Steven on Stuttering....

On July 21, 2011, I was more than I thought I could be!

2011-08-08T16:26:00.001-07:00

Good evening everyone,

"I want one moment in time, when I am more than I thought I could be, when all of my dreams are a heartbeat away, and the answers are all up to me. Give me one moment in time, when I am bracing with destiny, and in that one moment of time, I will feel....I will feel...eternity."

That line was brought to you by Whitney Houston, one of the best-known voices from my generation. I could quote some of the songs that have defined an era: "Saving All My Love For You," "Didn't We Almost Have It All," "So Emotional," and "I Will Always Love You." That was theme for the 1988 Summer Olympics held in Seoul, South Korea. And the video captured the raw angst, the pain, and the glory that for any competitor lasts forever. No matter how old you get, or what Olympics you competed in, people will always remember what you did. "There's that gold medal winner," is a sentence that follows you the rest of your life.

The more I think about the Olympics, in many ways, these past four years have been a tournament that I have trying so hard to win. But my ultimate prize was not made of chemicals. And it certainly wasn't presented to me by any official at the games. My "prize" if you will wasn't something tangible. Not money, not love, but a job. I wanted to work more than anything else in the world at a full-time job.

We don't have to open up the local newspaper or turn on the news to see what is happening in the economy. Every time I check Yahoo! or the New York Times, it's on the front page. The images are so ingrained into our psyche that's just so hard to forget. Stockbrokers with their hands on their faces, so exasperated. The grim feelings of hope loss, desperation taking its place. Living on the suburbs of Long Island, a mere 45 minutes away from New York City, you have access to all the financial data you want. But these days you may not want to see it and know what's going on. After all, why ask the question if you know what the answer is going to be?

I graduated with my journalism degree, and although I still love writing (and do freelance and this blog of course), I grew disillusioned with the opportunities that were out there. And after having a rough experience with attorneys, I decided that I had to make some goals and stick to them. I wanted to work for the federal government. I had tried applying in the private sector, and never raised the white flag, despite the rejections and efforts which I felt at times were futile. And I admit, I am a very unique person in the sense that sometimes it does take me a little longer to play "catch up." I have minor characteristics of Asperger's and at times I may learn a little slower than the rest of the world. But no one, under any circumstances, should question my heart. That's the one thing that has grown tremendously over these past few years.

There is a theory that hard work is its own reward. Looking for a job in many ways is like that. The local classifieds have shriveled up, whereas at one time you may have had five or six pages of ads from companies that were more than willing to take a chance on you. Now you're lucky if it's one or two. I would stay up until the wee hours of the morning, being a night owl. I'd send out fifty resumes a day via Monster, and Craigslist. I'd research the names of companies that ran advertisements, even when they did not want to be found. And sometimes I'd get lucky...only to discover that my message was returned with a scammer e-mail, saying there was a personal assistant job for me working from home for some reclusive billionaire. Good luck with that.

I had interviews these past two months with the National Institutes of Health (NIH), one of the biggest federal agencies located in Bethesda, Md. Although I was very excited about the chance to meet with representatives of that organization, I always told myself to stay grounded. Interviews in this age come few and far between. Now of course, you want to put your best foot forward: best suit, confident personality. But I'd be lying if I thought in the back of my mind that things would materialize. After all, even the most confident of people would tell you that the worst thing that show itself is arrogance. Confidence is one thing. Feelings of entitlement are another.

And on July 21, I did it. Walt Whitman might have said it best: "O Captain, O Captain, our fearless trip is done. The prize we sought has been won." I got the job! After four years, one journey is over, and another one soon begins. I don't mean the journey down the New Jersey Turnpike to I-95 via the Fort McHenry Tunnel, looping around the Capital Beltway and merging with I-270 north. The greatest journey of my life is about to start. Being on my own, having a chance to live on my terms because I am a person who stutters and no one holds me back. No one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do.

What bothers me is that many times people are quick to say things to the effect of "I want to thank all of you who hated me and told me I would never get to this point." In my opinion, all you did is just completely devalue yourself as a person. Who cares what others may say? YOU have to, make that NEED to, hold yourself to higher standards. I am not interested in "haterade," or giving the "haters" their due. Life is much more important than that. I can go at my own pace, and not worry about what others may think of me.

I do give all the praise and glory to the National Stuttering Association for this achievement. I am very honored to advocate on their behalf and will continue to do so until the day I am no longer on this earth.

I hope those reading this understand that my blog entries will be a little more wide now in terms of when I can write. I am not going away, but even so while I am in another state, I will continue to share my thoughts, just with not as much frequency. But if anyone out there sees this, understand one thing: Nothing is ever impossible. Sometimes it may take four years, or longer. But I am now ready for the next challenge. More so than I have ever been in a while. You too, will be ready. Your time will come.

It ain't about how fast you get there. It ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.

God Blessed Texas and the NSA Nation!!!

2011-07-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I'd like to start off by saying how elated I am to be returning to my blog and sharing all things stuttering with this special community all over the world. Since my absence has been a few weeks, I want to make it up to you by sharing some experiences from a very special National Stuttering Association conference. For those who have read my blog frequently, you know how I speak of this special event with great admiration and a true love for my fellow people who stutter and the accomplishments we celebrate. But was 2011 ever a year for celebrating!!!

The buzz for our conference always hits a fever pitch about three weeks before, when we know it is so close at hand. Well, not this year. Try imagining it a few months before. We confirmed that attendance records would be shattered, and they were. We broke 800 for the first time, ever. Every year, the number of first-time attendees grows. This year, we had 300!!!! We had many new presenters step forward to give workshops and seminars. I have had the pleasure of presenting a few of them (2008 in Parsippany, N.J., 2009 in Scottsdale, Ariz., and 2010 in Cleveland, Ohio) but this time around, I took a step back and watched many new members embrace the challenges. Although I am not married (and aren't sure if I ever will), I can say emphatically that in a way, I will always be married to the NSA. It is because of my work with them that has shown me how to fully develop and mature into the type of person I want to be. It is because of them that I can lecture at universities, write this blog to reach all who stutter, and give a voice to those who want to speak, but are hurting and very afraid.

We held our conference at the Renaissance Worthington, located right in the heart of downtown Fort Worth, Texas, known as the "Gateway to the American South," and "Where the West begins." Although I had been to Texas once (in Houston), I had no idea what I was really in for. Although Fort Worth is 30 miles from Dallas via I-30, Fort Worth had always been portrayed as "the way Texas was meant to be seen." So if you were thinking of cowboys, the Wild West, and history, then you've come to the right city. Dallas is very cosmopolitan and modern, yet there are few places that retain its charm. As I flew into Love Field on Southwest and started my journey to the hotel, the only thing that was going through my mind was my experiences crossing the Bay Bridge in Maryland on Route 50. The Annapolis (Bay) Bridge connects the Eastern Shore of Maryland, which is very rural and known for its slower way of life surrounded by pristine beaches and a big fishing community, with the western part of the state (i.e. Baltimore and the Washington DC suburbs), and upon crossing the bridge, it felt like you stepped through the galaxy portal into a whole other universe and you're blown away completely.

As soon as I entered the doors of the hotel, my eyes would lay to rest on some of the most charismatic members in the NSA that I know, and the shouts are so loud, yet filled with unrestrained glee. In essence, the NSA conference could be described as an overgrown camp for people who stutter. We laugh, we cry, we share, we dream, we do, and we catch up with each other about what has been going on in our lives. I make sure to arrive on Tuesday, because once the conference kicks off Wednesday night, it goes faster than a DeLorean that hits 55. But don't worry, you're not transported back in time....yet.

Wednesday night we kicked off NSA 2011 with a choice of a night out at Six Flags over Texas, or seeing the Texas Rangers host Baltimore. I'm not much of a theme park person, never was. (Probably having dreams of being suspended over the park upside down was enough to turn me off to it). So myself and 200 others took in the Rangers game with 30,000 other fans. What an incredible experience! There's something classic about enjoying a game under the stars with a hot dog, cold beer (or ice cold water, which was in plentiful supply-it did not get below 100 degrees all the days we were there) and just talking with soon-to-be best friends. You laugh at the fact that you may be in your thirties and doing the Wave. Or how in the bottom of the fifth inning, your whole section breaks into singing "Deep In The Heart of Texas." For four days, we were all Texans by the grace of God!

I get so much faith and tremendous strength by watching the young children and teens turn themselves into young men and women as they will be the next generation of NSA leaders. I know I repeat myself often on this blog, but if I do, it's only because it's true. This is one place where age is just a number. At 13 years of age, these children have confidence I never had but desperately wanted to call my own. I learn from conference veterans in their fifties and sixties (and beyond!) and teens and twentysomethings can learn from me being 33. I've been where they are going. If I can save one person from having a painful experience, then it will all have been worth it to me. Friday night a group of us went to the Stockyards in historic Fort Worth and walked around to see what life was like back in the day....more like 200 years ago though. I left early to help one of my friends, who is comedienne who stutters, make her debut at Rick O' Shea's. About 150 members came out to cheer her on, and she was just unstoppable with her jokes. A few years ago, mention the words "stuttering comedienne" and you would have heard "Yeah..r-i-i-i-i-ght. Good luck with that." It's amazing what stuttering can do....in fact, it could help you develop talents you never even knew you had! Maybe somewhere out there is a person who stutters that was given a gift...to play music, to create, to build....but they don't know they have it!

And then there was Saturday. The NSA was able to bring David Seidler, the Academy-Award winning writer of "The King's Speech," to be our keynote speaker. Mr. Seidler is the only person who could be introduced, get a two-minute ovation, and not have to say anything. But he did. He regaled us with his stories of growing up in London and coming over to America. He shared with us how his stuttering shaped us. And when he said "My name is David, I'm a person who stutters, and I am proud of it," the crowd just exploded into sheer ecstasy. Not only that, but he was truly a gentleman and signed posters and photos for us, and he took the liberty to personalize them. He did not have to do that at all. If that does not tell you the type of person he is, then I'm sorry, but I can't help you. We had a closing ceremony where one parent spoke about her son's stutter, and started to break down and apologize. She apologized to her own son for not listening, not understanding, and she begged forgiveness. I began to weep on my own. A police officer spoke about how he nearly turned around after being ten minutes from the hotel, but was so glad he didn't. And there was this unforgettable moment: Every year, we have a series of "Open Mike" sessions where anyone who stutters can get up and share any stories they want. A young man who was in his twenties came up and said that there was a young woman who stuttered so severely that she barely spoke during the conference. He then said something to the effect of "I will not say who this person is in the room, but I know if we encourage this person to get up and speak, she'll do so!" The room quickly turned into cheers and loud roars, and when the young woman got up, it reached a crescendo. "My name is D-m-m-m-m-D-D-D-a-nnn-yela," she stated, to even more loud applause. That says it is all about what a powerful, amazing community we really have.

The closing banquet for me is always emotional, especially during the last ten minutes. It even hit closer to home because we danced to "DJ Stutter," who is a real-life person who stutters but also performs in his hometown at the local club scene. When you realize the end really is near and you won't see these people for another year, the dam begins to burst and the tears flow. And you know that no matter how frustrated you get, how you long to give them one more goodbye before they go to the airport, the days will move by fast and soon enough there will be another conference in 2012.

The past few days, I've been playing "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins frequently, and if you listen to the lyrics in the chorus, it makes perfect sense. Especially if you are a first-timer, but we can all relate to it:

"You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast, these are some good times, so take a good look around, you may not know it now....but you're gonna miss this."

We already do. Just remember, it ain't about how fast you get there, and it ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.

And now introducing myself as....Knight Rider?!

2011-06-30T21:20:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

If you're a movie buff, this is the best time of the year. This is the season when Hollywood unveils the big guns, the blockbusters, which they will hope will fill their coffers with money spent by the fans to ask up the best experience that their twenty dollars will buy-a plush seat on a Saturday night, a slam-bang two hours worth of loud explosions with pulse-pounding scenes that can make your jaw drop, all presented in IMAX glory. Yet for some reason, I'm not into that at all. But the one thing about the summer movies for me is the stories they present. I've always been attracted to the "lone hero"-the avenger who finds himself pursuing a calling out of some personal reason-loss, pain, angst, so much to the point that he/she actually finds himself becoming an anti-hero: questioning all they ever believed in, wondering what their future holds. I guess that's why I have always been attracted to reruns of "Knight Rider."

Although I was not born in the 1980s (officially 1978), I like to think of myself as forever trapped in the decade in terms of culture. I still listen to eighties music, and can recite the most popular lines from "Top Gun" and "The Breakfast Club." ("There are no points for second best."). And when I used to come home from my part-time job at the Milleridge Village at 5 p.m., as soon as my car pulled up at the house, I'd dart through the door, and turn on Channel 9, WWOR-TV. And as soon as I'd hear the words, "A shadowly flight into the dangerous world of a man who does not exist," I knew I was in my element. The voiceover, which was done by Richard Basehart, would go "Michael Knight. A young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless. In a world of criminals who operate above the law." The show was deemed, by creator Glen Larson, as "The Lone Ranger with a car, the soul of a western." It was also the show that launched David Hasselhoff's career. The main story was that Michael Long was an undercover detective in Las Vegas who was nearly fatally injured. A reclusive billionaire named Wilton Knight rescues him and gave him a new identity, Michael Knight, and he was working for the Foundation for Law & Government with a souped-up special car, that possessed technology way ahead of its time. And every week, Knight would came to the aid of a person trying to do good but facing enemies who did not want that person to succeed.

But despite the fact at the end of the episode that everything worked out, you always knew there was a sense of something missing from Knight's past. A feeling that no matter what happened, or how many times the show aired, he would never have what he really wanted. In the episode "White Bird," the theme rang true. Michael came to the rescue of an ex-fiancee whom he was scheduled to wed, but he became Michael Knight and never saw her again, until he realized she was about testify in a court case. All those romantic feelings came back, and he had to make a painful choice: one that most of us in that situation could never fathom.
For many years of my life, I was what you might see as a "Knight Rider." Traveling from table to table in the high school and college cafeterias, searching the Internet for message boards and web sites that I could post my thoughts about stuttering on, to no avail. But now, that has all changed. Ever since I got involved with the National Stuttering Association, I found my drive and my commitment. Maybe I'll never drive a car like KITT was. Or fly a helicopter like Airwolf.

But if they ever made my life story into a "Knight Rider" episode, maybe the voiceover will sound a little something like this:

"Steven Kaufman. An outspoken advocate and leader on a crusade to enlighten the world about stuttering awareness. Operating in a world where most people misunderstand, bringing the shining beacon of light through the darkness."

Just maybe, you can be your own version of "Knight Rider" too.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Letters to my dad for Father's Day....

2011-06-19T22:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Dad,

I realize that Father's Day has passed as of the midnight hour, and you may have been wondering why I did not get a card from you. The honest truth is that what I want to say really can't all be written down in a card. And then again, nor do I want it to be either. After a while giving the same old greeting card becomes blasé and all played out. And I figured it was time for a new approach, one that hit me when we were at the Mets game yesterday. It's funny how inspiration can come at you from the most oddest of places.

These past few years my feelings toward you have been festering for so long. Although I am 33 now, in many ways I barely know you anymore. Most of our conversations now take place at hockey games, and those are limited too. It's the same thing when I walk through the door, or when you come home from your job fairs. It just consists of "Hi, how are you?" and barely anything more than that. They say tomorrow is promised to no one, and while we often dismiss that with a roll of the eyes, the sad thing is that it actually is true. I do not know how much time you have left, hopefully a great deal. But the first thing I wanted to say in this letter is that I forgive you for many things that have taken place over these past few years.

I forgive you first of all for causing my intense fear of rain and thunderstorms. I know that you do get immense pleasure of watching me run into the television viewing room when the meteorologist talk about severe thunderstorms taking aim at our viewing area. I discussed this with Larry and stated that ever since you hit me with a shoe when I was thirteen because I cursed you out to your face, you have been responsible for the association of my feelings toward severe weather and that is why I feel I have to stay up all night with the radio to "ride the storm out" until it is safe for me to sleep. I know you think it is hysterically funny to poke fun at my views and desire to live in an area where it doesn't rain all that often where I can finally be happy. I've spent too many years of my life running, and while I have gotten good at it, I do not want to do it anymore. I know your emotions probably got the better of you, and while you wish you could take it back, you cannot to do so. But I want you to know it is OK now. You were a different person back then. Parents are infallible too, much as they like to think they may know it all.

The second thing that I want to let you know is that while I am your son, in many ways while you may think I am hotheaded and stubborn, we are more alike as well. I know sometimes I am very outspoken and that has gotten me in trouble. But I am at a place now where I am learning to balance myself and ask whether what I will say is going to be correct and appropriate. In many ways, having a leadership role at the National Stuttering Association was probably the best thing that ever could happen to me, because it forced me to be aware of what it means to be an adult and know that people are looking at you to be a role model.

I know that you have often felt like I should have turned out more like Philip in terms of being productive and more responsible with my life. I am not proud of a lot of things I have done, and in many things, I could be a lot further along with achieving my goals than where I am now. I know it's kind of hard to not compare yourself to others, but I know now that life is not a race, and he who dies with the most toys necessarily doesn't win.

I would really like the chance to formulate some relationship with you because I don't want to end up as another person wishing they had the chance to turn the clock back when things are too late. I always used to feel so much hatred toward you in terms of my speech that my attitude was "God forgives, I don't." But now I see there are shades of gray in everything and it doesn't always have to be "either it's right, or it's wrong." I even blamed you and Mom for my stuttering because in some way, maybe you feel guilty about it. But it's no one's fault. This is the hand I have to play. And I like to think so far, I've played it very well, and continue to do so.

It took a lot for me to want to write this letter and get all my thoughts out to you. I hope maybe someday you and Mom will want to visit a future NSA conference and see what the greatest thing in my life is all about. If you don't, I will respect your decision. But it's safe to say because of the NSA, your son has made huge quantum leaps in his life.

To my dad, Happy Father's Day.

Love,

Steven

Spindarella cut it up one time! Let's talk about stuttering and why it is not fear....

2011-05-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

Before I begin my latest edition of the blog, I want to personally welcome and acknowledge each of you, my followers, who take time out of their day to read and think about my reflections on stuttering. I know that free time is at a premium in today's world, and many of us say "thank you," without even realizing that it needs to be genuine-we often say it just because it is polite. So please allow me to give a genuine, heartfelt "Thank you" to each of you. Regardless of where you live in this world, you are not only my friends, but my greatest allies in the world of stuttering. Together we devote all of our energies to make not only our world, but yours and mine, just a little bit more tolerant, a little more grateful.

The greatest thing about being a blogger, in my eyes, is not only the chance to impact my life and others, but to also learn about things from experiences of other people in my life who shape my values, not only as a person, but what I expect from myself as a human being. One of these individuals I happened to have the pleasure of meeting a few years ago at a charity gala for Our Time Theatre in New York City. You may have heard me mention how phenomenal I think Our Time is. Our Time was founded by an actor who stutters and it is a place where children who stutter can express themselves in a free, non-judgmental environment, based on love of performing arts and the theatre. Every year the children write plays and perform them, and there is a grand gala fundraiser which further helps to spread stuttering awareness. The person I met, "Mikaela," is also a writer and blogger (as well as a person who stutters), and is dating a young man whom I have had the chance to hang out with ,"Bobby," at several National Stuttering Association conferences. For a few years, they have lived together in Cook County, Ill., home to the City of Big Shoulders and the Second City, better known as Chicago, or Chi-town, or any other nickname you can identify the city by. That is, until a few months ago, when Mikaela and Bobby decided to leave the Midwest for New York City.

I am a firm believer in honoring the official writer's code, so I want to give her the full credit with regard to her feelings. She writes "As the snow formed four foot walls down the semi-ploughed roads, we were paying three times our old rent in Chicago. It was a baptism by fire and there were times when we questioned our sanity." She was scared. She was worried. Yet she was also doing whatever she wanted because she happens to have completed a book about stuttering that will be picked up by a publisher.

We often have moments in our life when we ask ourselves "What if I chose that? What if I had made a different decision?" without wondering what will happen. Sadly we do not have the preview of having a "coming attraction" in life and seeing what will develop. But I see people around me are not letting fear stand in their way of doing what they want. I just found out that a member of the NSA, who is a fellow chapter leader like I am, is actually going off to law school at Gonzaga University in Spokane, Wash., and he's in his late forties. But if you want any further proof that fear does not have to stand in your way, consider the upcoming National Stuttering Association conference in Fort Worth, Texas.

The workshop rosters were presented in the newsletter, "Letting GO," and I always love seeing who will be among the select few who will be sharing their experiences with us as presenters. I do want to emphasize, though, that you need not be a presenter in order to share with everyone. We are all educators when it comes to stuttering. Last year in Cleveland, I continued to see the evolving signs that the NSA is truly a global organization. I had the pleasure of meeting with "Robert," a man from Israel who stutters. This was his first conference and I spent a good deal of time talking to him over dinner, introducing him to many other members. I also explained to him there is nothing to be afraid of when it comes to stuttering-but rather, think of it as being excited-you are excited because you are part of a very special community, where you can have the chance to be part of a conference where we all celebrate everything stuttering is. This is one of my favorite lines to use: "What stuttering is, what it can be, and what it will be."

What it will NEVER be is fear. I promise you that.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to describe your stuttering experiences in one word....Go!

2011-05-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

We all have different routines that take place after work. For some of us, we're the first out the door when our workday is over. Others may spend a few minutes checking their BlackBerry or other PDA while juggling a conversation about what will be on the dinner table. The last few weeks, whenever I leave work, I've found myself listening to "Intelligence For Your Life," otherwise known as The John Tesh Radio Show. Syndicated from Los Angeles, and airing here on WKJY/98.3, the show (as well as his web site, http://www.tesh.com) offer valuable tips and great suggestions on all kinds of topics with every type of situation you can think of.

As I was perusing the site yesterday, I came across a phrase that stuck in my mind for a few hours: "The Great Humbling." According to career coach Judith Gerberg, who was cited in the article, there's been a drastic increase in unemployment among college-educated men 35-64, almost double what it was before the recession took place. Now, there seems to be a great shift in attitude, which is going a long way toward helping others find a good position.

I often ask myself how I can describe the experiences of being a person who stutters with one word. Many times when I have spoken to graduate students I am asked various questions, but never in that form. I think it is one of the most difficult things to try and answer something with one word. But if you pin me down and ask that of me, I would say "Stuttering has made me humble."

I've met many people who stutter and while the National Stuttering Association's conference has been viewed as the first day of the rest of your lives (which is emphatically 100 percent true), I think the world humble has shown me a lot because of the work I have done. First, being humble means knowing (and accepting) that it is not about you. Period. This is a lesson that I think unfortunately some people still have not mastered. I am 33 years of age, and it took me into my late twenties to finally understand it. When I was in high school, there may have been times when I wanted an extension on a paper-and granted, some teachers gave it because they felt a student deserved a second chance, etc. I feel that I often excelled in classes where the instructor was a disciplinarian-tough, but fair. While some other students may have been cursing under their breath, I actually relished the chance to sit up front and learn their styles, and the way they taught their classes. I'm the first person who will come forward to congratulate someone on their award if they are presented, and offer my compliments when someone has something wonderful happen to them-receiving a scholarship, being engaged, and so on. If you can't give of yourself to at least say "Congratulations," that's not an attractive quality. It's not fun being a killjoy and making others feel bad. I was that person for a long time. I don't want to ever become him again.

Being humble also means accepting that sometimes you will make mistakes and learn from them. One of the lessons I have stated in my seminars was something my late grandfather taught me: "The only perfect people are dead people. Because they do not have any problems." There's nothing wrong with setting high standards and wanting to achieve them. But if we make an error on the way to that platform, that too is OK. It can be saying something hurtful, breaking a promise to someone. If the executive director of the NSA asks me to do something, my word is my bond. If for some reason I am unable to do it, I will acknowledge my mistake and how to make it right.

Even more than the things I have described, being humble to me also means learning to accept others as they are and knowing you can try to help-even if the other person doesn't want it or can't see the reasons why. I have a good friend named "Johnny" who I grew up with in high school. "Johnny" is my age, 33, but he also has severe learning disabilities that make itvery hard, if not impossible, for him to hold down a job-in fact, his parents made him file for Social Security feeling that his disability will prevent him from any meaningful work. I've often asked myself why he is who he is, and why I am the way I am. We both have our challenges and work the best we can to overcome them. Maybe the rest of the world won't accept him the way he is. But just by listening, offering a supporting hand, that's being humble. Offering to take him out for an occasional dinner at the local diner can be a special gesture that can mean the world to him.

Yes, maybe that's a great word to describe my experiences: Humble. I was humble when I accepted my awards for Volunteer of the Year and Member of the Year and making sure that everyone is owed a part of it. My fellow NSAers make me humble. And I've never been more proud to say that, and always remember the current future lessons they will share with me.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Just Whose Reality Is It Anyway?

2011-04-24T16:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Everywhere you look these days, it's evident that reality television has invaded our worlds and shows no signs of stopping. It started with "The Real World" on MTV, spread to a certain real estate mogul who may run for the highest office in the United States ending each show with "You're fired," and there have even been movies that discuss different aspects of the reality craze: from Ron Howard's "EDtv" to the independent "Series 7: The Contenders." But just a few days ago, the organization that I am heavily involved with, the National Stuttering Association, was directly asked to participate.

I received a phone call from a representative at Ryan Seacrest Productions, based on the West Coast, to discuss my interest in participating in a reality show based around stuttering. My name had been passed on by a colleague who I work with at the NSA, and as I was listening to what was described, I felt my heart racing. Wow, I thought, this is really a chance to do something good and help people who stutter. Now you might be saying, "But I already do that anyway." Yes, I do. Not only am I a chapter leader, but I am also an advocate and an ambassador for the NSA. I could be on television and spread the word about the NSA and just how phenomenal it really is. Right now, with the major victories achieved by "The King's Speech" (winning Oscars for Best Actor, Best Original Screenplay, Best Director, and Best Picture), stuttering awareness has never been as important before, as it is right now. The representative asked me if I would be happy to receive a flyer, and I said sure. As I opened up the attachment, I began to furrow my brow in curiosity when I read that the show wanted to pair me up with a "life coach," someone who could transform my life around and wanted to use an approach which resembled hypnosis. Or as the person told me, "You'll be getting $40,000 worth of therapy for free." This so-called "life coach," would be known as "The Fixer," as he stated he could help you overcome any kind of major life challenge that was preventing you from accomplishing what you wanted.

As it was expected, this naturally drew comments from all different sides of the spectrum of NSA members. Chapter leaders are both new and seasoned professionals, and we also have leaders who are in high school and college. There was a great concern that this company was really not all that interested in truly finding out about stuttering, but rather they were looking for ratings and help promote the agenda of this coach. Some even believed that this show was merely looking to cash in on the fact that now "stuttering is hot." Some members were contacted in different states, including Florida and even north of the border, in Canada. The National Stuttering Association believes that people who stutter not only deserve respect and tolerance, but that above all else, people are human beings first and foremost. Safe to say, their biggest concern was not having their members be exploited or looked at as the butt of a joke.

However, at one time the NSA was featured in a reality show. When the NSA hosted their annual conference in Atlanta back in 2007, we had three of our members play prominent roles in a series broadcast on MTV called "True Life." The episode, called "I Stutter," followed their daily lives as they faced a unique set of challenges. One member, "Melissa," was trying to find a level of comfort with her speech-she would at times identify herself by another name which was easier to say. Another person, "Todd," was an SLP graduate student at West Virginia University and was in danger of being evicted because he could not get a job. Another woman, "Lacey," was trying to become a beauty queen in a state pageant and was scared of having to do well on the oral interview. They were followed around the conference and treated fairly and with respect. They were not coached or prompted to say anything that they did not want to. In fact, "Melissa" is still good friends with the producers to this day. The NSA will be the first organization to offer assistance if there is just and proper representation. When the movie "Talladega Nights" came out, and Columbia Pictures wanted support from NASCAR, the executives at NASCAR insisted their drivers be shown in the best way possible, and not in some stereotypical manner.

After much deliberation, the NSA felt that the right thing to do was to ask its chapter leaders (and members) to refrain from participating in the show. While the NSA may not have any official codes of conduct, I take my responsibilities seriously in the community, and I cannot in good faith have accepted the way I might have been portrayed. They did acknowledge for some people, going on the show might be a good way to help self-confidence. Then again, you can join the NSA too! The NSA also went as far to ask for support from other organizations to join them in their support to boycott the show. What is truly wonderful is that although there may be other organizations that work toward different goals with regard to stuttering, we can see common ground and there is mutual respect.

What caused a great deal of strife is the view that people who stutter need to be "fixed." You can fix a car. You can even fix your cat or dog (which I recommend as an animal lover). But people who stutter don't have to be fixed, nor should they want to. I feel horrible in retrospect that I even considered this program. If I am guilty of something, maybe I was guilty of believing that someone really wanted to help me by giving me a platform where I could share how the NSA has transformed my life and more. I think it's safe to say though that I don't need to be fixed.

For the longest time, I felt like my stuttering made me a mistake. I now firmly say my stuttering made more resilient, and knowing that someone out there will see just who I am.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

And what will you do in July?

2011-04-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Well, spring is finally here. And the telltale signs of it are abound: the mercury is rising, the sun is making more appearances, and unfortunately, so is the severe weather, depending on what region of the country you live in. The smell of grilled bratwurst and hot dogs indicate that the boys of summer have once again returned to the baseball diamond, and there were Opening Days all across the stadiums earlier this month. But you may not be aware of this, but there is also another kind of Opening Day. This is not an official holiday, but it's a time to start the official countdown to four days of a powerful bonding experience unlike anything you will ever know in your life. That's right, I am talking about the 2011 National Stuttering Association Annual Conference. Held this year in Fort Worth, Texas, the Gateway to the American South. Asking someone to describe this event is akin to asking a dentist if he can do a triple root canal in one day...asking the impossible. But if you asked me, I think I could do a great job summarizing it in one sentence: "Four days of kick-ass stuttering education, empowerment, and damn good alcohol." (Of course, you have to remember 21 Means 21).

But as much as I love what my Opening Day means to me, I am also struggling with a concept that tends to make me feel a great twinge of sadness. There are many people out there who stutter who may not want to come to an NSA conference. We know that times are very rough right now, and the economy is wrecking havoc on a lot of people. But regardless, I've traveled up and down the Northeast Megalopolis and met many of my fellow people who stutter, and despite my best intentions, the conference doesn't appeal to some people or they may feel ashamed or frightened to come to an event of this magnitude. I want to use this edition of the blog to discuss why some people feel the way they do, and maybe find some alternatives that could help someone find out about this conference. Long Beach, Calif., was my first one. And so far, it will always be my favorite just because it's the first time. The first time I could say "Hello" without shame, the first time I learned how to look someone in the eye and not stare at the floor because I felt guilty. (Something which I still struggle with to this day). I'm going to discuss some common statements I have heard and share the best way I know how to rebut these arguments. This will hopefully inspire some healthy debate and if it gets one person who is reading it to want to come to the NSA conference this year and see what it's all about, it will have been worth it. One person who will see David Seidler, the Oscar-winning screenwriter of "The King's Speech" share his life story with an electrifying crowd. One person who finally meet another person who stutters and sees that maybe we are all alike, and we're fighting the same challenges every day.

Excuse #1: "A stuttering conference? Good luck with that, it'll never work." My response: If you don't think that this can work, you should know there is an audience...and a very involved one at that." If it can play in Peoria, then it will play everywhere. For those who do not know what this quote means, please allow me to explain. "Will it play in Peoria?" refers to the city of Peoria, Ill., a city that to many is the epitome of Midwestern values. In the days of vaudeville, apparently there was a quote to the effect of "We're playing in Peoria" and over the years, the quote began to manifest itself in different ways. So to be asked "Will it play in Peoria?" means will there be a base, will there be a niche for it. 700+ people who stutter selling out a hotel can't be wrong. Maybe you'd like to meet some of our members who can prove that stuttering can work and be an integegral part of the lives they lead and the ones they change: One young woman from Kansas who wasn't sure she could be an SLP, and now graduated with her degree. How about a teenager from South Dakota who helped inspire a statewide conference about stuttering? It will play. Maybe Homey D. Clown doesn't think certain things will play, but I can certainly affirm that a stuttering conference certainly does, and much more!

Excuse #2: "I don't want to spend my summer vacation like this...boring." My response: Unless you're one of the few who live off the I-4 corridor in Florida or I-405 in Southern California, summer is not exactly year round. We only have three months to take advantage of 80-degree days, crashing ocean waves, good hiking conditions. For some people, their idea of a good vacation is this: going to South Beach and getting smashed at the bars, or going to Las Vegas and bumping and grinding with a woman you won't even remember the next day. Is that really how you want to remember your summer? Imagine returning on the first day of your school year or semester and receiving the obligatory "How was your summer?" You can say "I spent it with my best friends Jim Beam and Jack Daniels" or you can say "I had a frustrating year, but I learned how to channel my anger over stuttering and take control of my life." You can say how you met the most unique people and shared late nights just laughing and crying, and coming together for an emotional banquet on the last night of the conference. Who knows, you may be even able to say you met a really special person there....it's been known to happen!

