Out of the blue is not just a Debbie Gibson song....

Good evening everyone,

The last precious few days of 2008 are coming to an end, but I wanted to use today's entry to talk about the feeling when you are surprised. Now I know there are some people out there who absolutely hate surprises, and probably with good reason-whether it's a birthday party, or even if it's good news, just the word surprise is enough to strike panic into the most battle-hardened of people. Of course, on the opposite end, you have people who are absolutely joyful and thrilled to get surprised. It comes out of the blue, and that is why I stated that "Out of the Blue" is not just a song from a glorious decade.

This past weekend, I received two emails from my teammates at the NSA. Those who read my blog know that when I speak of the NSA, I never say I have "friends" there, but rather "teammates." One of them is like myself, she's a "young veteran" who has already attended several conferences. The other is a graduate student in speech pathology down in Florida who I know from two conferences. Unfortunately, he did not make it to North Jersey for the 2008 go-round, and I don't know if he'll make it to Arizona. I hadn't spoken to him in almost a year, and one day, he left a message on my cell phone. I sent him an email reply, because the message was missing a phone number. But to get that message was unexpected and it brought a smile to my face.

I've mentioned the word "camaraderie" so many times on this blog that it may sound trite, but we, as members of such an amazing community, can affect one another's lives. We all run on different schedules, with deadlines and projects to do, bills to pay. Sometimes we travel on business, others for pleasure. If you ever find yourself in an area where you know an NSA member, by all means contact them! Ask them to get together for dinner, or a drink. I've had the pleasure of meeting up with teammates in Boston, New York County (Manhattan), Washington, DC, even the opposite side of New York...Erie County (Buffalo), and yes it was a long drive but so worth it. When you have the chance to interact and spend time with fellow teammates, the rewards really do go both ways. And if you're a first-timer with us for conferences, get out there and meet people! Take the bull by the horns, go up and introduce yourself. You too can build your own network-so when someone comes up to you and says "Do you know ________, you can say "Of course!"

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Do you believe in miracles? I do!

There are certain words in today's world that apply to many different things. One of those, in my opinion, is "miracle." How many of us have really seen, or been, part of a miracle? Well, it depends on who you ask. A die-hard sports fan would tell you a miracle might be what the U.S. Men's Olympic Ice Hockey Team did in Lake Placid, N.Y. A family struggling with a terminal illness might have witnessed a miracle if their child or member suddenly recovers and leads a productive life. Or sometimes, a miracle can just be what it is...a miracle. Today I was watching "A Walk To Remember" on DVD, which happens to be one of the many movies that I count as my favorite. If you want to laugh at me because it's a so-called "chick flick," go right ahead. But it's not. The movie is based on the best-seller by Nicholas Sparks, about a young man facing a brush with the law after a dangerous stunt backfires. He eventually crosses paths with a minister's daughter, and the two are polar opposites, yet they somehow form a good friendship, and that develops into love...which is severely tested when he finds out she has leukemia. Unfortunately, she loses her battle at the end of the movie, but not before Landon marries Jaime. A few years later, Landon meets up with her father, and he is now headed for medical school. Landon though apologizes for not being able to show Jaime a miracle. Her father replies, "She did see a miracle. It was you."

If you had to ask me what a miracle was, I can give you proof of one: The National Stuttering Association. Before I found the NSA, I was so alone and feeling like a prisoner in my own private hell. I know now that getting on that Jetblue flight to Long Beach was the best decision I ever made. Three years have passed since that day. Am I the same person? Absolutely not. Sure, I wish some things in my life were different....we all do. I'd like to be working full-time. But I know miracles exist. I have teammates who encourage me, as I encourage them. I found my voice. I found my passion. I found that there is no limit to how far I can go. And most importantly, I found some of the most compassionate, amazing people on this earth.

The tag line for the movie says "It all comes down to who's by your side." I know who's by my side...and it's the NSA. If you stutter, please let the NSA stand by your side as well. Check them out at http://www.westutter.com, and call 1-800-WE-STUTTER. I know there is a person out there who can be part of their own miracle, and with the NSA's help, we'll make it happen.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Good times and good cheer....

Hello everyone,

According to the http://www.dictionary.com web site, the word "camaraderie" is defined as good fellowship or comradeship. I've mentioned that word frequently when it comes to the National Stuttering Association. I firmly believe that word, in all its succinctness, defines the NSA. There is passion. There is an incredible desire to make our voices heard. But more than anything else, we have an amazing level of camaraderie that is unmatched anywhere.

On Saturday, December 13, I had the pleasure of attending a holiday party that was hosted by the Manhattan (New York County) chapter. It is always an honor for me to attend any activities where the NSA is center stage. I contacted the chapter leader of the group, and asked if he would open it up to other NSA chapters in the area, and he gladly said yes. I contacted several other chapters, such as Queens County (Queens), Kings County (Brooklyn), Central Jersey, South Jersey, and my chapter members. I was counting down the days until this event could take place, and it was so worth the wait.

There were about twelve people who joined us for dinner. The 5:53 train from Hicksville en route to Penn Station could not have gotten there fast enough. It's so much fun living in the suburbs, but I digress LOL. We started the evening off by enjoying a hearty meal at Dallas BBQ in Times Square, 221 West 42nd Street between Seventh & Eighth Avenue. It was great to see everyone, and I was able to catch up with the Queens chapter leader, who was the very well-deserved recipient (along with his colleagues) of the Chapter of the Year Award for Lousiana-LaFayette. We had good conversation, just laughing, talking, being. For the first time in a long while, we could all forget about the world's troubles..the struggles of the economy, the politics going on. Afterward, we all hopped on the subway and hit up Sing Sing Karaoke, in the St. Marks neighborhood. What a fantastic time it was! We had everything from Billy Joel to Nancy Sinatra to Baby One More Time....the person who sang that will remain nameless of course. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I just might be falling in love with everything the NSA stands for. There are different kinds of love of course-you can love your parents, you can love your pet, you can love the city you live in-and you can love an ideal or a philosophy. I love everyone at the NSA, and I love the values we share with each other. David Archuleta, the runner-up for "American Idol" may have been right: "This crush isn't going away." My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted, and make you voice heard.

I lost my public speaking virgnity and I'm not sorry!

