering to bring about sweeping changes today. Your colleague, Vice-President Joe Biden, has spoken about his stuttering publically in various interviews. Congressman Frank Wolf of West Virginia was also a person who stutters. James Earl Jones, one of the greatest actors in America, had a severe stutter, as did Marilyn Monroe, whose image as a sex symbol still stands with her many years after her death. Winston Churchill, the former prime minister of England stuttered and is known as one of the greatest orators of his day.<br /><br />Many presidents (former as well) have stressed throughout their time in office that the greatest act of courage an American citizen can do is to volunteer and support local services that benefit others. For the longest time I was angry and hurting, and gave those feelings a voice by getting involved with an organization that changed my life: the National Stuttering Association. Headquartered in New York City, we are a strictly volunteer-driven, and our goal to reach out and help educate and empower children, teens, and adults who stutter. Our annual conferences are very close to breaking the 700-800 mark, and for four days we come together to celebrate everything that stuttering is, and what it can be. It is truly a very special and poignant time in everyone's life where we can all say that in this crazy world we live in, that we are strong. We are powerful, and most importantly, we can make a difference. We have members who stutter who are doctors, lawyers, and most proudly, speech pathologists. Once again, when he was a state senator from Delaware, Mr. Biden addressed our attendees at our conference held in Baltimore. I am the Long Island chapter leader, and have been so for three years now. It is the greatest honor I will ever have in my life, and I am humbled at being given the chance to lead and help others in my position.<br /><br />There is no denying that stuttering does play a significant role in job-searching. For many people who stutter, they sacrifice chances to obtain meaningful employment to work at a menial position because of their guilt and shame. There are many people who would love to study higher education and start pursuing professional employment, but are truly frightened by what their speech might do to them. For the longest time, I was like that. I am very proud that I stutter and my work with the NSA is features prominently on my resume. Many employers are reluctant to hire a person who stutters because they are fearful of their abilities to have good communication skills. But I can say emphatically that there is a major difference. Do not the confuse to speak with the ability to communicate. There is absolutely no problem with being a person who stutters and one who communicates effectively.<br /><br />As per an executive order issued directly by you, you had ordered all federal agencies to increase their hiring for people with disabilities. You have leveled the playing field to give people with disabilities a good chance to find work in the federal government. I have applied for numerous jobs under the Schedule A Hiring Authority, and will continue to do so. I am going to work for the federal government someday.<br /><br />Sometimes you may wonder at the end of the work day if your policies will have a significant impact. Well, I can say this one resonated with me and others who have disabilities. I know stuttering is just one-there are others who have far worse disabilities than I have-paralysis, deafness, and so on. But together we are all equal. We all have the right to work and be productive. Most importantly, we have the right to be understood and to be treated as a person without labels or stereotypes. I am not a stutterer. I am, and always will be, a person who stutters.<br /><br />Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, President Obama. I understand you get more than 20,000 letters and can only respond to a select few. But I am a firm believer that a revolution of change can start with one person. I'm doing my part, and you are doing yours too to help make this world a better place for people with disabilities.<br /><br />Good luck with your presidency and continued success to you always.<br /><br /> Sincerely yours,<br /><br /><br /><br /> Steven KaufmanSteven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5302870823102468142.post-84184817764614752342010-10-24T18:26:00.001-07:002010-10-24T18:26:57.529-07:00These boots....no, make that these halls are made for walkingHello everyone,<br /><br />I wanted to start off this latest entry of the blog by asking a familar question: Have you ever had to go back to the scene of the crime? You probably know what I am talking about-you may have done something wrong and had to go back and apologize to the person(s) offended, you could have had a bad experience and never wanted to go back, but there were circumstances that made this choice unavoidable? Well, that was me just about three weeks ago. I, too, returned to the "scene of the crime," and no, it did not have tape or any law enforcement personnel. It was a brick building which I spent four years in from 1992-1996. Yes, you figured it out, high school.<br /><br />I had decided to sign up for a local adult education class which was sponsored by my school district. It was to be an Excel for beginners class. Now I do have experience with the program, but you can never go wrong with taking a brushup class and keeping your skills sharp. When I found out where it was, I was startled and began to sweat. The class was being taught on the second floor of my high school in the business wing. At first, I didn't think anything of it. Then when I turned into the parking lot, right off Kennedy Drive, I could feel the intense fear, which had been repressed for so long, starting to ooze to the surface, like a shark smelling blood in the water. On the outside, things hadn't changed all that much. Well, there was a digital mesage board welcoming you, and it was evident that there had been a fresh coat of paint (or two) on the marquee and in the lunchroom, which I could see from the outside.<br /><br />As I walked through the doors, I began to feel that my heart was beginning to squeeze in my chest a little tighter. It's OK, I told myself, I am feeling anxious and this is normal. While in the lobby, I couldn't help but decide to walk to the right, and see if the nurse's office was where I remembered it. As I walked closer, I could hear the screams from the two volleyball teams that were playing each other yet it might as well have been the cruel teasing and alienation I felt. The janitor had not locked the door at that time, so I decided to go in. For those of you who have read my blog, you have understood how for so many periods, these 42 minutes I had to myself were 42 minutes of solitude and a place where I could escape everything. I never dared tell my parents where I was or why I chose to spend time there. I sat on the bed, closed my eyes, and just fell into a deep reflection. I could feel a shift coming on in my thinking. But I knew I had to remain steadfast. You are not the same person, I said to myself. You have achieved so much and come so far in a few years. The words you say no longer hurt, they empower and inspire.<br /><br />When I left the office, I could not help but feel like I had undergone a spiritual cleansing, a rebirth if you will. Our scars never do go away, but every year they grow a little smaller. Whenever we take a step forward in accepting our speech, they also shrink. I noticed that the world of high school never really has changed all that much. Well, there were a few aesthetic changes. The high school radio station, WPOB/88.5, was moved up from downstairs to the main level of the building.<br /><br />I already feel like a young veteran in the eyes of the National Stuttering Association, since I have attended five conferences and next year in Fort Worth will be my sixth. I always used to grow up thinking and with good reason that high school sets the tone for the rest of your life. After all, there are many people who still haven't changed, who act like every day is another day at the gym, fooling around, trying to be ultra-cool to impress everyone. Yet I have met so many teens who clearly can prove otherwise. They are confident, they know who they are, and they are ready to make their mark on the world. And they do stutter, some are mild, others are moderate-but they know that at all times the National Stuttering Association is with them. I may have found out about them too late, but I have also learned one thing that is paramount above all-it's never too late to inspire. It's never too late to help someone grow up into a new person. And it's never too late to confront your past and let it know who is in control.<br /><br />My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.Steven Kaufmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08430589015907674947noreply@blogger.com1