Excuse #3: "I got better things to spend my money on....like my car payment. Or going to the casinos." My response: Hey we all need to get around. If you want to donate money to the likes of Donald Trump, that's all well and good with me. But for those who are buying a new car, look at it this way. The moment you drive the car off the dealership lot, the car loses 30 percent of its value, and just continues to depreciate. I can guarantee you the lessons you learn here will appreciate in value every time you use them in your daily life. And with every conference you go to, they will grow stronger and become your rock and salvation through good times and bad ones.

Excuse #4: "I really can't be around others who stutter. It just isn't for me, and I'm not ready." My response: This is something that isn't an uncommon feeling. For many people who stutter, it can be frightening enough just to go into a restaurant, or even to go to the local multiplex and buy a movie ticket at the box office. Multiply that by a thousand and you can feel empathy that for a person who struggles with this every day, being in a hotel and surrounded by others 24/7 for four days. But we are in this together. We were all there once. We remember our first time..no, not that one LOL. We remember the feeling of meeting each other, saying our names and knowing that no matter how long it took, what mattered is we were there with one goal in mind.

I hope there may be someone who is reading this who may just want to go to an NSA conference but is still wondering what to do. There's no better time like the present. If ever you felt that you might want to see what it's all about it, then get to Texas. It doesn't matter whether you hike, fly, rent a donkey (well you can if you are at the Grand Canyon) and go on the side of I-30. Just be there. I promise you-you'll going to see yourself in a brand new way. And you'll love it. Go to http://www.westutter.org for the details.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Keep "The King's Speech" R-rated, please.....

2011-03-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone, I begin this blog entry with something I find very interesting, and for some readers, controversial As a person who stutters, there are many different ways to explore this topic, but yet I want to present a debate for both sides that is fair and just. The Weinstein Company, which is the studio behind the Academy Award-winning "The King's Speech," has made a decision to re-release the movie on April 1. This is not an uncommon move for many movies that have been the lucky recipient of a date with Oscar, especially for ones that may have struggled at the box office to attract an audience or want to showcase the film for as long as possible. But what was more shocking was the fact that the new version is "sanitized," and is being rated PG-13. The studio in its press release, lauds the fact that "This action enables those to whom it speaks most directly-young people who are troubled by stuttering, bullying, and other trials-to see it." Now although the studio has not said what specific cuts were made, it is a safe assumption to say that there is one scene which is probably being referenced to. Out of sheer frustration, Colin Firth, who was nothing short of brilliant, swears continuously with the F-bomb to try and express himself. Now we have all heard this word and pretty much like it or not, it is a part of the modern-day vernacular. After all, try and find one person in this lifetime who has not swore using an obscene expression. This one scene is very critical to his performance, and a central theme for the emotional experiences he is going through. In fact, Firth has gone on record in saying "The film should stand as it is." It is always an option for a movie to be re-submitted to the MPAA for an appeal of its rating. I remember when "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" was given the R rating (Under 17 requires an accompanying adult or guardian), and Universal Pictures felt that would prevent teens from seeing it because Adam Sandler is a big draw. So after a few edits, the PG-13 rating was applied. And the MPAA has been a firm proponent that these ratings are guidelines only, they are not meant to be taken as gospel. I want to say emphatically that as a person who stutters, I applaud the fact that more people will be able to see the movie. But what makes me sad is that the studio needs to edit the movie to do so. Watching him struggle forming his words hit home for me because when I am in a funk, I do the same thing. I've struggled with my speech the past month and many times wanted to yell out "Fuck! I can't say the word," but I haven't done so. Probably because I'd be looked at in public. But if you think about it, imagine what the reaction would be if other movies were edited the same way. Look at "Schindler's List." How would a history teacher feel if all the executions were taken away-that is a very upsetting part of our history, but yet it needs to be told. What about "Saving Private Ryan?" How would it look if all the graphic violence was edited out because a student found it upsetting that a soldier stepped on a land mine and his whole body was blown up as a result. Citing another example, take 1988's "The Accused," with Jodie Foster. The movie was hailed for her performance which also won her the Oscar as a rape victim, and the film was mentioned for its accurate portrayal of a victim (and there is a graphic gang rape scene as well). If that was removed, what might the reaction be? When I watched the movie, I felt that was I viewing it from two different perspectives: One as a regular person, but another one as an advocate for the National Stuttering Association and a person who stutters. In many cases, the two can overlap. I think ultimately, the decision on where we stand regarding the editing version is up to each one of us. But there can be no denying the impact this movie has had, and will continue to have for future generations of people who stutter. I think we also need to realize that we are responsible for our own judgments about the movie and it the rating. There may be some who think the R rating automatically means the kiss of death for a movie but there are much worse things to see. I vividly remember watching "Basic Instinct" in theaters and feeling disgusted at first because the film shows human sexuality in a perverse manner. A healthy relationship isn't about S&M or fetishes. It's about caring for someone and loving them deeply in spite of their flaws. But looking back on it, I realize it was one director's interpretation of what love is. My interpretation of the movie: Keep "The King's Speech" proud. Keep it the way it is. My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

To comment or not to comment...that is the ultimate question

2011-03-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

We've all had moments when we have desperately wanted to turn back the hands of time. For instance, when we've hurt someone or done something that has caused irreparable harm to others. In that category we can also include opening of the mouth and saying something that is inappropriate. Those who read my blog on a regular basis know how passionate I am about all things stuttering. But for me, this particular entry is a very personal one.

This past Saturday I happened to be taking a nap while listening to the sounds of one of our all-news stations, 1010WINS (http://www.1010wins.com), and while I usually keep it on for the purpose of knowing what time it is as well as swearing by their live Accuweather forecasts, I was jarred from my sleep by a comment that incensed me.

The former mayor of New York City, Rudy Giuliani, was apparently quoted as saying that when it come to President Barack Obama's policies on Libya, he was a "stuttering weakling." Now I want to make one thing emphatically clear. My blog has never been about politics or whatever ideologies people believe in. But any time a comment is made about stuttering, I will be the first to respond. And boy, did I have a lot to say on this.

To be clear, I was faced with some conflicting emotions on this, whether I should comment on this or not. After all, this isn't the first time someone has said something derogatory about a rival or a competitor. And probably after three weeks, we'll all forget he even mentioned this. But I know as a person who stutters, there could be no way in good conscience I could let this go. I am very proud to be an advocate who stutters, and whenever support is needed for anything stuttering, I am often the first one who will happily volunteer-not because I have to, but because I want to. We all make our mark on this world in different ways-some lecture. Some paint and contribute timeless pieces to museums. Others write about the world and how it can be changed. Well, my way of making this world better is to educate and empower people who stutter. That is my mission, and my work is never done.

These days, it seems like there is a strong trend to hold people accountable for what they say. Sure, being a politician can get ugly. We have watched the commercials ("Candidate A raised taxes! Candidate B fathered a child out of wedlock!") as mud is thrown at each other. It seems like any sense of civility is fake, even at debates ("I want to say how honored I am to be here with my worthy adversary...). But corporations and other businesses are very quick to distance themselves from incendiary comments. I can remember a few years ago when Jeremy Shockey, the former tight end for the New York Giants, made a comment about the fans at a home game against Miami Dolphins, because they left early. Apparently he didn't realize that the fans left early because Yom Kippur was beginning at sundown, and very quickly the Giants had to issue a press release apologizing for his comments. According to Paul Schwartz of the New York Post, John Mara, who was the vice-president of the team, acknowledged that "Shockey is not going to be close to being aware of that." And I'm sure he was chastised about it privately. While it is easy to admire the ex-mayor for his leadership during America's darkest hour when the World Trade Center and Pentagon were attacked, I can't help but feel he should have known better than to make a comment like that. Consider the fact that New York City is the most diverse place on the planet, you'd think he would be more accommodating. After all, this is a city where an Orthodox Jew and Muslim can ride side by side by the subway, or even be friends, and no one would think twice about it.

I did write a letter to him and I addressed my feelings in a diplomatic manner. As to whether I will get any response from him, that remains to be seen. But let me ask you. If we don't stand up for ourselves as people who stutter, then who will? People who stutter are not weak. On the contrary, they are some of the most strongest people I know. My fellow members of the National Stuttering Association are driven and they will never let their speech stand in the way. They are my strength everlasting.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

All Hail The Conquering Hero...King George VI!!!!

2011-03-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

First, I would like to apologize for not writing on blog frequently. I have to admit that a few things have come up, but now that I am back, I hope to contribute on a weekly basis and continue to share my thoughts about stuttering with all of you.

I still get chills when I think about Feb. 27th, at 8 p.m. The significance of this date will forever be remembered for the Oscars. As a movie buff, most fans watch the Oscars for the key awards: Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and so on. It is well worth it to "suffer" through the technical awards for cinematography and special effects. And despite the fact that we all sit glued to our televisions and marvel at all the celebrities in their gowns that cost a small fortune and their extolling the virtues of their designers, we can't help but wonder what it would be like to be there and witness Hollywood's biggest night, while simultaneously eating a pizza and watching Anne Hathaway and James Franco struggle to live up to the standards set by Bob Hope, and Billy Crystal. You can even add Hugh Jackman's name onto that list.

But as a person who stutters, tonight was going to a defining moment for those who struggle with this communication disorder, as well as SLPs and graduate students looking to enter the field. "The King's Speech" was nominated for 12 Oscars, and was pitted against "The Social Network" in most of the major categories. You often notice that when the celebrities are interviewed on the red carpet, a common cliché is "Well, it's such a thrill to be nominated." Yes, to an extent that is true. Just by the fact that this movie brought tremendous recognition to the cause of stuttering awareness was truly inspiring. Myself, and many other chapter leaders (as well as NSA members) were interviewed by many newspapers, and even radio stations. There were major publications such as The Buffalo News and The Washington Post, and one of our members who works heavily in Family Programs was interviewed on a radio broadcast in Detroit. Another chapter leader appeared on a morning news show in Syracuse. This media campaign, which was orchestrated by the NSA, was something to celebrate and admire. But little did we know that the special night was just beginning.

You see, David Seidler who wrote the original screenplay for the movie, is a person who stutters. He also happens to be our keynote speaker for the 2011 National Stuttering Association annual conference, being held in the great state of Texas. A native of London, but also a Long Islander (who grew up in Great Neck), Seidler's first screenplay was for the 1988 movie "Tucker: A Man And His Dream," starring Jeff Bridges. According to Wikipedia, Seidler located the son of Lionel Logue, the speech therapist who helped King George VI with his stammering. The son, Valentine Logue, was a retired brain surgeon who was eager to share the work of his father, but there was one caveat: He had to receive written authorization from the Queen Mother. After reaching out to her, the Queen's secretary wrote back and politely requested he cease work on the project during her lifetime. In 2005, Seidler decided to pick up where he left off.

Fast forward six years, and that brings us to the moment when Javier Bardem and Josh Brolin, two winners themselves, uttered the phrase that people who stutter have been waiting a lifetime for. "And the Oscar goes to...David Seidler, for "The King's Speech." Within 30 seconds, every member of the NSA Nation who was on Facebook immediately started to post congratulatory messages. "You are my hero," one young woman said. Another one said simply, "He did it!" But there was one more moment, and to quote Whitney Houston, it was one moment in time: "I accept this award on behalf of all the stutterers throughout the world. We have a voice, we have been heard, thanks to you, the Academy." I ran outside in a flash, while my parents had an incredibly bewildered look on their face. " I started my car, and drove up and down the street, honking in pure delirium and sheer joy. But the night was just getting started. Best Director? Check. Best Actor, Colin Firth? Yes. Best Picture? Damn Skippy!

There can be no doubt that Seidler's words have resonated with everyone who stutters. Yes, we have a voice. There is not any reason why we should not be heard. If you scroll onto my Facebook page, you'll notice that where the personal picture spot is, there's a poster of "The King's Speech." I think it's safe to say that photo is going to remain there forever.

I have a good friend and fellow person who stutters who also runs her own blog, "Make Room For The Stuttering" (you can find it at http://stutterrockstar.wordpress.com) who recently posed an interesting question about the movie, and the title says it all: "What Happens When They Forget?" After I started reading it, I realized everything she said is on point. To quote her verbatim, "We can't complacently ride the coattails of this movie." Truer words have never been said. When I saw that line, I couldn't help but think of the movie "Schindler's List." Steven Spielberg has stated time and again in interviews that this movie is the most personal to him, because many of those Holocaust survivors are dying off and their stories go with them. Despite the fact that the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC is a living testament to that atrocity, there are ignorant people who continue to deny it happened, saying it was a conspiracy or some other nonsensical statement. Well, "The King's Speech" is in a similar vein in the sense that we MUST continue to advocate and empower each other, and those future SLPs as well. We cannot allow anyone else to do that for us. Our stories need to be told. And there is proof of that-more people who stutter are doing public speaking. I absolutely LOVE that!

What "The King's Speech" did on Oscar night was fire a shot for stuttering awareness heard around the world. I like using that phrase because it rings. There are good shots, like this one. There can also be shots that tear a nation apart, like the shot that started the Civil War at Fort Sumter, near Charleston, S.C.

But this shot can be crystal clear. All Hail The King!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Steven from the Long Island Stuttering Block!

2011-02-19T12:24:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I hope the middle of February finds each one of you doing very well. The winds are howling with glee on Long Island, and for those of you who feel like this year has been very trying, I wanted to share something special with you. This is something I have never ever done, but sometimes there are divine moments of inspiration that strike you and it can come at the most random of times.

The New York City metropolitan area has been home to many a dynamic performer. Most recently, a young woman named Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, who is better known as Lady Gaga (from Yonkers, right over the Bronx County-Westchester County line) and Jennifer Lopez, who also brought the boogie-down Bronx flavor to the West Coast where she was a Fly Girl on FOX-TV's "In Living Color" and later a singer with hits like "If You Had My Love" and her anthem, "Jenny From the Block."

Well, with credit to Ms. Lopez, I decided to do my own little tweaking and create a song/poem of my own. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did creating it. And now, for your reading pleasure, I give you....Steven from the Long Island Stuttering Block!

Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,
Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,
Some days I have a little, other times a lot,
But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)

Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,
Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,
Some days I have a little, other times a lot,
But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)

From stretching to easy onset to airflow as a fix
Struggling to understand why my voice locks and dips
I stayed focused as the putdowns and insults entered in
I am genuine and you know I told you
I am real with my friends, from Cali to Kansas to Ohio to Tennessee
It's just me being me: never unoriginal, don't judge or bully me
Because my passion and enthusiasm is what you see

Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,
Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,
Some days I have a little, other times a lot,
But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)

Don't be scared by the vocal spasms that I got,
Because I'm Steven Kaufman from the NSA's Long Island Stuttering Block,
Some days I have a little, other times a lot,
But my fellow people who stutter know where I come from (Strong Island!)

I never imagined in my wildest dreams I could be this
Resurrecting myself from the self-imposed darkness of a verbally confusing mess
With NSA Nation I've grown up and lived so much
For the first time I do what I want and say everything and I love it
I always put NSA Nation first and foremost
And being a member gives you every right to boast.

Dedicated to all the members of the NSA Nation, who are the driving force in my life.

You Gotta Have Heart!

2011-02-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

As the midway point of what has been a truly rough winter (and one that I particularly enjoy), there's an undeniable excitement that has invaded the New York metropolitan area, as well as all over the country. Spring training is coming, the time when we all eagerly await another season of the boys of summer, hot dogs, and the program hawkers who make this game what it is. Yet we also take time to reflect on what has changed.

I remember reading a few days ago that one of my favorite pitchers for the New York Yankees, Andy Pettitte, decided to call it a career. At the farewell press conference, he succinctly said all he needed to. "My heart just isn't in the game anymore," he stated, as he was looking forward to returning to Texas and spending time with his wife and family. In the days that followed, I intently listened to WFAN, which is one of the biggest all-sports radio stations, as the lines lit up with callers expressing admiration for what he accomplished. Even those he played against grudgingly had to admit what he meant to the game, and the words that were often tossed out frequently included "heart" and "competitor."

I never used to know what having a heart was all about. People mention the word "heart" and the first thing that comes to mind is what keeps you alive. Sure, that's true. But what does having heart mean? Is it character? Is it empathy? Is it a desire to see what you're really made of?

For me, when I think of having a heart, the first thing that comes to mind is a realization. I wake up every day and thank the world that someone up there recognizes I can contribute so many things to make the world better for people who stutter. I think that having a heart makes you care a great deal for others, but you see that caring reflected in different ways.

As someone who stutters, but also one who does recognize that stuttering is a disability and presents me with a unique set of challenges, my heart has shown me that caring is more than saying words of encouragement. It's about knowing how to conduct yourself around other people and knowing that others deserve basic respect. Having heart is about learning to share with yourself, and even more than that, knowing that we all owe it to everyone who stutters to set the best example we can.

You gotta have heart......and I hope you do.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Mr. Warhol, I'm ready for my fifteen minutes...and I am using them to help others!

2011-01-31T12:06:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

I would like to say that is a wonderful thrill for me to return to blogging, which is one of the best things I have in my life-it's more than a journal, offers more pleasure than a respite, and above all else, shows that there is a world out there full of hope and dreamers who stutter, and they know every day is another chance to make things happen, regardless of who they are or where they are going in their life.

I was out for a long walk one day and suddenly the phrase "slightly ahead of his/her time" popped into my head. Throughout history, you can probably count on one hand the number of times this could be applied. It could be an average person with a brilliant idea, an artist who is a visionary and see things no one else could, or a CEO with a broad plan to make the company better. When I was an undergraduate journalism major at Long Island University, I would have never suspected it, but one of my communications professors, Dr. Jackson (again, names have been changed) was one of them. I remember he was lecturing about the Internet and how many changes would come abound as a result, and he said "Mark my words: In five years, the cable companies will be knocking down your door to offer you high-speed access." How right he was. But on the opposite end of the range we have someone who epitomizes being ahead of time: Andy Warhol, the renowed pop artist, and his personal philosophy, being paraphrased, which is "Everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame."

In December, the Long Island chapter of the National Stuttering Association was interviewed by a freelance reporter from Newsday, which is the main daily newspaper in the Long Island suburbs. We had four members present, among them myself, and three others of varying ages. This was the brainchild of one of our members, and we were going to share our experiences about stuttering and the movie "The King's Speech," which was continuing its steamrolling with winning many awards and accolades. I cannot stress this enough, that if you are a person who stutters, or an SLP, this is a movie you MUST see. You will do yourself a great disservice if you don't. After we spent two hours with the reporter, we were informed the following month that our article was going to be a full-page story in the Long Island Life section of the Sunday newspaper. A photographer came to my house and took several photos of me, as she did for others who were featured in the story. I was told the article would run Jan. 16, and as is my dad's custom, we all go out to the local diner on Saturday night, and many times they will carry a special early edition. When my dad opened up the paper, I ran immediately toward the Long Island Life section, and my jaw froze. I was featured on the cover under the headline "The Face Of Stuttering."

I really didn't know what to say, but my mom knew exactly what to do. She started calling everyone she knew, and sure enough, word began to spread. In fact, I walked into the local deli to pick up dinner one weeknight, and the waitress who knows I am a regular said, "Here's the local celebrity!" I tried to downplay it, stating that this article will be benefit everyone who stutters. As I always do when I speak, I try to include examples of other people who do amazing work. That is the crux of the NSA. We are special people, who can do spectacular things when we tap into the potential we have.

These days, it seems like everyone is getting their fifteen minutes, and it's not always for the best reasons. An elected official is caught taking money he (or she) couldn't have. A trade organization is angry because a contract was not passed, and they vow to ruin everyone else's lives until they get want. Maybe Andy Warhol was right. We all get fifteen minutes. How we use them, whether it is to help or hurt, is up to us-and no one else.

Every time I read the article, I am reminded of a classic line from the movie "Sunset Boulevard," which was revived on Broadway a few years ago with Glenn Close. Norma Desmond, the fallen starlet states "I am BIG, it's the pictures that got small." Well, there's no better way I can end this posting of my blog with this statement: "I am but one small person doing what I can to change the world for people who stutter. It's the National Stuttering Association that is big."

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person that stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Meet Toledo, a city on the Maumee.....

2011-01-14T09:18:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon everyone,

As we begin to creep ever so close to the next National Stuttering Association conference, one of the things that I relish the most is doing research and reading up on the culture of the state and metropolitan area I will be in. I enjoyed learning about Ohio and the unique aspects of the state. For example, you might enjoy devouring JoJo potatoes, which are apparently very popular at pizza places here-they are quartered potatoes rolled in the same flour as the broasted or pressure fried chicken and then fried in a pressure cooker. (Good luck getting that elsewhere). However, you never know what kind of things you will find that could inspire you to write about stuttering. And for this edition of my blog, I want to talk about.....Toledo.

A city located on the Maumee River very close to the border of Michigan in Western Ohio, Toledo is home to a sports team called the Walleye. It's a minor league hockey team affiliated with the Detroit Red Wings, and it is in the East Coast Hockey League. Most people hear that, and just think, "Well, it's just another team. Why should I be interested?" Well, this little nugget of information happened to catch my eye. According to a piece in The Hockey News from Jan. 17, 2011, the team is operated by a nonprofit organization and the fans will have to pay the cost of running the team, with all the revenue going toward the mortgage on the rink. As the director of public relations, Jason Griffin, said in the story, "They all feel like they have a stake in it. Fans come to the rink just because it's the place to be."

For the longest time, I felt like I was owned by stuttering. When you are growing up, it's kind of hard not to feel that way. You want to do something specific. You want to go up to someone and say hello, but you're frightened of what's going to happen. So you see them in the mall, and nod at them instead of going up and talking to them. You want to tell someone that they aren't helping you by finishing your sentences, but yet you feel that it is just not possible. It took me several SLPs and a lot of frustrations to get to the point where I can say, "Stuttering doesn't own me, but rather I own my stuttering. And I will dictate what happens from here on out."

The National Stuttering Association is very unique in the sense that we, too, own a piece of it, and it's very important that we develop that to its fullest fruition. I am always acknowledged and I often hear "But you do so much." I am a person who stutters, but also, I am an individual owner-of my feelings, of my goals, and how I conduct myself in relationships with my peers and others.

When I look back on the first time I did an open microphone session at an NSA conference, it feels like a moment frozen in time. Here I was, just some scared twentysomething from a suburb of New York, who had traveled 3,000 miles from home to be with others who stutter and were running the gamut of emotions. On that day, even if I didn't realize it, I started to become an owner. An owner of a new life that I could create. There will be setbacks. There will be times when I wonder if things will get better. But I know they will. Because being an owner means that you have ultimate control of your stuttering. And that is more powerful than anything else.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The ball dropped.....and life goes on!

2011-01-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

The phrase "bucket list" became a hot staple of the modern day dictionary a few years ago when the movie "The Bucket List" hit theaters. The "list" refers to special achievements and personal goals we want to recognize in our life before our time on earth is finished. And for many people, they had the chance to cross one item off that list just a few days ago. Some travel from half an hour away in the Long Island suburbs, others come from halfway across the world for sixty seconds of radiance, dazzle, and glitter-yes, the Ball dropping in Times Square in front of a million or two people. No one cares if the person standing next to you is sick, or if you haven't used the bathroom in seven hours. It's all about that one moment.

My New Year's Eve was spent at a party hosted by a fellow member of the National Stuttering Association. She stutters very mildly, and there were three of us total who attended-myself, "Heather," and "Stacey." (All names changed to protect the identities). I decided to bring back the tradition of getting all dressed up on this holiday-I wore a tuxedo with matching blue tie and cummerbund. But I also made the choice to completely let myself go and stutter freely. It was the first time in my life I had ever done that.

I need to explain what I mean by the term "stuttering freely." I am always adamant and open about the fact that I stutter. I enjoy talking about it with close friends as well as people I meet for the first time. However, I make a strong effort to try and use the techniques I have learned in speech therapy-controlled breathing, etc. to try and be somewhat fluent. When I get excited, for me what I notice is that I will just blurt out whatever comes to mind, regardless of how it comes out-and then once I realize I'm doing that, I force myself to collect my thoughts and try to practice my speech in a real-life situation. I was talking to the date of one of the guests, and if you heard me, you would have seen that it took me thirty seconds to get out one sound. If my speech therapist heard that, he probably would have cringed.

We see the New Year as a time of hope. A time to put the past away and relish what the future could be. I left this party early because I had to make the 12:31 train back to Port Washington. (The joys of mass transit, being bound to a schedule). As I was walking back on Broadway, I could experience the joy that 2011 was here. Air horns were blaring. Voices screaming with glee, strangers yelling from their apartment windows "Happy New Year!" I even saw a church choir outside with prayer candles greeting me as I walked past the mountains of snow that had yet to be removed. I could hear the sonic boom of fireworks going off with every block I passed. And still, there were very few public celebrations in Astoria that night. People were going about their business, seeing the clock has passed midnight and it was a day like any other-a Saturday, a chance to continue progress.

I do not know what the New Year will bring. I do have some goals I'd like to meet: getting a job in the federal government, attending the NSA conference in Fort Worth, Texas. But for the first time, maybe it's good I do not have any resolutions. The only thing I know is that I'll wake up and the sun will rise tomorrow. It shall be a day when I can once again refocus my energies on promoting the NSA and making this world better for people who stutter. "The King's Speech" has done a great deal for stuttering awareness, but we can do more. We will make our lives better, and we'll change some lives in the process.

Happy New Year...may it bring you everything you desire. And if you are wondering if there's anything you can do to help your stuttering, go to http://www.westutter.org and check it out. And tell them I sent you.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Hi, I'm a person that cares!

2010-12-22T20:57:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

These days it seems like getting a compliment is a foreign concept. For so many people saying "I appreciate you" or "You are a great asset to this organization" is an experience they will never receive. I have been on the opposite ends of this spectrum at various times in my life. I have won awards from the National Stuttering Association, I've had articles published in academia and other forms of media. I have also been seen as a nobody...but hey, who hasn't been? But recently, I was discussing some interviewing tips with a friend, and he gave me a very interesting response to the question "What is your greatest weakness?" Well, the logical response in this situation is to turn it into a strength. I responded by saying "I care too much. And I am glad I do, because that allows me to make a difference in this world."

If I were to ask this question of ten different people on the street, it's only logical I'd get ten different responses. There are those who believe that "caring too much" will get you taken advantage of. I don't see it that way. Especially in the times we live in, the ability to care about something (or someone) and show empathy is something never to take for granted. Sure, I often say I am a very passionate supporter of the NSA and stuttering awareness. And yes, perhaps I can be a little obsessive from time to time. Still, being obsessive and focusing on details is a key element to trying to sustain any level of success.

If you have followed the business sections of the local papers (or nationally), you may have heard of a very successful man named Ted Leonsis. He happens to own the Washington Capitals hockey team as well as being the majority owner of the Washington Wizards. In a recent article in "The Hockey News," he was asked why he wanted to own a hockey team. I've noticed that as I am turning 33 in April, I seem to discover a lot of things about life that I am finding out there really is no road map for-like how to embrace a challenge. Some people always run away, and yet others go toward them-even when the risks are too high. Leonsis stated that owning the Capitals was an opportunity you could not get anywhere else: In the National Hockey League, there are 30 teams. But only one will win the Stanley Cup. Not everyone has the ability to want to participate in that kind of challenge.

At the end of the article, though, he made a compelling point which was the inspiration to write this latest rendition of my blog. "As an owner, your job is to set the strategy, articulate the vision, provide the resources, and be very, very, passionate and an advocate for your product. If you're obsessive about all the things that are in your control, you are creating a culture that will allow excellence and success to flourish. I can't play, but I can make the players' locker room is really clean and the water in their showers is hot."

I often ask myself what I am in control of. Am I in control of my stuttering? Yes. I can control the ability to go to speech therapy and commit myself to practicing the techniques I have learned. Am I control of the economy? No, but that doesn't mean I can't take advantage of every chance I have to refine my interviewing abilities. I am in control of what I want out of life. We all make resolutions, and by the first hour, 99.9 percent of them are already broken. Well, maybe it's time to control that from happening again. I have lots of things I want to control. Some of them will pop up at a random moment. Regardless, I've never been so happy to say I care too much. I will always be like that. There is a knight, who is often inexperienced, but pure of heart. The thirties really is the start of my life. And no matter what happens, I'll never stop caring about any person-whether they stutter or not.

I would like to wish a very Merry Christmas to those readers of my blog, and a Happy Hanukkah & Kwanzaa. May you celebrate safely and with the ones you love.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters (and cares). Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

If you really don't have anything nice to say......

2010-12-16T12:01:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

As I was picking up my car today from the mechanic, I had to stop for a few moment and reflect on an interesting topic for this blog. The holidays are upon us, and although we associate them with the usual symbols: the lights, giving of gifts, the mad rush of shoppers at the local mall, sometimes we also neglect to include the need to not say things that eat away at people's very existence of being. I am a strong advocate of being outspoken, especially about things that I am passionate about, such as the National Stuttering Association. But no matter how old you are, sometimes the simple lesson of not saying anything nice if you don't have anything good to say seems to elude the most intelligent of people.

Over breakfast, I was reading the sports section of Newsday, which is our daily publication here and the main source of news for all things Long Island. There was an article about the New York Islanders, which on most days I would have moved past, yet this was different. The Islanders are Long Island's NHL team, and are in serious danger of moving. Despite being a dynasty at one time and being the only U.S.-based team to win four straight championships, the team has continually struggled-failed rebuilds, poor management, an owner who wanted a new arena and complex and was denied it by the local governing board, and on a good night, may be lucky to draw 10,000 fans. Still, they have a loyal following, but these times are mightily testing the fans' patience.

As the story goes, three of the Islanders players (James Wisniewski, Doug Weight, and Andrew MacDonald) were at a local hospital giving out gifts to children who were struggling with chronic illnesses, and trying to offer a temporary if not delightful respite from what they were having to face on a daily basis. One of the nurses, who was not identified in the story, happened to be a season ticket holder and decided to let the players know she felt, as the team had at one time lost 17 out of 18 games. According to Wisniewski, "She was saying nobody wants to go to your games, you've been giving tickets away for free. It was kind of like with that first comment, 'Whoa.' And then the second and third, it's to the point where we had to walk away. I'm a newlywed and I don't want to take my work home with me."

We have all good days and bad days with our speech. Part of the challenge of being a person who stutters is not knowing when or where it may happen. I understand I get frustrated. I accept that 100 percent fluency is asking the impossible. But to have someone criticize me for something I can't control does sting, and I have to do what's right and walk away. There are many people out there who love to put down others because it makes them feel better about who they are. When I attended the job fair for people with disabilities in Washington DC last month, sure, I was the only one who stuttered. It is evident to anyone I meet once I open my mouth, they'll know I stutter. But I also met people who were blind, and deaf, and in wheelchairs. That certainly does not give me the right to ask about their issues. I am approachable and am happy to answer questions about stuttering. However, I respect the fact that some people do not want to talk about what they face. And that's fine too.

Just reading that, I could not help but feel disgusted. And I would bet that now this story has run, her co-workers are going to be also embarrassed too. I always think about the famous line from "The Godfather" which goes, "Never embarrass the family." The National Stuttering Association means everything to me, it is my life. I do not want to do something that would embarrass them or myself.

So if you ever feel angry and frustrated about your stuttering and want to lash out, before you do, take a look around and ask yourself: Can I deal with this in a better way? Of course. NSA chapters are thriving all across the USA, I would strongly encourage you to join one. It could be the greatest move you ever make. And you won't have to lecture any hockey players to do it either.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The biggest gifts need not be wrapped......

2010-12-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

The mercury has finally dropped, and now I look forward to this time, although fleeting as it may be. I know the holiday season is in full effect, and everyone is ready to lose their mind, running around like a chicken with their head cut off. The crowds at Black Friday, the nerves getting ready to be frazzled. But I am not a holiday person, for the most part. I actually relish the cold weather because when I was growing up, I felt the cold winds acted as a protector from the negative feelings that would envelop me from my parents and classmates. The snow flurries would be grabbed by me, if only for a few seconds, then to turn to tears, as if to say "I understand what you are going through, and I will cry with you."

Saturday night, Dec. 4, the National Stuttering Association chapters of Manhattan (New York County) and Long Island got together to host a holiday party. I know as the adage says there is always places to go, people to see, and we all run on different schedules. Some of us are struggling with a job search, others facing challenges raising children or having difficulty in relationships. But I always relish the times I can spend with my NSA colleagues. I emphatically believe we will always know each other better than anyone else can even begin to understand. After deciding against having a party at a restaurant, we chose to have a catered meal at a private party room on West 43rd between Eighth and Ninth Avenues, within striking distance of Times Square. Although I live 45 minutes from Pennsylvania Station, to me New York City might as well be a different world. Every time I go there I am awed, and yet I still feel like I don't belong.

I caught the 6:16 train from Hicksville, and it was standing room only into the city. There was a cacaphony of conversations that going on, bombarding me from all sides: "Hey, did the Rangers play tonight?" "No, Megan, I don't have the kids, doesn't Uncle Joey have them?" And of course, there were just those trying to catch a nap or text their friends. But you couldn't help but notice that there were smiles, even if the times we are living in test us all times.