They say you never forget your first time. No, get your mind out of the gutter, I don't mean that kind of first time....I mean, in terms of public speaking. Being a person who stutters, it's no secret that at one time for me, having to perform thing action resulted in anxiety levels that were off the charts. Just imagine having to give that oral presentation in your high school Spanish class, or reaching out to an audience to give an address. The thought of your mouth opening and the chord locking severely, failing to get the words out, is enough to make you want to be anywhere else...like in the dentist's chair having root canal. Last year, that all changed for me. It all started when I was asked by the executive director of the NSA if I would be interested in speaking to a graduate-level class of speech pathology students. I jumped at the chance to do so. One part of me knew this would be a major step. Another had a whole other viewpoint, and it wasn't flattering. Fear has many variables to it. Some will tell you it can be an excellent motivator for some. Others will say it can unleash paralyzing power over you, so much to the point where you don't want to live. Or say what you want. Well, I spoke at that appearance. Did I block a couple of times? Sure. There were times my tongue was stuck on a consonant and all I could think of was that dreaded "wheel spinning in the snow" image. But snow be damned, I spoke what was on my mind...and I could have floated home on the adrenaline high I experienced. Fast forward to one year later, and I returned the scene where I took a major step forward. I was contacted once again by this same professor and on Tuesday, I made a trip up to Mercy College. Mercy College is a private school located in the bedroom community of Dobbs Ferry in Westchester County, about half an hour from the Bronx County-Westchester County line, which officially divides the city limits from the suburbs. I still consider Westchester the unofficial sixth borough of New York, but that's semantics. I made it up there at 3:15, and waited about two hours to speak, this time to a much bigger class and a bigger room. But I can say this with pride, for the first time in my life, my stuttering took a backseat. I was an engaging, interactive speaker, even one who jazzed it up with a little game and humming a few karaoke lines. The day after I went to my weekly speech therapy appointment, and my speech therapist was beaming with great pride. He told me that I will never ever go back to the way I used to speak. Yes, I'll have good days. And I'll have bad days. But I embrace public speaking, and so should you. You don't have to give an oral address if you don't want to. But every step you take, is one step closer to fully accepting that public speaking is fun. It does not have to be scary. Talk to a passerby on the street. Go into a local cafe and start chatting about organic products. Anything you want. When I gave my "A is for Attitude" seminar, I made a reference to the NBC series "Fear Factor." Every time in the opening sequence, the host, Joe Rogan, would gather six contestants in a remote location stating that "All of you have been gathered here to do one thing: look fear straight in the eye." As a person who stutters, I faced my "Fear Factor" and won....four years ago, I could never have seen myself presenting to my fellow colleagues and peers. Now, I want to do more public speaking. You never have to be frightened of public speaking. The NSA's teammates will be there to stand up with you. My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted, and make your voice heard.

From the other side of the world....

Hello everyone,

A few days ago I had the pleasure of receiving an email from the executive director of the National Stuttering Association. For those of you out there who are people who stutter or speech therapists (and future ones too), I strongly insist you take the time to get to know her and the values she stands for. It can be almost impossible to measure someone's heart, but when the annual NSA conference grows to bring more people every year, so does her heart.

However, the email is different. The email was not written by her, but rather a person who stutters on the other side of the world. The NSA conference is rapidly becoming an international melting pot, and one of the pleasures I take from attending is not only to interact with attendees from different countries, but learn about their lifestyles and the customs. This past year, we had Canada, Ireland, New Zealand, and our absolutely breathtakingly inspiring keynote speaker from Sweden. A person e-mailed Tammy asking for their message to be forwarded to me, and it was. It was very amazing to read, and if you need proof that the NSA reaches all countries and touches us all, here it is.

This email was sent from Switzerland and was in response to my "A is for Attitude" article that was published in the "Letting Go" newsletter. My article is about struggling to find legal employment and having to be told by an attorney that my speech was the main reason why. The person who wrote to me is an attorney, who has been out of work since Jan. 1. What I found very interesting was his comment "I have faced hatred from very few people. You won't change these few by changing yourself, believe me. There are simply people that just won't hire us, period."

One of my favorite movies, "Batman Begins," has a quote from a scene where Bruce Wayne (before he develops the Batman persona) is confronting Carmine Falcone, a crime boss in the city. And Falcone says, "You always fear what you don't understand." And it's true, to an extent. We are reluctant to approach certain people, or maybe we avoid eating certain food because we are scared we won't like it." There are many people who don't understand stuttering, or just don't want to it, rather, they accept the media's portrayal of it. The Porky Pig example, Miley Cyrus making a reference to it in "See You Again," Michael Palin's character in "A Fish Called Wanda." But sometimes you can reach one person. One of the NSA support groups recently went out to dinner together and when the waitress tried to finish their sentences, the members spoke up and said something. I applaud that. All it takes is one example. Sure, maybe everyone won't notice. But to those who do see it, you stand out stronger.

Sometimes it's scary to not know what the future holds. After all, only one person claimed to know, and that's Nostradamus. I don't even know if he was even true, but as a person who stutters, I know what my future holds-unlimited promise. Hope springs eternal, after all. You don't have to wait for the week to end to decide to make a new goal, or commit to changing yourself. But whatever you decide to do, surround yourself with positive people and influences. I have never forgiven my parents for not being more accepting of my decision to go to Long Beach, Calif., but the results have spoken for themselves and it's still paying dividends. If it wasn't for some encouragement from NSA members and all my teammates (I don't like to say I have friends at the NSA, but rather teammates) I don't know where I'd be. No matter how small you think your world is, someone out there understands. My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted, and make your voice heard.

Why I Am Thankful for the NSA and More.....

Hello everyone,

To all those who are reading this blog, Happy Thanksgiving. Some of you may have spent it with loved ones enjoying a nice feast. Others may have sat in their familiar couch watching football, and some may have spent it in an airport delayed, but hopefully not.

For me, Thanksgiving has taken on a very poignant meaning in my life ever since three years ago. I have an estranged relationship with my family, but this is not the right forum to discuss that. On this holiday, we take time to reflect on what we are thankful for-our friends, our freedom and security, and many other reasons. But there's one driving force in my life that I am thankful for above all else...and that's being not just a member, but a chapter leader for the National Stuttering Association.

I often speak of how I don't have "friends" at the NSA, but rather "teammates." One of the themes I often stress at my chapter meetings is camraderie. I don't know of any other organization which has so much of this quality but here. I truly love my teammates at the NSA and what they bring. We have different perspectives and sometimes we live our lives by different philosophies, yet our bonds cannot be penetrated.

Last year at the conference at North Jersey, it was a very emotional time for me. You could say I grew up in Parsippany and became a man. I will no longer make jokes about the Siberia that lies when you cross the George Washington Bridge...last one. During the last few moments of the closing banquet, which is always an emotional time because you won't see each other until next year, and that's not always guaranteed-no one knows what the future will bring, I began to break down and cry, not because I was sad, but because I was so very happy. I was so very thankful, and one of the chapter leaders from the West Coast said, "Do you realize how lucky you are to be part of an amazing organization? Many people don't have that." I am thankful.....in so many ways for what the NSA gave me. It gave me freedom. It showed me fear doesn't have to paralyze you. And more than anything, it gave me my life. For the first time, my life is just starting. Yes, physically, I may be 30, and will be 31 in August, but I feel like my big old adventure is just starting. I will screw up. I will fail on several things. But with the NSA standing by my side, I am not afraid.

I am so thankful for the National Stuttering Association. I pledged to join their Change for the Better program, because it's the right thing to do. I have given my time, and my energy, and I am so thankful that I can make a positive impact. What scares me the most is someday the NSA may close its doors. I am thankful that with all those who are committed, it will never ever to have happen. Imagine a world where the NSA didn't exist-I don't want to, and for people who stutter, they shouldn't have to.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Lessons from Alexander Ovechkin and Wayne Gretzky....

Hello everyone,

For those who don’t know me, I am a very passionate hockey fan. Growing up as a person who stutters, high school was an absolute nightmare for me in so many ways. I wouldn’t want to relive those days in any manner, yet one part of me does feel for the high school students of today: The social jungle is now more intense than it ever was. When I was in high school, the most guys had to worry about (at least the so-called ‘cool ones’) was wondering if they’d lose their virginity at the senior prom. Now there’s online bullying, and violence. It’s hard enough to deal with the freshman-to-senior years. As a person who stutters, it was the equivalent of solitary confinement.

Saturday nights for many students were spent either working or hanging out in the teen clubs. For me, you’d find me watching a hockey game. I am a big New Jersey Devils fan, but in the days before the Prudential Center got built, it was too far of a drive, so I’d go to the Nassau Coliseum to watch Islanders games. But I wasn’t so caught up in who scored and in what style, I saw myself a student of the game. I loved watching the intricacies of chemistry develop, and watching lesser-skilled players getting the most out of what abilities they had. And those who had no abilities could contribute in another way.

When I got The Hockey News 2008-09 yearbook, there was a cover story on Alexander Ovechkin. This naturally piqued my interest, because I am a huge fan of his. OK, I used to live in Maryland, so I’m partial to the Capitals somewhat. The Capitals were rewarded for finishing dead last a few years ago, and took him with the first overall pick. Not only he has turned the District of Columbia into Hockeytown USA, but he’s rubbed off on casual fans as well as die-hards with his exuberance, joy for life. There was one quote that caught my attention, and please let me share it with you:

“Have fun and no speed limits.”

For a long time, I was my own prisoner living in confinement, surrounded by vocal chains that trapped my larynx. I had gone through maybe seven speech therapists in five years, learning so many different techniques. If I began to block on a sentence, I’d reverse my way of thinking and use a different form of fluency, and that only led to more blocking, which would be severe. I felt like I was setting myself up for failure. My self-esteem was basically nonexistent.

We all have our days when we feel like the animated character who walks around with the raincloud over his head. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I don’t apologize for it one bit. But I can say this emphatically-if you set speed limits, and you are negative all the time, you’ll be speeding-in the absolute wrong direction.

It took me thirty years to learn that lesson. Hey, some might say better late than never. I know some people who still are the same person and they’re never going to change. I’m not writing this to pass judgment on people. What I believe, and know, is that I’m going to have fun. I don’t care how long it takes me to get a sentence out. I’m not going to put speed limits on myself. Life isn’t a race. Life isn’t about winning because you have the most toys.

Life is about DOING. It’s about BEING. It’s about giving of yourself and not expecting anything in return. It’s about reaching out to help others and giving back. That’s why I joined the National Stuttering Association. I didn’t join for personal glory or recognition. And you know what? I can say that joining the NSA was the best decision of my life. For once, I took a chance on myself.

Wayne Gretzky once had a brilliant quote: “100 percent of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.”

Take a lesson from Alexander Ovechkin and Wayne Gretzky…I think they know what they are talking about.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Thursday night is NSA night!

Hello everyone,

When you mention Thursday night to most people, it means different things for different people. At one time, Thursday night meant Must-See TV for NBC. Others, it's a signal the work week is so very close to ending. For Pittsburghians, this past Thursday night was another chance for the Steel City to remind the NFL their defense means zero tolerance. But for me, once a month, the third Thursday is a special evening. It's my time....for the National Stuttering Association Long Island chapter.

I have been a chapter leader of the Long Island region for the NSA for a little over a year now. And while I admit I was so nervous about, it is the biggest source of joy and pride I have in my life. It's such an amazing feeling to give back and help others who stutter in their journey to self-acceptance. I like to say I don't have friends at the NSA....I have TEAMMATES.

The Long Island chapter was started by a local speech pathologist who lives in my hometown. Eventually, she asked me to come on board as co-leader, and later on, take over the chapter. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, probably even more so than I was flying to the conference at Long Beach, Calif. But I also began to feel a deep passion and commitment already brewing, and one that to me, is never going to be extinguished.

The chapters of the NSA range not only in location, but number of members. From big city to suburbs, large numbers and small, we are as each unique as we are similar. My chapter is composed of people from different backgrounds, some young professionals, others are older with a wealth of experience that continue to teach us. This past meeting, for example, we talked about how Thanksgiving was coming up and what we have to be thankful for as people who stutter. I realize that it is not often easy for a person who stutters to express their thoughts, but these groups are so much more than support. It's camaraderie. I know I say that word so often one might think it's a cliche, but it's true. No one has to feel ashamed or embarassed in our environment, we are all in good company. And when we leave, we do so knowing that we've taken one more step on that journey. Our chapter has about seven members, and they are very insprational people.

A couple of conferences ago, we had a keynote speaker who spoke about a woman who stuttered who attended a support group meeting one time, but never ever returned, despite being encouraged to do so. The speaker surmised that the thought of possibly being fluent was enough to frighten her away. I am sure many chapter leaders have had that experience, with a person who comes once and never returns again. I genuinely look forward to the third Thursday of every month, where I can greet my chapter members and talk with them, listen to their thoughts, and offer suggestions and a place for them to call home. These chapter meetings are my home, and so is the NSA conference. In 2009, you will find me in Maricopa County, Ariz., (Scottsdale, to be precise) learning, laughing, crying, and relating to all people who stutter.

Last week, I was reading The Sporting News, and an article caught my attention because it was written about Matt Ryan, the rookie quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons. I'm not a fan of the Falcons, but I do follow them a little more closely because our keynote speaker at the conference was Arthur Blank, the team's owner. The article mentioned an anecdote about the players commenting on how Matt Ryan has "It." You really don't know how to describe "It," but you know when someone has "it." I mean, I used to think "It" referred to a killer clown in a Stephen King book. Thank you for laughing.....LOL. The truth be told, at our conference in Parsippany, N.J., we had over 650 people who stutter who had "It." "It" can be anything you want....but I can only hope any person who stutters attends the 2009 conference...because they will leave having "It."