I entered the private apartment building, and took the elevator up to the club level. After walking through the door, I was greeted by the chapter leader of the Manhattan chapter, and I was elated to see one of my chapter members join us. I also had the chance to exchange greetings with some other NSA members, one of which is a social worker and his lovely wife, who runs a fashion blog. And of course, more people filtered in, one of them being a first-time attendee to the National Stuttering Association conference this past July. We all sat down to a delicious dinner from Ben's Deli, a platter full of roast beef, turkey, corned beef, and pastrami, rye bread, pickles, cole slaw, potato salad, pizza, beer, wine. And although it probably went to my butt a few days later, that didn't matter to me at all. Neither did the fact that the beautiful buildings of NYC provided the backdrop.

There's been so many sentiments echoed that the holidays are now all commercialized, and all that matters is how much you sell or buy. But I am also starting to unlearn many things that I learned growing up, and as I am 32, I'm beginning to see the world in many different ways. Those four hours I spent with my new friends and current ones meant more to me than any gift I could possibly get.

Sometimes the best gifts aren't the ones that are wrapped. I know I can be my own worst enemy, and no one sees my flaws like I do. 2010 has been a year shaped by a lot of setbacks, and a lot of exciting things: the mission of the NSA is taking on a bigger meaning, stuttering awareness is becoming a major issue for a lot of people that needs to be shared. But the last few weeks are reminding me that New Year's Day is another chance to raise the bar even higher. I will do something great with my life. I am going to let the world know that no matter what happens, Steven Kaufman is not going anywhere.

Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy Kwanzaa to all those who celebrate. May you be blessed and remember that you are somebody. I know I am.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Excuse me, Mr. Officer.......

2010-12-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

I have to admit that I am becoming really addicted to Facebook. For the longest time, me and technology might as well have been the equivalent of oil and water. Yet these days, social media has not only become a godsend to many of us, but an essential. When I was in high school, to have access to American Online made you stand out in a good way. To have a beeper was considered more of a fashion statement than anything else, but imagine going out today and not having a cell phone or a Bluetooth. Or even an Ipod, for that matter. Yes, I know I still need to get one. For the longest time I drove a 2000 Ford Focus that still had a tape deck, for crying out loud. But there were some good perks-I got some pretty good mileage out of my "Footloose" soundtrack. And hey, I did make a killing at used record stores buying a great deal of cassettes for $4 each.

But more than anything, Facebook has given us a chance to connect with each other. I won't say it is a substitute for a phone call or a handwritten letter, but for members of the National Stuttering Association like myself, it's invaluable for us to share information and keep in touch throughout the year instead of sending 400+ emails in a month. I also look forward to seeing what people are up to. But sometimes you log on to Facebook and there is something that just catches your eye, and forces you to do a double-take. That happened a few days ago involving one of my good friends. This story is about a young woman named "Jasmime." Please note Jasmine is not her real name, it is used to protect her identity. Jasmine hails from West Virginia.

I met Jasmine at an NSA conference in Scottsdale, Ariz., in 2009, and she is a person who stutters. Jasmine is very outgoing and enjoys a good time. She posted a conversation that took place with a police officer, and it really made me think about how the police officer conducted himself. Jasmine was apparently stopped by this officer very late on a Saturday morning. As most people would be, she began get a little apprehensive as the policeman approached. Jasmine started to stutter moderately and the officer assertively asked "Have you been drinking?" As she was getting flustered, and trying to explain that she had not been drinking, but she was stuttering, she turned to show the officer her "Stutter Like A Rock Star" bracelet, which was sold at the Cleveland conference. These pieces of apparel are the brainchild of a fellow NSA member who also has a well-followed blog, and who does a great deal of public speaking and advocates for people with disabilities. As Jasmine kept explaining, the officer had a look of suspicion, questioning whether she was being truthful or just trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation. After a long while, the police officer let her go.

There are a couple of interesting angles to look at this situation from a person who stutters. Jasmine had every right to be angry, and most would be in that situation. The officer probably felt he was justified in doing this, because here is a young woman driving alone late at night. To have a sworn representative of the community, someone who is asked to uphold the laws act like this really could raise a few eyebrows. After all, isn't a police officer supposed to be respectful and tolerant of other people's disabilities?Many police departments when new recruits are getting ready to start their jobs, require "sensitivity training" to be aware of potential problems that might come across. Dealing with people of different faiths, or those who have life-threatening medical conditions, can be demanding at the very least. Which brings the question, why isn't stuttering in there? After all, stuttering is a very unique thing for many people. It isn't something that is dealt with on an everyday basis, unless you are one of the many who do.

Now for the record, I need to say that I am not anti-law enforcement in any way. Ever since Sept. 11, 2001, we need to always remember when others ran away, police ran toward. I wear my New York Yankees hat not because I am a fan, but also because the "interlocking NY" represents the police and other agencies who answered the call when the Twin Towers fell that day. It only takes one negative experience to be remembered.In retrospect, the officer may have very well come across rude and insensitive. I believe he did. If anything, those who protect our community should be held to a higher standard in terms of their behavior. As a chapter leader for the National Stuttering Association, I always am visible and I have to hold myself accountable for what I say and do. If I don't, then maybe no one else will. There is nothing I enjoy most in the world, and I don't want to be some elected official who is caught doing something he or she shouldn't have, and then have to be red-faced and apologize.

Regardless of what happens, I am sure Jasmine learned a valuable lesson that I remember every day: There are no off days when it comes to advocating for yourself, and educating others. There is more work to be done. My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Thank you for the memories........

2010-11-26T11:27:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

"There's a lot of things I understand. And there's a lot of things I don't want to know."-from "I Think God Can Explain" by Splender.

As I write this latest edition of my blog entry, I have to say that my mind has been experiencing the rollercoaster of emotions that come with the month of November. I find myself alternating between the excitement of the fall, the anticipation of the raw, piercing winds, the energies that surround me and allow me to feel so alive with the snow coming down, and yet the sadness that the holidays can bring. But sometimes we have to feel tragedy impact our lives and the actions of how we deal with these. They can bring us closer together, or envelop us in its self-destruction.

Those who have read my blog know how aggressively I am involved with the National Stuttering Association. It is the greatest love of my life, and I give all praise and glory to them for allowing me to do what I do to help enrich the world of people who stutter. We are a family, and we look out for one another. I take my responsibilities seriously and hold myself accountable to everyone who stutters around the world. However, that family has been decreased by the loss of one of our members.

I first met Chris Norman at the National Stuttering Association in Long Beach, Calif., in 2006, which was my inaugural conference. Chris was pursuing his speech language pathology degree and was a person who stutters. We have many members of our organization who stutter, yet are fiercely determined to be SLPs and help to give back to those who have to face this complex communicative disorder every day. At the time, he lived in Seattle and was a chapter leader for the Pacific Northwest region. We got along very well, and one of the many things that I treasure is that no matter where you live, there's a firm bond between people who stutter, and age doesn't matter at all. The NSA is one organization where age and gender mean absolutely nothing. We stayed in touch periodically through Facebook, and he eventually went on to the University of Nebraska at Lincoln for his doctorate. It seemed that he had decided his own path, and was doing very well in all his endeavors.

Chris passed away early this month. I went on Facebook one day early this month and saw messages with "Rest In Peace" written on his page, which had been memorialized in his honor. Confused, I went on and began to read further. And it was like time had stood still. I just felt hypnotized by all these messages and didn't know what to do, or what to say. I went to work like I usually do, but yet that was all I could keep thinking about.

When someone dies at an early age, it's normal to experience a multitude of emotions-shock, for one. Sadness. Anger. I spent many nights crying, feeling helpless and when you hear "Well, things happen for a reason," or "It was God's will," it doesn't make you feel any better and sounds truly condescending.

When I was on America Online a while ago and each member had the option to set up a profile (man, I am that old to remember those days LOL), each user could include a personal quote. Now of course, some people decided to take liberties and make theirs perverted with double meanings. I chose to make mine simple, and I used a quote from the movie "Tomb Raider 2: Cradle of Life," which states "Everything that is lost is meant to be found."

Yet the more I thought about that quote and how it related to Chris's death, I began to wonder if that is true. There will be many people looking for answers, myself included. His parents, his friends, his colleagues. In this case, we may never know what happened. I am a very easy person to read, and I am very outspoken-I wear my heart on my sleeve, and always will. Some are more reserved, maybe he was one of them. Perhaps the answers will be revealed in time, or not. Regardless, I was very lucky to know him. He was one of the very first people who stuttered I met at the NSA conference.

There are times when I wonder what prevented me from taking my own life. The only thing I can think of is that someone up there believes in me very much. I am not religious at all, never have been. The only thing I believe in is the NSA. I have met so many remarkable people who stutter who have achieved tremendous success. As I am 32 now, maybe I am starting to see that I do have a very special gift-I can help others change their life. It won't happen overnight. But I can start to show others there is hope out there. I will be someone they can rely on and if someone hates stuttering, I will be the first one to talk with them and offer help in any way I can.

Thank you for the memories, Chris. The pleasure of meeting you was all mine.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

And now, live from the city of red, white, and blue, it's stuttering advocacy!!!

2010-11-19T20:19:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

There's an old saying that states "You'll have plenty of time to sleep when you're dead." We have all had times in our life when we feel tired, so beaten down that we are ready to raise the white flag and throw away everything that we have worked so hard for. Friday for many people marks the start of the weekend, when your brain slowly begins to shut down in anticipation of happy hour and a chance to relax. Maybe this is me, but Friday doesn't mark the start of a weekend-it's a chance to start laying the foundation for another quest, one to find employment and represent myself proudly as a person who stutters.

Yesterday, I left Long Island for Baltimore-Washington International Airport, via Southwest Airlines. My final destination? The city of Washington, DC. For those who have read my blog, I have spoken greatly of this jewel of a city that I have come to embrace as my own. For the longest time, Washington has been known as home to The White House, and for having a very high homicide rate. But if you look beyond that, you will find something so much more. I firmly believe that people come down to our capital to work for a goal bigger than themselves. Some come to create new laws, others come to join forces with nonprofits and make their mark on this world. Whenever I walk out of Union Station onto the streets, there's just a pulsating energy that I can't explain in words. It's an indescribable feeling when I was riding the Metro from Pentagon City (just outside Washington in the Commonwealth of Virginia) and as I was en route to L'Enfant Plaza, passing the skyline and seeing the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials, the Washington Monument, and the Capitol.

Washington is a city where something is always going on. And Friday, there was a very unique events. There's a Long Island-based company called Equal Opportunity Publications that hosts a special job fair for people with disabilities. 80 percent of the employers are federal, but there are a few private sector ones represented. I'd be incredibly naive if I said that my stuttering didn't create and challenges in my search for employment. It does, but at the same time, I have also seen different sides of humanity in the process. When I was waiting for the hotel shuttle, I recognized a man from the same fair I was at, who walked with a very visible limp. A person waiting for the bus couldn't stop staring at him. Yet on the other side of the coin, I met seekers who refuse to have their employment dictated by their disability, as I spoke with a very nice young woman seeking a librarian job, while her guide dog patiently sat at her side. I have attended this fair for a few years. And when they announced that candidates could go in, I could hardly wait for the challenge that lie ahead of me.

In this day and age, we often have a "Well, what have you done for me mentality." But whenever I meet with an employer, I always stress the biggest positive I have: and that is my work with the National Stuttering Association. When people ask me what I do, I say I advocate, educate, and inspire. But I say it with such firm conviction and passion so that people believe it. The world is full of people who love to say whatever you want to hear, even if it's not true-just because you will approve of it. Sure, I had some strikeouts. Yet when you think about so much you gained, either way, it was an overwhelming success. And maybe the opportunities will materialize. They always do, one way or another.

Another positive that came out of this fair was the chance to once again meet up with some local members of the NSA. You cannot estimate how much your life can change when you identify with others who experience the same things you do. A group of us had dinner and drinks at Fado's Irish Pub, right in the Chinatown section of DC. Sure, geographically, I was the outsider. But who knows......the Washington area may have a new resident soon.

Natasha Bedingfield once said that the future is still unwritten. I think she's right, but the decisions we make will not just impact ourselves, but others. But one decision that will always guide me is the decision to use my stuttering for good-to help others, to bring them to the world of the NSA, and to continue remembering just why I do what I do. And if you should come visit Washington DC, you might just see me. But that's up to me to write. If it leads to a new chapter in my life, great. If not, I am going forward. It's the only way I know how to be.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Yes Mr. Valli, it was quite a night!!!!

2010-11-14T19:07:00.001-08:00

Good evening everyone,

I have to start this off by saying that this will go down in history as one of the best nights ever experienced as a person who stutters. There are moments I can count one hand that clearly qualify as unforgettable: The first time I ever did public speaking, the first conference I ever attended, the first motivational seminar I presented, the awards I have been recognized with for my achievements. But there comes a time when something so powerful, so prominent, so full of hope and inspiration, just makes you know that the world is ready to see what great things can come from those who stutter everywhere.

The National Stuttering Association was very lucky to get opening night passes to the premiere of "The King's Speech" on Monday, Nov. 8, at the famed Ziegfeld Theatre, located at West 54th Street between Sixth and Seventh Avenues in New York City. Although I live 45 minutes away from Penn Station via the Long Island Railroad, very rarely will I go into the city-unless I am checking out a karaoke bar or visiting a museum. Most of my life takes place on Long Island, although I do have a goal that I want to explore New York City and all it has to offer. Within an hour, there were about 70 of those passes all gone. I was one of the recipients of those passes, and was very excited to go into the city. Movie premieres are not the glam-fest that you are led to believe they are on the E! Channel. A great deal of work goes into them, every move needing to be carefully synchronized in its rhythm. Thankfully, there was one thing left to do, and that was to show up. I decided to leave my tuxedo at home, though. I wore my "power suit" if you want to call it that (gray pinstripe) and felt like a million dollars.

It's always a thrill for me to catch up with my fellow members of the NSA. The New York City area has a thriving presence, with chapters on Long Island and in Brooklyn, Queens, and Manhattan. But of course, we are all running on different schedules and some have families to provide for, so we relish the opportunities to see everyone where we can. I ran into the chairman of the Board of Directors at the premiere, as well as a prominent SLP who runs the "Stuttertalk" podcast dedicated to all things stuttering, from therapy to new pharmaceutical breakthroughs.

"The King's Speech," which was released by The Weinstein Company, focuses on King George VI and the stammering issue he must face. When the film is viewed, it's important to keep in mind the time that the film takes place in. Some of the techniques used really made me raise my eyebrow, but back then speech therapy was not as sophisticated and current like today. One practitioner actually encourages the use of smoking as a relaxing agent (If only I had a dollar for every time I heard "Relax" by a friend or passerby, another one suggested the use of stuffing marbles into one's mouth and trying to speak. The film was introduced by Harvey Weinstein himself, followed by Tom Hooper (the director) and two of the stars, Colin Firth, and Helena Bonham Carter. (Geoffrey Rush could not attend).

What particularly stood out to me as how the film is not just realistic, but goes to such great pains to pay special attention to the emphasis on the relationship between King George VI (Firth) and his speech therapist, Lionel Logue (Rush). There are many SLPs who really do not care to explore the relationship more than they are the therapist, and they are getting paid by the patient. It may have taken me several years to find a good speech therapist, but the one I have is not just my therapist. He is a friend, a mentor, and someone who challenges me. He knows I can be anything I want to be, and more. Isn't that what the true measure of a man is-someone who knows that you are a person with a special gift that when fully developed, can lead to big things? You could be an athlete. You could be an attorney. Or, you could even be KING and lead your country through times of turmoil.

I cannot stress how important this movie is. They say there are no guarantees in life other than death and taxes. Well, maybe there's the HBO guarantee of a new movie every Saturday night...yes, I know I am way off base here. I can guarantee that you will hear about the film come Oscar time. At the end, there was a prolonged round of applause, and loud cheers when Firth's and Rush's names were seen at the credits.

As I was riding home on the Long Island Railroad that night, I couldn't help but think about this analogy for my speech. The Hicksville line takes you through Queens County, and you can actually see the Queensboro Bridge as you ride past. Of course, it was all lit up. And I felt like I had crossed the bridge into another world-where stuttering doesn't have to define you. In this age, it seems like there is a "vortex of negativity" where everyone is trying to put each other down. I know there will be many days like that, but just once in a while, you have days (and nights) like this when you realize just maybe, you have a place in this world. It's up to us to determine how big it is.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Dear Mr. President.....

2010-11-04T12:53:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

I decided to do something a little bit different for this posting of my blog, and attempt something I have never done before. As a person who stutters and one who considers it a disability, I wanted to send a very special letter to the current President of the United States, who launched a directive to have federal agencies increase hiring of people with disabilities. This is perhaps the greatest piece of writing I will ever do in my life.

Thanks for letting me share.

-SK.

Re: Disability rights initiative

Dear President Obama:

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a 32-year old man writing to you from the suburbs of Long Island, New York. It is with great respect and honor that I have the opportunity to contact you as one of the many fellow Americans who turn to you for leadership and guidance. I have no doubt that the overwhelming majority of letters you receive are related to health care and the economy. But my letter is something unique because it is not about those concerns at all. In fact, my letter is something I am very passionate about: disability rights.

While I do struggle with characteristics of Asperger's, that is not the biggest challenge I have faced in my life. Ever since age three, I have stuttered. My stuttering has been classified as mild-to moderate. On some days I can maintain a rate of being 80 percent fluent, yet on others, I will struggle mightily. It often ebbs and flows, and I accept the fact that I will always have good days and bad days. Growing up as a young man through high school and college was perhaps some of the most trying times in life, facing consistent teasing and bullying, almost driving me to the point of suicide. When you try to walk up to someone and start a conversation, it can be the most daunting task of all. You don't feel bad because you stutter, you feel bad for the person who has to hear it. All of a sudden, you feel like the petri dish under the microscope, and all the scrutiny focuses directly at you.

There are many misconceptions about stuttering out there, and unfortunately, those are what the world chooses to see. The worst kinds of examples you can see are Michael Palin's character in "A Fish Called Wanda," or Porky Pig doing his infamous "Th-th-th-that's all ffffolks" routine. In the past thirty years, we have risen above that and have seen many people use their stuttering to bring about sweeping changes today. Your colleague, Vice-President Joe Biden, has spoken about his stuttering publically in various interviews. Congressman Frank Wolf of West Virginia was also a person who stutters. James Earl Jones, one of the greatest actors in America, had a severe stutter, as did Marilyn Monroe, whose image as a sex symbol still stands with her many years after her death. Winston Churchill, the former prime minister of England stuttered and is known as one of the greatest orators of his day.

Many presidents (former as well) have stressed throughout their time in office that the greatest act of courage an American citizen can do is to volunteer and support local services that benefit others. For the longest time I was angry and hurting, and gave those feelings a voice by getting involved with an organization that changed my life: the National Stuttering Association. Headquartered in New York City, we are a strictly volunteer-driven, and our goal to reach out and help educate and empower children, teens, and adults who stutter. Our annual conferences are very close to breaking the 700-800 mark, and for four days we come together to celebrate everything that stuttering is, and what it can be. It is truly a very special and poignant time in everyone's life where we can all say that in this crazy world we live in, that we are strong. We are powerful, and most importantly, we can make a difference. We have members who stutter who are doctors, lawyers, and most proudly, speech pathologists. Once again, when he was a state senator from Delaware, Mr. Biden addressed our attendees at our conference held in Baltimore. I am the Long Island chapter leader, and have been so for three years now. It is the greatest honor I will ever have in my life, and I am humbled at being given the chance to lead and help others in my position.

There is no denying that stuttering does play a significant role in job-searching. For many people who stutter, they sacrifice chances to obtain meaningful employment to work at a menial position because of their guilt and shame. There are many people who would love to study higher education and start pursuing professional employment, but are truly frightened by what their speech might do to them. For the longest time, I was like that. I am very proud that I stutter and my work with the NSA is features prominently on my resume. Many employers are reluctant to hire a person who stutters because they are fearful of their abilities to have good communication skills. But I can say emphatically that there is a major difference. Do not the confuse to speak with the ability to communicate. There is absolutely no problem with being a person who stutters and one who communicates effectively.

As per an executive order issued directly by you, you had ordered all federal agencies to increase their hiring for people with disabilities. You have leveled the playing field to give people with disabilities a good chance to find work in the federal government. I have applied for numerous jobs under the Schedule A Hiring Authority, and will continue to do so. I am going to work for the federal government someday.

Sometimes you may wonder at the end of the work day if your policies will have a significant impact. Well, I can say this one resonated with me and others who have disabilities. I know stuttering is just one-there are others who have far worse disabilities than I have-paralysis, deafness, and so on. But together we are all equal. We all have the right to work and be productive. Most importantly, we have the right to be understood and to be treated as a person without labels or stereotypes. I am not a stutterer. I am, and always will be, a person who stutters.

Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, President Obama. I understand you get more than 20,000 letters and can only respond to a select few. But I am a firm believer that a revolution of change can start with one person. I'm doing my part, and you are doing yours too to help make this world a better place for people with disabilities.

Good luck with your presidency and continued success to you always.

Sincerely yours,

Steven Kaufman

These boots....no, make that these halls are made for walking

2010-10-24T18:26:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone,

I wanted to start off this latest entry of the blog by asking a familar question: Have you ever had to go back to the scene of the crime? You probably know what I am talking about-you may have done something wrong and had to go back and apologize to the person(s) offended, you could have had a bad experience and never wanted to go back, but there were circumstances that made this choice unavoidable? Well, that was me just about three weeks ago. I, too, returned to the "scene of the crime," and no, it did not have tape or any law enforcement personnel. It was a brick building which I spent four years in from 1992-1996. Yes, you figured it out, high school.

I had decided to sign up for a local adult education class which was sponsored by my school district. It was to be an Excel for beginners class. Now I do have experience with the program, but you can never go wrong with taking a brushup class and keeping your skills sharp. When I found out where it was, I was startled and began to sweat. The class was being taught on the second floor of my high school in the business wing. At first, I didn't think anything of it. Then when I turned into the parking lot, right off Kennedy Drive, I could feel the intense fear, which had been repressed for so long, starting to ooze to the surface, like a shark smelling blood in the water. On the outside, things hadn't changed all that much. Well, there was a digital mesage board welcoming you, and it was evident that there had been a fresh coat of paint (or two) on the marquee and in the lunchroom, which I could see from the outside.

As I walked through the doors, I began to feel that my heart was beginning to squeeze in my chest a little tighter. It's OK, I told myself, I am feeling anxious and this is normal. While in the lobby, I couldn't help but decide to walk to the right, and see if the nurse's office was where I remembered it. As I walked closer, I could hear the screams from the two volleyball teams that were playing each other yet it might as well have been the cruel teasing and alienation I felt. The janitor had not locked the door at that time, so I decided to go in. For those of you who have read my blog, you have understood how for so many periods, these 42 minutes I had to myself were 42 minutes of solitude and a place where I could escape everything. I never dared tell my parents where I was or why I chose to spend time there. I sat on the bed, closed my eyes, and just fell into a deep reflection. I could feel a shift coming on in my thinking. But I knew I had to remain steadfast. You are not the same person, I said to myself. You have achieved so much and come so far in a few years. The words you say no longer hurt, they empower and inspire.

When I left the office, I could not help but feel like I had undergone a spiritual cleansing, a rebirth if you will. Our scars never do go away, but every year they grow a little smaller. Whenever we take a step forward in accepting our speech, they also shrink. I noticed that the world of high school never really has changed all that much. Well, there were a few aesthetic changes. The high school radio station, WPOB/88.5, was moved up from downstairs to the main level of the building.

I already feel like a young veteran in the eyes of the National Stuttering Association, since I have attended five conferences and next year in Fort Worth will be my sixth. I always used to grow up thinking and with good reason that high school sets the tone for the rest of your life. After all, there are many people who still haven't changed, who act like every day is another day at the gym, fooling around, trying to be ultra-cool to impress everyone. Yet I have met so many teens who clearly can prove otherwise. They are confident, they know who they are, and they are ready to make their mark on the world. And they do stutter, some are mild, others are moderate-but they know that at all times the National Stuttering Association is with them. I may have found out about them too late, but I have also learned one thing that is paramount above all-it's never too late to inspire. It's never too late to help someone grow up into a new person. And it's never too late to confront your past and let it know who is in control.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The Life of Riley.........

2010-10-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Throughout my life, and because of my work with the National Stuttering Association, I have met some of the most inspirational and driven people in the world, from here and abroad. But as I prepare to write this blog, I now emphatically can say that sometimes the people who have the greatest impact on you are the ones you never meet-and very sadly, they are also the ones who are taken from this earth way too early. What I am about to say, I have never told anyone. But the lesson learned from this experience is so important that I feel it is very important to have this told.

When I was struggling with my stuttering in my college years, I would often rely on the chat rooms of America Online to meet others. I've always been attracted to the Internet because it levels the playing field-on there, I can be an equal and have the same access to social interaction that I never could have in real life. I could be who I was, and never to have hide because of my speech. Oh sure, you better believe I ran into some people who really needed clues about be around people-you know, the perverts, the ones who just wanted to talk about themselves. But after many rough days, there were many times where it acted as a solace for me to feel like I belonged in this world, and that I meant something.

During my undergraduate years, one day in a "Twenties Love" chat room, I struck up a conversation with a young woman named "Riley" who was from the Carolinas. We got along really well and quickly, things progressed where we would talk about our daily lives. She worked in a restaurant owned by her parents, she was very big into alternative music, such as Stabbing Westward and Smashing Pumpkins. Ironically, she knew the area where I lived, and had relatives a few towns over from my community. Just like when you came home and settled in to watch your favorite TV show, we could almost set our clocks knowing that one of us (or both of us) would be on at the same time.

Six months into the online friendship, Riley asked if I could meet her online at a time that was highly unusual. I didn't think anything of it, so I said sure. When I signed on, she asked if we could go to a private room. I had this eerie feeling something bad was about to take place. So we found ourselves in the chat room, and she mentioned something I will never, ever, forget. Something so cold that it just made time stop. "I have to be honest with you, " she said. "I haven't told you this from the beginning, and I should have. I have AIDS."

At that moment in time, I didn't know what to do. I stared at the computer screen in utter shock, but deep down I had a strong feeling she was telling the truth. People don't joke about something like that. She began to type "I'll understand if you never want to speak to me again," she said. I wrote back: "If I wanted to leave, I would have left a long time ago."

People who stutter often have different approaches when discussing their stuttering. Some people prefer not to discuss it at all, while others are "covert" and try to hide it as much as possible. I am very open and am happy to discuss my stuttering with others. But for something on a whole other level, it's just something you don't ask about. She explained that she found out she had it when she received a blood transfusion, and at the time, the blood wasn't as well screened as it is now.

Riley and I never again brought it up. We talked about normal things-music, movies, sports, celebrities, and we grew really close. Riley also shared with me a goal she wanted to make happen: she actually wanted to attend college classes, so for once, she could feel normal. That struck a chord with me-that's what we all want. People who stutter always hear the putdowns: "Freak!" "Speak up, man!" and others to boot. She confessed that she had actually signed up to attend classes at my alma mater. I began to wonder if I'd have the chance to meet her. And despite this, I heard all the naysaying: "This girl is playing you." "Are you really that naive?" "Oh well, there's a sucker born every minute."

Eventually, Riley gave me the address where she was going to be for orientation. Hell, I didn't know even her last name. But on that day, I went up to assistant who carried the notepad and asked if she was on the roster. "Yes, she is," she said. My heart skipped a beat. She confirmed my suspicions. She was telling the truth after all.

I waited three hours for her, and she never showed up. I drove back home, and waited for her to come online. She never did. I began to tear up and forgot about everything. Three days later, she came back online and I asked her what happened. She refused to answer. I begged. I pleased. I cajoled her to tell me something. But she wouldn't crack.

Then a few hours later, she came back online. She told me everything. Riley said that her condition was worsening, and she probably wouldn't make it to the campus again. I asked her what was going on, and she said that she had hospice workers at her house. I felt helpless. I wanted to say something, do anything that would change how she felt. But I knew it wouldn't work.

The very next day, I received an email from her, which would turn out to be one of the last I'd ever receive from her. This is what it said:

"It takes someone very brave to walk toward another when everyone else is running away. You are that person. You would have been the first person I said 'I love you' to." She passed away shortly thereafter. I never even knew where her funeral was, or if she even had one.

We all know life is short, and tomorrow is not promised to anyone. But at every chance you get, say "I love you and thank you for allowing me to stutter" to those you are close to. Say it to your friends, your family (if you are close to them, unlike me), your clergy, a neighbor, even to the clerk at the local store. You never know when you'll have the chance to. I wish I thanked Riley for allowing me to stutter. I'll never have the chance to, and for that, I have to live with that the rest of my life. Don't make the same mistake I made.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Deal...or No Deal?

2010-10-04T21:22:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone,

One of the greatest things about being a person who stutters, in my eyes, is to be able to break down any situation and somehow, there will always be incomparable comparisons with stuttering. No matter if you're out for a walk, or just sitting home and spending some good old quality time with the clicker, we can always come across a lesson learned from stuttering.

Something that I have recently gotten into is watching reruns of "Deal or No Deal" on the Game Show Network. I know the show ended a while ago, but whenever I watch it, I can't help but think about the approach of contestants and how that can be analyzed in terms of my speech. The show, which aired on NBC, really does not require any advanced knowledge, but one can make an argument that weighing the odds and taking a risk is definitely an asset if you know how to use it. The show, which has aired internationally in other countries, is hosted by Howie Mandel. He takes a contestant and places them in front of 26 supermodels looking all elegant in evening wear (or appropriate costume as the theme dictates), and the hopeful winner is asked to pick a briefcase numbered from 1-26, while standing in front of a board with 26 amounts, ranging from one penny to one million dollars. The challenge of course, is to win the million dollars or one of the high amounts without knocking them out early. Of course, the higher the amounts left in play, the better offer the banker (who is never seen) will try to negotiate to get you to leave the show. There have been million dollar winners, and those who had the best case, but gave up early so that they left with something. Six cases are opened first, then five, then four...and so on.

As people who stutter, one of the things we have learned (and continue to pursue) is the need to take risks and step out of the boundaries we have become so comfortable with. Yet there is one challenge that stands above all else-it is not speaking in a restaurant and trying to say what you want, although that is a very big one. It boils down to this: "How will I be today?"

I think more than anything, it's the fear of the unknown that provides with us great nervousness. So, if you will indulge me, let's try for a "Deal Or No Dealization" of stuttering. You stand in front of ten briefcases, each of them has a percentage amount which determines how fluent you will be today. One case has ten percent, all the way up to 100 percent. Do you want to pick one and accept that will determine your rate of fluency for the day? Or would you rather not play the game, wake up, and accept whatever will be will be?

I used to see myself as someone who wanted to play the game. But the more I thought about it, I realized that do I want to give my stuttering any more control of my life than it already has? Absolutely not. Those days are long gone, and I have no desire to bring them back ever again. These days when I walk out the door for work, I look at the mirror in my care before I drive off, smile confidently, and drive away. Because I know with the power of NSA Nation, all things are possible. Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and it will be another chance to speak and express myself the way I know how to: openly, and from my heart with raw, pure emotion.

Deal Or No Deal? I think I've made my choice. To let stuttering tell me how I am going to live my life, I say emphatically and slam the buzzer down: NO DEAL!

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Give Everything But Up! And some thoughts on forgiveness....

2010-09-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Many times in our life we will know tragedy and heartbreak. We will struggle with it and why this happened to us, and when we can overcome it. The greatest tragedy that can happen to a family is to lose a loved one, especially when it was to suicide. Today as the end of Yom Kippur approached, I focused on a story written in today's Newsday (the local daily where I live) and reflected on the story of Alexis Pilkington. Alexis was a very gifted athlete especially in the game of soccer. Not unlike many high school seniors, she was well-liked, attractive, had a bright future. Her catch phrase "Give everything, but up" was a rallying cry for her team to achieve the goals they sought out for. Yet in spite of all this, she was struggling mightily with depression. Her parents insisted that cyberbullying has nothing to do with the fact that their daughter took their own life, but rumors still persist to this day. Still, the Pilkington family can take solace in the fact that in light of this tragedy, her family established a foundation to promote suicide awareness and numerous resources that can help people in trouble.

I think it's appropriate that I open this today because I was thinking about it while I was in synagogue today. Today is the most holiest day on the Jewish calendar, known as the "Day of Atonement." On this day we ask for our sins and transgressions to be forgiven, and to strive to make this year even better than last. It is a time for fasting and great reflection. I also realized that I never ever considered forgiving those people in my life who had teased me and felt I was an object to be humiliated. Until today.

The Dixie Chicks start off their song "Not Ready To Make Nice" with this line: "Forgive sounds good, forget...I'm not sure I could." For me, I never was able to forgive those bullies in high school and college because I couldn't understand the concept of what it means to forgive. It's about looking down into yourself and seeing that you have the capability to be a human being. As a person who stutters, we're often our own worst enemies. We see our flaws more harshly than others. I could remember the times I kept quiet in class, because I didn't want to embarrass myself at all. I knew at that point in life, I wasn't ready to forgive.