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

It took me forever to get here......

"I'm sorry I'm late...it took me forever to get here."
"Yeah, I know what you mean!"

These are the last two lines from the Drew Barrymore movie "Never Been Kissed." As much as we always wish, life doesn't often imitate the movies. And no one is guaranteed a happy ending...unless the director likes what he/she sees.

"Never Been Kissed" revolves around the theme of getting a second chance to re-live your life all over again and trying to capture lightning in a bottle doing so. For Josie Geller, she's a twentysomething copy editor who wants to write for a newspaper in Chicago. She's assigned to go undercover at a high school, but she also has to confront the nightmare and social jungle that it was for her-the teasing of being nicknamed "Josie Grossie," and not feeling beautiful. She was never kissed, and wanted that one moment more than anything.

My one moment, though, isn't about being kissed by that woman. Nor is it about winning the battle of popularity contests. As a person who stutters, my moment already happened in a place called Long Beach, Calif. That was the first National Stuttering Association conference I attended. And that is when my journey to self-acceptance as a person who stutters really began. As far as I am concerned, it did take me forever to get there.

There are some people who stutter who feel so ashamed of it that they will often take menial jobs to avoid speaking, or they are "given" these jobs by a supervisor. The supervisor may feel that their stuttering would prevent them from holding an administrative position or they might feel they are "helping" them by avoiding speaking situations. A few years ago, I had interviewed with a law firm for a paralegal position, and was offered a billing clerk-type job. When I asked what happened, the administrator said "Well, we decided there wasn't a need for one right now." Against my better judgment, I took it, and realized after six months it was a dead-end position, and became angry when I found out another candidate who completed the same program I did was offered the job, only this person did not stutter. Just like the band Warrant, I saw red. (Yes I am that old LOL). It was probably at that time my world was shattered. Yet at the lowest point of my life (and there have been several), I found out that the NSA was hosting their conference in California. I read the description and knew this was something I had to go to.

Of course, I didn't tell about my parents about this until three days before. I will never forget their response: "Why?" Not what are you hoping to get out of this, where will you be staying, just "Why?" It wasn't so much the question that bothered me, but the tone. You know the tone I am talking about: a tone of resignation. I did not want to get into a screaming match with them, so I said "I'm doing this with your blessing or without it." They were like, "OK have a good time." The adage that actions speak louder than words is not true. Not when it comes to people who stutter. Words can hurt people. It can belittle them, and it can drive them to do things they'd normally wouldn't do.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I could have turned in my ticket, and no one would have thought any less of me for doing so. As the plane took off from Kenendy International and I saw the skyline above me, I realized just what I had done. I took the biggest risk of my life. If this were Las Vegas, I just pushed all my chips into the middle of the table. Either I was going to come home a winner, or I just flushed $1,000+ down the toilet.

When I was waiting to check in, I felt I was running on adrenaline. And when the friendly woman behind the counter beckoned me to come up, I felt like my vocal wheels were locked in the snow bank. I wanted to say I was here for the conference but I couldn't. And I heard other people experiencing the same thing I was. I knew at long last, I made the best decision of my life.

It really did take me forever to get here. But with the support of amazing workshops and a community unlike anything else I've seen, I discovered how to begin that journey of self-acceptance. There are many parallels drawn to "coming out," and letting people know you are a person who stutters. For many, that journey has yet to begin. Mine started in Long Beach....and it grew stronger and especially in North Jersey, I can say I reached that goal of self-acceptance.

And I know for my fellow people who stutter, they can (and will) reach it too. if anyone wants help on that journey, you've got about 650 teammates who will reach out to you anytime you need it.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Standing up for stuttering means standing up for others

Hello everyone,

I wanted to begin this blog entry by speaking about a very interesting experience I had today after work. I work part-time in a restaurant while I look for full-time employment, and since it was slow, I left early to do some shopping. I was in Best Buy near my workplace on line to buy a shaver, and I noticed right in front of me there was a well-dressed woman who was trying very hard to control her child, as he was struggling to behave. A man behind me who was on his PDA tried to get her attention by saying "Do you think you could take care of this? I'm trying to close a deal and I need to concentrate." Of course, this person could have easily stepped out of line, but didn't want to. After about a minute, with the child wailing, he repeated it again and I said to him "The woman is doing the best she can." The guy gave me a very rude look and finally stormed off. After paying for my merchandise, I went out to my car, and I heard someone say "Excuse me" so I turned around, and it was the woman who was on line. She said, "Thank you for standing up for me-my child is autistic and can be very challenging to deal with." I smiled and said, "It's my pleasure. I struggle with a disability too, and I know we take things one day at a time."

In this situation, most people would prefer not to get involved. After all, this is the holiday season-deadlines, concerns over job security, people are frazzled and ready to lose it. I never liked saying I have a disability, because I do not like people to focus on my stutter. But in this case, something in me just clicked.

When I was in summer camp in the sixth grade (I long for the good old days at times) my stutter was often the least of my concerns. As far as I can remember, I have always been a social person and had no fear approaching complete strangers and starting conversations). Basically, I hung out with some very open-minded kids who didn't care if I spoke slowly, and if the words came out choppy, it was OK. One of the kids had an unspoken policy: If anyone dared to mock me, that person would pay a pretty high price. I then found out just high a price it would be. One time, I was participating in a softball game and the catcher on the opposing team yelled out "Are you going to s-s-s-s-w-w-w-w-ing away?" Well, the next inning, one of my teammates decided he was going to purposely swing and miss at the next pitch: Only he aimed his swing at the catcher's-well, for a lack of better term, gonads. He added a little extra mustard on the swing and let's just say that catcher never said anything again.

In my last entry on the blog, I was very open about some of the most trying times in my life. Kids can be cruel, that's a fact of life-and today, it's taken to an extreme. I didn't have to worry about online bullying. But I also saw myself as a freak, the worst kind of outcast. I think back to a scene from the movie "Hellboy" where one of the main characters says "All us freaks have is each other." People don't want to stand up for others, especially those with disabilities.

I often find it interesting how with some people I meet, sometimes I am asked whether stuttering is a disability. I suppose it all depends how you look it. One person might say in the eyes of the Americans with Disabilities Act, it is. Someone else may say otherwise. If you think it's a disability, it will be.

I used to think of my stuttering as a "tragic flaw." For those who haven't read Shakespeare, I highly suggest you do. I know to some, he may be some old dead guy, but the themes in his tragedies still resonate today. The "tragic flaw" is one key element that always brings down the main character, usually fatally. In "Hamlet," it was revenge. In "MacBeth," it was greed and ambition. Don't let your stuttering become your tragic flaw for others to exploit. Stand up for yourself, because when you do that, you also stand up for others who have disabilities as well.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I was broken due to my speech....you don't have to be!

"I'm broken....when I'm open."

This line is from one of my favorite songs. For those who don't know, the song is "Broken" by Seether, featuring the amazing talents of Ms. Amy Lee from the group Evanescense. I was driving home from speech therapy last night, which is about an hour's drive from where I live, and when I heard the song, I pulled over to the side of the road and began to cry.

One of my former high school classmates used this quote for graduation-"How do you know where you're going if you don't look back?" Most people, when you think about it, don't want to look back at their past. After all, the moment you start to think about the past, you begin living in it. But for me, as a person who stutters, I always have to think about the past. And what it meant for me, and the scars I have. It is a constant reminder of how far I have come, and where I still need to go.

At the NSA conferences, we can all learn something from each other, regardless of how old we are or where we are going. That, above all else, is what makes these conferences so powerful and emotional for me-so much so that I begin to cry during the emotional closing ceremonies. Until I came to my first conference...you could say I was broken.

I've always been a person who is raw when it comes to speaking my mind, even if it gets me in trouble. I believe the greatest gift we have is to express how we feel, regardless of what other people believe. In high school and college, I never had that opportunity. When I raised my hand to volunteer, I would be ignored or the teacher would ask if there was anyone else who wanted to speak. I would try to speak to a girl and I'd experience all the anxiety coming in, like a tidal wave off the Chesapeake. And then when a guy came along to "rescue her" from having to listen to me, I would shatter all over on the inside.

My second year of college my speech was even worse. I felt myself slipping away from the world. My speech had gotten so severe that I felt I was becoming a burden to myself and to others. I couldn't make it through the day at all, and would often ask why I was alive. One day I finally snapped and did something that was the worst decision of my life.

What I am about to say is very personal and not too many people know. If you are scared, I'd understand if you wanted to stop reading.

I drove home and cried for about three hours, or until I couldn't go anymore. I went to the kitchen and tried to slit my wrists open. I thought it would be easier than to swallow pills. I didn't succeed, but escaped with a few scrapes, but the scars will never, ever heal in my heart. I never told anyone about this until a few days later I was sitting with my family over dinner and finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore. The dam burst and everything came out.

Of course, my parents were shocked. They kept saying "Steve isn't the type of person to do this." I would be willing to bet all of us at the NSA have felt like this at some time or another. I was crying out for someone to hear me.

It was those thoughts that were permeating my mind when I entered California airspace en route to the conference in Long Beach, when I spoke of how do you know where you're going if you don't look back? I was 100 percent scared getting on the plane and not knowing what was going to happen at this conference. Five days later, Steven Kaufman was dead to the world. A new Steven Kaufman was born.

As a person who stutters, I often feel that I am fighting two wars: a war against stuttering, and a war against myself. The world isn't tolerant when it comes to people who are different. Whenever I am put down or teased, it can be very easy to unleash an attack on that person. But you can't allow that. You have to be the bigger person always. Not everyone is going to like you, and you need to accept that. But I always remember where I came from, because I don't ever want to go down a destructive path again.

To anyone who stutters, whether it's mild or severe, please talk to someone if you feel that your stutter is so crippling that you're on the verge of hurting yourself. If you can't talk to your parents, talk to a friend, a clergy...talk to someone. It can get better, it will get better.

I think about what would have happened if I succeeded. I wouldn't have found an amazing organization. I would not have known one person can stand up and make a difference. I would not have known about the wisdom of Russ Hicks. Or Tracey Wallace. Or Tammy Flores, Kenny Butler, Bernie Weiner, and hundreds of others.

One person can really make a difference. That's the reason why I am planning on submitting my workshop again for the NSA 2009 conference in Arizona. It's my obligation to help others stand up for themselves.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Technical difficulties...my sincere apologies

Good evening everyone,

I wanted to apologize for some extraneous space that appears on my blog. Unfortunately for some reason I tried several times to post a new entry and it would not work. Thankfully, it has been placed. So once again please accept my apologies, and more entries will follow in time.

As always, stand up and be counted-make your voice heard!

Karaoke and speech..a good combo!

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.

We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.

If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."

In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.

In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!

And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.

So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is great for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.

We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.

If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."

In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.

In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!

And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.

So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is great for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (new York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.

We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.

If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."

In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.

In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!

And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.

So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Karaoke is a great confidence booster for your speech!

Good evening everyone,

This past Saturday night, I had the chance to take advantage of another opportunity to get together with NSA members. Mike Cohn, who is the leader of the Manhattan (New York County) chapter, hosted a karaoke night with members of his chapter. I had initiated contact with him and asked if it would be a good idea to open up the event to other chapters in the area (Queens County and Kings County-Brooklyn), and give their members a chance to participate. After consulting with his members, he agreed and representing the Long Island chapter, I went. I didn't know who I would meet, or even if I'd be the first one there. But I knew I was in the right place when I was welcomed by Jeff Shames, a documentary filmmaker dedicated to supporting the cause of stuttering awareness with his documentary, "Spit It Out." I also met Mike, who is a good chapter leader, and other members who showed up-among them, Larry, Jay (from Queens County), and Deb.

We all had a great time, at a fantastic place: Sing Sing Karaoke, right off the #6 Astor Place subway stop. The audience was into it, shouting out the words to every song. We had Jeff and Jay jamming on a Backstreet Boys song, and Jeff did a good rendition of a tune from Three Dog Night. Deb was in sync with Blondie's "Call Me," and yours truly sang "New York, New York" and "Santa Monica" as only I can, working the room. Those who saw me sing Britney at NSA 2008 know what I mean LOL.

If you're wondering why I am bringing this up, I am doing so because karaoke can actually be a great way to eliminate your fear of speaking words. WHAT? OK, stay with me here. Like many people who stutter, I for a long time would have done anything (and did it) to avoid speaking. I'd feign having a cold and being unable to speak. I'd buy my movie tickets online instead of at the box office. I even ate lunch at the nurse's office because it was a safe place. I think to an extent, we've all done something similar to that. Just the thought of having to give an oral presentation would make having root canal three times over seem like a day in paradise. In fact, the telephone can often become an instrument of fear. Someone once coined the term "Ma Bell" syndrome, to describe a person who stutters and their fear of the telephone. I often felt like the phone was my "trap," a la the Saw movies. I could even visualize the scene in my head as Jigsaw speaks: "Greetings, and thank you for coming today. You must make a phone call in order to free yourself from the vocal chains that lock you."