I went to services on Rosh Hashanah and saw many of the same classmates I graduated with. Some were single, some were married and had kids of their own. I wonder if they ever started teaching them about what it means to act respectful. But when the time came to blow the Shofar, I felt my heart began to tremble. Not because I was scared, but because I knew was about to take a giant step and forgive. I forgave those in my past for the Porky Pig jokes. I forgave them for calling me the world champion pen-flipper because they had no idea why I was doing it. And most importantly, I forgave them for the laughing and mimicking, which I struggled to get over.

As the sun went down today, I struggled with my emotions because I was at one time feeling the way Alexis was. I give all the glory in my life to the National Stuttering Association, for they have been very instrumental in so many things I have going for me. But I challenge you to do something: Forgive. I know it can hurt, and it can be excruciating to do so, especially if you have been tormented and bullied. But when you forgive, you will grow stronger than you know. And to the Pilkington family, "Give everything but up" is a statement that gives you great power in innumerable ways!!!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

It's about pride and the little things.....

2010-09-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The word "pride" can, and often does have many meanings. When one thinks of pride, we may associate it as being one of the seven deadly sins. Or it can be used in a complimentary manner. Yet if you really want to see it in a different way, having pride can often be the catalyst one needs to get their life started.

Last week, as I was enjoying another quiet dinner at the local Friendly's before my speech therapy, I was reading the New York Post and came across an article written by Lenn Robbins, who covers college football. The story was about Doug Marrone, the coach of the football program at Syracuse University. Syracuse is about five hours north of me, and a well-known college town. There's a damn good diner in the suburbs in Baldwinsville, but once again I am going off on a tangent. There was one section of the article that I read and then did a double-take. The paragraph spoke about how there was a piece of paper littering the locker room, and how one of the players was asked to pick it up. One of the players, Doug Hogue, stated it was about the "little things." "If you let the little things go, then you will begin to let the big things go," he said. "Great teams don't let the little things go."

Like many people who stutter, I never had a great deal of pride in myself. I suppose it's easy to understand why. When you open your mouth and the words don't come out, it is a vocal spasm, but more appropriately, it's a "speech freeze." The snickers and laughs emerge from the other people listening, and you walk away. The sunshine fades into darkness, and you become the person walking around with the raincloud over your head for the rest of your life.

It wasn't until I attended a National Stuttering Association conference that I really began to embrace the concept of what having pride means. Having pride means waking up and knowing you are OK, and your day will be OK. It means doing the little things. And what might you ask, are these "little things?". Well, first of all, it means starting your day with some positive self-talk. Yes, we all have those days where we wake up and feel life sucks. Or we can wake up feeling like P. Diddy, for example. Tell yourself that you are a fun person who enjoys being around others. But when you brush your teeth and look in the mirror, instead of focusing on your watch and seeing if you are running late, why don't you take a few moments to have pride in who you are and what you stand for. Be your own best advocate. I can guarantee you this much-if you don't, no one else will.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Friendly's, and a blind woman who inspires......

2010-08-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

During the course of the work week, there's often a time and place that we like to go to relax and capture a few precious moments to ourselves. Every Wednesday I go to speech therapy with a private SLP who works out of his home. While the trip is an hour by car because he is all the way south of where I live, I relish the chance to make the drive and inhale the ocean air, walk by the marina, and get a bite to eat before I go see him. We all have a favorite restaurant, a special server who knows us by name, greets us heartily with a smile, and knows exactly what we want. That's why before speech therapy, I'll always stop by the local Friendly's, see Vanna, and bring a copy of the New York Post with me to unwind. Although the New York Post is nowhere on the same wavelength as, say, The Washington Post, I enjoy their sports section very much and catching up on what's going on is a nice midweek break for me. (Although this is the biggest different between the newspapers: On page three of the Washington Post, there'll be an in-depth article about Pres. Obama's new initiative, and on page three of the New York Post will be a story about how Snooki from "Jersey Shore" got arrested.

But this past Wednesday (Aug. 18), there happened to be a rare article that definitely got my attention. I always am on the lookout for stories about people with disabilities who make the world a better place because of hoe they adapt to it, and there happened to be one that I couldn't stop reading. This past week was designated "HOPE Week" by the New York Yankees. The acronym HOPE refers to Helping Others Persevere and Excel, and each day, will profile five individuals (or organizations) that make a difference in the community. Last year, for example, there was a special open-air carnival held after a night game for children suffering from Xeroderma Pigmentosum, a very rare skin disorder that prevents people who have it from going out in the daylight...if they were to do so, they can receive severe UV burns or eye/skin cancer. The families were invited to participate, as well as Yankees players who helped the children with some of the games.

This story I read was about Jane Lang, a 67-year old woman from Morris Plains, N.J. (western suburbs of New York, on the North Jersey side). She is blind and manages daily with the help of her guide dog, Clipper. She was shocked to find on her doorstep one day, was manager Joe Girardi, Joba Chamberlain, Chad Gaudin, ex-great Tino Martinez, and David Robertson, who wanted to escort her to the game. And as I was reading the feature, one quote stopped me. "I don't think I miss much. I have an advantage. Because everyone looks the same to me, I don't prejudge." According to the New York Daily News, who did a similar feature, they mentioned how when riding the subway to the game, she would have eight candies with her, and move one from one pocket to the other, to help her know when to exit.

As a person who stutters, it's undeniable that we will all go through the rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes it doesn't hit us until later in life, when we go through the trials and tribulations of adolescence and college, or when we want to find a spouse. We often ask "Why me? Why did I have to stutter?" "Why couldn't I have something else to deal with?" In high school and college, which were some of the most trying times in my life, I often asked myself these questions. I would often wish to trade my disabilities for someone else's.
We've all heard the put-downs and the mimicking. It was at times like that I wished I was deaf, or blind so I wouldn't have to see what others said or thought about me. But little did I know how resilient I could be. And I realized having a speech impediment isn't the worst thing in the world. Does it create challenges for me? Of course, and there will always be more to face. That's why my involvement in the National Stuttering Association (http://www.westutter.org) is so critically important to me. I want to give back, but most importantly, I need to. It gives me tremendous power and joy to know I can make a difference and help others.

Regardless of whether your stutter is mild or severe, it can be so scary to think about the future and not imagine yourself in it. But you are someone to this world. You have gifts to share with this world, and make sure you do so. Don't let yourself miss out on making this planet just a little brighter.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Getting ready to switch modes...but don't allow your fears to stop you, ever!

2010-08-11T13:04:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon everyone! It's almost the middle of August, and despite the fact that depending on where you live it can be sweltering, there's no denying that some people have already accepted the fact that summer is rapidly coming to an end, and the mode has shifted from beach fun to classroom academics. School will be starting in a few weeks, and soon students everywhere will be floating amidst papers, Facebook friend requests, and getting adjusted to new teachers and their instructing styles. I work with many kids right now who are in high school and college, and some are getting ready to go on to their higher education. A few already started, and their pursuits have taken them to numerous parts of New York State. Some of them travel far (to Potsdam, about an hour or less from the Canada border), and closer to home, but still a good few hours away (like Albany). And there are some who will attend classes at the local community college, and work while they set their sights high with regard to choosing a good transfer school. I stayed home and attended classes at Nassau Community College. Although I wasn't a big fan of it, I had to admit that my time there was very instrumental in learning what it is like to tap into a gift and give back to this world. I always felt a twinge of resentment at times when I saw my older brother go away to college. He went to York, Pennsylvania, and had a great time there. I felt so sad walking around his dorm room and the residence hall and wondering why he could enjoy that, and I couldn't. And my parents' response was the same: "Because he's not you, and you're not him." In many ways, that response was a catalyst for me to adjust my thinking about how I saw myself and my stuttering. We all know that stuttering isn't easy for anyone to talk about, and many parents often feel shame and embarrassment when talking about touchy topics. My brother has reluctantly accepted that the NSA is "my thing," but doesn't want to go into anything beyond that. I've accepted that I am my own person, and I can make a great impact on helping others. Recently I had the chance to read an article on Salon.com where I was interviewed about my stuttering by a graduate student working at NYU who stutters as well. I wholeheartedly encouraged him to get involved with the NSA and allow him to see that stuttering is nothing to be ashamed of. But after the article, I realized that he is still feeling a great deal of negativity. I relate to him all too well, because I was there. As a chapter leader for the NSA and an advocate for those who stutter, I want everyone to know I have no agenda but my own personal feelings and goals for what I want to accomplish. I have lived my life with the shame and isolation that stuttering can bring. I don't want anyone else to ever feel that way again, and that is why I am pledging to continue promoting the National Stuttering Association annual conference as a necessity for everyone who stutters. Just go to one, and experience it. Do not let the fear of stuttering allow you to miss out on the best rewards in life! My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

It's not about you....It's about the NSA Nation!

2010-07-30T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

There will always be times in your life when you remember exactly where you were when something really special happened. You may remember the location and the name of the person with whom you shared your first kiss. (Alexandria, Va., and it was Meredith). Maybe it's the date when you realized that anything was possible. Or perhaps it was the very first words when you spoke when you entered this world. And sometimes, you find yourself at a unique place and time when the environment around you completely changes...and not for the better.

Unbeknownst to the many members who attended the National Stuttering Association conference in Cleveland, little did we know that on Thursday, July 7. we were all going to be seeing history of our own. This was to be the day that LeBron James, the greatest basketball player now in the National Basketball Association, was going to announce his plans on live television. An entire city was holding its breath....and the police had set up potential riot units by the Quicken Loans Arena just in case dire circumstances were to take place. And at 9 p.m. that evening, 300+ people stormed the hotel bar just itching to get a good spot to see everything. "Hey, turn it up!" "He's going to New York!" were but a few of the comments being uttered. Yet ten minutes later, the resignation became rampant. "Miami," was the only statement being tossed around. The very next day, as I was having breakfast at Karl's Inn of the Barristers by the Cuyahoga County Courthouse, I was intently focused on the cover of the Cleveland Plain-Dealer, and one word just said it all: "Gone."

But as I was reading the scathing editorials and fan reaction, I couldn't help but think about one angle that had been critically explored. The legacy of what LeBron was leaving behind, and the very important lesson to be shared from this. It took me almost 25 years of my life to learn this, as I am 32 now, but it means more to me now than when I first understood the concept. Plain and simple, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

When you're in your teen years, it seems like every little negative experience is magnified. Lord knows I had too many of them as it was. The denial of being able to volunteer in class, the feeling that my stuttering had made me feel so worthless that I didn't even deserve to go to the prom or participate in activities. You begin to feel hatred and anger taking over, and eventually it gets to the point where you say "It's all about me. I'm in it for me, and no one else." It does feel good to say that at first....but then before you know it, you alienate everyone else and you find those are the same people who root for you to fail, because you can't respect them.

I enjoy giving so much of my heart and soul to the National Stuttering Association. It is the greatest love of my life and it always will be. But above all else, whenever I speak to SLP classes, whenever I meet new people who don't know anything about stuttering and I share with them my thoughts, I make it paramount that the NSA is not about me. It never has been, and never will be. It's about a movement of freedom and tolerance. It's about a group of people coming together to share how they can make each other's lives a little better. It can be so easy to turn on the news today and see negative stories about elected officials and other things that bother us. But one thing can be said: Never doubt that a group of people can change the world.......I'm just one part of an NSA Nation that is doing so.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person that stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Cleveland Rocks!!! Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

2010-07-21T19:19:00.003-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I want to begin this latest entry in my blog with an apology. For those around the world who enjoy reading my thoughts and observations about life as a person who stutters, you may have been wondering what has happened to me. These last few weeks have been among the most amazing in my life. I have just returned from the latest National Stuttering Association conference in Cleveland, Ohio, and now I am back into the "real world," although in reality, I never left.

You have all heard me talk about how these conferences are the four days out of the year that I live for. You can't deny that the night before the conference, I had such a feeling of distinct electricity running through my body-it's that same high you get when you want to sleep, but you just can't. The adrenaline is pulsating through your veins and you don't want to drift off to dreamland because you're worried about losing all those pleasant thoughts. Yet my alarm clock went off at 5:30 a.m., and an hour later, I was riding with my dad on the Long Island Expressway toward MacArthur Airport, ready to board a 737 via Southwest Airlines to Hopkins International Airport. Although I live in the suburbs of the city that never sleeps, at the time I was on the road, I was just taking in the scenery-the sunrise coming over the Great South Bay, and the massive parking lot on the interstate beginning to fill up with commuters heading off to work.

The conference has been described by people as a lot of things. I'm often asked how you can explain it and there are some who say it's something you just have to experience for yourself. But I am creative, as are fellow members of the NSA Nation, and some of their feelings are definitely good conversation starters. One of my good friends from Ohio calls it "The world's largest block party." (Touche LOL). I even coined a new phrase: "Four days of sleep deprivation, with some education and kick-ass empowerment thrown in." I like that....I really do.

Although the "National" part of our name implies we are based in America, one of the greatest feelings of pride I have is that we've seen people who live internationally come to visit, and share their wisdom. I live in the suburbs of New York, and one of the things that frustrates me is that you can be a person who lives all your life here and not ever want to see, or meet, other people. New York City is an amazing place...and there's everything you could ever want here. Yet you also don't want to develop a view that the world begins and ends at the George Washington Bridge. Canada, New Zealand, Australia, and Japan (!) were just a few of the international countries represented. I'll never forget going out to dinner with some attendees who were from South Jersey, and a gentleman from Australia joined us. We all hung on every word he said, as he was regaling us with the experiences of the stuttering community overseas.

Of course, the social scene is a big part of the NSA conference. But the workshops play an integral role because they challenge us to do what we once so afraid to-taking a chance on living life and being open to whatever challenges there are. One workshop in particular was hosted by four members of the NSA East Bay chapter in San Francisco, and reading about it just made me think. It was dedicated to the questioning of gender roles and stuttering. Stuttering affects five times more men than women, yet for me, I read that and just stopped. In today's world, old standards are still around. The men are expected to be strong, yet some of us are perceived as being "weak" and "nervous" because we stutter. The truth is, we are all stronger than we know. Sometimes it takes looking deep into yourself to realize that.

I also received the shock of my life at this conference. If you met me in my pre-NSA days I was not a nice person to be around. I was feeling so hateful and upset at the world, and at myself. I couldn't even stand to look at myself anymore because every time I spoke to someone, I would look down for fear that I felt like I was a burden to them having to listen to me. My life has come full circle in so many ways, in other ways it could be better-but we are all works in progress. At the opening ceremony, I was recognized for my contributions by winning the Member of the Year Award. That makes two awards in three years, and that one is very prestigious to me. I was honored to be presented with it by someone who is very special and sits on the Board of Directors.

I know that the journey of self-acceptance is painful, and frightening to take. But after the conference, I visited my grandfather's grave, which I do once a month-I talk to him and let him know how I am doing, even though he may be physically gone, the lessons he taught me are still as vibrant as ever. I swear to you reading that I am going to do everything in my power to help others in their journey. When someone is angry because they can't find a job and they think it is due to their speech, I will listen. When a person feels life isn't worth living because they stutter and they think it's a death sentence, I will share my story with them. I have never been so prouder, or more honored, to be part of this SPECTACULAR community known as the NSA Nation. If you don't want to join, when will you? Be part of something that will change your life forever. I personally guarantee it.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Et tu, Brute? The most unkindest cut of all....

2010-06-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon everyone,

I thought I'd start this entry of the blog with one of the famous lines from William Shakespeare. The phrase "Et tu, Brute," is literally translated as "You too, Brutus!" and refers to the moment when Julius Caesar is stabbed by his best friend and compatriot, Brutus. I have to admit I had one of those moments yesterday. And even though it came from the mouth of my parents, it doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it just adds more concrete evidence that they don't understand stuttering, and probably never will.

As those who read my blog know, I am aggressively looking for full-time work. I keep myself focused on my job search while I work part-time. Recently, I was discussing the latest developments with my mom and dad, and I informed them that I had decided to apply for an opening as a screener with the Transportation Security Administration, at LaGuardia Airport in Queens County, which is about 45 minutes west from where I live. Their response was shocking, and quite possibly the worst thing any parent can say: "That's a good job for you! You wouldn't have to talk a lot." I was absolutely infuriated by this comment.

I want to say for the record that in no way I have ever let my stuttering stand in the way of applying for a job. At the National Stuttering Association conferences, there are many workshops that are dedicated to networking and helping attendees establish themselves in a career. One of the most frequently asked questions is something like this: "How can I apply for a job when one of the requirements is good communication skills?" Well, early on in my life, I worked in journalism. There may be some people who might have thought I was a glutton for punishment-since there was talking every day. I even had to ring doorbells of perfect strangers and go up to people on the street and talk to them. I felt like I was waiting for the inevitable shoe to drop: the snickers, the comments, the blank stares as I was fumbling for the right words.

One of the hardest lessons I have had to learn is that parents often feel the best way to talk about something is to avoid it. You see this all the time with touchy issues: drugs, sex, and so on. I just had a chance to see this year's conference program for the NSA, and there are a few seminars presented by a parent and their child who stutters. How truly awesome that is! Not just for the fact that it brings the adult and child together, but it shows there is hope that you can talk about stuttering with your family. One part of me does wish that my parents could attend a conference and see what a truly special event this is. Then again, I see myself playing the devil's advocate. If they really don't even care about your speech, then why would you want them there in the first place?

In today's world, we shake our head when we see the way things are headed. We can't choose who our parents are. We can't try to change someone who is set in their ways. But we can make peace with the fact that we are special, and together with our gifts we can improve our lives, day by day. After my parents made that comment to me, I went into my room and read my conference programs back-to-back, looking at my Volunteer of the Year award from 2008. And I'm reminded that I am somebody who has a lot to offer. You have something to share with this world. I want you to promise me you will.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

And then what are you prepared to do?

2010-06-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

In the1960s, the phrase "The times, they are a-changing" was aptly used to describe a truly unique time in the growth of our country. The decade became associated with among other things, sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, the sexual revolution, and a time to question everything we were taught and what we believed. I think it's safe to say that our times are changing, and not for the better. Yet despite all that's going on in the world, the one thing that hasn't changed is the commitment to prepare yourself to do what you need to do to make a goal materialize. Very rarely does it ever happen overnight. But many times I've questioned myself if I really am ready to do the things that need to be done.

I was recently watching the 1987 movie "The Untouchables" on cable, which remains one of my favorite movies because of one special scene. For those who are unfamiliar, the film deals with the struggles of Eliot Ness, an agent with the Bureau of Prohibition (which falls under the U.S. Department of the Treasury), who is struggling with the process of bringing Al Capone and his gang to justice. Kevin Costner, who plays Ness, is pondering this dilemma in a church as he is talking to Sean Connery (who won the Oscar for playing Jimmy Malone, an Irish police officer). "I am prepared to do everything within the means of the law," Ness states matter of factly. "And then what are you prepared to do?" retorts Malone back, questioning his commitment to fulfilling his goal. "If you open the ball on these people, you must be prepared to go all the way. If you really want to get Capone, here's what you do. He pulls a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way. That's how you get Capone." No doubt dramatic, but the point is made clearly.

I bring this scene up because we're rapidly approaching the end of June, and there will be commencements for all high schools, a few of which have taken place already. I never did attend my moving up exercises, for my feelings of guilt and loneliness overwhelmed me. Yet I see so much hope in the eyes of today's graduates. Every generation has its challenges to face, and this one more than many. Yet if you are prepared to do what you need to do, there's no limit to what you can achieve.

I can still recall vividly the early days of my junior college years. Many students in my graduating class attended college at one of the State University of New York Schools. Albany and Buffalo were pretty popular choices-mainly because it was not too far from home, but just enough to get away from the parental influences. Of course, that doesn't go for Buffalo, which is an eight hour drive if you go nonstop from Long Island. I wanted to go away to school, but I didn't do what had to be done to earn that right. Instead of taking my classes seriously, I often fooled around, and barely graduated with a C+ average. I started off at Nassau Community College, and learned a great deal about myself and the commitment it takes to making things happen. I had to learn to get up at 6 a.m. for 8 a.m. classes, manage my time, fight the frustrations of parking. I also learned most importantly to answer the question posed by most of my teachers: "Why are you here?" And no, it's not enough to say you want to get an education. There has to be more. There needs to be a undying commitment to show you want it. More than anyone else does.

I had my days when I absolutely wanted to be elsewhere. In fact, wouldn't you know I actually ran into one of my classmates at NCC (as it is known) a couple of months after graduation. I asked him what happened, and he said he was asked to leave-his GPA fell below the minimum and he had to return home to build his grades back up. He wasn't someone I was close to, but I asked him if he could offer any advice. "Be focused," was all he told me. Nothing else needed to be said.

So I ask you what are you prepared to do about your stuttering? Sure, there is speech therapy. Some people go, others choose not to, and that is their right. Are you prepared to represent yourself as someone who refuses to let their speech define them? Are you able to motivate yourself, and lead others as well? These questions, and many more, are able to be answered by one person. You can find it within yourself. And if you need some more inspiration, get involved with the NSA Nation, at http://www.westutter.org!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Emotions, Michigan, and a story about those feelings......

2010-06-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

It was a Wednesday night like any other night in Anytown, USA. Even though my remote control was waging a dueling battle between watching the state of Illinois and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania battle for Lord Stanley's Cup, I had to see what was happening in a certain baseball game between the Cleveland Indians and Detroit Tigers. One man, Armando Galarraga, was on the precipice of history. As Andy Warhol put it, we are all promised fifteen minutes of fame. And then, came one of those defining moments that show you just what kind of a person you really are when the world is watching. It was one groundout, just a routine play like which occurs several times in a baseball game. It only took two seconds for one umpire to incorrectly identify the call. And just like that, heartbreak was instantaneous.

Yet for all the criticism, the finger-pointing that was about to take place, there was just as much focus on the pitcher who smiled and said nothing. He could have screamed. He might have gotten right in the person's face and verbally berated them, and practically everyone in the universe would have echoed his sentiments. And even though the umpire apologized repeatedly and admitted he was wrong, there was absolutely nothing that could be done to ameliorate the situation. But above all else, it was the way he handled it.

As a person who stutters, I can say emphatically that for the longest time one of my greatest challenges was the ability to refrain from saying anything. I always had the need to get the last word in, to say what I wanted to. When you stutter, there is always going to be someone who refuses to hear you out. Maybe because they don't have time, or they just don't care. I have never let someone do that to me at all....but when it does happen, you only have a split second to decide what your next response will be. And that, above all else, says a great deal about who you are.

Stuttering for me has really made me examine my emotions in different ways. Being a chapter leader in the National Stuttering Association has shown me that even when you aren't in the public eye, you need to represent yourself the best way possible when it comes to your speech. I have never ever advocated using my stuttering as an excuse for anything, even when it comes to getting angry. I vividly remember in my days in junior high school, high school, and college, all it would take was just one remark about my speech to set me off. I was the grenade, someone who teased me pulled the pin, and now sit back and watch the explosion take place. How I wished back then that I had the self-control not to respond with anger.

Emotions are a big part of my life, and others who stutter because it brings out the best-and at times, the worst in us. We do not know what kind of a speech day we'll have. On the days when we need to be fluent, we may not be, and vice versa. It can drive you mad if you let it. But one of the themes that I stress when I lecture at schools is to make your emotions work for you, and not against you. Easier said than done, I'm sure.

As it turns out, the pitcher accepted the expressions of emotions from the umpire. Not because he had to do, but because it was the right thing to do. There will be some who'll say, "Well the fact that he got a Corvette made up for it." If you want to think that way, then you are certainly entitled to it.

The next time you're out, whether it is just with your friends or flying solo, think about your emotions and what they say about you. I lived too many years of my life being consumed by negativity, and I have made it my personal mission to help others work with controlling their feelings when it comes to stuttering. I promise that if you can do that, you will feel more spiritually alive than you ever thought possible.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

A special rite of passage, indeed!

2010-05-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

We're about to come upon Memorial Day Weekend 2010. No matter what you think of this as, whether it's the official kick-off to summer, or another reason to introduce yourself to the sun's rays and the local beach near you, it's an undeniable feeling that yes, something special is in the air...and this feeling never gets old.

Last night, as I was watching the 10 O'Clock News on New York's FOX affiliate (WNYW/5), the first topic of discussion on the news was the fact that the brand new Meadowlands Stadium located in the suburban swamplands of New Jersey (more specifically, East Rutherford approximately seven miles west of New York City) was being christened by the local band that has established themselves as real pride for local residents everywhere, Bon Jovi. 90,000 fans came out for the celebration, and I couldn't help but listen intently to fans being interviewed. "I grew up with Bon Jovi to get me through law school, and now he's helping me close it," said one woman. Another man who brought his whole family said how his love of "Living On A Prayer" had been passed down to his sons and daughter.

As I was thinking about this, I couldn't help but focus my sights on another feeling that no matter how hard one can describe it, it's unforgettable. That, of course, is the National Stuttering Association's annual conference. In a little less than one month, myself and 700 people who stutter will meet for four days to share wisdom about stuttering...that goes without saying, but when you really get down to it, it's about life. It's about celebrating our great spirit and knowing we are capable of anything we want to do.

Like a rite of passage, the NSA conference has also become for me a tradition and something that demands required attendance. I don't take a lot of vacations, but for me, this trumps everything else. I don't attend family events because in my eyes, I will always be persona non gratis because of my speech-and the fact that my parents will continue to feel ashamed of it. When I see a family I know, we spend several minutes sharing our memories of previous conferences, and the triumphs and tragedies we all share.

Yet it's the little moments that carry the most impact. I can vividly recall people just standing up and saying "My name is ___________" and even if that's all they can, those four words carry such great weight because it is the start of the rest of their lives. We use the term "first-timers" to describe those who have just found out about the conference, and by the closing banquet, they know they are coming back for the next year. We'll all be together to stand with those who have been teased and alienated. And they'll start the transformation process into a special human being.

My countdown started as soon as I got off the plane from Arizona at MacArthur Airport. In a few weeks, I'll be boarding another one to Ohio. Maybe I'll see you there. Or better yet, at a future conference someday.

Number five (Long Beach, Calif., Atlanta, Parsippany, N.J., Scottsdale, Ariz., and now Cleveland) will be just as special for me. May it be for you too.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

There is no day but today...so make it happen!

2010-05-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon everyone,

One of the greatest pleasures I have had the chance to experience is special times when I can get together with my NSA colleagues outside of our annual conferences. I used to think of my fellow NSA members as "teammates," but in many ways, we are more than that. We're teachers, advocates, and friends with unbreakable bonds that no one else can even begin to understand.

This past Saturday, I had a chance to get together with one of my friends from the conference. In all honesty, I didn't even know he was going to be in my "neck of the woods," as the proverbial expression goes. I firmly believe that when the opportunity presents itself, you need to make an effort to reach out and offer to get together-even if it's for dinner or just having drinks at the local bar. My friend was in town for a month to attend an intensive speech therapy program, and it was only via his Facebook page that I found out. I emailed him, and we decided to hang out in New York City. Any time I go into the city, it's a special thing for me. I am a typical suburbanite-whenever someone asks me where I am from, I always say "Long Island" rather than New York. Although sometimes I take it for granted that I can easily have access to the amenities that this city offers me, I'm not usually much for being there. I love the beaches and the much slower pace of life, although when I am in the city, it's usually a good bet you'll find me behind the microphone at a karaoke bar.

I met my friend and our first stop was riding the D line up to the Yankee Stadium/161st Street/River Avenue stop, so we could walk around the stadium. And as we were doing so on what was a glorious day, the topic of conversation turned to one of the themes that usually rears its head throughout our lives, and especially at the conference. And that's the one about taking chances. Matt was telling me how he just completed his Associate's Degree and was deciding on whether or not to go for his Bachelor's degree, or take the entrance exam to be a New York City Police Officer. We happened to be walking past Mullally Park right by the Stadium, approaching the George Washington Bridge exit, and I encouraged him to go for it-especially since the city is always recruiting for police officers. But Matt spoke about how he was worried how his speech might come into play-because it's one thing to be comfortable around another person who stutters, and it's totally different when you need to be in the public eye.

It is no secret that I take so much pride in knowing so many members of the NSA Nation, who have pursued (and are pursuing) their goals in spite of their concerns they may have. Whether it's a teacher or a speech pathologist. One of the articles in our "Letting GO" newsletter was written by a mother of our members who expressed her concerns when her daughter wanted to become a speech pathologist and she had to say her name to other graduate students.

After we hit the Stadium, we did some subway-hopping and walked over the Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan to the DUMBO (Down Underneath the Manhattan Bridge) with a truly priceless view of the skyline and Statue of Liberty. But another attribute of the National Stuttering Association is that no one cares what your background is or what personal beliefs you have-we all come from various regions-the Northeast, the Florida beaches (like Matt), the Pacific Northwest, and so on. On the bridge, there was a great collection of residents and visitors just being. Just talking, and no one cared about their personal issues.

As we were walking back to the Manhattan side, I couldn't help but pause to see where the Twin Towers once stood. The only thing that was going through my mind was the song "No Day But Today," from the musical "Rent." We all have so much to accomplish, so much to dream, and time to make it happen. Matt pledged to me he will strongly consider taking the exam. No matter what he decides, just the fact that two members of the NSA Nation were able to get together made it a pretty good weekend....don't you think?

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

2010-05-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Throughout my life, I have often questioned many times why life takes the twists and turns it does. We all have struggled at times with many challenges that life has thrown at us: a new chapter starts and we are unsure what to do about it. A death in our family shatters our normalcy and things never stay the same again. Yet, as the saying goes, "The more things change, the more things stay the same." And what stays the same to me, as a member of the National Stuttering Association, is the unbreakable spirit that a group of collective individuals can agree to unite for something bigger than themselves, and learn about this unique world we live in.

For many travelers around the world, the shattering took place at our local airports. With a volcanic eruption spreading ash over Europe, there was a standstill of shock and then the craziness started. There was nowhere to go, very few people to talk to-or to care about their problems. I was reading the New York Post a few days ago at a diner counter and was shaking my head at some of the responses from those stranded when a reporter asked them how they were managing. One person said (paraphrasing) "We don't deserve to be treated like animals." Another one was angry that in search of a temporary room and shower, some hotels raised the prices every day in hopes one's will would be broken and they'd give in. Yet there are some who despite the most trying of circumstances, make it through the day with a smile and their courage. One family, who seemed amused by the fact that some passengers were photographing them like a paparazzi would celebrities, decided turnabout was fair play and thus photographed those who were photographing them. Some passengers, according to the Post, decided to engage a take-off of "Twenty Questions" in a parlor game supposedly called "I'm Not Beethoven." And one young girl was making some good friends with a French compatriot, even though she didn't know a lick about the language. It brought a smile to my face, knowing that just maybe the human spirit isn't dead as it seems like sometimes it can be.

But as a person who stutters (or even if you support others who do), we have more of those moments, and although we want to give up and declare our lives over, it is unfathomable. When I speak at colleges about the NSA Nation and the transforming effects it has, the one thing I stress is that we all live through each other. We laugh together, and we celebrate all that our speech is and can be. We also cry and empathize when someone's ordeal threatens to bring down all they worked for.One of my colleagues at the NSA who has contributed her blood, sweat, and tears as we all have, was recently given some devastating news. She is a very proud mom of two daughters, one who is an SLP and the other who will be a psychologist and serves in a leadership capacity in my organization. She is a big proponent of education, and found out that after twenty-something years, she was being let go because of budgetary issues in California. My heart dropped after I read that, and as someone who strongly believes that the NSA Nation takes care of its own, I asked her to call me, and we spoke for an hour. Despite this crippling news, she maintained her sunny outlook. Many of us wear their hearts on their sleeve (I do), and when we receive bad news, we tend to immediately feel those clenches of negativity permeate our mind. We begin to ask "Why me? Why couldn't this happen to someone else?" "I don't deserve this." We stew, we complain, we feel the color in our world dying. Yet she, not one time, did any of that. She is truly someone I admire, and the NSA Nation is full of members who feel the same way she does. It really is about attitude!

Maybe I will never find out why life is the way it is. But you know what I have found out? That life is meant to be lived with a smile on your face, and being comfortable with who you are is vital. Adversity really does build character-and I've got a great deal of it. Why don't you start building yours today?My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Reflections on a birthday passed.......

2010-04-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

Last week I celebrated my birthday. 32 years ago, I entered this world and it would be pretty safe to say it's been a challenge. Jerry Garcia, the legendary singer of the Grateful Dead, coined the phrase "What a long, strange trip it's been," and that could certainly be applied here. But as I was having my birthday cake, I took some time to make a few quiet reflections.

I think growing up, taking a compliment for me was one of the hardest things to do. When I was given a present as a young man, especially in those turbulent adolescent years, I would feel tremendous guilt opening the gift-wrapped box. I never have had a solid relationship with my parents, and their approach was "We're sorry we never listened to you. Hope this makes up for it." How I wished at that very moment I was someone else's son.