In my sophomore year of high school, I was invited to a cousin's bar mitzvah. The DJ was so reprehensible that I sort of conned him into letting me turn it into a karaoke contest. I sang Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody," and got a standing ovation. That led to me in turn getting banned from all family functions. I digress LOL....but most importantly, it was the first time in my life I did not stutter...at all. I never really understood why it was possible to not stutter when you sing. But I also knew I didn't want to go through life singing my words either. There had to be a balance.

In a lot of ways, karaoke has given me the confidence to speak my mind and not be afraid of what anyone else is going to think. Even if you do not stutter, I really think karaoke can do wonders. Yes, some people refuse to do it unless alcohol is involved. I admit, I do enjoy a nice drink from time to time, and some people wonder if I am drunk when I am singing. The answer is no. But if you ask me if I feel alive when I sing, the answer is YES!

And when you bring karaoke in front of people who stutter, the results can be phenomenal. It was my idea to suggest karaoke for the National Stuttering Association's 2008 conference in North Jersey. When I proposed it, I felt it had potential to become a fun activity-after all, if you do not have a car anywhere in Jersey, vaya con dios, because you're not getting from A to B. What we got was a showcase of just how unique our personalities are. We had young attendees jamming with older ones. So many memorable performances stand out. Russ Hicks, who is truly a legend in my eyes (and many others as well), joined Eva Woolwine and her mother, along with others, to hold a jam session to "Friends in Low Places." Danielle, a teen from Long Island, wowed the audience with her invocation of "Man! I Feel Like A Woman!," Amber displayed her soulful prowess with "Son Of A Preacher Man," Mitch Trichon channeled Bono on their classic "With or Without You," and yours truly decided to go all-out and recreate the "Baby One More Time" video.

So the next time you think you have had a bad speech day and you're about to berate yourself over it (which is counterproductive because we need to accept that our speech ebbs and flows), put yourself behind the microphone and see what happens. You may just discover that there's no reason to fear speaking anymore!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until we speak again, stand up and be counted...and make your voice heard!

Elect....to give speech therapy a try

Good evening everyone,

It's a few days past Election Day and the country has decided to move in a new direction by electing a new Commander-in-Chief. As the old saying goes, there are two things that are taboo to speak about: religion and politics, and my blog is not about listing who I voted for, and why I made that decision. As a chapter leader and member of the National Stuttering Association, I do feel tremendous pride in saluting Joe Biden, the former Senator from Delaware, soon to be Vice-President of the United States of America. He has truly fired a shot heard around the world by and for people who stutter. He was the keynote speaker at a previous NSA conference and watching his lecture on DVD makes me even more proud of all his accomplishments.

While we as Americans do make a decision to elect our representatives, we as people who stutter need to make a decision about our speech-and "elect" to give speech therapy a try. Most of us have had speech therapy in some form or another, beginning with elementary school and continuing into adulthood. The ultimate goal is to reach "self-acceptance" as a person who stutters, and when you hit that plateau, it feels like a calmness envelops you. You don't have to deny the fact you are a person who stutters. More importantly, it is OK to stutter, and you are proud to be one.

In my teenage years, I had bounced around through different forms of speech therapy. I learned so many different methods: airflow, easy onset, stretching, but I was also my own worst enemy. I went through five speech therapists in seven years. And at the end of high school, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. I quit speech therapy for good. I got sick and tired of the teasing and the bullying, the times I ate alone in the nurse's office, the giggling from girls when I tried to speak. I just felt that this was the hand I'd been dealt, and if that was the case, so be it. I'd accept my fate. Not everyone has happy endings-if you want one, I believed, you can go the local multiplex where there's one five times a day.

It wasn't until I had been turned down for a job (and the interviewer blatantly called it to my attention) that I felt I had reached a defining point. We all have them in our lives, where we find out just what exactly we're made of. I decided to return to speech therapy. Finding a good speech therapist is very difficult. It isn't like a hat where one size fits all. Yes, it does help to be qualified and have the foundations, but I firmly believe personality and the ability to mesh plays a big role. I was hesitant to return to speech therapy. After all, the pessimistic person might says "Well, there's no cure. Why waste your time?" True, there is no cure. But being 70 percent fluent is better than not being fluent at all. I found a great speech therapist who I have made amazing progress with. And best of all, he paid me the ultimate compliment. When I first saw him, I could barely get my own name out, let alone form complete sentences without them being choppy. A year has passed, I went from 40 percent fluency up to 80 percent!

You have to want to be willing to go. I know in this economy, it seems like every expense is just going by the wayside. And it is very frustrating that most insurance companies will only cover a limited amount of speech therapy sessions. My therapist's wife had to cajole them into covering 25, and that was the limit. Sure, it is frustrating to pay out of pocket. But if you make the efforts, you will reap the rewards. I know first-hand.

I know some people feel that it's possible to "outgrow" stuttering and "outgrow" going to speech therapy. But don't feel that way at all. There's no age limit and no shelf life on stuttering. Cartons of milk have a shelf life. Your stutter will always be with you. The power is up to you-with speech therapy, you can take back the power from your speech and give it to yourself. I only hope you can experience that feeling.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted, and make your voice heard.

Speaking is power....and power achieved is power perceived.

Good evening everyone,

Greetings from Long Island. I wanted to share with everyone another golden opportunity that I had to make my voice heard and educate people about stuttering and the NSA. A couple of weeks ago, I received an e-mail about some activities that one of New York's sister NSA chapters (Manhattan, aka New York County) was planning. The immediate New York metropolitan area is thriving with several chapters: Long Island, Queens County (Queens), Brooklyn (Kings County) and a chapter in Central Jersey as well. And of course, I can't forget my neighbors on the other side of the Thruway: in Albany, Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo. Sarah Sheridan is an adjunct professor at William Paterson University in Wayne, and she had invited people who stutter to speak at her graduate-level class for future speech and language pathologists. I was so excited and eager to do so!

For people who stutter, there is such an overwhelming fear of public speaking that it can be paralyzing. Imagine a simple, routine task that is done everyday, such as ordering a meal in a restaurant. Or going up to the box office at the local multiplex on a Friday night and struggling to say the phrase "One for......and follow with the title." How about calling up a retail business to ask a question, only to have the clerk on the other end wonder if it is some person pulling a prank. For some people, they are deathly afraid, and much rather would have a root canal done than do speaking of any kind.

I used to feel the same way about public speaking. If you met me several years ago, pre-NSA, I was so quiet you couldn't even get me to speak about anything, even if I wanted to. I owe the NSA my life in many ways for sparking a metamorphisis and developing a new, confident persona. It wasn't until last year that I took a giant step and started my public speaking at the request of Tammy Flores, the executive director of the NSA, and a woman who epitomizes the word "unselfish." If you believe that what you give comes back to you, and I do, then Tammy is truly a very wealthy woman. I was given the chance to speak at a graduate class at Mercy College in Dobbs Ferry last year, and I was feeling so powerful that I could have flown home. I e-mailed Sarah and told her I would gladly do it.

So this past Monday night, I was in a panel with other speakers: A young woman named Tamara who also stuttered, she was a client of Sarah's, Sarah's father, Mike, who came with his wife from the commonwealth of Massachusetts, and a speech pathologist, Andrew, from NYC. All of us shared our experiences together, taking questions from the students. And the best part, at the end, Sarah broke the class off into three groups, where the students asked us questions, and some very good ones too: Among them-"What would happen if you woke up tomorrow and your stutter was gone?" or "Do you think your stuttering has prevented you from accomplishing things you wanted to?" My group was composed of Katie, Stephanie, Zena, Jennifer, and Casey. I enjoyed the interaction and the follow-up questions they asked.

As I went back home on the 10:33 p.m. train from Penn Station, I was reflecting on the students who would be future speech pathologists. Every SLP has different ways of approaching stuttering-after all, what works for one person may not work for someone else. But what makes a good speech therapist? Sure, having a strong academic background is important. But here are some qualities that I think are required: Dedication. Empathy. A desire to push you to be a good speaker, even if you fall off the proverbial ladder, that SLP will encourage you to get back up. I saw those qualities at WPU, I saw them at Dobbs Ferry, and I'll see them everywhere I speak.

There's no need to be afraid of public speaking. You have the power to say what you want. No matter how long it takes, or if the other person is rolling their eyes. Say it. Feel it. Believe it. The feeling you get will be such a rush.

They say that hindsight is always 20/20. Growing as a youngster, there were times when I wanted to speak and my mom would shush me, saying "It's not the right time or place." I was more overprotected than Britney Spears. (cue sarcastic laugh track). The truth is, it was the right time and place. I wanted to speak and express myself. It's not too late to reverse the past. If you're afraid of public speaking, start out small. Work your way up incrementally. It will pay for itself over time.

Before I end my blog, I want to extend a special thank you to Sarah Sheridan for welcoming me to her class, my "study group" mates, and to all the SLP students in general. I wish you all and the future SLP students every success.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard!

Steven Kaufman

Special lessons from a positively radiant NSA member

Good evening everyone,

Welcome to another posting on my blog. Although the weather today was absolutely horrendous as the wind and rain were howling, today turned out to be pretty sunny from my point of view. You may be asking why I feel this way...well, today I went into New York City to meet up with one of my NSA colleagues. Last year, I met Kathy Filer, who resides in South Jersey. She made the trip on New Jersey Transit up I-95 to attend an empowerment workshop on the Lower East Side, and while it is always great to meet up with another person who stutters, the most important time spent with her was talking about life experiences and learning a very important theme: We have to say what we need to say, no matter how trivial we might think it is.

C.S. Lewis, who was the author behind the novel "The Lion, Witch, and Wardrobe" (and I believe the Narnia series as well), had a quote attributed to him which goes "Experience is often the most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, do you learn." Hindsight is often 20/20, and there's always bound to be one circumstance where we wish we could turn back the clock and reverse something we did. But we can't, so we must learn from those experiences and apply them. When I was in high school and college, I had some teachers and professors who simply wouldn't let me participate in discussions, even though if I had something to contribute. I would raise my hand and either I would be ignored, or a teacher would say "Steven, I just don't have time to hear you." In retrospect, I would have wanted to insist that I be heard. But at that time, I struggled with my confidence (more on this later) and would not have been able to say what I wanted to. But as I attended these NSA conferences, I learned how to speak and be heard. I saw I was worth it and people were wanting to hear me speak. But importantly, I was going to make them hear me. Even if it was smiling to say "hello" or to tell a story. And when you discover that you can take back the power from stuttering, it's such an adrenaline rush. And you want more of it, and the faster the better.

When I was talking to Kathy over lunch (and I know this is a shameless plug, but next time you're in NYC and want good Italian, please check out Tony Di Napoli's at East 83rd Street & 2nd Avenue. Try the ziti bolognese), we were talking about our experiences. I told her that at one time I was a painfully shy person whose stutter was so severe that I had adopted the credo "Don't speak unless you're spoken to." Those of you who know me at the conference might be surprised and wonder "Is this the same Steven Kaufman?" Well, no it wasn't. Before I attended the conference in Long Beach, Calif., I felt so alone and alienated from humankind. I felt like I had been judged and had to accept my sentence, which was to be lonely and not to speak to anyone, as tempted as I might have been. It seems so long ago, but I don't even think about those days because they're history and so is the person who felt that way. Now I am one who can say accept he will have good days and bad days with his speech, and be OK with it. Someone who can walk into a diner and not have to worry about fear at all.

Kathy gave me one point which I believe is so important in so many ways. As a person who stutters, you need to say what you need to say. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. And whatever happens, you don't have to look back-all you need to do is to look forward and know the sun will rise tomorrow. At one time, Kathy acknowledged to me she was in the running a few years ago (final two candidates) for the executive director position of the NSA, which eventually went to Elaine Saitta, someone who I am also proud to call a colleague. Talking to Kathy, she exudes confidence and a radiant outlook on life that rubs off....in fact, it wouldn't surprise me if it rubbed off on our server too hahaha.

Having a radiant view on life will make not only your life brighter, but other ones as well. In my "A is for Attitude" seminar, which I will plan on giving in Arizona 2009, I spoke about negativity. No one likes a person who is constantly negative, because they bring down everyone else. People are attracted to those who smile, who approach others. When I was walking to meet Kathy at her destination, I noticed so many passersby who were talking on their cell phone, so engrossed in their conversation, or they were focused on the new latte they got from Starbucks. I had a smile and I said "hello" to everyone I passed, and no one even responded to me. I could have gotten annoyed about it, but I like being outgoing and congenial. It will come back to you and more. If you know someone who chronically complains and is negative, smile at them. Make an effort to talk to them. Ask them how their life is....and watch the results. You can turn them from a negative person into one who's alive and kicking.

As I was walking back to Penn Station at 34th & 7th to take the Long Island Railroad back home, I was thinking about how it took me so long to find the NSA. I've met so many members who say they wish they found it sooner. But you know what.....the only thing that matters is we've found it. And for those out there who still experience the pain, isolation, and loneliness of being a person who stutters might condemn them to...I say to them please join the NSA and realize why it's the greatest fan club on earth. It's place where we support each other's work, we laugh, we cry....we dance the night away on the last night at the conference, but WE BELONG.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters.

Until next time, stand up and be counted....and make your voice heard. Because the world wants to hear you...and they need to.