In my late twenties, I decided to take a different approach to birthdays. I enjoy shopping for gifts when it comes to those I really, truly care about. But the more I thought about, I realized that what I wanted money couldn't really buy. At my first real job, I saved every cent I earned and would take great pleasure in frequently checking my bank statements and seeing my account grow. But after a while, I began to realize that it was taking the place of something I didn't have. I didn't have positive influences in my life. I had no one I could share my feelings with about stuttering. And as I celebrated future birthdays, I did so going out by myself. I felt there was plain and simple, no other choice. Sinead O' Connor, who gained notoriety for her performance on "Saturday Night Live," had a title of her album that succinctly described my feelings about presents: "I do not what want I have not got."

Yet birthdays can also teach us some valuable lessons too. I grew up in a middle-class-to-somewhat-affluent community on Long Island, which is heavily Jewish. In seventh grade, one of the popular trends was to collect National Hockey League player jerseys and show them off in the manner that if you had one, it was a badge of honor and a source of pride. I wanted to get a Doug Gilmour Toronto Maple Leafs jersey, a white background with the blue and white trim. When I got it, I was the happiest person for a day or so. But I didn't wear it ever again, and eventually it took up a permanent place of residence on my closet. The most sage piece of advice I ever got was be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it.

Special occasions are meant to be shared with those who really love and care about you. I wish I had a better relationship with my family. Many times when I go to these NSA conferences, I see this become a very powerful bonding experience for everyone, and I know that I won't ever have that. But the more I think about it, maybe I do. When I blow those candles out, I think of the NSA Nation and everyone I have met. Their contributions to my life can never be erased, because the lessons they have taught me stay in my mind every day.

When I blew those candles out this year, I realized that this year will be different. I thought about the song "Somebody To Love," by Queen, which happens to be one of my favorite songs. It also happens to be a staple on many classic radio stations. The song is a composition of themes such as wondering if love exists, and whether God does as well. Well, I can say emphatically that the answers to those questions is yes: My love is the National Stuttering Association. As far as the other question, I firmly believe there was a driving force that compelled me to spend five days in Long Beach, Calif., that rocked my world in so many ways. And I've never been the same since. I absolutely am so eternally grateful that I did.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Initiate.....do not retaliate!

2010-04-18T17:50:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The great thing about inspiration is that you never know where it will come from. You can be out walking around the neighborhood and all of a sudden, you have that blast of hidden brilliance that reveals itself. Or in my case, it happened to come at 6:02 p.m., as I was intently watching the New Jersey Devils pregame show before they were scheduled to take on their bitter archrivals, the Philadelphia Flyers, at the Wachovia Center. Stan Fischler, the renowned NHL columnist and commentator, was chatting with retired defenseman Ken Daneyko, and "Dano" as he is affectionately known by his colleagues, said these words that immediately jumped out at me: "Initiate. Don't retaliate."

I think it's safe to say that as a person who stutters, we've all experienced a burning desire at one time to get even with someone who teased and bullied us. And when you begin to get consumed by that, you slowly realize that it takes over your whole life and you eventually begin to see things in this way: the only thing that matters is making this person feel the hurt you have to go through. It's such a toxic way of thinking and the consequences far outweigh any short-term pleasant feeling you'll have.

It always seems like there's another challenge we have to face: Someone says we can't do something, a person doesn't want to call you for a job because the position requires "good oral communication skills" and right off the bat your resume shows you stutter, and you're eliminated. If you want to create positive change in your life, follow these words: "Initiate. Don't retaliate."

I couldn't help but think about this as I flashed back to something that took place a few days ago. I am looking to get out and date, and at one time I had an account on the http://www.match.com website. (It's no longer active). There was an advertisement from a woman who piqued my interest, so I wrote to her, and then three days later, this was the response I received: "You should learn how to play for the other team, because no woman will want to go out with a guy who stutters." I have heard so many things over the course of my life: "Spit it out, I don't have time," "Hey, it's Porky Pig!," but I was truly astounded at the depth of ignorance that remark showed.

Now when faced with that situation, how does one decide what to do? Well, let's weigh both sides of the equation here. If I wanted to retaliate, I could have easily written her back and cursed her out. I could have written her a whole essay about the great things that people who stutter have done currently and throughout our great history. But retaliation to me wasn't an option at all. I have come a long way in my life and I no longer want to be the person who loses it at the drop of a hat. I was that throughout high school and college, and those who took pleasure in teasing knew that I would give them a reaction. I decided to initiate, and take a new course of action. I firmly resolved to dedicate myself even more to speech therapy than I do currently, because I need to stay on top of my speech and that gives me great pride when I can do so.

It really doesn't take much to initiate changes in your life. No matter what the circumstances are, every day is another chance to start over. As an advocate for people who stutter, I never forget that each day can bring something new to make my life more enjoyable- a chance to help others and make them know that when you stutter, it doesn't have to mean a death sentence. Far from it.....it means the start of a special journey. Make sure you find out about the National Stuttering Association (http://www.westutter.org) and start today.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

2010-04-09T15:37:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone! These last few days the world has been buzzing about what may have been one of the greatest basketball games ever played in the college arenas. Even if you don't follow the NCAA Tournament (and I am not someone who is big into the brackets), you couldn't help but notice what was truly a very special game for the championship, which pitted the small school of Butler University from Indiana's Hoosierville against the perennial contenders from Duke University in North Carolina. Although Butler came up two points short, I will guarantee you that they will probably celebrate being number two for a very long time.

Yet for some reason, this country seems to galvanize the fact that only those who earn number one status will also reap the rewards of being remembered. Here's a sampling of what second place means to some: "Second place is the first loser." "No one remembers who came in second." In the book "Tuesdays with Morrie," by Mitch Albom, there's a great line about that: "What's wrong with being number two?"

Being a person who stutters often meant that in my life, I would often be jealous of others because I felt different. In many ways, I would see myself as second in everything. Other students, it seemed, were destined to take the glamorous road: good colleges, a prestigious job after graduation, a good house in the suburbs. Yet unbeknownst to me, I didn't realize it then, but now I am starting to see that being second isn't so bad at all.

We do have to fight for everything we get. Some of us just have to do it more than others. I don't see my stuttering as a disability, yet I see it as the greatest inspiration that shows me I can do great things and not only make my life better, but others as well. When a person who stutters has to go on an interview, they're not just competing against others who want that position. How, you ask? Well, they are competing against themselves too: they want the challenge of seeing that they can do it. And even if we get that dreaded letter of rejection, we know there'll be another day. So we came in second. We did. We tried. That, to me, means more than anything in the world.

As those who read my blog know, I am a big advocate of the National Stuttering Association, which is the greatest love of my life. And when we come together for our annual conference in a few short weeks, we have a special awards ceremony where we recognize the outstanding contributors who have given of themselves. Of course, it's a great thrill to be recognized, but at the same time, being an advocate for me is its own reward. All the members want to win an award, but I am the first person to walk up and congratulate someone if they win. I do not go expecting to win, because all our work speaks for itself.

Some of the best things in life have been number twos: like movie sequels. (Well, a few of them anyway). And if I am number two, I'll gladly take it. Because there's nothing wrong with being number two. Butler isn't, that's for sure.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Flying through life in slow motion....yes, it's possible!

2010-03-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

Have you ever had the chance to experience things in slow motion? In this world we live in, that seems like a pretty interesting concept. There's always places to go, things to do, appointments on the calendar. We always say we'll take time to slow down, but yet we never find the time to do so. Well, maybe when you're sick it seems like we tend to take things easy, and there are some who prefer to go full throttle every chance they can. Yet for me, I had a chance to experience slow motion, and I want you to know that it can really be great.

As those who have read my blog know, I am a very active speaker to local schools that have communication disorders programs. I do have a great appreciation for the academic process, and I realize that the classroom and clinical aspects cannot be ignored. But as an advocate for people who stutter, I feel that it is essential for me to do as many speaking engagements as I can. It is just as rewarding for me as it is for the students to learn all things stuttering. And how far we have come in these last few years! It makes me so excited to think about where the future will take us, and how these SLP students will be on the cutting edge of the technologies around us.

I seem to notice that the more public speaking I do, things tend to be in slow motion. And that to me seems very interesting. There are some people who will tell you that the more nervous you are, the slower things seem to go. I think it's the exact opposite. For some reason, being a person who stutters has shown me how to look at things differently. For that, I give all the glory to the National Stuttering Association. For example, talking on the phone used to be an absolute nightmare. Now I am very good at it-sure, I will always have my days when I block, but now it's an instrument of power instead of one that promotes fear. It's actually the one-to-one conversation that I struggle with, but because of my work with the NSA, I have gotten much better at it, and I'll continue to do so. In some ways, this is a role reversal, because there are many people who stutter who don't mind public speaking, yet would rather do anything to avoid the phone-even root canal three times over might be more suitable.

I am a huge sports fan, and one of the most common themes that I hear mentioned in interviews is the growth process, especially in hockey. Hockey, maybe more so than any other sport, has teens as early as nineteen coming into play professional hockey with the hopes and dreams on the front of the sweater they wear. And as they begin to amass the seasons under their belt, the players speak of the "the game slowing down for them." When they are a rookie, everything comes at you from so many angles-the media, the teammates who may resent you, adjustments to a professional game instead of a junior one. I think in many ways, that's exactly what public speaking comes to for me. When I did my first speaking engagement at Mercy College in Dobbs Ferry, I couldn't believe that two hours passed by so quickly with breakneck speed. I was left saying "Wow!" because not only it was so enlightening for me, but time never had passed in such a manner. As I began to speak at more schools, I began to see the experience slow down and it's so great: because when you do that, it enriches you and the students more. There's such a strong rapport in such a short amount of time. If only we could feel like that the rest of the time!

So to all those people who stutter around the world-take some time to see that your life can be good in slow motion! And if you have not done any speaking to graduate classes, there is no better time then the present. You have a story that needs to be told. There are students who need to hear it.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

We all have the right to belong....and we will fight for it, even if we are reluctant to at first!

2010-03-22T20:55:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone,

The world seems to change every day, especially when it comes to the media. Once upon a time in America, we began our days by waking up and breakfast couldn't start until we opened the daily newspaper and saw what had taken place. These days, newspapers are struggling to stay alive as news finds our way to us via different means: cell phone applications, the bloggers, and use of the Internet. But sometimes there is a story that just jumps out at us, and we briefly skim it, and have one of those "Wait a minute....what was that?" kinds of moments. And we learn a little bit more about ourselves simultaneously.

On Yahoo! there was such an article. Constance McMillen has turned into a name that is on everyone's lips and her struggle reflects one which hit me personally, and that's the right to belong. For those who may not know what happened, she is an eighteen-year old high school senior attending school in the Itawamba County region of Mississippi. She is also openly gay, and politely requested the school honor her wishes to wear a tuxedo and bring a same-sex date to her prom. The school decided to respond by canceling the event, citing numerous distractions. All of a sudden, she turned into the person responsible, and was subject to many rude and disturbing comments. One girl even said "Thanks for ruining my senior year." Little did she know how many people were ready and willing to rally to her defense, people of both orientations. As of the time this was written, there were nearly 400,000 members supporting her on Facebook, and the ACLU is fighting to have her prom reinstated.

What really hit me after reading this was it made me think of all the struggles that I, and members of the National Stuttering Association face, yet we bravely embark on our quests to live our lives the way we usually do and empower ourselves and others who are in the same situation. We have the right to stutter openly and without shame. Imagine what it would be like if we were told "You aren't allowed to stutter-ever!" I vividly remember reading how Constance spoke that she was so afraid to approach her classmates because of the reaction, yet her father said she had to do so. When I was in high school, despite volunteering in certain classes with teachers who made me feel comfortable, I wouldn't even talk to my classmates just because I felt so isolated and trapped inside. I could only walk down the halls with my head down, because I knew that if I had to face them, I would know exactly what they would say, and visualize the giggles and snickers at what I had to go through. It wasn't until I joined the National Stuttering Association, and I give the glory to them, that I learned that I could shake someone's hand and look them in the eye. How much inspiration and power that gave me!

When I originally read the story, I couldn't help but think of the movie "The Legend of Billie Jean," with Helen Slater. The movie, which has a cult following, features the tagline, "The last thing she ever expected to be a hero," which in some ways, could describe Constance. In the movie, the main character and her brother get into a mix-up which inadvertantly places them in harm's way and on the run from the authorities. As the film progresses, the teens begin to believe her side of the story, and many of them rally to her side, while exposing the fraudulent influence adults can have. Yet all it takes is ONE. ONE person to stand up and say "No, it's not all right." Yet many are afraid to do so. People who stutter are embarrassed and hesitant to report teasing or bullying in schools or colleges because of their response: "You need to be tough, you'll need to deal with this in the real world," or "Are you a real man?" No one has the right to be teased or humiliated because of something they can't control.

At the National Stuttering Association, I have met truly amazing individuals. We have a great group of dynamic teens who stutter, who are far more resilient than I was at their age. Yet again, we all learn from each other and provide so much support. In some ways, when I see them growing up and excelling in high school and seeing their bright futures, it makes me realize there is hope for this future generation-that maybe we can respect our differences.

Maybe Constance never intended be a hero. Perhaps certain members of the National Stuttering Association feel that same way. But I never saw myself as a hero. I'm just a person who stutters making a difference, just like we all are. But regardless of whatever you may think or believe, I think the right to belong is worth fighting for, and is essential. I am never going to believe otherwise, that just maybe there's a woman out there for me who believes in the NSA as strongly as I do.

Here's hoping Constance wins.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

To the Lone Star State....you are a special teacher!

2010-03-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

"There's always going to be another mountain, I'm always gonna want to make it move, always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm going to have to lose, it ain't about how fast you get there, it ain't about what it's waiting on the other side, it's the climb."

The above lyrics I just quoted are from the song "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. There are probably some people who are going to disown me for listening to that, let alone quoting it in my blog. But I have always believed that we can define ourselves by a quote from a line featured in a song or movie. It doesn't matter whether it was profiled in your high school yearbook or if it's printed on a piece of paper that hangs over your desk somewhere. But the last few days, that song has been reverberating in my head for good reason-and this is the story of how it came to be.

In February, I had a very big interview, quite possibly the biggest one of my life. Although I am not out of work, I am currently looking for a full-time professional position. The past few years I have been working behind the counter at a franchise cafe which makes sandwiches, salads, and smoothies. I do not think this job is "beneath me" at all, in fact, I know that in this economy, I am very thankful to have a job and I enjoy working hard and contributing to the sales of our store. I was invited to interview with NASA (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) at their headquarters in Houston. As I was intensely reviewing my notes on the plane, I was also focusing on how my stuttering was going to be. The challenges of being a person who stutters, and I have mentioned this often, is not knowing whether you'll have a good speech day or a bad one. Regardless, I took some solace in knowing that they already knew I stuttered. Now it was just up to me to make a good impression.

One of the things I take the most pride in on my interviews is showcasing my work with the National Stuttering Association. Yes, I am a chapter leader, but even more so than that, I like to think of myself as an ADVOCATE. I love to write and when I was at NASA, I did mention the story of the NSA Nation as well as showcasing my writing background. I met with five different people during the course of my day, and at the end of the day when I left to go back to the hotel, I had that feeling. You know the feeling very well: it's the same one you get when you ace a test, or an interview. You just know when you know. For the first time in a long while, I could visually see the so-called pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I distinctly remember that day it was raw, windy, and in the fifties, yet to me, it might have been a sun-kissed sky over the Great Wide Open.

Every day I kept checking my email, and the caller ID on my phone, anticipating the crowning moment. This was it, I told myself. My life would be officially starting now. Then, last week, I got an email and turned deathly silent. I begin to skim and didn't have to finish the email to see the message. "Everyone enjoyed meeting you, but we aren't able to define where your skills might fit in......." and the mirror shattered. I just stared at the computer screen. Ten minutes later, I went into my room and cried. I let my emotional dam burst everywhere. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and make no apologies for it. I'm human. I'm not The Terminator. I knew what my parents would say, and my relationship with them is estranged at best: "It just wasn't meant to be."

The day after that interview, I went out for a drive...just to be anywhere. As I was headed toward the beach, I heard "The Climb" come on the radio and slowed down, just to take in all the thoughts echoed. I began to reflect on what I had learned, what I had achieved. I had come so close, and I wondered if I'd ever get there again. But I WILL. Most importantly, I had shown that despite not achieving the ultimate goal, I proved that I rose to the occasion then, and can be counted on to do so again. I also provided hope and inspiration to my fellow members (and future ones) for the National Stuttering Association that we are very capable and will make good employees for organizations that want to hire us. We may stutter, but we have no problem communicating. There are many members who are in career transition who feel the pain every time they are turned down for a position because of something they can't control.

Yet every victory is celebrated immensely, because we all live through each other. When a member of the NSA became an attorney, and aims to go into lobbying, we all erupt in joy. When another member is honored for her work as an educator, we cheer loudly. Just maybe, I got several victories after all.

"These are the moments I'm gonna remember most, I just have to keep reaching."

I'm never going to stop climbing.....and neither should you.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Hi, my name is Steven, I stutter, and I am a fan of all things stuttering!

2010-03-06T22:28:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone,

It's very hard these days to see owners of professional sports teams as "fans." To the average Joe, these people often invoke images of greed and whining because they want everything their way and they charge extravagant prices for a day's worth of entertainment. But yet a few days ago as I was reading the sports section and there was a quote that caught my eye from the owner of the New York Mets, Fred Wilpon. Now although I am a die-hard Yankees fan, Wilpon made an interesting observation. "I am also a fan," he said.

A few months ago, the National Stuttering Association launched their page on Facebook. It's so hard to be anywhere in the world today and not be affected by social media. The days of relying wholly on television, radio, and newspapers for our news and information have been overtaken by the launch of MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter. The amazing thing about Facebook is that not only is it a great way to keep in touch and also network, but you can join many groups and "be a fan" of anything. You can be a fan of your favorite radio station (I love listening to Mix 107.3 out of Washington DC online, so I am a fan of them LOL). You can be a fan of your favorite sports team. And like many other people who stutter, I am a fan of the National Stuttering Association. Some people may have seen a famous infomercial for the "Hair Club For Men" founded by Sy Sperling, which featured the catchphrase, "I'm not only the president, but I am also a client." In the same vein, not only am I an active volunteer and chapter leader of the NSA, but I am a fan of people who stutter.

In some ways, it can be hard for the world to understand why I consider myself of a fan of stuttering. After all, let's examine that. Has stuttering changed my life in so many ways? Yes, both in good ways and bad ones. Have I experienced frustration? Sure, who hasn't? But as I always stress, joining the National Stuttering Association has opened my eyes to a side of stuttering I never knew existed. A side of hope. A side of tolerance, respect, and understanding. A new point of view that we are on the verge of truly being recognized as a force in this world. That's just the tip of the iceberg, why I am a fan of stuttering.

But I am also a fan of stuttering because of what the future holds. At our national conference in Arizona (and I'd be remiss not to plug the upcoming conference for July 2010-check our web site, http://www.westutter.org for details), at the request of our members, we had the inaugural research symposium, where four renowned speech pathologists presented their findings and where the future of treatments for stuttering were going, followed by a question-and-answer session with the audience. One of those very panelists actually announced a major breakthrough regarding stuttering and the confirmation that there is a genetic connection. It is this promise of new discoveries why I am a fan of all things stuttering.

So why don't you become a fan of all things with the National Stuttering Association? Become a fan of ours on Facebook. Or better yet, join us and be a member! Be part of what is, as one of my colleagues described the NSA, as "the world's largest block party."

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

What have you been listening to?

2010-02-26T18:20:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

Throughout the course of my life I have taught many lessons about stuttering to the outside world, and received them as well. We have many gifts as human beings and no doubt we determine whether those gifts benefit us or are detrimental to the way we live our life. I'd like to use this edition of the blog to talk about one of those special gifts which we have but sometimes do not use the right way. That is, the gift to hear.

We can hear many different types of things. Yet when I say the gift to hear, I do not mean listening to the local radio station when your favorite song comes on. Nor do I mean listening to the local news talk about what depressing events are going on in the world today. I speak of hearing positive things in an age where everything seems to be overwhelmingly negative.

As a person who stutters, I have heard all kinds of taunts thrown my way. Who can forget hearing these comments: "Come on, Porky!" "Spit it out." "I don't have time to wait," or anything along these lines. I began to see myself as living these comments every day: "Freak." "Loser." "Outcast." I almost started to believe that these were absolutely true since I was surrounded by them every day in high school and even throughout college. I seriously didn't know at the time that I had the power within me to tune them out.....but was so afraid to even discover it. I began to feel burning anger which eventually took on a "It's me against the world" mentality, which in respect was probably the worst attitude I ever could have had. There's a saying that actions speak louder than words. With all due respect to the person who coined that phrase, I strongly disagree. Words hurt people. They can do serious damage to our psyche and irreparably harm us.

It's so hard to live our lives today without one person saying another thing about someone else. We all have opinions, and it's so easy to say them with disregard for the consequences. But we have the power to ignore them. We have the ability to surround ourselves with people who care, who will support our goals and encourage us to live the lives we want. In the latest edition of The Hockey News, there were two great quotes that immediately jumped out at me that bear repeating. Joe Thornton, the center for the San Jose Sharks, made a comment about the fans and critics who constantly ridicule him as "No-Show Joe" for his team's lack of playoff success: "If you let that stuff get to you, it would kill you. It would just kill you."

One of the biggest themes with the National Stuttering Association, the greatest love of my life, is acceptance. And the fact of recognizing that you are a person who stutters, and that is OK. It need not define you in any way. Once you accept that fact that you stutter, as the adage goes, "The truth will set you free." All the doors open up, all that collective weight of fear, shame, and guilt vanishes. For me, I have felt like I have become so desensitized to these comments that once ripped at my core, that I have no comment on it. I just continue living my life, and what a great feeling that really is!

The coach of the San Jose Sharks, Todd McLellan, also lent some very important insight: "I believe there's a danger in always hearing and believing." This quote was in reference to the team's acquisition of Dany Heatley, a player who I discussed previously on the blog, for his reputation as a notoriously bad teammate. There IS that danger of hearing comments that put you down and if you allow yourself to believe them, your stuttering will continue to wreck havoc on your life.

All it takes is an easy adjustment-and it starts with what you choose to listen to.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Who is your Mrs. Vanderpool?

2010-02-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

I wanted to use this edition of my blog to reflect about one of the most underrated occupations in the world, and that is teaching. I firmly believe that we, as people who stutter, are teachers in our own right, educators of all things stuttering and our purpose is to empower, educate, and confront negative stereotypes where they exist. This week I was surfing the Internet and found out that one of my former high school teachers, Mrs. Vanderpool, passed away after a long battle with cancer. Although I didn't think much of it at the time because I didn't have classes with her, I knew of her reputation and what a true asset to the community she was. Later that night, I went to my closet, took out my high school yearbook, and started thinking about her and the legacy she left.

I never really had the best of luck with teachers. Unfortunately when you are in high school (and for some part, college) you really do not have the luxury of picking and choosing your teachers. I struggled mightily in high school and could never forget one teacher, Mrs. Connolly, who would often refuse to let me volunteer in class, and whenever I tried to, I could never forget the words she uttered: "I really have to do this lesson plan, and I don't have time." It wasn't until college, in one of my later semesters which turned out to be the darkest hour in my life, that a professor reached out to me and convinced me that I had a gift to express myself through writing, and that was to be nurtured in every possible way. I still think about her from time to time, and mention her quite prominently whenever I speak to college students-it is very possible to make a difference, and that professor was proof of it.

The high school I went to was really close-knit, and many of the teachers often still know about the older students they used to work with. There are probably two of them who stand out above all else, and I only knew them via reputation. The first one, Mr. Veneziano, was a jolly man who came in every day with a smile and a dedicated work ethic. He was primarily responsible for the creation of the yearbook, and administrative work with our sports teams. Whenever the basketball teams played, he always served as the public address announcer, and I can still hear his booming voice reciting the ground rules for the audience. Whenever he'd walk through the hall, it wasn't uncommon to hear "Hey, Mr. V! Paizano!" as a greeting. Unfortunately, he passed away of a heart attack a few years ago, but his love for the students was a constant. In his memory, the school renamed the gymnasium "The V," as it was truly a home away from home.

From what I heard about Mrs. Vanderpool, she was heavily involved in "SING." This was a unique competition known only to my high school. Each class would put on a musical skit, that would last about one hour, very lavish, and be judged against the other...and at the end, everyone would celebrate together. She was also a speaker at commencement exercises, and a visible presence at the senior prom...it was almost like a rite of passage that students wanted to take pictures with her. She was tough.....but fair. I do know she had a daughter, and while some might have felt "That poor girl, she'll never have a life of her own because her mom will watch her," I took the opposite view-she was very lucky to learn about her wisdom and the lessons she offered.

As news of her passing spread, Facebook had a group started by students in her memory. And within two hours, it was flooded with responses...memories from younger and older students. One classmate of mine said "When I turned 18, I cut her class to go snowboarding. When I saw her the next day, I just said I needed a break for one day, and she said, "I understand." Another woman wrote, "It was because of you I went into teaching."

In this day and age, being a teacher can be a hazardous occupation. And I don't mean only about the school violence and peer pressure. It takes a lot to deal with parents who may not understand why he/she feels the way she does. But for that one teacher who saw the potential I had, and encouraged, not discouraged me, I will be eternally grateful. In many ways, through my work with the National Stuttering Association, I'm passing on the same lessons she taught me.

When I was driving home this week, it was about 5:20, which is about the usual time the sun starts to go down. But maybe this was something I couldn't explain, but as I entered my hometown, the sun stayed out a little while longer. Maybe it was just a way of Mrs. Vanderpool saying that even though she has left us, her sunny disposition never will. Who is your Mrs. Vanderpool, the one teacher who believed you had more to offer this world and thought your stuttering never mattered?

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Can we have expectations? What happens when they don't materialize?

2010-02-16T16:58:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

Part of being a person who stutters means having to accept many different things. Not only adjusting to various social situations on a daily basis, but also accepting that even the basic tasks will have pressure in intense forms, some more than others. It can be saying "good morning" or even walking up to an information counter asking for the arrival time of the next train. And then, there's the pressure of setting expectations. Are we allowed to set expectations for ourselves? What happens when we don't meet them?

This is a very exciting time for me as a hockey fan because of the Olympic Games being held north of the border. Of course I root for everyone to achieve success, but I have a very keen eye on the ice hockey scene, and not because I am a passionate fan. The host city of Vancouver will play out a very special competition-because the Canadian team is expected to win gold. All the factors are aligned for them: a team loaded on offense and defense, the home crowd and the spirit that hockey is Canada's game by divine birthright and anything less than a gold medal will be seen as a complete and utter failure, that will have major ramifications. As Pittsburgh Penguins superstar Sidney Crosby said in an interview with The Sporting News, "Everyone expects to win, so that's pretty much it. That's the way it is."

Throughout the course of my life, I never really had expectations. Or wanted them, for that matter. When you're a teenager navigating the turbulence of adolescence, you really could care less about what's going on in the world outside of your own. It's all about school, crushes, your first job, and sleep...a lot of sleep. It wasn't until I joined the National Stuttering Association that I learned that I am capable of setting expectations for myself. But more importantly, I learned how to deal with them in a positive manner when things didn't work out.

One of the biggest challenges for us is job interviews. In this economy, getting one is a nerve-wracking task, but actually going on one...is enough to cause beads of sweat to come pouring down on even the most confident of people. I've been in so many situations where I told myself, "This is an occasion where I have to be fluent. I NEED to be fluent. My life could be riding on this one moment." Then, I'd open my mouth, the crushing of my vocal chords would start to begin, and the locking would freeze like a deer in the headlights. I'd have one hour to try and force out as many words as I can. And a few days later, I'd get the dreaded form letter in the mail, and be like, "Damn it! The one time I need to be fluent I can't!" and as a result, I'd carry that feeling of misery for an extended period of time.

However, to be 100 percent fluent all the time is setting an unrealistic expectation. No one can ask that, and to do so is asking the impossible. However, there's nothing wrong with having reasonable expectations: "Today I will try to be fluent, and if it happens, it happens. And if I am not, that's OK." It will not be the end of the world if you There are members of the National Stuttering Association who have set great examples which I follow every day. I expect to conduct myself as a representative of the organization with integrity. I expect to meet new people and show them great levels of respect, for together we live our hopes and dreams through each other.

Although many writers and hockey fans are saying that it will be the end of the world if Canada doesn't win the gold medal, I highly doubt that will be the case. It's great to have expectations, and to set the bar high as a motivating tool. But regardless of what happens, I am sure class and respect will be on full display at all times. At the National Stuttering Association, class and respect are evident everyday. Respect yourself. But most importantly, respect each other. Your stutter can be your greatest asset!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard. I also want to share a special note: If you want to give your stuttering a supercharged jolt and see that your speech doesn't have to hold you hostage, come to our annual conference in July. You'll see 600+ people who stutter shatter every myth and make you realize everything is possible. For more information, check out http://www.westutter.org!

Just do it anyway!

2010-02-08T20:39:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

"You can spend your whole life building something from nothing, one storm can come and blow it all anyway, build it anyway. You can chase a dream that seems so far out of reach and you know it might not come your way, dream it anyway."

Those are the lyrics to "Anyway" by Martina McBride. One of the most interesting things about my life has been my introduction and following of country music. Although I live in the New York metropolitan area, unfortunately one of the drawbacks is that country isn't exactly popular here, even though it's starting to change with such events like Garth Brooks playing Central Park and Taylor Swift having sellout shows everywhere. But the main reason why I really like country music is because there is so much to learn about stuttering. Not every song is all about a lost love, but about challenges we face every day.

The song "Anyway," in my eyes, talks about the courage and resiliency we need to go forward, even in the aftermaths of some occurrences that can force us to reexamine everything we believed. If we focus on the lyrics "You can chase a dream that seems so far out of reach and you know it might not come your way, dream it anyway," what does it really mean? Well, to me, the dream that at one time was so far out of reach was reaching the ultimate goal of self-acceptance when it comes to my stuttering. Sometimes we're so afraid to even dream, because we know somewhere there will be a person who takes great pride in shattering those dreams-maybe they never had that ability, so they want to ruin it for others who want to do so.

Last night, I was talking to one of my NSA colleagues and she is similar to me in the regard that she's looking for work and trying to get her life started, as I am too. She is really excited about cosmetics, and wanted to pursue training to be an aesthtician. I encouraged her to go for this, and she admitted she really wanted to do so, but that money was a big issue. I will be 32 in April, and one of the biggest lessons that I have learned from the National Stuttering Association and listening to country music is that it's about PASSION. It's about wanting something badly enough that when you put your heart and soul into it, whatever the results will be, you can look back and say "I did. I dreamed. I tried." No one needs to be told the economy is in dire straits and finances play a big role in what we say and do. I understand that. I also understand that as people who stutter, we have one life, and it's up to us to make it special. I want to go through life saying and speaking with fire, with passion. I want to use my stuttering, my gift, to help others and achieve their goals.

So when it comes to your life, build it anyway. Dream it anyway. Do it anyway. My mom actually mentioned a pretty interesting anecdote about passion though, which I want to share with you. In the late eighties (or maybe early 1990s), my parents went to see Michael Bolton play in concert at Westbury Music Fair-it's a venue slated for mostly recent acts, who were once popular but for whatever reason don't draw as well now as they did then. The opening act for Michael Bolton was a country singer who was looking to make his mark on the world. He was well received, and while some in the audience could care less who he was, he sang with passion on every note, every line. And that little-known singer turned out to be one of the biggest names in country music-he made "Friends In Low Plces" a household song, and put his passion into showcasing some of the most electrifying concerts on this earth.

Build your life....build it anyway.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Everything I Learned I Learned....From The Restaurant Business

2010-01-31T13:24:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon everyone,

There's a very famous piece of written composition called "Everything I Learned, I Learned In Kindergarten." I thought I'd use that as the basis for this posting, but slightly tweaked. I didn't learn everything in kindergarten, and I probably won't learn everything until I leave this earth-and by then, there will be much more still to observe. But for me, everything I have learned about stuttering and my life I actually learned from....the hospitality business.

At different points in my life, I have worked in the catering/restaurant business. It's no secret that there are very few "lifers" in that business, simply because a lack of patience and frustration will doom you if you don't have the necessary "people gene." Either one has it, or they don't. I've worked at opposite ends of the spectrum: from luxury catering at a prestigious multi-purpose hall to working behind the counter preparing food. And I like to think there are many parallels between stuttering and this field, as I am sure there are many others. On the refrigerator where I currently work, there was a letter from an owner of another franchise store (same type as I work at) and one day on my down time, I read it. If you take the time to analyze it, there are many connections to draw. Here's but a few things he said, and how I feel about it:

1. "It's not about you, it's about the customer."-Well, it's not about me in any way at all. It's about the National Stuttering Association and contributing in any way I can to make it better. When you work in the restaurant field, you are the ambassador and representative for that place where customers choose to eat. A customer can spend money anywhere they want to-and in this economy, it's very important to choose a place where they feel acknowledged. When I contribute to the NSA in many forms, I want others to know that I represent them and I take equal ownership and treat it as if it were my own, because it is. I used to work at the Huntington Townhouse as a lobby host, assisting the maitre d's whenever I was needed to do so, and making sure everyone left with a great impression of Long Island. Yes, we had many visitors who'd never been to the NYC area and didn't know anything about it. I know that as a single person I can have a big say as to how their time goes. When you know you can make a difference, it's a special feeling. Sure, it was nice to get to wear a tuxedo to work LOL, but still......you can represent yourself to the fullest. If you show stuttering never stops you in any way, others will agree with you and go along happily.

2. "If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours."-For the longest time I would never even want to smile because I felt so ashamed and embarrassed by my stutter. Even the simplest tasks I would do just featured a sarcastic edge whenever I spoke. You have a choice: you can smile and accept the fact that you stutter and it's one part of your life, and be confident about it, or you can be angry and complain about it. I have dealt with customers who could care less about what they are doing at that moment, but I like to smile and do it when I can. There is nothing to apologize for when it comes to stuttering. I stutter, and I smile....why don't you?

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The theme is consistency.....

2010-01-22T18:47:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

As I am writing this edition of my blog, I am trying to think back to the time when I was home watching the clock strike twelve and welcome in the year 2010. This was the year......for many things. This was the year I'd fall in love. It was going to be the year that I'd return to working out and feeling good about myself. And then I began to wonder how long it would take to make those goals disappear. I don't think those goals are unrealistic, but I began to feel my brain bubbling and coming up with a new goal. I want to be consistent....in everything I do.

Like many people who stutter, high school and college and my years in my twenties were nothing short of hell. The nights I cried, the long walks home by myself, finding myself absorbed in loneliness and the denial of my rights to be heard, to be wanted. Although I had found some academic success in the classroom, those moments were fleeting and confined to one or two classes at best. And when my parents went to the teacher conferences, the one word heard over and over was "consistent." Some of the general comments that I'd heard were "Steven has untapped potential but he's so enigmatic. Imagine what he could be if he was consistent."

One of the challenges I face as a person who stutters, among many, is the ability to be consistent. Sure, one way to look at it is that I stutter consistently. Yet when I go to speech therapy, I do really well in the confines of the office with my speech pathologist, and I have again those fleeting moments when I can hold a conversation with minimal blocking. But more often than most, once I go out of those doors back home, it seems like I begin stuttering more severely than when I entered the office in the first place. But this to me is a challenge that I relish. For the longest time, I got really good at running away. But sooner or later, you will get tired of doing it. We can't run forever.

You can be consistent with many other things that revolve around stuttering. I made a pledge to myself to be consistent in my desire to educate and support others and myself. I said I wanted to be consistent in speaking my mind at all times and refusing to be reserved. It may be hard to believe, but in my pre-NSA days, I would agree that I had to be seen and not heard. (See me at an NSA conference and you'll know why I say that). Now, I start conversations anywhere, anytime. I've been on the subway platforms in New York City and chatted with random people about everything from the weather to politics. Not only is it great practice, but it's another step forward for being consistent in my life-to represent myself as a person who stutters to the best extent possible.

On the topic of consistency, I happened to read a brief article in The Hockey News that got my attention and in a way created the topic. For those who have not heard of Daniel Alfredsson, he is the captain and top winger for the Ottawa Senators. I love hockey and one of the reasons I frequently reference it is because the lessons that we can learn are innumerable. I often find myself drawn to watching players who maybe aren't heralded as much, but get the most out of their abilities and help in other ways that the scoreboard never reflects. He will more than likely break the 1,000-point level and earn induction into the Hockey Hall of Fame, but he never had the dynamic pizzazz that superstar players do. He was even picked in the sixth round as an afterthought, and won Olympic gold.

If you're wondering why I mention him, in the article it talked about his career. His team played in the Stanley Cup Final in 2006-07, but lost to the Anaheim Ducks. That may have been his one chance at winning a championship, since the team is struggling and he will finish his career quite possibly on a bad team. (The owner, Eugene Melnyk, vowed he'd be a "Senator for Life." If he never wins a title, Alfredsson had an interesting take on it: "I'm proud of my consistency," he said.

You can be consistent as a person who stutters. Be consistent in your actions. Be consistent in your relationships with others, even if they do not stutter. Be consistent in everything you do...and maybe you too will see that it is something to be proud of.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

And now, a word from Hilary Duff...and the connection with stuttering

2010-01-15T16:57:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

"In a moment, everything can change."

That's the opening line to the song "Fly" by Hilary Duff. As I was driving in to work, I was flipping the radio dial and trying to settle on a preset, and in the process came across 1010WINS, which is one of the biggest all-news radio stations in the country. At the top of the hour, they announced that today was the one year anniversary of the "Miracle on the Hudson," the moniker given to the emergency landing of a USAirways jet into the New York City harbor and as a result, created a truly transcendent bond with passengers, but also made Chesley Sullenberger III an instant household name, and a real American hero. I can still recall the images of the plane in the waters, and the courage of those who responded and demonstrated what this country is made of.

As a person who stutters, I have experienced many of those moments. There are ones on a grand scale, like the first National Stuttering Association conference I attended, or a smaller moment, when I decided one day I would no longer use the automated box office in the local multiplex lobby and I knew I was going to say what I want, regardless of how long it took. Yet for those who stutter, the greatest question is to how to react when something alters your life and makes you question what you believe.

I remember when I was very young (probably around three years old) going to an audiologist's office and being placed in this booth with some really cool-looking equipment. As an icebreaker for when I speak to SLP students, I like to say for all intents and purposes that it might as well have been a rocket ship and the feedback devices were really a road map for outer space. After the requisite tests were done, and my parents found out that I stuttered, I don't think they had any idea what to feel. In essence, they had a moment that changed their lives forever. Little did I know that my world was about to be shattered, rocked, and smashed many times over-only to resurrect myself stronger and more resilient than ever.

I suppose people have different ways of dealing with these kinds of moments. Some turn to drugs and alcohol, others deny what is going on. For the longest time, I too was in denial that I stuttered. I experienced pain and alienation the likes of which no one should need face alone. But in these moments, we really find out what we're made of, and how far we can go in this life. I will never forget the first time I spoke at a college, and I was deathly afraid of how my words would come out. Yet, that evening I flew as high as I ever could. It was such a spiritual high, so intoxicating.

Throughout these moments, we should not forget the lessons that are taught. Even though I may not be a professional teacher, in many ways I am a dual "teacher" and "student" when it comes to my speech. Every day is something I learn. You too will learn a great deal as you continue this journey on stuttering.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

What did Derek Jeter teach me about stuttering?

2010-01-07T18:39:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

As the calendar turns the pages to 2010, I realize that some things never get old. Maybe it's the feeling of putting on that favorite sweatshirt you have, the atmosphere you experience when you walk into a neighborhood restaurant and the host greets you like the regular you are, or getting together with your friends for to watch a game. We always identify cities by their sports teams and their characteristics. For example, Pittsburgh will always be Steeler Nation and the "We Are Family" Pittsburgh Pirates. Montreal will always be the cathedral of hockey, although some Maple Leafs fan may disagree. But we also take great pride in studying our athletes and relating to them, and applying the lessons they teach us everyday. In many cases, it's not just sportsmanship. It's about how to be as a person.

Living in the New York area as I do, I have always been a Yankees fan. And although I take it for granted that I can spend summer nights watching baseball being played in the boogie-down Bronx, I have also had the opportunity to watch one of the most influential athletes to every play in this city. Of course, I'm talking about one Derek Jeter, who is the captain of the New York Yankees, and a four-time World Series champion at that. New York has had many great sports teams and legends, but few have ever captured the heart of the city like he did. I can count on one hand the number of players who have.

It goes without saying that there is always intense scrutiny playing in a scene like New York. But regardless, the lessons he has taught me and many other fans can apply to us, as people who stutter in so many ways. I wanted to use this blog and share those insights, to see how we can apply them:

1. Respect-not just for others, but for ourselves. As a person who stutters, for the longest time growing up I never felt like I had the right to basic respect. If someone came up to me and said hello, as much as I wanted to respond in kind, I felt that I had no right to do so and to even attempt it would be futile. I think because of my stuttering, I have become more compassionate and giving in my life as a result. When you experience so much scorn and hurt, it's a natural response to say "I never cared about anyone, so I want to turn my back on the world." Sure, the world can be rough. But we can deal with it in a number of ways. If you respect yourself, and others, you know that you can find a positive, in the most trying of situations. When Joe Torre was managing the Yankees, the captain would always call him "Mr. T." And here's the best example of respect: We all know there's a red-hot rivalry between the Yankees and the Red Sox. If you asked players on the Red Sox who they admire and respect the most, even if they can't stand the team he plays for, it's Derek Jeter. If that doesn't show respect, then what does?

2. Be willing to hustle and do what needs to be done: There is no room for complacency in this world. When it comes to our stuttering, it is only controlled by one person, and that's ourselves. We can't blame our parents or anyone else. If you do not go to speech therapy, then there are other confidence-boosting exercises that you can do with regards to your speech. If you do go to speech therapy, understand that when you work with your SLP, once you step out of that office, it's up to you to apply it. Apply what you learn every chance you get.

3. Accept the responsibility you have: As some of you know, I hold a leadership position with the National Stuttering Association. In many ways, this was the greatest thing that ever could happen to me. There are some people who don't want to lead, and that's their right if they wish to do so. But when you are a leader, you are in the spotlight and what you say and do will be heavily watched. When you study how Derek Jeter meets the media after every game, he never says anything defamatory. He's always cordial, accommodating, and understands the responsibilities he has placed before him. I have a responsibility to all those people who stutter around the world. We all owe it to each other to be the best people we possibly can, and to represent stuttering in a positive light!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Goodbye this decade....the decade of CHOICE!

2010-01-01T15:49:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

Last night marked different things for many people. It may have been the biggest party night of the year where you dress to the nines and celebrate, a time to look forward to the promises of a forthcoming year, or a time to reflect on the challenges and think about what we can do to make ourselves a stronger person. For me, it was definitely the last one-even though I'll be 32 this year and I love a good time as much as anyone, there can be no denying that 2009 was a year of emotions. The world met a woman named Stefani Joanne Angelia Germanotta who we went "Gaga" over. We stood by and watched corporate greed almost bring this country to its knees, one man play Wall Street, yet we also saw a barrier come down loud and clear when this country voted a senator from Illinois president, and sent the message that skin color does not matter and anything is possible if the determination is there.

Despite it being a raw and rainy evening, I drove down to Jones Beach, which is a favorite spot of mine to go biking. It also serves as a special comfort to me, a place where I can go when I feel I need to contemplate situations in my life. It felt like a ghost town driving down the Wantagh Parkway, as the rain pelted my windshield like a gentle knock on my door. And as I saw the tower in the distance, I pulled into the parking lot and just reflected. It was a year that was passing, yes, but also a decade. And what ultimately did that mean?

Throughout our history, each decade has been marked by iconic memories forever frozen in time. We had the "Roaring Twenties," the 1970s were the "Disco Era" and it belonged to a little-known actor named John Travolta and a band consisting of the Brothers Gibb, the eighties were about a girl from Michigan who asked her father not to preach and a member of the Jackson Five who made wearing a single white glove very popular. And there's the "00s," if you want to call it that, which will be marked by....what, exactly?

I don't know what others will think about this decade, but I can say unequivocally that for me, it will be marked by five days that forever changed the way I look at my life. This decade is marked by faith, hope, and promise. However, if I had to choose one word to symbolize what this decade means to me, it's a very simple word, but one that has so much power: "Choice."

You see, I say that because I made a CHOICE to fly out to Long Beach, despite my parents trying to talk me out of it. I CHOSE to accept and confront my stuttering, and examine why I lived my life as stuttering thought I should live it, not how I wanted to. I CHOSE to make my stuttering my greatest strength and influence of power.

When I was very young, I thought how cool it would be to grow into an adult, and be able to make my own decisions. In the eyes of the law, you are considered a minor until eighteen. Yet it is always frightening to make our own decisions, because the ultimate responsibility lies with us. But it was this decade that I like to think I became a man, who finally understood that stuttering never had to prevent me from living my life the way I had hoped. Yes, I know I will have many more bad speech days. And maybe others who do not understand stuttering will try to finish my sentences for me. But I am not going to let them do that. I CHOSE to take a chance in my life and join the National Stuttering Association. It's the greatest love of my life, and she contines to show me that life is ready to be lived.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Maybe it really is a wonderful life after all......

2009-12-25T18:22:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

The last Christmas of this decade is about to come to a close tonight, and I will definitely miss it for sure. Even though I am Jewish, you can't help but appreciate and become awestruck by this time of year-walking past houses with their decorations such as inflatable snow globes, and perusing the local mall which is all lit up with the sounds of the season. Today, very few restaurants are businesses are open, with the exception of the movies, and there are some movies that relate very well to stuttering. The NSA welcomed Jeffrey Blitz, the creator of "Rocket Science," to speak at our New Jersey conference, for example. But this Christmas, I sat down and watched a movie I'd never seen before, and was wowed at how relevant the themes of it are. Christmas and Frank Capra just seem to go together.

Of course, I speak of "It's A Wonderful Life," which is one of the timeless movies of this generation. Released in 1946, it tells the story of George Bailey, a man who has tremendous values. A person who continually sacrifices his goals for the betterment of his town and the world he lives on. He had hoped to be an architect and travel the world, but he decides to wait until his son can take his place at the Bailey Building & Loan Association. As the movie continues, he finds out that on his honeymoon that the association is in danger of collpasing, so he and his wife take the money designated for that occasion and give it to the bank to prevent it from closing.

I am not going to tell you the rest of the movie for obvious reasons. But we all know how he tries to end his life and his guardian angel pleads to help him. It's at this time, that the audience is shown what would have happened had he never been born.

There are many people in the world who don't understand what stuttering is, and may even dispute what it means to struggle with communication. Stuttering can be as debilitating as other conditions-I often felt for the longest time that it is akin to "dying a vocal death," but it's not a one-time thing. It's every day, and it happens at any time. A person who stutters may choose a vocation far beneath them, or may avoid social interaction because that they're afraid.

Although I am confident in my speech, there were pre-NSA times when I did feel very ashamed of my stuttering and guilty. I could just sense it in the other person's eyes. I have very good days and bad speech days. In fact, yesterday I had one of my worst speech days. I walked into the local Subway on Christmas Eve, six blocks or so from my house. I usually go there several times a month, and they know what I get. (Please, try the footlong turkey-double stacked, with onions, lettuce, carrots, pickles, green pepper, and cucumber, chipotle dressing). I digress, though.

I knew what I wanted to say. But I blocked on every single word! I felt that larynx begin to squeeze, leading to my vowel suffocation. I frantically tried every technique I could, but it just made it worse. Eventually, the manager figured out what I wanted to say, but I refused to allow him to accept that. I wished I would have been anywhere else. But I left the store knowing that I am thankful that I can never allow myself to surrender.

Thinking back to the movie, I am sure there are times (in fact, I know there are) when we often ask ourselves what life would be like if we didn't stutter. Or what if we wished we had some other challenge to overcome? I can remember those high school and college days of anguish, wishing I was deaf in addition to stuttering, that way I would never have to hear what was being said about me.

Despite all the challenges we face (and there will be more and more of them), I keep thinking maybe I really do have a "wonderful life." Yes, I know I have a lot of things I would like: More money, a nicer car, and that special woman. And I have some things that I can't change: I can't change the relationship I have with my parents when it comes to my speech. I also have a very powerful love in my life. A love of a special organization where people who stutter come together to celebrate everything it was, it is, what it will be. A love that renews itself every day. And the feeling of counting down to those days in July when I will give my fellow people who stutter a big hug and say "It's great to see you again." And the feeling that I am home, and so in love with the National Stuttering Association.

On my worst days, just remember: Your life is valuable. Make sure the world allows you to share your voice and special gifts.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I am proud that I stutter!

2009-12-21T13:02:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon everyone,

I've often heard the term "pride" mentioned as a big factor in why some people do the things they do. For example, a person who is struggling with addictive impulses may refuse to admit they have a problem and want to get help, because they are too proud. Or sometimes we may not want to accept a lower-paying job, because we may feel "We're better than that." However, in some cases, it's important to have pride in moderation, because it tells a lot about the type of character you have.

Yesterday, in the wake of the Blizzard of 2009, I was watching the NFL on FOX, and being that I live in the metropolitan New York area, the local FOX affiliate, which was WNYW/5, was showing the New York Jets hosting the Atlanta Falcons. In a game that meant nothing to the Falcons because they had already been eliminated from playoff contention, the Falcons eked out a win, 10-7, on a last second touchdown. And while the home crowd was groaning, the play-by-play team of Dick Stockton and Charles Davis were talking about how the Falcons would be missing the playoffs, there was a very important goal they were shooting for. In their existence as an NFL franchise, the Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons, and that was a goal that would be of great importance. After the game, sideline reporter interviewed Tony Gonzalez, a future Hall of Famer in his own right, and he said (paraphrasing) that "We have a great deal of pride, and we're professionals."

I repeatedly thought about that comment-in a situation like this, it's very easy to fold up the tent and say "We're done. See you all next year, and we'll try again then." But you need to have pride in what you do and who you are, and let others know that. I am proud that I stutter and I feel fortunate that I have a special gift that I can share with others in this world. For those who understand me and the NSA Nation and the special things we bring to this life, if you think your stuttering is a big deal, it will be. When you look down when you speak to others, they'll start to look down too and feel embarrassed. One of the most important lessons that I learned from an NSA conference (among many) is to give a firm handshake and look the other person in the eye when you speak. That exudes confidence and power and the value reaches so far.

We're all works in progress when it comes to accepting who we are. We are our own worst enemies, because no one sees our flaws the way that we do. The NSA Nation allows us to represent ourselves to the fullest extent possible.

As I was watching the end of the game, I saw Arthur Blank, the owner of the team, on the sidelines. At our conference in Atlanta, he was a keynote speaker. Not only does he own the Falcons, but he co-owned The Home Depot and is a millionaire many times over, and is very philanthropic in the Atlanta community. I couldn't help but think back to a quote he made during his speech when he said "There is no finish line." It was on a T-shirt that he wears when he runs marathons. There is always work to be done in our lives, and improving ourselves as human beings and as people who stutter. There are times we will want to stop, and raise the white flag of surrender. But we can't. Because we have pride in the work we do, and will continue to do to spread stuttering awareness everywhere.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

What an ass this person is!!!!

2009-12-15T17:28:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

I always look forward to getting The Hockey News in the mail every week. I relish the chance to read the stories and interesting anecdotes to see how I can relate them to stuttering. Those who know me would definitely say I am a huge hockey fan, if not a fanatic. But sometimes you read an article and you have to step back and wonder, "What the !@$!#!@#$! was this person thinking?" As a person who stutters, I am learning (and continue to learn) how to make my words count and exercise my control to not let my stuttering become a flaw for others to exploit, which I could not do for a long time.

There was an article written about the effort to put together the Olympic hockey team from Finland. In 2010, the National Hockey League will shut down to allow their players to represent their native countries in the quest for Olympic gold in Vancouver. If you ever have the chance to hear a former athlete speak about their greatest triumphs, chances are strong that you may hear them reflect on what a special honor it was to represent their country and compete at the highest level. However, there was an anecdote that made me look twice, and realize: If there were ever someone who needed an attitude adjustment, it was this guy I am about to talk about.

Miikka Kiprusoff is the goalie for the Calgary Flames. A good, steady netminder, but nothing approaching superstar status, although he did play in a Stanley Cup Final. He stated he wanted to be the number one choice to represent his country-nothing wrong with that, showing the competitive juices. Then, according to author Edward Fraser, in November, he stated either he'd be labeled the starter-or he'd stay home over the break. There are many descriptions I could use to describe that, and needless to say, the coach of the team, Jari Kurri, didn't take that comment too kindly. "The players don't make the decisions. The coaches do," he said.

The one thing I have tried and consistently stressed about my stuttering is the desire and the requirement to have a good attitude. With that comment, can you blame anyone for saying "I'll take my chances with someone else?"

I tried to visualize this scenario as to how it might have played out in high school or college. I saw myself asking to participate in an event, and here is the response: "Sure, Steven you can play, but you can't stutter." Or something to the effect of, "Yes, you can play, but you can't speak to the referee or anyone else." I can control many things. I can't control if I have a good speech day or a bad one. I can't control the locking of my vocal chords when I am trying to say what I want. I can control my ATTITUDE.

We all make decisions in our life and we must live with the consequences. And for one Miikka Kirpusoff, if he decides not to participate, that is his right. But I guarantee you long after he retires, he will not be remembered for what he did on the ice. He'll be remembered for not wanting to care about others enough. I will never put myself above the NSA Nation or anyone else because I care about others! We who stutter have a very special bond that must never be broken, and that bond is to be celebrated every day.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Saturday nights with the NSA Nation......

2009-12-09T13:34:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

The cold winds are upon us, and for many around the world, this is the best time of year. The Christmas lights are up, the menorahs are soon to be lit, and for once, it seems like everyone has a spring in their step, a smile on their face, and maybe a little more patience than they used to. However, that isn't always true, given the way things are in the world-high unemployment, frustrations in finding a job, wondering when the next chapter of our lives will be starting.

On Saturday, Dec. 5, I had the honor of getting together with my peers for an NSA holiday party. The Manhattan (New York County) chapter for the past two years, has hosted a get-together which is open to anyone who stutters, regardless of chapter affiliation. Last year, I made a suggestion that it would be a great idea to make it an inter-chapter gathering, and that was accepted. This year, we invited those from Long Island, Queens, Brooklyn, Manhattan, and Central Jersey to attend. Unbeknownst at the time, we were about to be greeted by a mixture of snow and slush, but even though the calendar read December, for me it might as well have been a special version of Thanksgiving because I was with those who get me.

There's something special about seeing the smile of a teammate who you don't always get to see that often, the genuineness of a handshake and catching up on old times and seeing what has been going on. Sometimes the news is great, other times not so much. But you still embrace the camaraderie that is there. I met so many new members who were thrilled at the chance to meet others who were walking in the same shoes we walked in, facing the same challenges we do on a daily basis. And over barbecued chicken and chili, we laughed, we chatted, we had become so close in an amazingly short amount of time.

The night we held our party, the NSA chapter in the Bay Area (San Francisco) held their holiday party, which I thought had an excellent title: "Eat, Drink, and Be M-M-Merry." How poetic was it that on both sides of the country, with 3,000 miles separating each other, these two chapters held their own events. Yet all over the U.S., there were many chapters hosting holiday parties and getting together in their own way to showcase the spirit of what the NSA Nation really is.

I can say that I don't always get to the city often. Most of my life is concentrated on Long Island, and I am a suburbanite-every time I exit the Long Island Railroad at Pennsylvania Station and go up the escalator, I am still awestruck at the skyscrapers and wonder how I find myself there. But taking the 10:52 back home, and passing some of the skyline, I have to say when you find yourself alone, when you have the worst speech day possible and nothing just goes according to plan, you know that you aren't. You're a citizen of the NSA Nation. We all are. And that is the best feeling in the world.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

How do you feel about stuttering and dating?

2009-12-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

I wanted to use this edition of the blog to discuss an interesting experience I recently had online in a chat room. I am going to be turning 32 next year, and like many of my peers, would like to get into the dating game. Some take the road less traveled, with many bumps along the way, like I have done. Hindsight as they say is always 20/20, but if I knew then what I knew now I probably would have not done half the stupid things in high school and college. I've always been attracted to the Internet when it comes to meeting new people. It's really an oxymoron, but I do much better on the Internet than in real life, one-to-one conversations. Needless to say, you can't hide behind a computer your whole life, but I can admit that the online world of dating can help "level the playing field" when it comes to being a teammate who stutters. Thankfully, the NSA Nation has been a godsend in helping me grow not just socially, but professionally as well.

Recently I was in a "thirties love" chat room on AOL, and chatting with a young woman from the Chicago suburbs. We were discussing the usual things: where we live, what we like to do, and I of course mentioned my incredible love of my life and the greatest passion I have, which is working for the National Stuttering Association. Things were going pretty well and then I heard the dreaded "goodbye" from AOL. It's all right, I told myself, she'll be back in a few minutes. She never did.

I recently signed up for Match.com a few months ago and decided to do something bold, something I'd never done before. I mentioned prominently in my profile that the National Stuttering Association is a major driving force in my life. Now of course, I knew the risks I was taking, but I also knew that I had to do the right thing and be honest. Which brings me to this question: Is honesty the best policy?

You have heard me talk about the journey of self-acceptance every teammate who stutters must take within themselves. We all need to accept that we stutter-for some of us, it is a realization that occurs much sooner rather than later. It took me until my late twenties to realize that I stutter, and the choice is mine as to what I can make of it-after all, I can either make it work for me, or against me at the same time. But before I took that journey of self-acceptance, I would accept that I would be single for the rest of my life, and feel it's a death sentence. This world we live in isn't getting any better-the insults are becoming more caustic, the confrontations more violent, but I have seen hope, in the form of my NSA teammates in high school who are becoming more confident socially and growing into leaders in their own right.

Over dinner at the diner last week, I discussed this with a peer of mine, and she gave a very challenging response, which ate at me for a while: "I think what you're doing is courageous, but don't you think you're also throwing yourself on the mercy of the court without being tried?" she inquired. We all have certain qualities we look for in a potential girlfriend/significant other, but do we ever have deal-breakers? Sure. Smoking can be one. Doing drugs? Absolutely. My biggest one though, is a lack of acceptance of the NSA Nation. I could never date, or want to date, someone like that.

The greatest appeal of the NSA conferences is that teammates who do not stutter get just as much out of these seminars. It's not uncommon to see a teammate bring their girlfriend/boyfriend to this event, and they marvel at the life-altering processes that take place here. I know I am very comfortable as a teammate who stutters, and that needs to come through loud and clear. The NSA Nation is where I draw my power from. There may be those who just don't care about stuttering, or don't want to know about it. That's fine if they feel that way. All you've done is given me another reason not to want to get to know you.

I know that stuttering and dating can present a very big challenge. Stuttering affects men more than it does women, but we often wonder who has the greater challenges in the dating game. I have challenges too, of dealing with potential dates who may not understand the impact of a comment they make. I'll never forget one incident in my life that happened a year ago. I was out with a woman and we were having dinner at Houlihan's, and when the server came over to ask me what I wanted to drink, I asked for a cosmopolitan (yes, they really are good LOL) and it came out like "C-c-c-c-c-osmmmmmopolitan." The woman said "Wow, I didn't think that would take you a long time to answer." I got up and promptly walked out of the restaurant, and drove home. The next day I sent her an email explaining to her that because of that comment, I could no longer even speak with her. I was so angry after that, that I refused to even want to date because I was thinking everyone else would be just like that. But it's not true. It can be trying. It can test even the strongest of wills. But I know that in the end, I will find that woman who accepts the NSA Nation and how important it is to me.

We all want to find the "one." Here's to my teammates who refuse to let their stuttering stand in the way of that goal.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I'm thankful for a special kind of freedom!

2009-11-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

Good evening everyone,

Tonight is Thanksgiving Eve, and all across the country there is a plethora of things to be done: the traveling to family and loved ones, the manic last-minute preparations for the feast to be unveiled tomorrow, or, the start of the party night of the year. (Well, at least according to the countless advertisements for bars I've heard on the radio). We all know the roots of Thanksgiving, with the Pilgrims, and we have many things to be thankful for: our family, our health, our freedoms. Yet above all else, there's one freedom I have never taken for granted, and it wasn't until it was taken from me that I realized how important it truly is. They say you don't know what you have until it's gone, and isn't that the truth. I am talking about the freedom to stutter openly and do so without shame and embarrassment-the freedom to be myself.

Growing up on Long Island, I lived in a close-knit community-and there really wasn't much "wiggle room" in the popularity race. You either were somebody, or you weren't. Each person had an identity that went far beyond the name, and I knew what mine was: "Steven the Stutterer." I can still re-live those cruel days when I would ask to sit down for lunch and the vocal chords locked, just like the car wheels in the snow. "Sorry, this seat is taken," or "Come on, Stuttering Steve! Spit out the words." I had accepted that was my fate, to be known as "Stuttering Steve." It got so bad that I would actually eat lunch by myself in the nurse's office. I didn't have to make up any excuses, I would just walk into the office, give a nod which was acknowledged, and go into the bed to eat. That would become my refuge, and my safe place. Of course, I never dared tell my parents about what I experienced.

And yet, the pain grew so long and hard. Every Thanksgiving holiday that passed, just felt like a Groundhog Day episode: the angst, the alienation, and being secluded from the rest of the modern world. I felt like an uninvited guest to the dinner table, and when I would sit down and ask for something to be passed to me, I could never get the words out. "Cranberry" would come out like "c-c-crrrrrrranberry" and as I was fumbling with the words, my mom would sit there exasperated and my dad would be rolling his eyes wondering why I could not say what I wanted. After that, I decided to spend my Thanksgiving holidays at a diner by myself, just me and the trimmings. And as I'd be eating, I would look over and see the happy families laughing, just enjoying being together, and seeing my heart ripped out and the blood squeezing very slowly in front of me.

These are certainly unprecedented times we live in: jobs are being cut, sacrifices made and unpopular choices around us. But this Thanksgiving, I look back on the memories of Scottsdale for the 2009 NSA annual conference, and those memories keep me going. I think about how above all else, I am grateful for the freedom I have: the freedom to stutter. The freedom to educate and empower my teammates, and learn from all of them. The freedom to share my head-over-heels love of the National Stuttering Association (http://www.westutter.org) with SLP students who will make their mark on the speech pathology field. I learn just as much from them and hopefully they learn from me. We all live through each other, celebrating our triumphs and learning about our challenges. The freedom to stutter and be who you are is truly the biggest reason to celebrate Thanksgiving.

It's always human nature to want more than what we have. Yet at the same time, I realize now that I am a special teammate with a gift. This is a precious gift that all NSA teammates have. The gift to love, the gift to learn, and the gift to make this world better than it is. Many times these gifts will not go recognized, but to those who are touched by them, just knowing that their world is brighter is enough thanks. But if you really want to see this gift in action, come to the NSA Conference in 2010 but just watch the last day when teammates leave to say goodbye. For those special teammates we call "first-timers," watch the tears down their face, and the families' faces as well. Some things really are priceless.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my teammates!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I made a memory of positive hope in the District of Columbia!!!

2009-11-17T18:53:00.000-08:00

Good evening all my teammates,

I have to start off this blog entry by letting everyone know that even in the most trying of days and times, like the ones we face today, it is a given that if you keep focusing on the task at hand and never waving the white flag of surrender, eventually you will hit milestones. Many times these milestones are not often marked by the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, or anything tangible. But they are marked the belief that anything is possible, even when we don't think it is.

On Thursday, Nov. 12, I began my travels from Long Island down to Washington, DC. Now most hear that and they are like, "Oh wow, nothing special. What's the big deal about the Turnpike and the Beltway?" Well, most times, there isn't, after all, those roads have been traveled many times before. But I was en route to the nation's capital for a very special and unique event. For the past two years, I have worked part-time while I seek full-time employment. These are perilous times we live in regarding today's economy, after all, safety nets (if they still exist) are hanging on by a thread. I found out about a special job fair being sponsored by a Long Island-based company called Equal Opportunity Publications, and they were hosting a job fair designed for candidates with disabilities. It was held at the Reagan Trade Building in downtown Washington, with many federal agencies and private employers looking to hire. I knew it was something I had to go to.

As I was driving down there and passing the Philadelphia skyline on I-95, I began to wonder a few things. Would I be the only who stutters there? How will I be perceived by other candidates as well as employers? Am I acknowledging I have a disability or not? So many questions and different ways to answer, so I want to share my thoughts on each perspective. Waiting on line to enter the job fair, I saw many different candidates facing challenges and being proud to represent themselves to the fullest: whether it was blindness, deafness, or paralysis. Stuttering is gaining so much momentum in the eyes of the world and I am proud to be a teammate who can show others the impact it has, but more importantly, what it can do for you if you have a positive attitude. As soon as I open my mouth, someone will know I stutter. And so what if they do? I was honored to be in the company of those candidates looking for work.

As to whether I feel I have a disability, I would say no, but there is a caveat. I suppose in the eyes of the law, I might be perceived as having one. I have worked with (and still am) working with vocational counselors and there are special considerations I can be given for employment with state and federal government. I want to be judged on my character and what I can do, even though most times it seems like we are judged based on our past and track record. I am taking advantage of an opportunity that was furnished to me, and I'd be foolish not to accept it. Sometimes it does frustrate me to deal with employers because HR people may seem disinterested or not care, especially if the job requires some level of oral proficiency. All jobs do. But do you know how I respond? I think this one sentence says it all: You may think I have a disability, but in reality, it's my greatest asset." How true it is!!!!

With every employer I met, I showcased the National Stuttering Association proudly. Many employers were impressed by my intense desire and loyalty to this incredible organization. In fact, one recruiter I met with had a cousin who stutters, and I told him all about the NSA Nation and how tremendous they are, and provided him with the contact information to get in touch. I also met a recruiter from NASA who was interested in possibly discussing a media position...no a ride on the shuttle will not be offered LOL. Great contacts were made, and resumes/business cards exchanged.