The fall is upon us....it's cold but my passion for the NSA is ignited!

Hello everyone, and greetings from the suburbs of Long Island, New York!

I would like to welcome you to the inaugural posting of my blog. If you stutter, please take a moment to realize you are about to become part of a truly amazing, inspirational community. You're going to find out that people are going to want to hear you speak, but most importantly, they're going to need to hear you and the message you have to say.

I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am the leader of the Long Island chapter of the National Stuttering Association. I am 30 years old, and have accomplished many things in my life, both personal and professional goals. I was the first member of my family to graduate with very high honors. I am a friend to some, a confidant to others, but most importantly, and this is the proudest title I have held, I am a chapter leader. I am a person who has embraced leadership, although at one time I was reluctant to do so. But now I have discovered who I really am, and what I am capable of. I have found a purpose in life, and something that brings me a tremendous amount of joy, and that's helping my peers who stutter, as well as speech therapists (current and training) who will embrace their challenges to help the next generation of people who stutter. Whenever I hold my NSA chapter meetings, one rule above all else is followed, and I make sure everyone respects it: We will never, ever, use the word "stammerer." It is always a "person who stutters." When people hear the words "stammerer," they automatically assume a person will resemble Porky Pig or a certain character from the 1988 movie "A Fish Called Wanda," which are two of the worst examples of stuttering under the sun.

As a chapter leader, one of my main responsibilities is to think of pertinent topics and discuss them as it relates to stuttering. Since we are now in October, one theme that comes to mind is Halloween and stuttering. Stay with me on this....for some, we think of Halloween and the images of trick-or-treating, dressing up in outrageous costumes. But we also know it can be a scary holiday. Some of us have all nighters where we watch every gory movie possible...hell, one of my friends last Halloween watched the "Saw" movies, cut and then the uncut version. And that leads me to my thought: What scares you as a person who stutters? Maybe it's walking up to the multiplex box office on a Saturday night when so many other people are there. You know the feeling...your heart starts to race. Everyone's eyes begin to fixate on you. You feel like you are petri dish on a microscope, being examined and probed every which way. Or perhaps you're waiting to order in a restaurant, the server comes up to you, and the words can't come out. You've become the human version of a car, spinning its wheels in the snow, en route to destination nowhere.

For me, what scared me more often than not was the reaction of what people might say, or do, when they found out I stutter. Growing up, I felt like my stuttering was my cross to bear throughout life. I will never forget one time this past May when I was taking a trip to Boston on Amtrak and I went in the snack car to buy a container of yogurt. I was trying to say "blueberry" but it seemed like when one technique failed, another one would be put into play by me and that failed too. The person behind the counter said "Are you s-s-s-s-ure?" followed by a snicker. If that was me five years ago, I probably would have really lost it. I am someone who is very levelheaded, and it takes a lot to irritate me. But joining the National Stuttering Association, among other things, has given me the power to embrace my stutter and not be afraid. It's allowed me to grow and flourish and know I have a place where I can go to and express myself without being judged and ridiculed. Some people search all their lives for that one place, and never find it at all. I am one of the lucky ones, and more on that in my closing paragraph.

Our speech patterns, depending on how your stutter is, can vary from mild-to-moderate, which is what mine is, to very severe, including facial tics and gestures. I would like to think the world is a tolerant and understanding place. We all know otherwise: there's issues involving so many things-racism, discrimination based on height, weight, gender, and so on. But what I have found is my stutter has showed me how to be compassionate, and not just toward my peers who stutter-toward other people in general. We all have our battles to fight-health, mental, and otherwise. It took me something nearly fatal to make me realize that the most important thing in life isn't what car you drive.

An interesting topic that I wanted to address at my NSA chapter meeting in October was the presidential debate. The NSA is a non-political organization and even though I could, I am not going to use my blog to determine who the next Commander-in-Chief should be. This year Hofstra University in Hempstead, NY, hosted the debate, and I studied the candidates communications to each other and the moderator. Nobby Lewandoski is a motivational speaker and someone who, if you ever make it to the NSA annual conference (Scottsdale, Ariz., here I come 2009!) should meet and observe. He founded his own accounting firm and made a very interesting statement which I believe runs far deep than when you first look at it: "Do not confuse the difference between speaking and communicating." I do not have a problem communicating-I am very outspoken and passionate about the NSA. Yes, I may have an issue speaking, but I have achieved a level of comfort about it. For some people who stutter, this is a journey we all must take. I promise there will be hard times. And I promise there may be occasions when you want to scream and lash out at the world. But when you reach that level, oh, how an amazing experience it really is!

Now, I want to apply the debate with a twist. As a person who stutters, what kind of debater would you be? Would you shy away from this kind of scenario? Would you rehearse "talking points" with your coach, Barack Obama and John McCain did? Or would you say "Damn it, I don't care if this moderator cuts me off, I am going to say what's on my mind. You're going to hear it, and you'll like it!" Well, can I be honest with you? A couple of years ago, I would have been the first debater. But now, I'm the third one. I've spoken at graduate-level classes at Mercy College in upstate New York (and will do so again in December!) and I'll be speaking at William Paterson University in Wayne, N.J., next week. There's nothing to be scared of. Don't let fear prevent you from accomplishing what you want and being heard!

Driving home tonight, I had one hand on the wheel and the other on the radio, and I heard "You Gotta Be" by Desiree. Although it's a one-hit wonder, one line in the song stands out to me: "Stand up and be counted." People who stutter should have an obligation to do that. We can make a difference and leave our impact on society. At our annual conference in Parsippany, N.J., we had 650+ people...a record! I know we will have even more in Arizona. Please, whatever it takes, if you are a person who stutters, who feels lost, ashamed, embarrassed, feeling like you have to live outside the rest of the world, I implore you, please come to this event. In a few short days, you won't recognize the person you are. In fact, you won't even WANT to know the person you are.

I will close on this statement: This past year, I was honored and truly grateful to have received the Volunteer of the Year Award for 2008. When I accepted my award, I spoke about a special date in history: July 4, 1939. On that day, Lou Gehrig, the "Iron Horse," retired from baseball due to a condition called ALS, that would later be known as Lou Gehrig's disease. He said, "Fans, I have been given a bad break, but I have an awful lot to live for. Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth." Well, I am the luckiest. I am lucky to have found a welcoming community. I am lucky to have met people from all over the U.S. and the world-New Zealand, Canada, Australia, Ireland, Sweden, Minnesota, California, Texas, Massachusetts, and the list goes on. I am lucky in so many ways. I have bad speech days too....but I also know I will never be alone anymore.

My name is Steven Kaufman....and I am a person who stutters.

Until next month.........stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

And please, check out the National Stuttering Association's homepage at http://www.westutter.com too!