We as teammates but more importantly human beings know when we've experienced something great and how it feels. As a teammate who stutters, we tend to focus on more the negatives than the positive. I have faced and will continue to face many challenges with my speech, but I also know with the NSA Nation, I will remain focused on what needs to be done and know that I will never surrender to stuttering. When you experience those highs, they last much longer and taste ever so sweeter.

Here's to more of those moments taking place...and as always, here's to doing what is necessary to ensure the NSA Nation keeps going.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The Meaning Of Life, and Why You Don't Want To Live In The World Of Me!

2009-11-07T20:33:00.001-08:00

Good evening all my teammates,

Although I am 31, in some ways I feel like my life has already started over and I am unlearning everything that I learned in college. They say college prepares you for the real world..man, is that an understatement of the highest kind. Our lives are shaped by experience and the teammates who leave their impressions on us by how they are, how they live, and how they give of themselves. When I was studying at Nassau Community College, I happened to take an introductory philosophy course, which to me wasn't anything more than some requisite that had to be filled. Of course, the professor didn't really make the class entertaining, but rather it was one student who asked the question about the meaning of life. This might sound strange, but it took me almost a decade and a little longer to find out just what the meaning of life is...and of all things, it came out of the pages of The Sporting News. It was taken from an interview with Larry Fitzgerald, the superstar wide receiver for the Arizona Cardinals, as he was speaking about his mother, who had taken great pride in being a teacher who still receives letter from her students who have grown up to be productive members of society. Here's the simple lesson: "Life is really about making changes and helping people better themselves."

As much as it bothers me to acknowledge this, sometimes I fear that we live in the world of "ME." The world of me has no place for others, or no place for giving unless something is rewarded. The world of me has permeated our society, and it can be seen on the news by hearing stories about those who have spent lavishly at the expense of others. The world of me enters one's world when you begin to develop a "I never cared about anyone attitude, so it's me against the world." That attitude may work in high school, and maybe your first years of college. But once you enter the real world, I guarantee you if you keep on doing that, the world of me will force you to succumb to everything you don't want in life, and before you realize it, you won't recognize who you are.

I face a unique set of challenges as a teammate who stutters. Before I found the National Stuttering Association, to whom I owe everything, I had often questioned why it had been me who stuttered, and why not someone else. I had longed, for example, to wish I was deaf in addition to having a stutter so that I would not have to hear what was said about me. The world today is a lot more cruel than it's ever been. I've met some of the most amazing teammates at my NSA conference who are in high school and they stand firm in their convictions. They are the first ones who will challenge others when teasing about their stuttering is involved. They are truly wise beyond their years....and it's our job as teammates to continue to mentor them.

But in the end, the choice is ours. What do you think is the meaning of life? I know what mine is: To use my power to break the stranglehold of stuttering and give support and guidance to others. I can promise you this: Wherever stuttering is and it presence threatens my teammates, I will be there.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I am the CEO of my own life!

2009-10-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

Good evening my NSA teammates,

Today I opened up the newspaper and was reading the story of another person in the public eye who fell from grace and as a result, embarrassed not only himself, his employer, but most importantly, lost his reputation. Steve Phillips, the former general manager of the New York Mets and an ESPN analyst regarding baseball, was terminated along with a production assistant for carrying on an affair which caused great humiliation to the station. I couldn't help but compare his plight to those executives in the automotive industry who pleaded their case before Washington, crying for a bailout. What do these have in common? One word: accountability.

I decided to create a new phrase that I want to implement into my presentations not only when I speak to classes of SLP students, but in my seminars at the NSA as well. What is that phrase? "I am the CEO of my own life!" We've often heard the term "chief executive officer" or "chief operating officer" in regard to many Fortune 500 companies, as they are the face of the organization. To be a CEO in this kind of mode requires tact, patience, an ability to lead and guide those who depend on you. Sadly, these days that breed is disappearing. As I was writing this, I couldn't help but picture these people with a "Duuuuh" expression as they wondered why their companies were in the predicament they were in. Most likely, it's because they made poor decisions, or didn't even bother to take accountability for their actions.

Like many NSA teammates, I have taken my own personal journey of self-acceptance, and I feel that I am accountable to myself and the NSA in many ways. For starters, I own my stuttering and accept it as part of who I am. This was a painful and very trying task for me to undergo. The expression "The truth will set you free" was very pertinent for me in this case. I realized that in order to take accountability, I had to first stop denying the existence that I was not a person who stuttered. I would often say I spoke very slowly and deliberately, because to admit to myself that I stuttered was an admission of guilt for the longest time. That's not the case anymore.

Being not just a teammate, but a chapter leader, has also heightened my awareness when it comes to being accountable. I enjoy reading other chapter leaders discussions in their chapters, and one of the many things that makes the NSA so very special is that we demand the best from each other, and we get it. We challenge each other and push each other to not just become better teammates, but human beings as well. I have made many mistakes in my life, and learned the hard way that you do pay the consequences for your actions. One time when I was working full-time, I told my supervisor that I had done something when in reality I didn't, because I didn't want her to think I was incompetent. A few days later I got caught in a lie, and as a result, had a note go into my personnel file. That is a reflection on me, and no one else.

In the movie "Fifteen Minutes" with Robert De Niro and Edward Burns, there's a very sharp quote that makes you think: A foreigner says "I love America because no one is responsible for what they do." Does that seem to be the case sometimes? There are always stories on the news about passing the buck and blaming someone else. "It's not my fault, it's her fault," is a common refrain. Well, I can say this emphatically: "I am the CEO of my own life. The decisions I make are mine and mine alone, and I will accept whatever happens and make the best of it."

The day I said that, was the day I learned that any door can be opened.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The NSA Nation is located at http://www.westutter.org!

Have you sold the NSA today?

2009-10-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

Good evening my teammates,

A few days ago I was making a delivery to a local car dealership which happens to be the biggest on Long Island, Huntington Honda. I remember walking into the customer service department to drop the food off, and as I was coming out, I couldn't help but notice a brand-spanking new Honda Civic Hybrid. As I was admiring it, a saleswoman smiled and came up to me. "As much as I wish that was my new car, maybe someday in the future," I said. She smiled and turned to another customer. I said charmingly, "The way these cars are, they sell themselves."

If you grew up in the 1980s, then you probably remember Honda ran a marketing campaign that was billing their cars as "The cars that sell themselves." At this year's National Stuttering Association conference in Arizona, a presentation was made to show the tremendous strides that we have made. We are now the biggest advocacy organization for teammates who stutter around the world. We have advertisements in some of the world's most well-known magazines. But my teammates and I are not complacent at all. As the line from "High School Musical 3" goes, "Get Your Head In The Game," and that's exactly what we are doing....but at the same time, the bar is continually being raised.

Advertising is everywhere. It's not just opening the magazines anymore or watching on television. We are bombarded 24/7/365. We go to bed and we dream of something we saw earlier. When I was in Washington, DC, getting together with some NSA teammates, we rode the Metro (Washington's subway) and you see one row of continuous advertisements, from everything schools to bladder issues and how to resolve them. (Don't ask, I won't reveal any more details. Some things must not be discussed in public, after all). But what, as teammates of the NSA, can we do?

Some wear conference T-shirts all the time. A good start, for sure. However, every teammate has a different starting point on their journey of self-accecptance. Some may not feel comfortable advertising they are a person who stutters. Others are more open and aggressive with promoting the NSA. When I meet someone for the first time, I give them a firm handshake and say "Hi, I'm Steven Kaufman, NSA Long Island Chapter Leader." This blog is advertising the NSA. When I speak at colleges, that's selling the NSA.

I have great respect for those who work in sales, as it's a difficult profession-the stress of having to make a certain amount of production in order to receive commission. But when it comes to the selling of the NSA, my rewards are never monetary, and I don't need them to be. The rewards I get come at the end of the conference, or after I speak to SLP students. There is no greater feeling (although tinged with sadness) when the conference closes and you see the first-timers (the special name given to new teammates) hugging everyone and saying this forever changed their life. The same exact thing happens when students ask me questions and tell them what a great experience it is to learn about my experience.

As teammates, let's sell the NSA Nation now and forever..with the ultimate goal being a world free from judgment, bullying, and respect for all teammates.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

2009-10-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Good evening all my teammates! October 3rd was a very special day of excitement for me. Where I live on Long Island, we have many fans of the New York Islanders, Long Island's NHL team, and Opening Night is always a big deal. As I was wandering around the concourse before the game to check out the warmups, I came across two people who I assumed were season-ticket holders. I happened to be within earshot of their conversation, and it went a little something like this: "Hey, Johnny, how you doin?" "Looking forward to seeing our kids grow this year, especially this kid Taveras." This conversation ended with "This never gets old." That is the part I wanted to focus on, that one statement. "It never gets old," for me, refers to the honor, but more importantly, the duty I have as an NSA teammate to lecture at speech pathology classes to make sure our future SLP professionals know about the experiences of what it is like to stutter, and the birth of the NSA Nation. This past week I completed three speaking engagements in five days-first, to a graduate class at Saint Joseph's College in Patchogue, N.Y., a graduate class at Iona College in New Rochelle, N.Y., and a third to undergraduate students at Richard Stockton College in Pomona, N.J. To me, public speaking never gets old. Throughout life, you may have heard the expression "The thrill is gone."-maybe you're tired of going to that restaurant, going into the city to check out the nightlige. But for me, speaking about the NSA Nation never gets old. Every time I get up in front of a class, I know the world is listening. Whenever I read tales of my fellow chapter leaders who speak to classes, that is another sign the NSA Nation is spreading. You don't need to be a chapter leader to speak to students. Just remember that we are all teachers of our experiences stuttering. That never gets old. My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The birth of a nation.....the NSA Nation!

2009-10-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

Good evening teammates around the world,

I do apologize for the lack of new posts lately. It may seem like a week or so, but for me it felt like an eternity. The school year is now back in effect, and there's something very special to me about the fall, and change of seasons. This is my time when I come alive. I guess you might say that I am a rare bird, because many of us enjoy the long summer nights and sizzling temperatures. Yet I enjoy the raw winds, the chill permeating from all directions.

Sept. 26 marked another special celebration of all things stuttering. On that day, teammates from various NSA chapters got together in Washington DC for a great social occasion-taking in the Atlanta Braves-Washington Nationals game at Nationals Park, followed by dinner out at Buca di Beppo in Dupont Circle. I have truly enjoyed many amazing moments and breakthroughs in my life with stuttering, which have not just taken place locally, but anywhere and everywhere. Each conference and social gathering is as unique as the next. But when you think of Washington, DC, what comes to your mind? The monuments? The ideals? The oppressive humdity in July and August? (Try waiting for a hotel shuttle at Reagan National when it's 100 degrees with 90 percent humidity-as Paris Hilton might say, "That's hot.")

Washington is the center of our nation for all guidance how our lives are shaped, and lived. When a law is passed, the eyes of the world turn there. And on the bus ride back home to New York City to catch the LIRR out to the suburbs, I began to think. What if we could create a NATION about all things stuttering? The National Stuttering Association, my greatest love, has become the biggest and most dominant advocacy organization for teammates who stutter everywhere. And like a thunderbolt out of a clear blue sky, I thought of the best way to describe all things stuttering: The NSA Nation. For teammates who stutter, by teammates who stutter.

Now while America's capital will always be Washington, the NSA Nation has no permanent location at all. Wherever you are, that is where the NSA Nation is. When you show off your sexy attitude that you will speak your mind and others are going to hear it, that's where the NSA Nation is. The NSA Nation is everywhere at all times.

If you want to be a teammate of the NSA Nation, here's all you have to know:

1. That YOU WILL speak loudly and confidently,
2. You WILL make others to hear and respect you,
3. You WILL reach out to other teammates to help them find their voices,
4. You WILL make sure SLP graduate students know the your story, and the story of the NSA Nation,
5. You WILL break the stranglehold of stuttering,
6. You WILL celebrate the NSA Nation every day.

Sept. 26 is the birth of my NSA Nation. I invite all teammates to join me.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

2009-09-22T19:24:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I have to begin this entry of the blog by saying that I believe. I believe in my teammates at the National Stuttering Association more than anything else. I believe that the world, despite everything that goes on it, is still a welcoming place where all opinions are accepted and values for what they are. I don't care if anyone thinks I am naive when I say that, and I hope when you read this you'll understand why. Most importantly of all, I believe we all have the power to make a difference, and we all have the two most important qualities needed to do so: "Passion" and "Drive."

These two qualities, which are not in short supply anymore, were evident at a special event that I was truly honored to be a part of. Last night, my NSA co-chapter leader was honored as a member of the Long Island community making a difference. For those of you who are unaware, the Long Island Press (http://www.longislandpress.com) is a major media outlet in the world of alternative publications. Every week, the "Fortune 52" column (named after the associate publisher of the newspaper) profiles a woman who is truly creating a significant contribution to our region. I, along with several others, nominated Lori to be profiled. I was delighted to receive a call from the associate publisher, who met with her and was blown away by her accomplishments. There were so many honorees, from a woman who is the head of an organization for head injuries, to a pastor of a church that works to help youth in her community become more involved with appreciation for the arts. The event was held at the Tilles Center, on the campus of Long Island University, my alma mater.

My co-chapter leader was the first one recognized, and she was very humble when she was interviewed. Like many NSA teammates, she has faced many professional challenges. An original accountant, she struggled with her speech and eventually decided to pursue her Master's degree as an SLP practitioner. One school actually told her she'd never make it because of her speech. Not only does she have her own practice, and she's running (along with another of my teammates) the TWST (Teens Who Stutter) chapter, she lectures at schools. But that's just only a measure of the true impact she has.

I never felt in my life that I wanted to volunteer for anything...after all, I used to subscribe to the theory that "You just can't fight City Hall." But it was my co-chapter leader, along two other teammates, who challenged me to be a chapter leader. They saw the fire and desire in my eyes. It's because of them that I went from just "speaking" to "speaking with passion." There IS a difference between communicating and speaking. But now I know that we all have the power to make a difference. I firmly believe that I've been given a special gift, to help my teammates who stutter in any way possible. I absolutely love my meetings the third Thursday of the month when we all come together.

The biggest thrill, though, was yet to come. Two women approached Lori, one of which had a 14-year old son who stutters. She began to get so emotional talking about it, and just to sit back and watch her speak to the mother was truly inspirational. I was there merely as a supporter, for this was her night to shine. I always end my blog with "Stand up and be counted, make your voice heard." I guarantee you, her voice was heard loud and clear that night, and she received a tremendous amount of congratulatory accolades.

Before I left, though, I had the pleasure to chat with the publisher of The Long Island Press, who is very civically active and has had active interests not just in radio, but print media and making the Island a better place to live. I was discussing with him how I got started in journalism, and how I grew disillusioned that everything now is about money when it comes to media, and how writing used to be about calling out others for their wrongdoings. I doubt I will ever go back to journalism again, but to be honest, maybe my writing skills haven't faded. Especially with this blog, I never run out of things to say. And if you're an NSA teammate, you will never run out of things to say.

It's nights like these that make me celebrate the greatest power anyone can have: To stand in front of the mirror, or anywhere, and say: "I WILL make a difference today."

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person that stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Do you want an NSA teammate to lose respect for you? Then say these words...

2009-09-15T19:08:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

As we turn the page to fall, I must say I love this time of the year. Not because it's the calm before the raw winter nights with crisp air that pierce our senses, not because it's kickoff for the NFL and fall festivals, but because there's something about September that gets me all revved up-the feeling of knowing that there is so much more to accomplish in life and for the cause of stuttering as well.

I wanted to use this edition of my blog to talk about an action that has a dire consequence. One of the very first lessons I learned as a teammate who was getting involved with the NSA was to respect myself-and respecting yourself means others. We've all had situations at jobs where there may be a colleague that we just can't stand, who has annoying habits that drive us up the wall-maybe it's playing the music loud, or taking credit for something we might have contributed to making the workplace productive. I love my teammates, and I also know that are times we can get on each other's nerves. But there's one phrase that will guarantee that an NSA teammate will lose all respect for you, and you'll never get it back. Just say these words, and here they are:

"You threw me under the bus."

This phrase has probably been uttered countless times in the sports locker rooms, but it doesn't have more of an impact than it does today. Being a teammate and a leader in the NSA means accepting that we need to come together for the sake of greater glory. Watch what happens when it's reported that someone complains that another is being paid more, and then it is blown up in the media, because things like that should be kept in-house. Too many times in high school and college I was teased and rather than stand up for myself, I would run to the principal to make the problem go away. The more appropriate thing to do would have been to stand up for myself and approach the person face-to-face and try to work the problem out. Instead, I threw him under the bus. And along with that, I lost my self-respect in the process.

When I think of the phrase "to throw someone under the bus," I think about NHL star forward Dany Heatley. A good scorer, yes, but a very poor teammate. If you don't know his story, Heatley was drafted by the Atlanta Thrashers and suffered through a very emotionally trying experience: he was charged with vehicular homicide when he drove too fast and killed his teammate. The family of the teammate who died (Dan Snyder) could have told him to go to hell, and they would have been justified in saying so. But the Thrashers team and community supported him, even saying nothing would be gained by imprisoning him. And how did Heatley respond? He asked to be traded. He moved to the Ottawa Senators, and complained about how he was being treated. The coach found it "hard to accept," and he was again dealt-a reputation follows you everywhere. If you care about yourself and your fellow teammates, don't ever throw one under the bus. My relationships with my NSA teammates mean everything to me. They are a very important part of my life, and need to be cherished. So do your relationships.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

My teammates and I don't know what it means to second-guess!

2009-09-10T19:20:00.001-07:00

Good evening everyone,

It's so amazing to me how you can have such an insightful conversation with anyone wherever you are. You could be on line at the local cafe, waiting to buy that new must-have electronic device at the local department store, or just stopping to chat with a passerby walking their dog. Yesterday, I happened to have one of those conversations. Wednesday night is my late night because after work, I have speech therapy at 8 p.m. There's a gap of three hours between the time I leave work, and that's because rather than drive one hour in the opposite direction, I'll go get dinner and spend the rest of my time walking by the marina to get my daily exercise.

Well, I stopped off at a local place called Vinny's Mulberry Street. The food there happens to be great, but it's a place I love because my speech therapist's brother-in-law owns it, and he treats me well. (No, I don't get free food LOL). This was a weeknight and for the most part it was all quiet, just me coming in and the waitresses chatting in the back amongst themselves. The server (her name was "Jessica") came up to greet me and about half an hour later, while I was in the midst enjoying a date with a dish of baked ziti and a side of meatballs, she asked how everything was, and we struck up a conversation. It turns out that she was a recent college graduate, and like many others, was struggling to find work in this economy. She was looking to move to New York City and begin her career in fashion marketing/advertising. She was waiting while she was looking for work, and said she was proud that she was making an honest living. But toward the end, she made a comment about the circumstance she found herself in. She said "I took a year off because of some things I had to take care of. Everyone else I know has jobs. Maybe if I continued my studies, I would have found something by now."

We often second-guess ourselves because that's human nature. In fact, there's a term that someone I know uses to describe that practice: "overanalysis paralysis." We watch "It's A Wonderful Life" and wonder what would have happened if we weren't born. We think about the paths we took....and who we dated and fell in love with, thinking about what may have happened if it was another person. But the truth be told, second-guessing doesn't give us any real comfort. The only thing we can do is move forward and let our future be written by ourselves.

I too have had two major decisions in my life, and one of them I do admit I second-guessed for a long time until I realized that the moment I thought about the past was the moment I start to live in it. Although I am a native Long Islander, I once lived out of state in Maryland in a rural community. It was really unlike anything I'd known, I moved down there to accept a job offer. I distinctly remember driving through Dover, Del., and once you go through there, you cross the Mason-Dixon line, which officially separates the north from the south, and boy, did things change....NASCAR signs, biblical signs, I wondered what did I get myself into. It didn't work out down there, but I learned a great deal about myself-people down there work hard for a living just like you and I do, but it's done in different ways. Maybe they don't wear business attire, but they are up early with farmer's hours. I have great respect for that. I learned that country music does rock. In fact, I do get it when someone thinks a tractor is sexy.

I remember my parents for the longest time second-guessed my trip to Long Beach for the NSA conference that forever changed my life in so many ways. I don't have room in my life for second-guessing, and neither should you. We all make mistakes, we're human. And we do learn from experience. I learned that second-guessing should not be a part of the way you act and what you do.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person that stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Farewell to the summer of 2009, thank you for showing me how amazing it is to fall in love!

2009-09-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

Good evening all my teammates,

The mercury climbed to 80 degrees here on Long Island, with not a cloud to be seen for miles, and golden sunshine splashing faces from Manhattan to the Hamptons and far as the eye can see. For some, there were barbecues to attend, beaches to bike to, or that last margarita which would taste so very sweet and last a whole year until it was time to open the bottle again. Labor Day often brings sadness because it means the summer has come to an end, and we will now return to the transtional stages of life-back to your school, the return to more crisp and raw weather, the snot rockets flying around. I too, like many others, used to feel that way. But this Labor Day, as I say goodbye to the summer of 2009, I also have to say thank you-because for the first time in my life, I am in love. I mean real love...with the National Stuttering Association.

In the course of life, we often search for some things that we know money will never buy. In those cases, it seems like the harder we look, the more elusive it becomes. Yet we often realize that sometimes the one thing we're looking for the most is the one that is right in front of us, and we fail to realize it. This past summer, my time in Arizona has led me to find the sheer joy of love-love of myself, love of the challenges I can face, and love of the most amazing teammates in the world.

One thing that I can say emphatically that I have found is the ability to BE. I was reading an article in The Sporting News called "Kids at Play" and there was a section dedicated to Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews and it was discussing the situation of how he handled the responsibility of being the captain of an NHL team at 20. I love being able to relate to hockey because that sport, above many others, demonstrate passion and teamwork because of multiple lines all working as one. Think about this quote: "A leader isn't a position, it's something you become." I tried to analyze it because you can apply it in so many ways. How does one become a leader? Well, you become one by relating to teammates. You continually reach out to your teammates time and again and emphasize the mission that needs to be completed. My mission, like other teammates, is to share the NSA with the world. Of course, some may tune me out, and if they do, I don't care. You will find out about the NSA and I, along with my teammates, will be the one to share it.

When I first attended my inuaugural conference in Long Beach, I never ever could have seen myself growing into a leader. But now, because of my journeys with the NSA, I am in love. I am in love with the workshops that are given. I am in love with seeing teammates undergo the metmorphisis, how they come in so anxious and leave with nothing but the bright confidence that will never go out.

May your summer have shown you what it is like to fall in love, and may the next seasons now and forever give you those feelings to keep your fire lit!!!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

It's not so bad to be part of the human race.....

2009-08-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

Good morning all my teammates around the world,

Today I was walking past the local CVS and couldn't help overhearing a very interesting conversation. Two elderly gentlemen were palying chess on a bench and they were sharing what they thought was the meaning of life, and I was passing them by, I experienced how fast emotions can change. Apparently the person who thought they were winning ended up being in checkmate, and I heard some very "ungentlemanly" like language.

The reason why I started off with this anecdote is because I had an experience like that recently, going from the high to the low point, and when I crashed, I really crashed. A couple of days ago, I had applied online for a customer service representative job with an upscale real estate property management company, and received an email to schedule a phone interview. Now as many NSA teammates would tell you, interviews are often the most challenging of everyday situations-for some it's ordering in a restaurant, others it may be walking up to a multiplex and buying a ticket at the box office, like me. That also includes in-person interviews, too. I can't explain this, but for some reason I'm more fluent on the phone than in real-life. There's actually a term coined the "Ma Bell Syndrome" to describe the intense fear of speaking on the phone. Well, the day came and went, and I was feeling very confident after I hung up the phone-I was not 100 percent fluent, and no one can ever claim they are, but I'd say I was 70 percent, and that to me is success. I proudly spoke about my NSA experience as it relates to leadership and teamwork, and the recruiter seemed really impressed. And then came the day after.

I logged onto my email and found an email from the company. I was gleefully opening it when I fixated on those dreaded words: "We decided to go in a different direction, and this in no way reflects on....." I began to quietly weep.....and then the dam burst. I started to cry, and let it all out. I've been struggling to find work for almost two years, but the NSA keeps me focused on what I need to do.

I always like to think I'm a person who is very emotional, even when I shouldn't be. I make no apologies for that. I'm human, after all. I hurt like others hurt, and feel like others do. This was a promising lead, and it just vanished. I tried not to let it get to me, but it did. And then, I felt the tide turn because of an email I got....from an NSA teammate.

I sent an NSA teammate of mine an email just to say hello-he was a presenter with another NSA teammate from the Midwest. He happened to attend my workshop and said it was great to hear from me, and that he enjoyed my seminar, and said "You're a commanding speaker." Just like that, my day turned around completely. That is the power of the NSA, and why I will always say the NSA is my rock, my strength, and my courage to do what's right. This was a setback for me. But I will rebound. Already I feel that somewhere out there, an employer will want to hire me. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon. And I'll look back on this lesson and realize that it's not really so bad to be part of the human race...when you know the NSA stands with you.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Miley Cyrus is not a role model....but the NSA teammates are!

2009-08-23T21:30:00.000-07:00

Good morning everyone,

It's 12:30 on a Monday morning, only the start of life after the midnight hour, and as I am writing this latest edition of my blog, I'm listening to "Party In The USA" by Miley Cyrus and trying my hardest to understand why America seems to be in a snit about her performance on a certain awards show recently. So many parents can't understand why their teen daughters worship the ground that Miley Cyrus walks on, and why she's regarded as a "role model." And that brings us to the topic of today's blog-just who is a role model? Well, it sure as hell isn't Miley. If you asked me that question a few years ago, maybe I'd have said Derek Jeter. But the truth is now we're all role models. All of my teammates are role models, and although I am a chapter leader, I hold myself to an even higher standard. But even if I wasn't, as a teammate who stutters, I know I have to represent myself as a member of society who showcases all that he is: and my stuttering doesn't make me any less of a citizen.

For a long time in my life, throughout the days of high school and college and feeling tormented, building walls of emotional hurt and wreckage in my own prison, I could never accept being given a compliment. Even in the classroom I still struggled with social demons, imagined or not. If I received a compliment on a good paper I wrote, I'd be the first to say "Well it was someone else" rather than being acknowledged for my efforts. It would have been hard for me to see myself as someone who should be emulated. It wasn't until I took an introductory journalism class in college that I saw the true definition of a role model-one whose door was open to me at all times, one who bared her soul and was not just my professor, but my mentor. It's hard to believe in anything these days with all the negativity flying around, but I believe in the National Stuttering Association more than anything else.

I also used to be one who felt justified in putting others down to make me feel better about the fact that I felt like a weirdo and "freak" who stuttered. At these NSA conferences, a common theme expressed by parents and teammates who are first-timers is that "They wish that an organization like this existed long before," or that "We wish we found out about this sooner." I felt that if I had to suffer through a painful existence of spitting my words out and trying in vain to unlock the physical wheels spinning in my throat, then I'd make others feel my pain. The only thing I did accomplish was alienating my peers. How I wish I could change those times.

I am a firm believer that trauma does not have to be negative. In some ways, it can act as a blinding light, shining its soul onto us to do things with our life to better the quality of others. Sometimes the blows are harsh and very brutal to bear-the sudden death of a loved one, which was a thunderbolt out of a clear blue sky. The loss of a job we love. My feelings of emotional trauma and a sheltered world of hurt, loneliness and tears led me to the National Stuttering Association. At this past conference, when I meet teammates for the first time, I identify myself as an NSA chapter leader. Of course we all wear ID badges and all, but to say that also shows my teammates that I refuse to give in to my stuttering. I stand up for others, and whenever there's a challenge with stuttering, I'll be there.

If you have the chance to attend an NSA conference, I want you to look around at all our teammates-it's not just those presenting workshops, or speaking at an Open Mike session, or volunteering at a table. The fact that all our teammates are together speaks volumes about the mission of the NSA, the desire to be something bigger than ourselves. I can show you role models from all ages and all backgrounds: How about a speech pathologist who was actually told by an SLP program she'd never make it because she stutters? How about an attorney who is going into lobbying? I am a role model....and all my NSA teammates are.

In a recent article, there was an interview with Drew Brees, the quarterback for the New Orleans Saints, and when talking about his charitable work, he said "We're all role models. Some of us just realize it before others do." Yes, I am a huge fan of Derek Jeter. But as for being a role model....I think Derek Jeter couldn't hold a candle to 600+ teammates.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Is the NSA "Cool?" You bet it is!

2009-08-15T15:57:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

It's no secret that I am very passionate about the National Stuttering Association and I love it with all my heart and soul. Whenever there's a chance to advertise it, I'll do so. If there's an opening where I can talk about it, I'll happily take advantage of it. The funny thing about life and these opportunities, though, is you never know when and where the chances will be presented.

A few weeks ago, maybe a few days after returning home from Arizona, I had to bring my car into a body shop to be repaired because there was a scratch on the door, having been keyed. As I was in the Enterprise rental facility, I happened to be talking with the customer service representative behind the desk, and I mentioned I had returned from a conference out west. Naturally, she grew curious, and I happily shared with her all the details about the NSA experience in Arizona, which was also enhanced by my T-shirt from the most magical experience of my life. They say you never forget your first time, and Long Beach will always be the one I'll remember for the rest of my life. Atlanta was the one where I knew I wanted to fall for a Southern woman (and more LOL), North Jersey was a quantum leap for me, but Arizona was something else. As she and I began to talk further, I could see her eyes lighting up with fiery intensity, wanting to know all she could about this organization that I am head-over-heels in love with. Eventually after ten minutes, my car was ready, and we went our own separate ways, but I'll never forget how she ended the conversation. "I think it's so cool how you all have this special thing in your life," she said.

When I was younger and in my teen/college years, I doubt me or any of my teammates would have used the word "cool" to describe anything related to stuttering or the NSA. In fact, most of us would rather lock those memories away and imagine they never happened. Teasing is not cool. Bullying is not cool. Not being able to say hello and participate in social activities, and as a result feeling like you have live alienated from the rest of the modern world is not cool. But flying back home on Southwest to Long Island, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a woman who was a college lacrosse coach, who had accepted a position with a school in New Jersey. I was on one side of her, and one of my NSA teammates who was on the same flight with me was on the other side. And we too shared our stories with her, and we all enjoyed a great conversation. Hearing a complete stranger say how amazing the NSA is was such a powerful thing that I was experiencing the feeling that anything is possible.

I know in today's world, sometimes it's hard to find the genuine qualities in people. You sometimes don't know if they're really interested, or they're just saying "Oh, that's nice," because it's really impolite to be rude. Before I found the NSA, I would travel and keep to myself. And as I've grown socially, I feel that I've undergone the complete metamorphisis into a social butterfly. It really is about the journey, and I am learning that patience is a value we need to have. We all have things that we want, and want them now. Sometimes we'll get them, and other times we need to wait for the right opportunities to present itself. But I promise you this, and this is for all my teammates to hear: I'm going to be heard. I'm going to spread the love I have for the NSA all over this world. Do you know why? Because when you love something this much, you're going to want the whole world to see it. I know what I'm fighting for-to make the world aware of the National Stuttering Association. My teammates fight with me.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Everyone's sorry for something....I will never be sorry for stuttering!

2009-08-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The summer often goes by so fast, and although I'm a fan of those cold, raw, and numbing winter nights, I have to admit that summer is growing on me. Not just because my summers belong to the National Stuttering Association, as every day of my life does because my involvement with them is the heartbeat of my world, but because summertime is all about movies. The studios bring out their "big guns," so to speak...all those jaw-dropping special effects that keep us coming back for me. And sometimes the movies released during the summer often have characters that we can relate to more because of the complexities of their depth.

Last night, I went to see "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra," which I was a big fan of based on their Super Bowl teaser trailer. Toward the middle of the movie, one of the main characters is captured by the enemy-the enemy in this case is a character named The Baroness, and the kidnapped is Duke. It turns out that at one time they were both romantically involved with each other, and her path led her to the opposition. One of the lines she utters is "Everyone's sorry for something," a reference to how Duke got her brother killed on a mission even though he promised at graduation he'd look out for him. Feeling betrayed, she decided to get even by playing for the other team.

In regards to stuttering, more so in younger days, that's exactly how I felt. Several times on my blog I've made reference to a very important line that my speech pathologist has told me: "You don't feel bad because you stutter, you feel bad for the other person who has to listen to you." I did feel bad....I felt bad when I raised my hand in class and was ignored. I felt bad when I went up to someone to say hello and as I was fumbling the words, the other person's face expressions turned away from me. I felt bad when my family used to go out to the local diner on Saturday nights and my dad, thinking he was helping me by making me order for the whole family, had to hear me struggle asking for four entrees, and then at the end, saying "You could be better."

We all have faced times in our lives when we wish, sometimes in vain, to turn the clock back. We want to reverse a wrong-maybe we said something we shouldn't have, we lied and got caught in it. Sometimes we wished we didn't stutter. I used to feel that I was sorry I stuttered...that it was all my fault, and my cross to bear alone. Sadly, my mom didn't think so since she said Jews don't have crosses to bear, LOL..had to interject somer humor. But the more I think I about it, I know I will never be sorry for stuttering. I will never be sorry for blocking on a word. The teammates who stutter around the world have no reason to apologize for their speech. We never have....and we surely never will.

If you are a teammate who wants to join the world's biggest advocacy organization for those who stutter, please visit the National Stuttering Association web site at http://www.westutter.org, and remember: In the eyes of the NSA, the word "apologizes" never exists.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Do we go "back to school" as teammates who stutter?

2009-08-03T21:05:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I want to apologize to those teammates around the world for not posting in a few days. After seven years of being good to me, my computer finally gave out and went to the big cyber-heaven in the sky....so now I am resurrected stronger than ever, thanks to a brand spanking new HP desktop. And now, I can return to updating my blog, which I love so much.

It's the first few days of August, and depending on where you live, your thoughts may be running the gauntlet on any number of topics: How to hold on to those precious summer days, maybe you're prepping for college entrance exams or GRE work, plotting your Labor Day weekend getaway. As I was picking up my computer at Best Buy, I couldn't help but be inundated with advertisements for those "back-to-school" sales. And when I think of back-to-school, I can't help but wonder: Do we ever go "back-to-school" as teammates who stutter?

Like with most things in life, we as human beings never stay complacent. We can't afford to do so in so many ways, not with the way things are today. What worked today may not necessarily work tomorrow. As teammates who stutter, we are all students, no matter how old we are. There's always that sense of dread as September approaches. After all, on the first day of school, you hit the snooze bar, and you want to eke out every precious minute of freedom with the bed that you have. Believe me, I felt the same way. But I am 31 now, and my life is beginning again. Every day I used to wake up and determined that my only motivation is making it to the end of the day, or waiting for that paycheck to come. But now every day is another chance for me: you see, it's another chance for me to share with the world. Another chance to hear, and be heard. And most important of all, another chance for me to share the love of the National Stuttering Association.

On that first day of school, when you walk into the class, in a way it's like playing the lottery. You just don't know what kind of teacher you will have. Maybe you'll get the cool one....or the one who just speaks in a flat monotone all year long. Sometimes those teachers though are the ones who pass on the most important lessons. But, my teachers don't necessarily teach in schools. What do I mean by that? Well, my teammates at the NSA are teachers. I embrace their lessons every day. I learned from one of my teaching teammates that the choice is yours whether you have a good day or a terrible day. I learned from another one that it is OK, and encouraged, to advertise your stuttering. And they're at opposite ends of the spectrum: the former is retired, the latter is a college student. But they teach you....and it's never forgotten.

Our school year doesn't begin in September. For the NSA, it's every day. But instead of packing a textbook and graphing calculator (ah the days of yesteryear!), the most important thing you need to bring is an open mind. A willingness to embrace your stutter. And the knowledge that in order to learn, you must want to be taught. If you'd like to learn about us, check out http://www.westutter.org. We're ready to teach. Always have been, and always will be.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Do we really have to walk alone?

2009-07-26T16:50:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The National Stuttering Association offers teammates so many opportunities which are not necessarily restricted to social or professional categories. When I travel to these conferences, I relish the chance to be an absolute beginner when it comes to learning-and it's not just about stuttering, but life in general. I take pride in meeting and relating to all my teammates, regardless of whether they are the young first-timers or seasoned veterans. But sometimes you find yourself a participant in a conversation and you are intrigued about something, and no matter how long after the chat ends, you can't help but want to think about some more.

On the last night of the conference, I am very emotional because the banquet, while it is sheer exuberance, is also bittersweet, marking the end. The next day, we all go back to our jobs and cell phone messages to respond to, as life resumes. But it was at this time that I happened to be talking with one of my teammates who was attending for the second time. He works in law enforcement and as we were chatting, I asked him if he would ever want (or had wanted) to bring his wife to a conference. He's very happily married, and it's not at all uncommon to meet one's future girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband at the NSA conferences. I've met many teammates who have brought their significant other or current partner with them, and while one of them may stutter, the other teammate gets just as much out of the workshops and social gatherings too. After all, something like this which is so empowering, so grand and dazzling that the human spirit that we feel at times may have been extinguished because of our negative experiences is burning brightly than ever...you might want surely to share this with your loved ones. And when I asked him about it, he said (and perhaps to my surprise) that chances are he would not bring his wife, as he cited (and I am paraphrasing) "This is a path that I have to walk alone."

I couldn't help but think about that for a few days afterward. In some ways, I do surely empathize with how he feels. It can be very easy to say "Well try walking a mile in my shoes and see how it is," and I do admit that before I found the NSA that was a sentiment I shared. I had a heart that was filled for hate-not just myself because of the vocal spasms I had to endure and the feeling of being probed under a social microscope, but for others who were able to express themselves clearly. My speech therapist (who ironically does not stutter) has told me time and again that "you do not feel bad because you stutter, you feel bad for the others who have to listen to you." Not anymore. I say what's on my mind, and you will hear it. Even if you choose to tune me out, you're still going to hear it. My heart now is filled with the greatest love in the world for the NSA.

For many teammates, it is conceivable that it can take a great traveling of many steps to attend an NSA conference. As a chapter leader, I consistently encourage all my teammates to attend. But even if I wasn't a chapter leader, I would still do it anyway. Am I selling the NSA? Yes! Do I advertise the NSA? Of course...but that's for a whole other blog entry. I don't get anything out of it but the pride of seeing a teammate who stutters enjoying their time. At the banquet and throughout, I would often venture up to the first-timers and say "Are you having a great time?" And as if on cue, the answers are an enthusiastic yes with a big smile. There's laughter, there's tears...but most of all, there's LIFE....on full display!

I don't attend these conferences looking to meet my future girlfriend/fiancee. If it happens, that's all well and good, and it will definitely be a big bonus. But regardless, I would hope she would want to attend an NSA conference and see the experience. And if she doesn't, that's OK too. Just as long as she knows the NSA will always come first in my life. I used to walk alone....but I've got 600+ teammates who walk with me. If you want a friend, go to MySpace. If you want a teammate, come to the NSA. We will walk together with you.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Karma, Arizona, and building your base of teammates!

2009-07-20T16:36:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

One of the biggest highlights when the National Stuttering Association annual conference is ongoing is the Friday night activity selection, of which a baseball game is usually incorporated. Although I missed out on the Angels game in Long Beach because I signed up at the last minute, I do not miss the game when the tickets go on sale for teammates to purchase. From a Braves-Nationals affair in Atlanta, to the Subway Series in New York, you can't beat the thrill of chatting with your teammates and falling in love all over again with the NSA over a hot dog and cold beer. This year, about 100+ teammates and I went to Chase Field to see the Arizona Diamondbacks host the Florida Marlins. As I was perusing the free program, I wanted to share some observations on a column written by Derrick M. Hall, the CEO of the team. He acknowledges that while the season has been a challenge, he also knows that "it is in trying times that fan bases are established." He also writes how he admires those other organizations who may not win yearly, but still have devout followers.

I like to think of the NSA as the world's greatest fan club for teammates who stutter. Or, as one of my other teammates unofficially coined the phrase "The world's biggest block party." However, at one time the NSA was dangerously close to closing it doors forever. I am frightened to think of a world where this truly amazing organization would not exist. At this past conference, we set a record with 160 first-timers, who have experienced the power and love of the National Stuttering Association and what we do. Some of them, when they find out that at one time we almost ceased to exist, are puzzled as to why. Similar to what Mr. Hall wrote, it is in these times when we find out who stands with the NSA and who doesn't.

I always enjoy watching the auction, and listening to the opening remarks by our auctioneer. Our auctioneer is an inductee into the NSA Hall of Fame, as well as a caring veterinarian. And while we do actively raise funds because we are nonprofit, we too also know that our teammates will stand up for the NSA. I hope to participate next year in the auction, in addition to donating in any way I can.

At the opening ceremonies, our chair spoke about how the NSA is now the single biggest support organization for teammates who stutter. To think a few years ago how we were struggling and now, to run full-page advertisements in magazines...it absolutely makes me proud....and forever honored to be part of the NSA. Now is the time to get involved. If you can't donate money, donate your time. Write. Help us with our web site. Prepare fundraising letters. As the theme from "Rent" goes, "There is no day but today!"

And to close on an interesting note.....I am a firm believer in karma. What you give really will come back to you. On the night we went to the game, Friday, July 10, 2009, the Arizona Diamondbacks were in last place. (they still are, and probably will be for the rest of the year). Wouldn't you know, the home team won 9-0, with Dan Haren throwing a complete game, six-hit shutout. And to top it all off....we had 602 teammates in attendance. The area code for Phoenix just happens to be 602. Some things really are special magic, and you know you were blessed to be part of it. I definitely was. So were 602 other teammates.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

It Can Be Sunny....If You Want It To Be

2009-07-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

One of the greatest attributes that the NSA conference offers is the chance to not just interact with teammates in a positive environment, but the continued chance to do so year-round through social networking sites. While the conference physically takes four days, it’s undeniable that the power, passion, and purpose (try saying that three times fast!) goes on 24/7/365. Stuttering knows no offseason, and neither does our resolve.

Recently I posted a message about how life really is beautiful when you stutter, and I received an interesting response from one of my teammates. This teammate attended the conference in North Jersey 2008, but was not able to make it to Arizona for this year. Last year, he was what we call a “first-timer” (we all were at one time), and he too, was swept up in the infectious enthusiasm and joy of becoming an NSA teammate-learning that he is not alone, and having the time of his life, learning and celebrating all that stuttering is and what it will be: we laugh, we cry, we share as one.

The response that I received was one of whether stuttering is a gift or a curse, which is one of the frequently asked questions amongst NSA teammates. For those who understand it, and who have persevered despite the innumerable setbacks we’ve had, you may understand why they feel like it is a gift, like I do. However, at the opposite end of the spectrum, there is extreme anger at being a teammate who stutters. Anger and hatred, of one’s self, of the world they see and have become accustomed to. It is because of this world that in his/her eyes, a new world is created: where love is lost, darkness envelops the light, and all hope for transforming their life is gone. This response ended with “Unfortunately, we all can’t be as positive as you are, Steven.”

Although I am very proud and open with the fact that I stutter, I relate very well to these sentiments that this teammate is thinking, because I was him. On some days, I do echo those sentiments. Open up the newspaper on a given day, and we see evidence the world is going down the toilet: another company is laying people off and cutting jobs. The fingers are pointed everywhere except at those who are responsible. I face great challenges, we all do. I am looking for full-time work and yet I too struggle at interviews, and in social situations. I do not know how to explain this, but I have made great strides socially and for that, I am forever indebted to the sole reason why that has happened, the NSA. I love going up to teammates of all diverse age and backgrounds and talking with them, learning about their passions and their lives-what their hopes and dreams are.

I also understand that each teammate of mine is at different points on their journey of self-acceptance as a person who stutters. For some teammates, coming to this conference was a major step in embracing who they are, and finding out they need not have to fear their stuttering. For others, they are hurting and scared. My advice to them is there is nothing to fear. The NSA stands up for all.

I recently went to the movies, and found a quote from a trailer that could very well sum up the NSA perfectly. Paramount Pictures is releasing a version “G.I. Joe” later this summer, and one of the characters says “When all else fails, we don’t.” The NSA will never fail to take care of their own-because we take care of each other.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

2009-07-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The years of our lives are often filled with peaks and valleys, as the expression goes. We have times when we feel so alive, transformed into dazzling and powerful human beings, and then we experience those times that try our souls, as Thomas Paine used to say. And then, we have times that you count down the whole year for, to be in a certain environment where time stands still. Where you are free to be yourself, to share, to challenge yourself and your beliefs about stuttering. That time came and passed, and it never gets old. It is what I live for, and we strive to attend each year in the summer. I give you the National Stuttering Association 2009 Annual Conference.

This year has been one of the most demanding. We're living in unprecedented times right now. And when the NSA announced that we were going to be in Scottsdale, in July....the voices were raised: "Do you know how hot it's going to be?" was the most asked question. But if you really think about it, the site of the conference doesn't matter as much as the substance. Yes, it's nice to get on a sold-out plane and have so much space to move about the country (note the sarcasm, although I love Southwest), but I wouldn't care if the conference was held on a dude ranch in Cheyenne, Wyoming. I will follow the NSA anywhere.

I have had the honor of presenting my workshop for two straight conferences. There's no greater honor than standing up in front of your peers and helping them reach deep down in their souls and make them examine and then re-examine their feelings on stuttering. At this conference, we had 600 teammates in attendance, and about 160 of those were first-timers. A record number for the NSA, for sure. I never get tired of watching the metamorphisis of teens and adults who come in feeling so frightened, and by the end, they're laughing, dancing, and sharing.

This year's conference, by the nature of the fact that we held it at the Westin Kierland Resort & Spa, had a distinctly unique summer-camp feel to it. During the wee hours of the morning (and doesn't it feel good to be swimming at 1 am West Coast time), many of my teammates were just gathered by the pool, laughing, commenting about life, our goals, and our dreams. In some ways, we all live vicariously through each other. Our goals are each other's goals. We triumph together, we cry together.

All the conferences I've attended (and it's been four so far) have been unique in its own identity. But this one has a special place in my heart because I now know, that I am in love.....in love with the National Stuttering Association. This conference had moments you always remember: You remember what it feels like to connect so powerfully and talk about your stuttering with another teammate. You remember that you wake up, and no matter how angry or frustrated you get, you know that there's a place where we are all accepted and welcome.

Was it hot in Scottsdale? Of course it was. (Then again, coming from someone who wore a Yankees jacket out there, it may not have been at all). But it's safe to say that while Arizona brought the heat, we also brought hotter heat: More chapters are getting started, more teammates want to present seminars.....I'm crying as I write this because it is special. I love my teammates and would give anything if they needed it.

To my NSA teammates, I love you forever. To those future teammates who want to join us, please check out http://www.westutter.org. It may be the best decision you ever made. There are 160 teammates who will very happily give you references.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

I celebrated my Independence Day without barbecues....

2009-07-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I want to begin this edition of the blog by apologizing for a little bit of a lapse with new postings. In the next few days you will see more and more entries from me, as I just have returned home from what may very well be described as the crown jewel of NSA conferences....in all the years that this amazing conference has been in existence, this past gathering of teammates from around the continental U.S. and the world may have been the most special of all. And although Independence Day has passed, I'd like to focus on it, if you'll permit me.

Independence Day is always celebrated by remembering the veterans and heroes who gave their lives for this country to allow us to enjoy the freedoms-the freedom to say our thoughts and not be retaliated against, the freedom to go as we please. For some, it's seen as the halfway point that the summer of 2009 is over, for others, a perfect reason to bring out the barbecue and throw the burgers and hot dogs on the grill, along with ice cold beverages, and watch the local ballgame. It's about experiencing pride as you see the fireworks explode over the nation's capital in poetic motion, as the 1812 Overture blasts over the loudspeakers. But I want to tell you about a special way I celebrated Independence Day, and it wasn't even in July.

For those who have my followed my blog, you know have I often spoken about how my days of Long Beach, Calif., have permanently altered my life forever. We often speak of defining moments in our lives, for these are the ones you remember forever, exactly what you did and where you were. The experiences I had at the Long Beach conference were my Independence Day. I took a stand. I gave my feelings about being angry that I stuttered a positive voice. I stopped running, and faced my frustrations and anxieties head-on, and with the support of my teammates, many of whom I keep in touch with to this day. Was the road long? Sure. Did I fall a few times? Well, of course I did. I wouldn't be human if I didn't. Traveling to the other side of the coast led to my Independence Day. I really wish that everyone could experience the sheer joy and power of this event, but I know for some they may be unable to. Or they might want to work up the strength to do so.

You can make your own Independence Day happen, though. The moment you say, "I am going to speak my mind," that's your Independence Day. When you decide that others are going to listen to you, no matter how long it takes, that's when your Independence Day begins. Maybe it's July 4. Maybe it's April 13th. Or just perhaps it could be tomorrow. But celebrate Independence Day from stuttering every day!!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

A story about Michael Jackson and your reputation as a teammate who stutters.....

2009-06-28T19:47:00.001-07:00

Good evening everyone,

It seems hard to believe that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, was taken from us before his time. It's appropriate though since that this is one of the biggest news stories of our lifetime, that I use my blog to focus on what we can learn from his passing as teammates who stutter. Someone recently made an observation that the media seems to be fawning over the positive contributions he made, but no one seems able (or willing) to talk about the trial he had to endure, and his bizarre behaviors, especially where there were young children-which is what many people will unfortunately remember.

When I was growing up and facing the horrors of the social jungle known as high school, upon graduation I never realized just how many scars I had inflicted on myself and others. The greatest asset we have is our reputation, and it does follow you everywhere you go. I did a lot of stupid things I'll never be able to take back, and in some ways, I attribute that to being a person who stutters. When you feel like the outcast, you want to be talked about, even in an unflattering manner because it means people know who you are. I disobeyed teachers, played the role of the extremely crude class clown. Unfortunately for me, I lived (and still do) in a town which is very close-knit where everyone knows each other. I'm just starting to climb out of the self-induced hole I dug for myself. The National Stuttering Association is entirely responsible for allowing me to do that.

I'd like to say that the world is not a judgmental place. Although I wish so many times that's not the case, it can never turn out like that. If you think about it, we all judge: ourselves, each other, the clothes we wear, the items we buy. We make decisions all the time and rarely do we think about the consequences until it's too late. I enjoy a good time as much as the next one does, but I also believe that whether or not you acknowledge it, you are a role model as a teammate who stutters. What you believe and how you conduct yourself will go a long way toward determining what kind of values you'll have. Our annual conference is coming up, and of course I will be there to celebrate all that stuttering is with my teammates. But one thing I never take for granted is my reputation. When a teammate comes up to me who meets me for the first time and says "Oh, I've heard of you...you do such great work for the NSA," that's my reputation at work. I'm just one teammate out of 600+ who stand together and contribute to make the NSA what it is. We all acknowledge each other!

I am never leaving the NSA, and it will always be part of my life. But a few days ago, a person posed to me a philosophical question: "How do you want the NSA to describe you?"-Well, I know exactly how to answer. I'd say "Steven Kaufman is a fighter. He fights to empower and educate others, and never let anyone prevent him from saying what he wanted to."

There will always be disagreements with teammates about philosophies, and the ways of the world. But just to know that we can create our reputations and drive our forces for the good of a common goal is the most amazing feeling in the world. The last few days, I've been listening to "Man in the Mirror" often and I think of the one line that stands out: "If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change." Or better yet, take a look at your reputation. Be a role model and show yourself off to the world: I stutter, and I'm free to be!

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

No longer the winter (and summer) of my discontent....

2009-06-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

The first official day of summer came and passed quietly, but yet it does not feel like summer here in the Northeast. Still, I do not complain, but rather relish the cool, raw breezes that greet me to the dawn of the day. I wanted to use this edition of the blog to talk about summer and what it means to me as a teammate who stutters. William Shakespeare, whose works I read to this day and still embrace the lessons that have pertinent meaning, once wrote in "Richard III" a famous line that utters the phrase "the winter of our discontent," from Act I, Scene I. For one who stutters, there is no seaon of their discontent. The feelings of shame, isolation, and guilt last all year round, which often attack the psyche and self-worth.

The summer is often associated with long, sunny days, laughing, and a cheerfulness of innocence, that is so precious because we only get three months of the year dedicated to that....but sometimes Indian summer is bestowed on us and it makes it even more special. But growing up as a child, I held on to those times because for the first time it made me feel that I could be seen as just another person in the world. I never had the luxury of going to sleepaway camp, but for four years, I enjoyed being a camper at Camp Kenwal, learning in the Athletic Development specialty area. I wasn't seen as "Steven the Stutterer," I didn't have to endure the "Here comes the stutterer" comments, I was just seen as Steven, one kid who wanted to talk to others and participate. I came into my own those years, but like the swoon of humid August days, those days came and went, and it was soon back to school.

I've blogged on here about the painful and cruel experiences of high school and college. In some ways, I am very grateful for the opportunity, but more importantly the calling, to work with teammates of all ages and show them how their stutter never needs to hold them hostage. But I can say emphatically that the years of my discontent ended with a few days in Long Beach, Calif. And in less than three weeks, it will be time for another conference on the West Coast. A chance to re-ignite my flame and passion for stuttering, which has never gone out at all...because I won't let it.

I've been asked by some teammates to describe the National Stuttering Association conference. There's so many adjectives out there it's quite feasible every one would be exhausted just trying to make attempts. But each conference is unique in its own way. There are some universal themes, though. In some ways, it's part summer camp. It's part bonding. It's a big part education. It's about the journey. Let me reemphasize that, because it's important: It's the JOURNEY. The ultimate goal for any teammate who stutters is self-acceptance, but the journey is what transforms us into who we are. It's the experiences....the laughing, the tears. It's about the closing banquet, conversing and relating, slow dancing and just knowing that all is right with the world, if only for a few days.

Lita Ford once sang "If I close my eyes forever, will it remain the same?" Well in a few short days, it will be. We'll pick up where we left off-and I hope you'll join us. If I can help you on your journey, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm here for all my teammates around the world.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Don't be a stuttering asshole!

2009-06-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

A few weeks ago I was perusing the local aisles of the library and while I was focusing on books in the careers and workplace section, I came across a book that just darted out at me. Have you ever had one of those moments? I'm sure you have....you're just casually looking, and all of a sudden, the thunderbolt out of a clear blue sky hits you: "Read me! Take me home!" you visualize the book talking to you. That's exactly what I did. And it was all because of the title.

The title of the book was "The No Asshole Zone." Now there's a great conversation starter if there ever was one. The book talks about how co-workers who are genuine certified assholes can ruin the environment for others-how their negative energy zaps people, what you can do to avoid them (or interact with them if you must), and why they are the way they are. The more I began to read, I realized that before I found the National Stuttering Association, I was...a stuttering asshole in how I treated myself and others.

So what exactly makes a "stuttering asshole?" For starters, it's how you treat yourself. The psyche is such a very powerful, yet sensitive instrument of the human mind. We can alter it from one extreme to another: We can make ourselves self-confident and aware that our life can be lived with vigor, passion, and enthusiasm for stuttering. On the other hand, if you let the pendulum swing the other direction, you become a bearer of your feelings on others-and you impose those feelings of guilt, shame, humiliation...because if you have to endure being a person who stutters, so should the rest of the world so they can experience what it's like.

For so many years, I was so angry and wrapped up in those emotions that I couldn't even look at a world outside myself. I found myself consumed with the need to make others feel so bad that it was all I knew. A "stuttering asshole" is one who isn't in touch with their feelings. They're one who instead of reaching up to inspire others and help them with their journey of self-acceptance, likes to put down others because it makes them feel good.

Someone once put as their personal quote on AOL "Don't pay attention to those in your past, because there is a reason they didn't make it into your future." Well, I can guarantee that if you be a "stuttering asshole," no one will want you in their future. I know where my future lies-I want teammates who will stand up for me, the way I stand up for them. Don't be a stuttering asshole.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

The choice to be angry or not is yours....what do you choose?

2009-06-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon everyone,

Although I am recovering from the flu right now, I had to post regarding a tragedy that took place this past week at the U.S. Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC. James von Brunn, who was identified as a white supremacist, killed a security guard who opened the door for him, and if not for the quick thinking of two other officers, more visitors might have been injured. In the days after this horrific event, we learned how vitriolic this person's thoughts really were and how they had built up over time, leading to his violent rampage.

Having faced the challenges of stuttering all my life, I can say emphatically that there have been times where I have gotten angry. I am sure my NSA teammates have all felt this way at some points in their journey of self-acceptance. I matured late in life, and learned many lessons the hard way. I'd lash out at the rest of the world every time I had a block, whenever I was passed over by a teacher in high school I'd bang my hand on the desk and say "But I want to be heard!," which often the end result would be a written reprimand and/or detention. It would get much worse though-when there were parent-teacher conferences, my parents would often come home and I'd have to hear something to the effect of "Steven doesn't know how to control himself."

Anger often clouds our judgment and in an extreme, makes us say and do things to others we normally wouldn't do. But then there are those ultra-extreme situations, where someone can hate someone or something so much that the fabric of reasoning and rational thinking rips apart so easily-in essence, you become so desensitized that you don't care about anything anymore. You don't want to grow, you don't want to change, all you care about is feeding that anger until it consumes you. Then you don't recognize the person you've become...all you care about is making others feel the way you do. It's not fun at all. I know, I've been there. All my NSA teammates have felt the razor-sharp piercings of teasing, bullying, isolation from all they know. I often think back to the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, from the movie "Ciy of Angels." There's one line that stands out that goes "I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand. When everything is made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."

Yet despite the image that being angry carries a negative vibe, the truth is in many situations, if you apply the right type of positive thinking, and give that anger a voice and a purpose to help others, you can develop into a better teammate. Friday I was watching Oprah Winfrey briefly, and she was talking with John Walsh. Walsh, for many years, was the creator and host of "America's Most Wanted" on FOX-TV. He suffered through a tragedy no one should have to bear: his son, Adam, was kidnapped and eventually decapitated. For a long time, he struggled to identify the killer and after confirming his suspicions on who it was, Walsh gave his anger a voice: founding the Adam Walsh Child Resource Center, which merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. His work on TV has led to 1,000 criminals being arrested and removed from today's streets.

When I found out that I stuttered, I was angry in many ways. I was angry that I felt "shunned," and unable to enjoy social activities that many of us take for granted. But now more than ever, I have to say I am lucky I stutter. I learned how to take my anger and make it the best positive force in my life. I have the greatest teammates in the world who I love more than life itself. And there's the National Stuttering Association....which always has my heart.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

What type of revolution will you start?

2009-06-07T16:03:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

As I was surfing the Internet this past week, I found out that one the significant world-turning events celebrated its twenteith anniversary. I'll never forget the photo of one man standing in front of four tanks representing the People's Liberation Army in Tianamen Square, defying the will of what symbolism those tanks represented. In today's world, there have been many moments that have forever altered the landscape of the society we live in: The Berlin Wall coming down. The assassination of President John F. Kennedy. More recently, the horrifying attacks of September 11, 2001.

As I was reading the latest edition of The Hockey News, I couldn't help but pay keen attention to an article called "Defection," which profiled the story of Alexander (The Great) Mogilny, who became the first Russian professional hockey player to defect to the National Hockey League. In this piece, the writer talks about how whether he intended to or not, Mogilny launched a revolution for other players from Russia to come to the United States to play, and facing strict punishment (and being targeted for turning traitor to their country) for doing so. Mogilny did not want to relive this event, but when asked why he did it, he said bluntly and poignantly "I did it for freedom. If the bird can fly and the fish can swim, you have to be able to move around the world and be free and not watched constantly. If a human being doesn't have freedom, that's not life. It's like living in a cage. To me, you might as well be dead."

Think about the last two lines of that statement. For my teammates who stutter, at one time, we were all living in self-imposed cages. Trapped by our vocal spasms. Forced to live in isolation because we had no other choice but to do so. Stuttering can be mild to severe, we all know this. Regardless of what type of diagnosis you might be given when it comes to your speech, a parent hearing the words "Your child stutters" could interpret that as a death sentence. Imagine, going through life and struggling to say what you want. Even if it's ordering a sandwich at the local restaurant. We live that every day. Hell, I just did today, and it was ordering linguini bolognese at the local pizzeria.

But just like with the revolution Mogilny launched, you too can start your own revolution within yourself. Maybe today you'll talk to a teammate about your speech and the challenges you faced today. Maybe you'll walk up to a person on the street, smile and say "Hello!"-and who cares if it comes out "h-h-h-hello." You can fire a thousand salvos that will provide you with amazing self-confidence. It may make you scared. But imagine this: one person sacrificed their citizenship, even never again seeing their wife and daughter. You will reap so many rewards by doing so. You may very well find that your life, as a teammate, begins now.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

Stuttering and Washington, DC....it never made more beautiful music!

2009-05-31T18:36:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone. As I write this edition of the blog, I literally am feeling such an overwhelming pride and deep indebtedness for the National Stuttering Association and what can happen when teammates from different regions come together for a special event, dedicated with one purpose: to celebrate and embrace how wonderful being a teammate who stutters can be.

A few months ago, I approached one of my teammates, who is the leader of the Rockville, Md. chapter(Rockville is an affluent suburb located off I-270, eight miles northwest of Washington, DC) and asked him if he would be interested in coordinating with me to set up a workshop with a fellow teammate and former chapter leader of a Texas region. This teammate has accomplished a great deal in his life, such as working for a software company for 35 years and having a son who serves his country as a fighter pilot. He has traveled to different NSA chapters hosting his workshop, designed to teach how to "stutter successfully." To be honest, we were unsure if we could make this happen. It took emails, long distance calls, conference calls, interactions with other parties (such as a student chapter of NSSLHA, the National Student Speech Language Hearing Association). But on May 30th, "Successful Stuttering: It's Time To Live" took place at George Washington University, with 20+ teammates from all over the East Coast: Long Island, New York City, Baltimore, DC, Maryland, Virginia (and even a teammate who drove five and a half hours to see the speaker) gathered to learn about empowerment and motivation. We learned about a golden key and if it can unlock the doors to our personal freedom to stutter. We learned that we do have a choice: to make a day a great one, or a terrible one, and to impart that (or not) on others. But most importantly, we learned that we are unique and special.

I will never forget key moments at this presentation. At the NSA conference, we have an event called "Open Mike" where any teammate can come up and say what is on his/her mind. If they can only say their name, that's great. If they want to say how wonderful the conference is, that's encouraged. Not at one time did anyone have to feel prompted to get up. All of us did. One woman struggled so mightily and was breaking down in tears, but she continued doggedly until she said what she wanted to. That is not only awe-inspiring, but true power taken back from stuttering. Another teammate said that attending this workshop helped her with an "attitude adjustment" that she sorely needed. Another said that it was such an amazing experience to be in the presence of others who are so positive. A teammate who just graduated with her SLP degree stated how she's looking forward to working with clients and how great this event was. Not to mention of course that the student chapter of NSSLHA was co-sponsoring this event. These chapters are the future speech pathologists-they need to get involved with the NSA!

I chose to have this workshop in Washington, DC, not just because of the location (after all, it is central to so many cities and you can easily fly/drive/take a train there), but because to me, Washington DC symbolizes the chances to be who you are. To do what you want, to know that the opportunity exists and you can make a difference in your life or someone else's. I may be naive in some ways, but I do believe that people come to live (and work) in Washington because they believe in something bigger than themselves. That's the main reason why I joined the National Stuttering Association, and why I love helping other teammates become stronger and resilient when facing challenges in their life.

Before I left to take Amtrak home from Union Station, I did something that I am very proud of. I took the Metro to the Smithsonian station, and walked to the Jefferson Memorial. Climbing the top steps, and standing in front of Jefferson's statue, I saw myself transported back to the early days of this country, when a brave few dared to stand up and make a difference. At that moment, I realized that on my worst day when I stutter significantly, to me, life is beautiful. I leaned back and yelled "I love life!" as loudly as I could. Yes, I know some stared at me, and I may have drawn the wrong kind of attention. But it's true. When you stutter, life is BEAUTIFUL. Don't ever let an NSA teammate tell you it's not.

My name is Steven Kaufman and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.

What drives YOU?

2009-05-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Good evening everyone,

I hope this blog finds everyone doing well and enjoying their memories of Memorial Day 2009. I thought I'd start this blog with a question asked to many different people-not just athletes, elected officials, or my NSA teammates, but to all in general, and that is....what drives YOU?

I thought I'd discuss this because on Sunday I had an interesting experience. I will be attending the American Institute of Stuttering's Gala on June 8, and as I was at MW Tux getting fitted, I noticed the salesman staring incessantly at his watch, no doubt wanting to leave. When I asked him about it, he nonchalantly said, "These days, that's what drives me." You see, ask anyone that question, and it wouldn't be surprising you'll get a plethora of answers. For some, it's watching the workday tick down until they can escape their cubicle. For others, it's the rush of adrenaline, the sequence of opening and closing a deal...for an attorney, winning a big case and earning justice for someone who was wronged. But if you want to know what drives me, it's my love and desire for the National Stuttering Association and wanting to help them achieve all the successes we can, working with those who stutter.

A few days ago, I had the pleasure of reading "Intelligence for Your Life" by John Tesh. I just started listening to his radio show a few months ago. He used to host "Entertainment Tonight" and was well-known for his celebrity interviews, until he decided to pursue his own passion for broadcasting, leading to his show, described as "life coaching on the radio." In one of the chapters, he talks about finding your passion and how to achieve success through that. In one one of his early projects, he recorded music for fans of the Tour de France, and despite rejections from the record companies, continued on, even buying advertisement time on CBS with his credit card. And he even admitted he did not have any type of marketing degree. He states that the passion will eventually reveal itself, it's just a matter of time.

I guess in my high school and college years, my passion was writing. I love to write and I'm very expressive with the pen. Unfortunately, I don't do much of that now, but this blog allows me to use a "mental pen" if you will. In some ways, my darkest hours of my life led to my brightest passion of all, to work with the National Stuttering Association. That isn't going away, because I won't let it. Plain and simple, without passion, nothing in life is worth doing. Sometimes the hardest lessons are learned after the fact, but consider this....it also opens up avenues to which we never knew existed.

My name is Steven Kaufman, and I am a person who stutters. Until next time, stand up and be counted. Make your voice heard.